Post: #51

Thank you for sharing your story Spaniard. My father turns 60 this. I haven't talked to him for over 4 years. Don't plan on getting in contact with him either. I used to love my dad and look up to him until I got older and saw him for who he was and how abusive he was towards the family.

In life we don't deserve good fathers. Life gives us one, if you get a good one count yourself blessed.

Post: #52

(09-09-2018 08:01 PM)monsquid Wrote:  Thank you for sharing your story Spaniard. My father turns 60 this. I haven't talked to him for over 4 years. Don't plan on getting in contact with him either. I used to love my dad and look up to him until I got older and saw him for who he was and how abusive he was towards the family.

In life we don't deserve good fathers. Life gives us one, if you get a good one count yourself blessed.

Yeah, I read something once that resonated:

"Make sure to pick your parents wisely, it's the most important decision you'll never make."

I definitely feel like I won the lottery in regards to family. I have a friend that grew up in foster homes, he doesn't know his mom or dad, has no siblings. It's a reality I find hard to fathom. So I try to be there for him.

I also want to make sure my kids won't be too far apart in age, that way they'll always have someone to share life with, no matter what. Relationships come and go, but siblings can always be there as a source of strength for each other. I'd be a much weaker person without the influence my siblings have had on my life, so I'll aim to give my kids that same edge in life.

Post: #53

Sorry for your loss. I lost my mom when I was in my early 20s. Yea it's a big business. It was $1000s between the funeral, services, tombstone, etc.

Post: #54

I really think this is a great thread to help people going through loss or health issues with loved ones. It’s good for people to try to deal with their problems here.

Spaniard it sounds like what I went through with my grandfather many years ago. Cherish the time you have. It’s so much better than if he went suddenly and you had no chance to say things you wanted to say.

Post: #55

It's good to say the important things to your dad before he goes. Not to get in his face and get all deep, but if there is anything you will regret not asking him or telling him, find a way to say it.

This song seems appropriate.

Post: #56

I lost my father a few days ago. About 3 months ago when I was living overseas I got a call from my mother saying he had a massive heart attack. I rushed back to the US because I thought he was going to die. His heart attack completely fucked him up. He lost all independence and eventually was unable to walk. When he realized his body was completely fucked with very little chance of repair, he became suicidal. Over the past 3 weeks he called me into his room several times asked me for advice on how to kill himself. Told me he wanted to stab himself to death. We convinced him not to kill himself, but instead he decided to starve himself to death. He started to look like a skeleton. After 7 days his body completely shut down. Watching him die was surreal. We checked his vitals a few times before realizing he stopped breathing. I stared at his body for a couple minutes before I could really process that he was dead.

The process leading up to his death was more painful than the death itself. I hardly cried at his funeral because I got most of it out before. Right now I feel sad, but I also feel relief. The past 3 months put a lot of stress on my body and it was frustrating to watch him give up. It was shitty to see him die, but in a way I'm glad I was able to be there for him. If I didn't come home for emotional support I think he would have died from a violent suicide. When I was a baby he was there to help me when I was in diapers, so it only felt right that I was there for him when he was pissing himself in his last days.

I'm not typing this out to get sympathy from others. My point is that it's important to help our your parents in times of need. I could have said fuck it and stayed in Bangkok, but I would have felt regret for the rest of my life if I stayed abroad knowing he was dying. Witnessing death sucks, but I suppose it's an experience that has made me stronger. To anybody going through the death of a parent, just hang in there. Everybody's parents will die eventually, it's not a unique experience.

