Post: #1

Lately I've been slowly overcoming my AA and now find it a little easier to start a conversation with girls but,,
I seem to run out of things to say as my questions/conversations run into a dead end or something and I can't seem to keep them interested in what i have to say, Most of my conversations turn into random questions here and there and full of awkward silences.
I also have trouble on creating any type of connection and I cant escalate with girls to save my life.

How do I improve my conversation skills and become an interesting and engaging speaker.Any tips.....or advice. Id be grateful

Post: #2

Maybe they are not just interested in you.

I opened this chick at the coffee shop today. she had a yoga mat so I asked about her yoga class and little more.

When the girl is interested, she will at least ask where I was from and that kind of background questions.

She was just answering my question so I figured she wasn't interested and told her nice meeting you and left.

If the girl is not really participating the conversation, it's better to leave them alone.

Post: #3

Start to read more and see cult movies. Your subject range will grow and the conversations will go somewhere.

Post: #4

A great way to lose a girl's interest is to make her feel like she's on an interview. I try to ask few questions about her personal life, and instead ask or say something about the location we're in, or someone in the location.

(04-02-2012 05:57 AM)Jiggalt Wrote:  How do I improve my conversation skills and become an interesting and engaging speaker.Any tips.....or advice. Id be grateful

1. Start talking to everyone you see, all the time. Say hello and attempt to engage them in conversation, be it your bank teller, cashier, coworkers, classmates, or someone on the street.

2. Become a more interesting person! If you don't have any interesting hobbies, get one asap. Take up an instrument, dance class, rock climbing, etc. Traveling is also a great way to become more interesting, if your budget will allow it.

3. Try to do more listening than talking. If you can get a girl going on about whatever is on her mind, you're in good shape. Watch that South Park episode with Cartman and Jimmy going on a date, where Jimmy keeps repeating part of what the girl said and then goes, "Oh wow, that is very interesting."

4. On that note, watch comedy shows on TV or hulu. Watch how those people interact and that should put you in the right mindset and give you a better idea of mindless rabble.

Post: #5

I have noticed this with shy girls and young girls. Sometimes they are so into their technology world that they don't know how to properly communicate with the world. You can usually tell this girl by their short responses, but occasionally they will ask a question.

I was dealing with one of those last Saturday night. I couldn't tell if she was into me because her responses were short and she looked uneasy. But occasionally she asked me a question so I took it as she was shy. I just asked her questions about random things that popped into my head without getting to much into her personal life. It took over 40 minutes to finally open her up where she was talking more. When I friended her on fb she had over 1000 friends and only talked to me through fb or text which further proved my theory.

You may have just been talking to one of those girls. Just stay worldly, read the paper, read books, watch popular tv shows, etc. You will have plenty to talk about with that.

Also I started with a book called 'the art of talking to anyone' before I really learned how to communicate with people properly.

Post: #6

Ok guys, despite recent improvements, it's still obvious that my conversation skills need help.

Sometimes a conversation goes nowhere because the girl is not interested. Or sometimes she is interested but intimidated by a guy's looks (happens to me often). But sometimes the girl is interested and not intimidated and I still feel that I blow it by inadequate conversation skills.

I'm talking about approaching women at bars. I have no problem with opening; it's that I seem to run out of cool things to talk about pretty fast. I try to get beyond small talk and build a connection, but this is tricky for me. Telling women what I do too early can come accross as trying to impress, which I agree is bad game. So I try to avoid that, but this makes building a connection harder.

A more serious problem, however, is that suspect that I just don't come off as very cool the more I talk. I'm not making any blatant mistakes like talking about politics or anything like that. What can I talk about at the bar so that I don't come off as uptight?

Another problem is that I feel that given my looks I could be esclating faster. Dancing aside, how can I do that? I mean, what could I say to more directly let her know that I'm interested (more directly than the fact that I approached)? I guess you could say that I'm asking how to 'sexualize' the conversation, if you don't take that to mean that I want to explictly talk about sex. A better way to put it may be to say that I'm asking how to communicate my sexual interest in her.

