Post: #1

Hi,

I'm having some serious trouble with a sex and a social life. My sex life has never been crazy player status but it has been non-existent for a few years now. I don't think the world revolves around sex but I think it's something that adds to your life. I used to love engaging in it but I can't get a girl's panties off anymore.

What people will now say, or ask, is approach more, or how many people are you approaching? Currently none. There are some reasons for this. Firstly, I don't have a car. Secondly, I live in a small town, and I'm concerned about a reputation that might come of cold approaching people. There are weirdos and miscalibrated people in all cities but in a small town, you can get singled out as one a lot quicker. I used to do a lot of cold approaches with various people I met that were into game in the past in a big city I lived in but in a small town, where I work and need to maintain a public profile, I don't want to come off as a creep.

An additional reason is that I have limited time. I invested in a shrink a few months ago. I was going once a week and after about 15 sessions, I'm a lot more convinced that my time is valuable and limited. I'm a manager of a phone store, which is a full time thing, and I also run a small business growing company's Instagram accounts. So after focusing on my own time, sleep, fitness, business activities, preparation etc. I don't really have a lot of opportunity to just... go out and meet people. I'm pretty distant from family too.

My friends were cool but I left them back in my previous small town environment. They all fell to drugs and started getting annoying, calling me names and disrespecting me around others. Some I'm still cool with, but grouped together, they all give me anxiety.

Because I don't get intimate and have long deep conversations in bed with women anymore, I feel it bleeds into my social life too. It's harder to feel calm around women, not stare at their titties, and hold my frame. This in turn affects how women are attracted to me and how I communicate with the public(for work, for example). Being more excited around women makes me more nervous to close the deal too when I get the opportunity to. I've blown myself out many times in the past few years.

My life is challenging and fulfilling but I miss sex, not just consciously but unconsciously too. Unless women show me interest, which doesn't happen a lot because I'm doing shit, I'm finding it hard to get to know anyone.

When I talk to my shrink about this, he says don't focus on women, the right one will come to you. Which I understand, but after learning game for awhile, I also really know that you can get girls if you go out there. "The right one will land on your lap" mentality is soft. I'm 27 and I'd like to meet women and get laid. And I'd also like to have those feel-good getting laid chemicals to follow me around throughout the day too.

I know this sounds a lot like complaining but it's a sincere problem. My time is limited and I can't find love within it. I know, as well, a lot of people here express this challenge too. There's some great advice on these forums for where I've browsed already so I just wanted to ask if anyone has any advice for this sort of thing.

Post: #2

Your shrink is a moron and deeply indoctrinated in feminist theory. Probably doing you a lot of long term harm.

Post: #3

Take a bath.

Post: #4

Start by reading Game literature! I would recommend reading the first book of Roosh Bang. It starts with the basics that you need to know! Also I would recommend that you hit your nearest major city on your days off to get some approaching going on! From my perspective, it's always better for a newbie to start off doing some Daygame unless you already some solid friends you can Nightgame with

Post: #5

Women respond to your perception of yourself more than your actual self. This can cause problems for ambitious men who are focused on their goals because they are constantly comparing themselves with an as-yet-unattained target self. When you see less productive, less put-together men being successful with women it causes you to feel resentment because it seems unfair. But what is unfair is not the actions of these women, or in fact women in general, but your own evaluation of yourself.

In the long-run the solution to maintaining your confidence whilst striving to better yourself is deep acceptance that you are not your business (nor the car you drive, your athletic trophies, or anything else). In the short-run you want to, as you say, 'get your dick wet'. This attitude is likely hurting you more than it is helping you because you will be initiating interactions with women who you are not especially attracted to simply to get another notch. There is a distinction between a man who enjoys sex so much that he doesn't need to have eyes on a relationship to have sex and a man who is looking to a woman, nay any woman! for validation.

You have moved away from friends who it seems were far less ambitious than you and intent on sticking to a dissolute way of life. This usually does not happen overnight and so I expect you tried many times to encourage one or more of them to join you on the path to becoming more successful. This typically means that you have a lot of practice in giving well-considered advice to others that gets totally ignored. Your post is well constructed and leaves some important clues:

"I don't want to come off as a creep"
"I don't get intimate and have long deep conversations in bed with women anymore"

You care too much about what other people think and these people don't care about you. As in- don't care about your well-being. I suggest you do the following:

1) Stop explaining yourself to others. Don't explain your actions, your political beliefs, your deep personal thoughts, anything. No doubt you are articulate and hold some interesting positions but the problem is that you are communicating to others and to yourself that you need their opinion, permission or validation. This is helpful when interacting with a good friend or mentor but most people are far less competent than you are. You will know this is working when you begin to internalize that others don't need to understand your justification in order for YOU to act.