Post: #57

(09-24-2018 12:41 PM)travolta Wrote:  I lost my father a few days ago. About 3 months ago when I was living overseas I got a call from my mother saying he had a massive heart attack. I rushed back to the US because I thought he was going to die. His heart attack completely fucked him up. He lost all independence and eventually was unable to walk. When he realized his body was completely fucked with very little chance of repair, he became suicidal. Over the past 3 weeks he called me into his room several times asked me for advice on how to kill himself. Told me he wanted to stab himself to death. We convinced him not to kill himself, but instead he decided to starve himself to death. He started to look like a skeleton. After 7 days his body completely shut down. Watching him die was surreal. We checked his vitals a few times before realizing he stopped breathing. I stared at his body for a couple minutes before I could really process that he was dead.

The process leading up to his death was more painful than the death itself. I hardly cried at his funeral because I got most of it out before. Right now I feel sad, but I also feel relief. The past 3 months put a lot of stress on my body and it was frustrating to watch him give up. It was shitty to see him die, but in a way I'm glad I was able to be there for him. If I didn't come home for emotional support I think he would have died from a violent suicide. When I was a baby he was there to help me when I was in diapers, so it only felt right that I was there for him when he was pissing himself in his last days.

I'm not typing this out to get sympathy from others. My point is that it's important to help our your parents in times of need. I could have said fuck it and stayed in Bangkok, but I would have felt regret for the rest of my life if I stayed abroad knowing he was dying. Witnessing death sucks, but I suppose it's an experience that has made me stronger. To anybody going through the death of a parent, just hang in there. Everybody's parents will die eventually, it's not a unique experience.

Okay, I thought I was having a really bad day and your tale reminded me to harden the fuck up and enjoy the gift of being healthy and alive.

Anyway, you did the right thing to be there for him. He was your dad after all and you owed that to him. And as men we never ever shirk our responsibilities, especially when it comes to family.

Mine died about two years ago and nobody even told me. Had to find out over a year later by accident when googling his name online which brought up his obituary. Imagine my surprise ;-)

As you can imagine we weren't close as he never had any interest in me. He walked away from my mom when I was only 1 year old and that was that. I ended up living with him for a few years in my teens and it was pure hell as my stepmother hated my guts. After three years of that they dumped me in a foster home. Only saw him once during my adult life for a few hours and there was zero connection between us. I've met dogs who were more excited to see me than my own dad ever was.

Moral of the story: Look mate, at least you had a dad who loved you. And he sounds like the type a man who wasn't afraid to make tough decisions. You should be proud of him and every day forward your mission needs to be to make him proud.

Post: #58

I lost my father almost ten years ago. I lost my mother three months ago. Dad was harder. After he was gone, I realized the other one didn't have a lot of time either.

I am still not sure about how I treated them. At the same time, my family was so screwed up. It took years to let go of all of it.

Post: #59

(09-29-2018 08:04 PM)puckerman Wrote:  I lost my father almost ten years ago. I lost my mother three months ago. Dad was harder. After he was gone, I realized the other one didn't have a lot of time either.

I am still not sure about how I treated them. At the same time, my family was so screwed up. It took years to let go of all of it.

I think that everyone wonders about if they spent as much time as they could have with a family member after they are gone. The problem is that almost everyone has to keep working and can't just take off weeks or even months, even in the face of a family member being in declining health, plus there are other things that still need to be taken care of all the time.

It sounds like to me that you spent as much time as you could with your mother and were fortunate in that you had some warning that she was in decline so you could make the time to spend with her.

If you look at some of my earlier posts, I relate a few stories about how a number of people that I knew passed away with little to no warning, meaning that I was not able to spend any time with them prior to their passing away:

/thread-48759...pid1848476

Post: #60

(09-24-2018 12:41 PM)travolta Wrote:  When he realized his body was completely fucked with very little chance of repair, he became suicidal. Over the past 3 weeks he called me into his room several times asked me for advice on how to kill himself. Told me he wanted to stab himself to death. We convinced him not to kill himself, but instead he decided to starve himself to death. He started to look like a skeleton. After 7 days his body completely shut down.

Damn.

Condolences, Travolta. Hope you're doing ok, man.

Post: #61

I’m sorry to hear that man and may the memories you have of him bring you comfort