Anyway guys, I would appreciate your help. I'm seriously underperforming right now.

Post: #7

become a better listener. Create new conversational threads off of words that you hear her say.

Here is an example:

You: "Nice watch, where'd you get it from?"
her: "My father gave it to me when he came back from his trip from Italy"
you: "Cool. Are you Italian?
her: "No my father was just there on business. Our entire family loves to travel though"
you: "Yeah, traveling is great. Last year I spent 4 weeks picking up girls in Iraq. It was lots of fun."
her: "Wow, Iraq sounds super exotic! I'd love to vacation there sometime!"
you: "Amazing! next place I travel to will probably be Antarctica. It seems super exotic over there."
her: "Antarctica! you're so crazy! I love polar bears!"
you: "no way! polar bears have super fuzzy faces, I'd love to go to a petting zoo someday and play with the polar bears. Do you have any pets?"
her: "Yeah! I have 2 dogs and a cat!"
you: (talk about cats, dogs, pets, etc)

The point of this is that you should listen really closely to what other people are saying.. pick out certain words and start new conversational topics based off the words that you hear.

And btw, if you really have nothing to say then you should just escalate and don't worry about talking

Post: #8

also to add to this, at bars I don't usually talk about anything at all.. most of my conversation is pure nonsense. Literally just say whatever pops into your mind. SOmetimes I talk about the music, the decorations, what type of beer she's drinking. I get rejected a lot, but when a girl IS into me, it really doesn't matter what I'm saying, she'll be interested. The other night I pulled this chick home, I opened her with "this song is really catchy, it reminds me of my childhood." After that I started saying really stupid shit for the rest of the night. I don't even remember most of what I said because it was so stupid.

But sometimes I like to throw in big words amidst the stupidity. It's a pretty douchey thing to do, but I think it's funny, and it also makes her realize that even though I'm saying a lot of nonsense, I'm a damn smart guy.

Post: #9

(04-02-2012 05:57 AM)Jiggalt Wrote:  How do I improve my conversation skills and become an interesting and engaging speaker.Any tips.....or advice. Id be grateful

check my response relevant to this topic:
/thread-14202-...#pid233832

that's basically how i talk. it's quite random and unpredictable, it's arousing the girl positively AND negatively, so that she reacts to me emotionally, so that she's engaged in the convo.

also recognize that running out of things to say doesn't come from you really have nothing to say because you have [your age] years of material already. you have problems cause in your head you got this little filter and as you speak you contantly filtering words/topics cause you expect that the girl will surely like you if you say someting cool. but it's all in your head. it's not accurate. there is always the element of randomness and you can't know how the girl will react to you beforehand. you can't. nobody can. once you understand that there is no such thing as the right thing to say you will relax and unclog yourself.

i think what you should also focus on is the skill of dealing with scepticism (shittests). that's how you DHV yourself. that's how you pull off 99% of what you say (as long as you don't say psychotic shit). girls will test you and you will have to deal with that. when i spontaneously do some kind of faux pas it's not done, it can be handled by enduring her sceptic innitial reaction to my "bad" approach by empathy and calming her down like
- oh excuse me, was it too much? i see you're kind of weirded out, i didn't mean to scare you like a lion
- yeah you were blablabalba!
- naah.. it's fine : ) it wasn't that bad, could have been much worse, how many times guys whistled on today? it's ok you can talk to me, i don't have swine flu blablabla [changing thread of convo]

another thing you should practice talking to people everyday. WE TALKING 'BOUT PRACTICE?? hahaha yeah practice. not just cute chicks but people in general. just chit chat. you will get better at it no doubt. and then as you get sharper if you see a girl you want to talk boom! you will do it automaticaly

Post: #10

Something I like to do is intentionally misunderstand something she says for something silly. "Wait, did you just say xyz"

NOOO!

Oh haha cause I was thinking you'd be kinda cool if you did

Shutup! You're crazy!

