Post: #326

Whats blue and doesn't fit?
A dead epileptic

Post: #327

I haven't laughed at a clip this hard for a while - starts around the one minute mark.

Post: #328

Aren't jokes supposed to be funny and have some element of a twist?

Post: #329

*sigh*

ok then,

Q: What do you call a Chinese Billionaire?
A: Cha Ching!

Q: What has 2 wings and a halo?
A: A Chinese telephone, Wing-wing, halo?

Q: What do you call a Chinese rapper?
A: Vanilla Rice

There.

Post: #330

Zep, don't you think it's better to put the original video?



And btw, thank you. I like Jim, but I didn't see this clip.

Post: #331

How do you get a hipster to eat a Hot Dog?

Put it in a Man Bun!

Post: #332

What's the difference between a black man and a park bench?

A park bench can raise a family.

Post: #333

(07-20-2018 01:31 PM)Cation Wrote:  Zep, don't you think it's better to put the original video?

Not for me.

Black dudes have flava yo! lol.

He's the kind of guy I'd have at my party; he's chill, laughs easily, I enjoy the bit more because of his reaction to it.

Plus, I used to work in a nightclub with an old black dude, I used to make him laugh hard with crazy shit I'd say to him. I remember him fondly, bent over, catching his breath, saying "ohhh, ohhhh...you crazy".

-------

Q: What do you call a Chinese woman with an opinion?

A: WONG!

Post: #334

What's the difference between Jews and Boys Scouts?

Boy scouts come back from camp.



What's the difference between Santa Clause and Jews?

Santa Claus comes down the chimney.

Post: #335

The immigrant needs to pass his English test by using the words green, pink and yellow in one sentence.

He says "the phone goes green green green, I pink it up and say yellow"

Post: #336

Do dad jokes count?





Dad, What Time Is It?

It's Time For You To Get a Damn WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH!

Post: #337

Orion's Belt is a waist of space

Post: #338

What do you call five Mexicans in a pool?

Cinco!

Post: #339

What did the Mexican fireman name his kids? Hose A and hose B.

Aloha!

Post: #340

This joke is a visual one

Big Mac, an overweight guy goes to his doctor and asks
Doctor, Ive tried everything, whats the best way to lose weight, Ive tried everything!
The doctor looks at Mac and says
Sir, the latest peer reviewed literature suggests shoving your food up your backside for a week
Two weeks go by and Big Mac comes back to the surgery showing signs of significant weight loss
Walking into the Docs office he notices not only Mac's weight loss but his mincing short walk
Doc says, Mac, are you ok?
Mac says, Im fine doc just sucking on a minty

Post: #341

Post: #342

A guy goes.for a job interview.

The interviewer asks; 'so what are your weaknesses?'

The guy says ' well, I'd have to say my honesty'

Interviewer;. 'well, I don't think your honesty will be a problem....'

Guy; 'I don't give a fuck what you think'

Post: #343

...

Post: #344

Modern parents are afraid of two things:

1. What their son downloads

2. What their daughter uploads

Post: #345

Her Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too." When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me any more. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

His Diary:
Motorcycle won't start...can't figure out why.

Post: #346

Here's a nice clean one that girls seem to like:

Q. Why was 6 scared?

A. Because 7 8 9

Post: #347

Meeting IRL for drinks for the first time:

Her: So what do you do?
Me: I'm currently trying to eliminate all cancers.
Her: Wow, that's quite impressive!
Me: Next, I'll move on to Libras.

***

Today I was beaten up by a woman...
I was in the elevator when a busty lady got in.
I was staring at her boobs, when she said, "Would you please press 1?"

So I did...

I don't remember much afterwards.

Post: #348

Post: #349

There's going to be a sequel to Groundhog Day next year. It'll be called Groundhog Day.

Post: #350

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners and asked her students the following question:

“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”

Michael said, “Just a minute I have to go pee.”

The teacher responded by saying, “That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?”

Sherman said, “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?”

“I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment?, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.”

The teacher fainted…