2) Be more direct with women whom you find attractive. For now, learning Game is not what you need because it allows you to focus on maximizing percentages, controlling interactions, anything but actually confronting your fear of attractive women and/or shame about sex. Given your description of yourself, if you tell 20 women that you find them attractive and want them to come with you to X (where X is something you want to do anyway, not contrived to please a woman) then at least one will say 'yes'. Experiencing the rejections that you are trying to avoid and discovering that the world does not end is essential for your own growth.

3) Write down a list of 5 things you are looking for in a woman other than pure physical attraction. This will enable you to move your attention to something other than her looks and shift the frame to one where you are being selective. The more authentic the better. As a personal example, I ask women what the last book they read was and then follow up with a few related questions. For context I read around 100 books a year and have done so since I was a child. My deep interest in ideas means that conversations with the vast majority of women bore the hell out of me. 'Asking women what they read' is not a particularly useful game tactic and, in a vacuum, would reduce my chances of getting the notch with a lot of women. But because I am asking out of genuine self-interest it has made it easier to get intimate with those women who resonate with me.

That should help you. If not, I'm confident it will help another chap in a similar predicament. Good luck out there.

Post: #6

Your shrink is retarded and from everything you've described you're a very self aware person which thankfully will make you very effective at learning game, although it can be a painful and difficult given your predisposition for introspection.

Read read read. Then experiment. I was in a similar position not too long ago, couple years. These are the books that helped me in order of importance

Rational Male, PIMP, The Art of War, Meditations, and Day Bang.

Books will only get you so far, you have to learn how to be a self actualized man. Part of that involves taking risks, making mistakes, and enjoying success. You can't sit on the sidelines and make excuses when you want something and getting experience is of the utmost importance. You may have gotten lucky and stumbled on to success before, but now you need to learn to hunt.

Good luck

Post: #7

Sounds like you need to get on some TRT brah!

Post: #8

(09-09-2018 07:16 AM)scotian Wrote:  Sounds like you need to get on some TRT brah!

Or he could just listen to the song in your sig, I did and just grew another chest hair!

Post: #9

Well there are two things going on here. One that is fixable and one that seems like an excuse that is not fixable.

Let's start with the latter:

You say you are so busy you don't have time to meet women. Well unless you find/make time then you are just going to have to relegate yourself to being sexless as all of your free time is allegedly consumed by things other than being able to meet girls.

Well there are 168 hours in every week, ~56 of them you're sleeping. You working the other 112 hours? Doubt it. Sounds like you're making excuses for not putting yourself out there because trying to meet women makes you anxious.

That brings me to the first problem:

You've been sexless and out of the game with women for a while it sounds like so naturally you're going to have a tough time getting back into it. When you're out and about in the day just strike up convo with girls. Even ugly ones you don't wanna fuck. Actually, especially ugly ones you don't wanna fuck, as it will train you to talk to women without worrying about blowing out as you don't care about fucking them anyway. This doesn't mean you need to get numbers or go on an insta-date necessarily, just talking to girls casually will help break your anxiety, build up confidence, and get you used to interacting with girls.

Also, if you are strapped for time, make a profile on some dating apps and start swiping. It's an easy way to get dates with girls (and help sharpen up your text game) when you don't have a lot of free time.

Post: #10

Everybody who´s claiming that have no time is lying. Focus on not wasting a single minute and you will be surprised.
Do you watch TV, play videogames, watch porn, surf the internet without purpose, rest more than 7 hours sleep.... dump everything.

Post: #11

Hi everyone, thanks for the replies. I'm surprised I've received so many replies already. This forum is fantastic, especially considering many of the other PUA forums have gone right down in the shitter. I'll do my best to reply to everyone now.

(09-09-2018 01:34 AM)chicane Wrote:  Your shrink is a moron and deeply indoctrinated in feminist theory. Probably doing you a lot of long term harm.

My shrink is a fantastic individual. He's already sparked a lot of change in me. He encourages me to read and listen to Jordan Peterson so no, he is not deeply indoctrinated into feminist theory lol. Overall he is a great guy. There are a lot of details I've left out about him, considering I've spent a long time speaking with him already. He isn't the problem but thanks for the reply.

(09-09-2018 01:36 AM)Mentavious Wrote:  Take a bath.

Lol. I did that recently. Got so warm that I couldn't help but rub one out.

(09-09-2018 03:41 AM)Captain Gh Wrote:  Start by reading Game literature! I would recommend reading the first book of Roosh Bang. It starts with the basics that you need to know! Also I would recommend that you hit your nearest major city on your days off to get some approaching going on! From my perspective, it's always better for a newbie to start off doing some Daygame unless you already some solid friends you can Nightgame with

I've read game literature. I used to go out with buddies and practise Mystery Method technicals on women. I know game literature and how to game women. Like every skillset though, if you don't practice it it fades.

