Post: #251

(07-27-2017 12:41 AM)Filbert Wrote:  You should've pushed for the bang on the first date.

(07-28-2017 06:52 PM)churros Wrote:  That's confirmation of the three-date rule right there. In the future, no exceptions.

I used to be ok waiting it out to 3 dates on most dates but these days, it's all about sensing whether the girl puts you in the playboy player type mentality or a possible future bf territory.

If you sense that you are being put in a player territory, you should def go for the first date bang as she will most likely not call you back or only continue using you as a dinner date/activity partner.

It also depends on if you're interested in the girl for repeat bangs. Then it's up to you whether you wanna go for first date bang or wait it out for 2nd or 3rd date. Generally I found girls that I banged on the 3rd date wanted repeat bangs and hung around, where as first date bangs mostly resulted in a one time thing they wanted to have fun for just that night.

I've had several girls also admit they were ok sleeping on the first date with someone if they didn't think it would go anywhere or if they weren't really feeling a strong connection. I mean shit, if that's the case, it's your job to see if you can sense it and make the most of it by doing the first date bang and get something out of it at least. My $.02

Post: #252

Met this girl after getting back to the states a few weeks ago. She seemed fairly interested so I obliged. No bang. . . but she would hit me up throughout the day after us hanging out (once). I invited her over a few time since getting responses like "well I'm at my friends house" or "I don't hang out on Sundays", I thought to myself "I bet if I were Channing Tatum she would hang out with me on a Sunday.". So today I put her on the no contact list.

Post: #253

(07-31-2017 11:04 PM)Stroked351w Wrote:  Met this girl after getting back to the states a few weeks ago. She seemed fairly interested so I obliged. No bang. . . but she would hit me up throughout the day after us hanging out (once). I invited her over a few time since getting responses like "well I'm at my friends house" or "I don't hang out on Sundays", I thought to myself "I bet if I were Channing Tatum she would hang out with me on a Sunday.". So today I put her on the no contact list.

Good work. Getting turned down with out them suggesting an alternative time. Next!

Post: #254

(07-28-2017 11:53 AM)churros Wrote:  Pushed for the bang on fifth or sixth date. Girl freaked out and left.

I texted later: "So we're done?"

She writes back a day later: "Yes this isn't for me. I don't think we're a good fit".

I liked this girl, so my instinct was to reinitiate and find out why, maybe even recalibrate the next day. But she didn't respond.

Still want to know, but I guess the writing is on the wall. No contact, right?

Update on this. Strangest thing happened yesterday. No contact since this message.

Saw her leaving the gym as I walked in. I smiled and said hi, kept on going without engaging.

She follows me into the gym, and says "I hope this isn't weird but..." I said it's fine.

We chit-chatted, and she complained about college etc. I gave brief updates and cut the convo short, nice seeing you etc.

Then she's like "I'd give you a hug but I'm all sweaty". I laughed and said bye.

Now I'm thinking I shoud restart to see what's going on here. Maybe there is finally a bang in the offing. But am I hamstering?

If she was serious, she could easily message me. Maybe she just wants to be "friends". Obviously I won't allow that, but it's worth investigating no?

Post: #255

(09-13-2017 09:06 AM)churros Wrote:  

(07-28-2017 11:53 AM)churros Wrote:  Pushed for the bang on fifth or sixth date. Girl freaked out and left.

I texted later: "So we're done?"

She writes back a day later: "Yes this isn't for me. I don't think we're a good fit".

I liked this girl, so my instinct was to reinitiate and find out why, maybe even recalibrate the next day. But she didn't respond.

Still want to know, but I guess the writing is on the wall. No contact, right?

Update on this. Strangest thing happened yesterday. No contact since this message.

Saw her leaving the gym as I walked in. I smiled and said hi, kept on going without engaging.

She follows me into the gym, and says "I hope this isn't weird but..." I said it's fine.

We chit-chatted, and she complained about college etc. I gave brief updates and cut the convo short, nice seeing you etc.

Then she's like "I'd give you a hug but I'm all sweaty". I laughed and said bye.

Now I'm thinking I shoud restart to see what's going on here. Maybe there is finally a bang in the offing. But am I hamstering?

If she was serious, she could easily message me. Maybe she just wants to be "friends". Obviously I won't allow that, but it's worth investigating no?

Nope! Stay strong man!

