Post: #1

I was staying in a hostel and saw a thin blonde woman sitting in the common area. I approached and opened her with some question about tourist spots. Her eyes lit up and she seemed quite taken with me. She was probably around 40, eastern European, definitely bangable. Okay I got this one in the bag, right?

After a few minutes, I suggested that we go for a walk. But she responded that it was late and she was tired. So we talked a little more. There was some music playing in the hostel and it was slightly hard to hear. She leaned forward to hear me better, and gave me the fuck-me eyes. Holy shit, I was kind of taken aback since I've never gotten that level of intense interest in 10 minutes.

So we moved to a quieter part of the hostel, but still quite open. In retrospect we should have moved to a more comfortable part of the common area that was more in view. I think that's what she was communicating, that she wanted to get closer.

I mentioned that we should go upstairs (I had a private room) but she ignored me. I then did some physical contact, but I was hesitant to actually kiss her in the common area with other people around. This was a fatal mistake. She lost interest when the staff closed the common area at midnight.

So here's a few takeaways:
- I took her tiredness at face value and fell into her frame a bit. I think what she was actually saying was that she'd rather skip the walk and go straight to sleeping with me.
- I missed the signal to get closer, and instead took it at face value that she wanted quieter. Which was fine, I should have just taken her upstairs then.
- I was too hesitant to escalate quickly rather than gradually, even when I was getting intense signals. I guess I lost my nerve when faced with something like that. I should have just kissed her when she was leaning toward me and staring into my eyes.
- I was too hesitant to escalate to kissing in public. Should have just done it.
- I was still thinking in terms of game and didn't focus on keeping a solid frame. I fell a bit into her frame at the end too.

That sums up what I learned from mentally analyzing the interaction over the last few days. I am too used to being in my head rather than being in a dominant state of mind. I am used to gradually moving forward and escalating over one or two hours and a venue change or two, or at least going somewhere private. I didn't have the mental preparation to move more quickly. I lost what should have been an easy ONS.

Looking forward to your insights and tips.

Post: #2

Don't be too hard on yourself. If she wanted to bang you, she would have banged you.

It sounds like she just wanted attention, compliments, interest and the flattery of a sexual invitation.

She probably had no intention to bang, and used you for all of the above before she went to bed happy, knowing she can still get male attention on tap.

Post: #3

(10-19-2017 07:37 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  Don't be too hard on yourself. If she wanted to bang you, she would have banged you.

It sounds like she just wanted attention, compliments, interest and the flattery of a sexual invitation.

She probably had no intention to bang, and used you for all of the above before she went to bed happy, knowing she can still get male attention on tap.

Maybe, but I am still a bit upset at myself for not being bolder and at least finding out one way or another. I don't think I brought my best game to that interaction, especially compared to a few that I've posted about before in this forum. The jet lag didn't help either. Ah well, another lesson for this newbie.

Post: #4

Dude
Don't beat yourself up to much.

I can't remember how many approaches I fucked up, including these types of scenarios.
Talk to yourself like a good friend would:"Ok, it happened. Let's get it right next time"

Post: #5

You did more than 99% of other dudes would have. Keep trying and you'll soon perfect ya game. Takes time.

Post: #6

Don't worry. Happens to the best of the best.

Nonetheless you should had some booze in your room and invite her to come over for a glass and keep the conversation.