(09-09-2018 03:54 AM)Devilsdice Wrote:  Women respond to your perception of yourself more than your actual self. This can cause problems for ambitious men who are focused on their goals because they are constantly comparing themselves with an as-yet-unattained target self. When you see less productive, less put-together men being successful with women it causes you to feel resentment because it seems unfair. But what is unfair is not the actions of these women, or in fact women in general, but your own evaluation of yourself.

In the long-run the solution to maintaining your confidence whilst striving to better yourself is deep acceptance that you are not your business (nor the car you drive, your athletic trophies, or anything else). In the short-run you want to, as you say, 'get your dick wet'. This attitude is likely hurting you more than it is helping you because you will be initiating interactions with women who you are not especially attracted to simply to get another notch. There is a distinction between a man who enjoys sex so much that he doesn't need to have eyes on a relationship to have sex and a man who is looking to a woman, nay any woman! for validation.

You have moved away from friends who it seems were far less ambitious than you and intent on sticking to a dissolute way of life. This usually does not happen overnight and so I expect you tried many times to encourage one or more of them to join you on the path to becoming more successful. This typically means that you have a lot of practice in giving well-considered advice to others that gets totally ignored. Your post is well constructed and leaves some important clues:

"I don't want to come off as a creep"
"I don't get intimate and have long deep conversations in bed with women anymore"

You care too much about what other people think and these people don't care about you. As in- don't care about your well-being. I suggest you do the following:

1) Stop explaining yourself to others. Don't explain your actions, your political beliefs, your deep personal thoughts, anything. No doubt you are articulate and hold some interesting positions but the problem is that you are communicating to others and to yourself that you need their opinion, permission or validation. This is helpful when interacting with a good friend or mentor but most people are far less competent than you are. You will know this is working when you begin to internalize that others don't need to understand your justification in order for YOU to act.

2) Be more direct with women whom you find attractive. For now, learning Game is not what you need because it allows you to focus on maximizing percentages, controlling interactions, anything but actually confronting your fear of attractive women and/or shame about sex. Given your description of yourself, if you tell 20 women that you find them attractive and want them to come with you to X (where X is something you want to do anyway, not contrived to please a woman) then at least one will say 'yes'. Experiencing the rejections that you are trying to avoid and discovering that the world does not end is essential for your own growth.

3) Write down a list of 5 things you are looking for in a woman other than pure physical attraction. This will enable you to move your attention to something other than her looks and shift the frame to one where you are being selective. The more authentic the better. As a personal example, I ask women what the last book they read was and then follow up with a few related questions. For context I read around 100 books a year and have done so since I was a child. My deep interest in ideas means that conversations with the vast majority of women bore the hell out of me. 'Asking women what they read' is not a particularly useful game tactic and, in a vacuum, would reduce my chances of getting the notch with a lot of women. But because I am asking out of genuine self-interest it has made it easier to get intimate with those women who resonate with me.

That should help you. If not, I'm confident it will help another chap in a similar predicament. Good luck out there.

This is solid advice, thanks. I don't have a reply to all of it because simply it is good advice that I will engage with. However, a few things that I'd like to say:

My problems are absolutely my social lens, as my shrink finds no issue in mentioning all the time, you're right. It's how I view the world and myself. Arguably, this is all of man's problems. The Tyler Durden mindset is something that is as ancient to me as the last time I watched Fight Club. It is refreshing to run back into.

I left a lot of my friends because they fell to drugs, period. I won't talk about the drugs but they are harder ones and I'm sure you can use your own imagination. Drugs change people. The very fact that people are no longer sober means that boundaries are now open to being crossed, which is something that isn't cool to me. If I'm hanging with 3 of my "buddies" and a girl walks into the group and sits down, I don't expect to be constantly clowned on. I have told many of these friends that I don't like that and I don't want anything to come between us but I don't like being talked down to while around new people and women who I'm into. Some guys are cool with being cucked around women. Some guys are cool with taking the loser role in an interaction. I'm really not one of them. If I tell people what my boundaries are and they don't respect that, there's nothing left for me to do except to walk away from their "friendship"(or resort to violence, which has occurred too).

Being an avid listener of Braddock's Social Circle Mastery course(and being an observer of those dynamics in play, long before I found the course at all), I can strongly agree with your point about being direct around women(moreso women you run into in a small town setting). I don't and haven't practised game for awhile so you can subtract that from the equation. The most game I practice right now is reciting sales pitches to get myself into a better position to do my work duties. I don't cold approach right now so I have no need to work on seduction routines.