You've been working on bettering yourself and I hope you've been meeting other women.

You set out your terms and how you wanted to progress things and she didn't want to go there. If you try to re-start you'll lose the power.

She knows where to see you now and if she wants to bump into you again it will just start happening all the time.

"Now I'm thinking I shoud restart to see what's going on here. --- . But am I hamstering? " It was just co-incidence.

Post: #256

Broke up with my ex about 2 months back. Still thinking of her, and I am having trouble finding the energy to go on 1st dates over and over again with girls I couldn't care less for.

Still think of her when I see something that reminds me of an experience we had.
Worst part was I had still loved her at the time of the breakup, but I knew we had to end it.

Need to keep pushing ahead. It's been tough.

I haven't contacted her since then and need to keep frame to prevent myself from doing so. Wish me luck.

Post: #257

^-- @NYD stick it out man -- don't go on dates then. Just do you.

My advice? Ignore all online dating. Say hi / talk to everyone every day (if you're in a city, this is easier).

Then when things click and you get a date "from real life", you'll already have some spark there and won't need to worry about yet another SIF or other online crap.

Stay strong and don't force things with other girls. Enjoy having (perhaps) nobody to answer to, nobody to "check in with" if you want to go for a walk Friday afternoon that lasts 10 hours.


Edit: I love coming back to this thread... Every Single Time the no contact rule is the correct one. The better you stick with it, the more benefits will arise.

Post: #258

Its been over a year since I went no contact on a girl that flipped my world upside down, after an intense year long relationship. She told me it would never happen again, broke up with me, I said good bye, and that was it. For a while I was asking myself how you could get close to marrying someone, traveling the world, then go completely dark. But then I see the relationship now with much clearer eyes, how wrong she was for me, how bad things really were, and how fucked in the head I was. Its like the oxytocin is totally gone. So to any guy thinking of calling/texting/checking out her social, etc, just dont do it. It will be over someday, and you can truly move on.

Post: #259

(09-22-2017 08:42 PM)Vaun Wrote:  Its been over a year since I went no contact on a girl that flipped my world upside down, after an intense year long relationship. She told me it would never happen again, broke up with me, I said good bye, and that was it. For a while I was asking myself how you could get close to marrying someone, traveling the world, then go completely dark. But then I see the relationship now with much clearer eyes, how wrong she was for me, how bad things really were, and how fucked in the head I was. Its like the oxytocin is totally gone. So to any guy thinking of calling/texting/checking out her social, etc, just dont do it. It will be over someday, and you can truly move on.

Exactly. The first few weeks are the hardest, but it's also very hard even 2 months later for me. Every little experience and inside joke you think of, all the good times you had, etc. I even checked her social media a few times, but I have unfollowed all the major ones. It's easy to get lost in all of the positive experiences that you had, and feel a certain level of guilt. I definitely felt at times that it was all my fault and I was the wrong one.

However, just recently, I looked at old conversations leading up to the breakup, and she steadily became crazier and more paranoid. Even looking at subtle cues in one word messages made me better understand her lack of trust and empathy that she had in me, and how she was wrong to assume certain things about me.

I've gotten more to the point where I understand that it's best that things ended while still early on, and then it had not escalated any further. I feel like a free man, for the time being at least, and my goals and dreams will not be held back by all the negative energy that I felt towards the end of the relationship.

At the same time, I appreciate the time we had, and realize that I'm a better man for it, and can simply "charge it to the game".

Post: #260

Relationships are a story that exists in each person's head. No matter how much you try to understand another person, they exist only as a fictionalized character in your head. Based on reality, sure, but still embellished with your hopes/fears/desires. That's where so many fights come from, where it seems like one or both people misrepresent the other in a negative way.

When you're alone and you have a lot of idle time, your mind wanders. You start running what-if scenarios. Some of those what-ifs are "I wonder what she's up to now?"

Finding activities that are fully engaging is important. It doesn't have to be a rebound relationship. Just something that keeps your mind busy. It's that idle time when you're alone in bed and have nothing to do but ruminate that you're liable to backslide.

There needs to be a positive and healthy reason to reach out to someone. Reaching out to an ex with whom you share negative baggage only conveys a sense of desperation. I've gotten these attempts to reconnect and they come across so pathetic in the way she would build her case or try to wipe away the bad stuff with promises of easy no-strings sex. It's never been worth it to take those offers.