Or if you have the same phone "Oh look, you're my identical phone twin"

You have to learn to be playful in the interaction, it can't be a job interview. Drop bait as Roosh says and get her to ask about it, then tell her some interesting story based off her question. Then follow up with a related question of your own.

The trouble is that most girls are idiots, and suck at conversation, it's up to you to lead, ramble, and come off as high value.

I once opened a girl in a club who had the bitchiest look on her face, I thought for sure it would go nowhere but she was hot so I said fuck it. I kept the conversation going while she was looking bored and uniterested. I dropped bait about working with underprivleged kids and boom! Turns out she's going to school for social work, I ended up fucking her and her friend back in her hotel room.

Keep slogging it out, you'll get better.

Post: #11

Bumping the thread to life here..

How to you restart convo if the girl can't get and asks you to repeat what you said in

(a) Your Opener
(b) In the middle of the conversation

This has happened to me a few time probably due to the accent and I did repeat what I said which I think does not show strong frame.

I dont have an idea for (a) but for (b) I was thinking of adapting from Vicky Christina Barcelona and saying 'Nevermind - What colour are your eyes?' and then trying to completely change the topic after her reply. What do you think?

Some more suggestions would be great.

Thanks.

Post: #12

1) never say anything crucial until you have her full attention

2) ruthlessly edit what you say to make it clear and short

3) speak loud and slow

So she doesn't catch your opener

Sometimes girls do this because they're fucking with you.

Sometimes they're interested in hearing what you have to say

Other times, they're interested in You.

Playfully assume the last option.

"Omg you're so in love with all of this (meaning your looks) that you're not even paying attention to what I said"

"I have been working out, but stop objectifying me! .."

Why do this?

- So you can come back to your witty stuff later
- inject necessary man to woman vibe
- start the banter that a couple naturally has
- novelty and emotional roller coaster.
- she can give and take in this situation, because she's played this game before. You're giving her the opportunity to take part in her own seduction.

When you monologue like so many new players, all she can do is listen...and get bored before the point/punchline.

Real rap, she might not want you, but she definitely wants to interact, to flex, to show her stuff - those things make her feel good. You can see this because the body language opens up.

Give her a chance to do so.

WIA

Post: #13

(04-03-2012 07:41 AM)Clearwaterkid Wrote:  I was dealing with one of those last Saturday night. I couldn't tell if she was into me because her responses were short and she looked uneasy. But occasionally she asked me a question so I took it as she was shy. I just asked her questions about random things that popped into my head without getting to much into her personal life. It took over 40 minutes to finally open her up where she was talking more. When I friended her on fb she had over 1000 friends and only talked to me through fb or text which further proved my theory.

This is the game most introverted guys run on introverted girls:





Don't spend a lot of time trying to ask interview questions of these quieter girls. Best way to game the shy ones is a good ramble. Taking a tip from Roosh: memorize some interesting stories and get your ramble game on. You:

"You saw so and so in concert?"

Her: "Yeah. It was a good show, but really loud." (typical shy girl response)

"Did I ever tell you about my first real rock concert? Wait, no um, of course I didn't, we just met. Ok. Anyway, so I didn't know I'd be so close and I had no idea about ear protection or any of that stuff. So the band comes on and..."

This probably comes more naturally to a guy like me with a more extroverted personality type, but anyone can do it.

You're not going to judge her interest by trying to ask a bunch of questions, hoping she'll spill her guts to you. You're going to judge her interest essentially by whether she looks and smiles at you when you're talking, and the fact that after each "breezy story" you ramble there's a pause where she's free to go, but she isn't.

Post: #14

(04-02-2012 05:57 AM)Jiggalt Wrote:  Lately I've been slowly overcoming my AA and now find it a little easier to start a conversation with girls but,,
I seem to run out of things to say as my questions/conversations run into a dead end or something and I can't seem to keep them interested in what i have to say, Most of my conversations turn into random questions here and there and full of awkward silences.
I also have trouble on creating any type of connection and I cant escalate with girls to save my life.