That said, there comes a time when you should escalate with a girl, where going direct has done it's duty and you're alone with her. I find myself choking up plenty when this time comes and I blow myself out of getting laid or even making out. My heart starts pounding and my tongue gets dry and I get all tingly. I'm not a virgin; I've been through the motions of seduction time and time again but now, because I haven't been successful with it for awhile, I end up fucking up. It doesn't help that the memories of my friends taunting me for not getting with girls runs through my head, even when they are miles away from me.

That said: thanks again for the advice, I will take it all to heart and act on it.

(09-09-2018 06:11 AM)Eugenics Wrote:  Your shrink is retarded and from everything you've described you're a very self aware person which thankfully will make you very effective at learning game, although it can be a painful and difficult given your predisposition for introspection.

Read read read. Then experiment. I was in a similar position not too long ago, couple years. These are the books that helped me in order of importance

Rational Male, PIMP, The Art of War, Meditations, and Day Bang.

Books will only get you so far, you have to learn how to be a self actualized man. Part of that involves taking risks, making mistakes, and enjoying success. You can't sit on the sidelines and make excuses when you want something and getting experience is of the utmost importance. You may have gotten lucky and stumbled on to success before, but now you need to learn to hunt.

Good luck

I think it's silly to label someone as retarded while knowing very little of them. My shrink is in fact the one that granted me the gift of awareness at this age. I've learned about game a decade ago, when I was hunting with my friends too. We used to practice Mystery Method for the sake of ingraining technique in the field. That said, others have recommended books here, and the rest of your advice is sound, so I will take it. Thanks.

(09-09-2018 09:05 AM)General Stalin Wrote:  Well there are two things going on here. One that is fixable and one that seems like an excuse that is not fixable.

Let's start with the latter:

You say you are so busy you don't have time to meet women. Well unless you find/make time then you are just going to have to relegate yourself to being sexless as all of your free time is allegedly consumed by things other than being able to meet girls.

Well there are 168 hours in every week, ~56 of them you're sleeping. You working the other 112 hours? Doubt it. Sounds like you're making excuses for not putting yourself out there because trying to meet women makes you anxious.

That brings me to the first problem:

You've been sexless and out of the game with women for a while it sounds like so naturally you're going to have a tough time getting back into it. When you're out and about in the day just strike up convo with girls. Even ugly ones you don't wanna fuck. Actually, especially ugly ones you don't wanna fuck, as it will train you to talk to women without worrying about blowing out as you don't care about fucking them anyway. This doesn't mean you need to get numbers or go on an insta-date necessarily, just talking to girls casually will help break your anxiety, build up confidence, and get you used to interacting with girls.

Also, if you are strapped for time, make a profile on some dating apps and start swiping. It's an easy way to get dates with girls (and help sharpen up your text game) when you don't have a lot of free time.

You have some good points about making casual conversation with women throughout the day. Dating apps aren't cutting it for me. Thanks.

(09-09-2018 09:45 AM)tomzestatlu Wrote:  Everybody who´s claiming that have no time is lying. Focus on not wasting a single minute and you will be surprised.
Do you watch TV, play videogames, watch porn, surf the internet without purpose, rest more than 7 hours sleep.... dump everything.

On an average day of work, after my day is said and done, I have about 1-2 hours to myself. I'm a sales manager so I'm pretty burnt out after dealing with sales and negotiating. Maybe I can tighten up my time with the days that I have off but my work is pretty stressful. I put in a lot of hours every week too.

This forum is really lively so I'll be sure to lurk some more and pick up grains of advice others have dropped. But so far this is good. This is making me examine my identity, my anxieties, and my time management, all of which is worthwhile. I'm open to other chat too. Thanks so far.

Post: #12

Thailand

Post: #13

(09-09-2018 08:55 AM)RawGod Wrote:  

(09-09-2018 07:16 AM)scotian Wrote:  Sounds like you need to get on some TRT brah!

Or he could just listen to the song in your sig, I did and just grew another chest hair!

I always read that signature and thought it was such a strange thing to say, before I heard the song and realized it was taken from lyrics and not written with syntax. I just saw the quote and the punctuation is so bizarre it doesn't transmit the context.

God damn them all!
I was told we'd cruise the seas!
For American gold, we'd fire no guns
-shed no tears...
Now, I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier...
The last of Barrett's privateers.

For that fix, you Canuck's owe me no American gold. Did that for my broke friend Scotian (on a Halifax pier) free of charge. It's a good thing you're all privateers now. I don't think we could afford to pay you AND give you free healthcare.

Great tune.