Post: #261

Had one of these a few months ago.

Changed her name in my phone to "DO NOT TEXT"

Never contacted her again

Post: #262

(09-23-2017 12:07 PM)redbeard Wrote:  Had one of these a few months ago.

Changed her name in my phone to "DO NOT TEXT"

Never contacted her again

The only problem with that is that number is still saved and guys act they're better then the warning and it will be different this time. So what do they do?

Text "DO NOT TEXT"

Post: #263

This thread kicks ass. RVF, keeping us accountable. God bless you magnificent bastards.

Post: #264

Very nice thread. I want to share the experience I've been having these days.

I was dating a girl for 9 months, and I really liked her. We had a strong connection, but she has her issues - bipolar, changes her mind every fucking time, with a dark past and came to Ireland to pretty much restart her life.

She worries more about Instagram likes than what she lives in real life. And she really loves to have the attention to herself. She used to love go out and see people licking her shoes. She was an 8, implants etc - big hot women.

Anyways, fast forward, we broke up. She dropped over one day and said "don't you think we are forcing something that won't work?" I said "Yes, you are right, let's finish.". We broke up this day. I told her to leave.

Next day she dropped over saying that she loved me, asked for patience because of her "issues" and that we should believe in our relationship, because she is experienced and so on (she was married once)... I said, that's OK, lets go... wanted to give the last try, although I was already expecting that she would change her mind again.

And what happened? Yes, in the following week, she said that she wanted to have a chat and said that she wanted to be alone for a time. I said that's really over. The following day I packed all her stuff and dropped at her place. And I went dead silent. What pisses me off is that the day after we broke, she comes and send a "good morning" message via whatsapp - something that she have barely done when we were together.

After that, I've never contacted her again... but she stills trying to send messages to me. Even after 2 months I was in Ibiza and she managed to be there at the same days I were there, and tried to meet me up. I said no, go and enjoy Ibiza and she "blabla I thought we were friends" and bs. I told her to stop contacting me

Today she sent a video to me about "Friendship and bullshit", I replied saying "how ironically, the video you talk is just criticizing the approval feeling from IG users - something you do - and you sending this to me?"
She started with a shittalk because one day I blocked her on IG and she went nuts.
And then, she mentioned that I just used her, that after our relationship is done I just threw her away and I don't care about her. And we are not friend, which is a pity.

Think she understood the message.

What is crazy is that since we broke up (3 months ago), I've never nailed so many girls in a short period of time. At least once a week there's a new girl here. And no, I'm not using any Tinder-like app, it's been a killing spree tbh. And now, one of the girls I've been seeing, is her friend.

Hopefully this good time will stay long.

The bottom line is: I consider myself a bit rough in relation of feelings. If I'm with someone, things will go deep, the connection will be strong. But if we are not together, I cut the communication straight away. See, I really loved her, but I see that after some deception happens (and mostly of the time you are blind), this "love" becomes hate, anger, or simply, you realize that it doesn't exist at all and you can more forward. And moving forward... is very hard to most of people. Release those attachments are absolutely hard, if you are not used or don't believe in yourself.

Post: #265

(09-24-2017 09:22 AM)the_ox Wrote:  And then, she mentioned that I just used her, that after our relationship is done I just threw her away and I don't care about her. And we are not friend, which is a pity.

Shaming tactics.

Always remember that women express little guilt when they drop-kick guys. Guys are expected to buck-up. So it's not fair for them to expect us to handle them lightly or to accept some token ex-orbiter role. Total double-standard.

Also, when she initially came to you saying things were feeling "forced", I think she was just trying to use that as a control tactic. It was the right thing to do to interpret that as her initiating the breakup. But by calling her bluff all you do is make her want you more, which just gets the drama engine going. Been there, done that.

Post: #266

I think a large part of the lingering pain felt by a breakup (or oneitus) is due to letting her take up too much of your time and headspace. Keep your nose to the grindstone, stay busy, and you will find her occupying your thoughts less and less.

Post: #267

As someone who suffered through a breakup late last year/for a significant portion of this year (one can go through the thread and see my prior bouts of angst), I can't suggest enough the power of time. It really does get better with time, even if it takes months.

Now the pangs I feel are pangs of anger at myself - for either wasting too much time in the LTR, and for my own mistakes in said LTR.