How do I improve my conversation skills and become an interesting and engaging speaker.Any tips.....or advice. Id be grateful

Edit, just noticed this was an old question but for many new guys with the same questions:

I bet $100 that you are not following Roosh's #1 rule, STOP LEANING IN.. You should read his blog for the basics.

I can see you leaning in even while typing. Follow this rule, lean back, let the conversation flow, give a shit two notches less and let it flow, man.

Talk without fear of what it will sound like to whom. Talk about the subjects you want to, and also learn to listen. Learn to ask little things that will get her talking non stop.

Don't ask closed end questions. Don't ask any questions that would be asked in a job interview or uncomfortable formal meeting.

Simplify your openers. "is that good?" Point at her drink and smile.

And meanwhile, work on yourself so that when you ask yourself what makes me interesting you can answer confidently with no outside validation.

"I am interesting because I had this idea and tried it."

"I am interesting because I am the only person on my island trying to learn Korean."

"I am interesting because I moved out of my parent's place last month."

Post: #15

(09-21-2016 12:29 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  "Omg you're so in love with all of this (meaning your looks) that you're not even paying attention to what I said"

"I have been working out, but stop objectifying me! .."



Real rap, she might not want you, but she definitely wants to interact, to flex, to show her stuff - those things make her feel good. You can see this because the body language opens up.


WIA

Good replies. After saying the above should one just go back to repeating what he just said? Or is it better to change topic? I was thinking that repeating could mean that we are bending to her requests which is not good unless she genuinely didnt catch what was said which we wouldnt know.

ALso, I think making her feel good and show her stuff is not what we are after here. If she is not interested we are just wasting our time. For all we know, she could be showing off to the guy at the other end.

Post: #16

Know when and how to kill a conversation.

Post: #17

I suck at this too, and the only time I seem to be able to do OK with the conversation in the first 20 mins or so, is if I open in a ridiculous way that the girl finds amusing - often in an almost 'roleplay' way! Like, If I open her by pretending to recognise her from some ridiculous even like a midget orgy or something (and she finds it funny) then we can banter for ages and it helps me chance of success a lot!

However, I don't like having to rely on weird, scripted, over-the-top openers with roleplay etc in order to be able to hold her attention for more than a few seconds! Not to mention that them sort of openers are often unusable in some situations!

If I just open in a 'normal' way, say 'hey',and then ask her what she's up too tonight and maybe try to pick something about her that I can use to 'make an assumption' (as is usually advise) the convo still stalls out very quickly indeed and they walk off.

Maybe it's just a skill some people have - maxRSD seems good at this. I'm hpoing if I watch enoguh infield vids i'll eventually spot the pattern/secret!!

Post: #18

(09-23-2016 06:35 AM)subterfuge Wrote:  I suck at this too, and the only time I seem to be able to do OK with the conversation in the first 20 mins or so, is if I open in a ridiculous way that the girl finds amusing - often in an almost 'roleplay' way! Like, If I open her by pretending to recognise her from some ridiculous even like a midget orgy or something (and she finds it funny) then we can banter for ages and it helps me chance of success a lot!

However, I don't like having to rely on weird, scripted, over-the-top openers with roleplay etc in order to be able to hold her attention for more than a few seconds! Not to mention that them sort of openers are often unusable in some situations!

If I just open in a 'normal' way, say 'hey',and then ask her what she's up too tonight and maybe try to pick something about her that I can use to 'make an assumption' (as is usually advise) the convo still stalls out very quickly indeed and they walk off.

Maybe it's just a skill some people have - maxRSD seems good at this. I'm hpoing if I watch enoguh infield vids i'll eventually spot the pattern/secret!!

I agree with this. Opening with 'hey' somehow just seems suspicious to a girl.A joke or some funny observation makes her want talk more. However, if she seems interested, just open even with 'hey'. They would appreciate it. I realized the hard way that girls are often very poor with conversation with strangers even if they like him. We have got to come up with something to talk, however boring it might be but its better than not opening at all.