Busying your mind with work also works wonders - part of why the pang hit me harder was because I was out of work at the time.

And finally...something I have to still convince myself of is that reaching out to her, trying to convince her it's still worth giving it a shot, is counterproductive towards making her care about you again. It's a contradiction that drives me mad, and is a key reason why I'm at a point in my life where I just can't take women seriously because of this seemingly foolish way of acting.

So is life.

Post: #268

I just went NC on my girlfriend of over a year (Thai chick).

I won't go into all of the details and reasons WHY.

Frankly it doesn't matter WHY.

Suffice it to say, it's the same old shit everybody else has been reporting.

Here's what's been helping me:

1. Traveling

Got back stateside and have been seeing my family and friends after a long stint abroad.

Gets your mind off of the girl, changes up the environment and triggers, and keeps you engaged with other things that matter to you.

2. Lifting / BJJ

Honestly, I always put training before pretty much everything else including my girl and my business.

I don't see the point of living or working or doing much of anything in life if you're not fit, strong, centered and energetic.

So this hasn't really changed from when I was together with my chick but obviously it helps keep things positive when you're itching to send that text.

3. Can you do better?

Hell yeah, you can!

Thought experiment:

Imagine your ideal life.

How do you want to look (dress, physique, body language)?

How do you want to feel (energy, mental clarity, emotional centeredness)?

What do you want your work life to look like (rich, plenty of free time, love every minute of your career, constant advancement)?

What do you want your ideal partner to look like (is she beautiful, fiercely intelligent, emotionally balanced, relatively reasonable, affectionate, a good mother / homemaker, creative, loyal)?

I'll bet you a $100 bucks right now that if you imagine the woman you really want, that 10 out of 10 rockstar chick that ticks all of the boxes, then I guarantee you that your past chick was NOT that girl; probably not even close.

If you want that rockstar chick, you've got to be a rockstar yourself.

And if you got into a mess with your previous relationship it's because you got exactly what you deserved.

And that's precisely what happened with me.

But now it's time to raise the bar and except nothing short of exactly what I want.

And if I don't deserve it, then I'll work hard, get after it and earn that kind of chick.

Now granted, even if you land a unicorn you've gotta work your ass off to make it work.

But at least you've got the raw material to build with, and that's the point I'm trying to make.

4. Did she interfere with or support your mission?

When I think back on my ex-chick and ask myself if she supported me in what I want to do or interfered with my life mission, I have to say that he mostly interfered.

And she vocally, enthusiastically let me know that she'd continue to interfere.

These were really the biggest red flags for me because I'm very determined to accomplish a specific set of goals that I feel I need to accomplish if I'm to say I lived the life I wanted.

So when I thought of having to choose between her and my mission I knew I was doomed to crash and burn with this relationship.

And the fact that I felt I had to choose in the first place made me resentful.

If my chick doesn't want to ride with me - and worse, if I feel like I'd rather not have her along for the ride - it's time to put it to bed.

Still learning, still growing, but big props to everybody here taking their balls in their hands and doing what needs to be done - it's not easy.

p.s. Amazing thread, why did OP get banned again?

Post: #269

I broke NC with Thai chick after a week.

She was freaking out, crying, and I told myself (read: rationalized) that I can keep her at arm's length.

Kind of got sucked back in.

We then got into a spat because she kept asking me if I'd been cheating and I went on to explain that I'd been meeting with other girls YES but cheating NO.

Basically I told her upfront when we met that I'd be seeing other girls, and I reiterated that point many times through our relationship.

Well at some point she decided that we're "boyfriend and girlfriend" and started accusing me of cheating, which I always reframed, laughed off, and deflected.

So I told her yes, I hooked up with a Japanese chick when I was in Tokyo.

And she said, alright well from now on I'm going to do what I want and I'll never tell you about it, you'll never know.

Obviously this pissed me off because NO you will not do whatever the fuck you want to do and still get to have me in your life, sorry, I don't play that BS.

So that's pretty much what I told her, said good night, and now I'm going NC again.

I'm tired of rehashing and revisiting the same problems over and over again.

On the other hand, I'm still friends with some of my ex-girlfriends from as far back as high school and we're super cool.

One is even married, one has kids, and there's no drama or issues between us, just a cool little sexual tension that won't go anywhere but makes it fun.

But that kind of thing requires the woman to be mature as well.

And Thai women are perhaps the most childish women I've ever met.

I'm over this bullshit, and flying out to Colombia next weekend.

Watch out chicas.

Post: #270

My clinger ex sent me an email last week that was mixed signals, which is typical for her. The pretense of emailing me was that she was reminiscing about our "passionate kisses", hence the fading effect bias.
Meanwhile, she also used the email to tell me that she's seeing someone new and that it's going well.

It seems like she's going through dating now with a part of her continuing to peek through the rear-view mirror to see if she can one day reverse-monkeybranch. Hopefully one of these guys will float her boat enough to stop her from ever entertaining the idea of rekindling with me. She wanted to know how things were going from me which is coded language for "are you available?" and all I did was remind her that I told her it wouldn't take long for her to find someone new, almost in a paternal, encouraging way.

There's probably still a fair chance she'll hit me up to be her secret booty-call so she can keep it together with a guy who can't fully satisfy her. That's really going to be the main temptation to fight off. But in the end I really believe in bros before hoes. I don't believe in enabling a woman's infidelity, as flattering as it may be to feel wanted.

Post: #271

^^^^^^

No good will come from contacting her again. Even your post above with you keeping some sort of track is a bad idea. Just live your life and next thing you know 5+ years will go by. If you do everything right you'll be a lot better and she'll be fat.

Post: #272

(10-08-2017 02:17 PM)questor70 Wrote:  My clinger ex sent me an email last week that was mixed signals, which is typical for her. The pretense of emailing me was that she was reminiscing about our "passionate kisses", hence the fading effect bias.
Meanwhile, she also used the email to tell me that she's seeing someone new and that it's going well.

It seems like she's going through dating now with a part of her continuing to peek through the rear-view mirror to see if she can one day reverse-monkeybranch. Hopefully one of these guys will float her boat enough to stop her from ever entertaining the idea of rekindling with me. She wanted to know how things were going from me which is coded language for "are you available?" and all I did was remind her that I told her it wouldn't take long for her to find someone new, almost in a paternal, encouraging way.

There's probably still a fair chance she'll hit me up to be her secret booty-call so she can keep it together with a guy who can't fully satisfy her. That's really going to be the main temptation to fight off. But in the end I really believe in bros before hoes. I don't believe in enabling a woman's infidelity, as flattering as it may be to feel wanted.

You replied? That's not no contact!

You're still approaching it in a passive way, hoping that someone else will stop her from contacting you. Hoping that she will contact you to rekindle stuff and you won't be tempted enough to go there.

Make the decision about your own future. Move on.

Post: #273

I bumped into my ex gf from 2013 last Thursday downstairs at my friends apartment. When she dumped me it took 1 year to get over her, I had nightmares about it all the time during that 1 year.

She invites me to party with her friends that Thursday night, I agree and bring my housemate along.

It was cool to see her again and chat about the last 4 years.

She calls me Friday and we talk and I help her get an Uber - I end up going to her place that night, I sleep over, no sex.

I chill with her and her friends Saturday arvo, she invites me to go clubbing with her and her friends Sat night.

I agree to it again.

Sat night comes along, she's like 2 hours late (apparently her friends fault), at this point I'm messaging my current main squeeze asking what she's doing and if she's keen to meet right now.

The girl comes with her friends and we wait in line for the club.

I end up ditching and telling her I have to go - I go find my current squeeze. (back tory here with my current squeeze - she wanted to break up with me that day so I had to ditch to meet her)

I message her apologizing etc.

She hasn't replied.

Mistake to get meet her again, I still have strong feelings for her. I should leave the past in the past - don't wanna go back down that rabbit hole.


She hasn't replied yet and I'm def not gonna message her again, gotta be strong this time and show my frame.

Post: #274

hey guys, am in a sticky situation. There is this girl who I approached and got the number a couple days back. I kind of accidentally called her and then hung up but I didn't mean to call her. Then I texted her that I called her by mistake and I am still getting used to this phone and 'how are you?'

Really kind of screwed up, should have just talked to her. What do you guys suggest I do?
I was thinking of letting her reply (now I doubt that is going to happen) and then call her up to ask her out for a drink, was thinking of texting her before this mess but now that I backed out of this call, don't want her thinking that it was because I am too scared to call or something.

Thoughts?

Post: #275

You are thinking too much. Do the simplest thing