Post: #19

Another thing I would like to raise along this vein is the opposite case where, you approach, talk about something and she replies but you cant get what she says either because of accent or she is too shy to speak out but is interested in the interaction. Assume that its a very transient situation like getting into a bus or in line to pay at the cashier where you have to deliver the opener and establish value fast.

Do you ask her to repeat or just continue with the material?

I have this eg from the Mystery Method where he asks

'I had an argument with my friend and would like your opinion. Flossing, before or after you brush.'
She then says something. Agree with her and then say 'You know why we wont get along?' At this point, she mumbles something which you cant understand.

Now, do you ask her to repeat or do you go on with the last line 'We are too similar.'?

On the one hand you dont want her thinking that you dont listen but on the other it doesnt matter at this stage what she says bec You are disqualifying her and trying to ramp up the attraction first.

Thanks for the opinions.

Post: #20

How I opened two girls standing around at the counter in Starbucks the other day, looking impatient:

"Sometimes seems like those mobile orders are a false economy, huh? Spend just as much time standing around waiting for the barista to hand them to you than you would waiting in line the old-fashioned way."

Girl A smiles and goes "IKR! We've been waiting a long time. I mean, I can see our drinks right there on the counter! But they're so busy and we just have to wait until someone hands them to us"

Me: "Hmm, I'm guessing it's those two right there (pointing)"

Girl B: "Yep. I need my coffee fix so bad..."

Me: "I mean, you could probably just grab them. I'm sure it would be fine. Seize the day!"

Girl A: "Are you sure? You know we can just take them and they won't mind?"

Me: "No." (looking sad and shaking my head)

Girl A and B laugh.

Scripted openers are silly.

Post: #21

(09-25-2016 08:04 AM)XPQ22 Wrote:  How I opened two girls standing around at the counter in Starbucks the other day, looking impatient:

"Sometimes seems like those mobile orders are a false economy, huh? Spend just as much time standing around waiting for the barista to hand them to you than you would waiting in line the old-fashioned way."

Girl A smiles and goes "IKR! We've been waiting a long time. I mean, I can see our drinks right there on the counter! But they're so busy and we just have to wait until someone hands them to us"

Me: "Hmm, I'm guessing it's those two right there (pointing)"

Girl B: "Yep. I need my coffee fix so bad..."

Me: "I mean, you could probably just grab them. I'm sure it would be fine. Seize the day!"

Girl A: "Are you sure? You know we can just take them and they won't mind?"

Me: "No." (looking sad and shaking my head)

Girl A and B laugh.

Scripted openers are silly.

How did it end? Did you get the number or instadate?

Post: #22

(09-25-2016 08:04 AM)XPQ22 Wrote:  Scripted openers are silly.

Yeah, they are a bit strange in a way, but at the same time, I got my only ever SNL from a scripted opener/routine type thingy. I think it played a big part because it allowed us to banter straight away and I was able to show my personality.

When I open 'normally' the conversation usually feels too serious and kind of boring.

How do you typically open girls in a bar at night out of interest? (and after the open what sort of things do you typically ask)

Post: #23

I will bet on '' she is not interested '' if conversation goes slow. Women are super talkative towards men they are interested.

Post: #24

(10-02-2016 11:18 AM)Euphoria Wrote:  I will bet on '' she is not interested '' if conversation goes slow. Women are super talkative towards men they are interested.

There are number reasons why conversation goes south, for instance...

She's not interested and doesn't care

She's too interested, gets anxious and acts weird

The guy is not interested and doesn't care

The guy is too interested, gets anxious, acts weird and doesn't know how to carry on the interaction

Post: #25

(10-02-2016 04:11 PM)XXL Wrote:  

(10-02-2016 11:18 AM)Euphoria Wrote:  I will bet on '' she is not interested '' if conversation goes slow. Women are super talkative towards men they are interested.

There are number reasons why conversation goes south, for instance...

She's not interested and doesn't care

She's too interested, gets anxious and acts weird

The guy is not interested and doesn't care

The guy is too interested, gets anxious, acts weird and doesn't know how to carry on the interaction

^
It's not impressive to her friends to talk to you.