Post: #1

First off, thanks for all the good stuff on here. I accidentally found this forum after I asked a girl to get together one Friday night and she responded with "I do have plans...". I've been able to read up on a lot and everything has been amazing thus far!

It's not the first time this girl has pulled it off like this. A few weeks prior, I was trying to arrange for us to meet up for coffee one night. My mistake was asking her on a Monday night when she was free and we agreed for a Thursday night. Thursday comes around and she had agreed to work for someone that night at her side job and felt really really really bad about forgetting we had plans. I didn't ask to reschedule and waited a few weeks before I asked her to get together one night again, which as I said she rejected it. I didn't ask to get together any more after that.

Prior to this, there seemed to be interest from her end. She'd randomly text me, mainly during the day while we're at work, would sometimes call and was just always communicating and even offering to get together during the morning/day. The problem with morning/day is that it's hard to progress into the bedroom with this, especially when it's not at my place. After all, that's the goal.. is it not?

Lately, I felt like she's just not taking the steps of being interested. After all, wouldn't she still be calling/texting and wanting to go out? (I'm expecting a response of "she's banging another guy already so lost interest"). My plan of action is to ignore her and just move on with my life. It has worked before. Besides that, what is the best advice, even if I still want to land this girl?

About Her:
-28 years old
-Asked to move in with me as a roommate since she can't afford living on her own.
-Didn't know where she was going 2 days prior to getting out of her apt so moved in with family down the road from me. I politely said no. I want her to be banging me in my place, not banging other guys there.
-Lives with "PTSD" from a physically abusive relationship in her past.
-Prob a 6.5/10... could pull off a 7/10 when dolled up.
-I have known her a little more than a year, 6-7 of those months she dated a guy who just kept ignoring her after they were done.One day he got up and moved to another state and she's hung up on this. She even gone to go visit him and he never showed up to see/meet her. Now she wants to move there.
-Can't cook
-Really good with money and otherwise very intelligent.
-Parents own a business
-In pretty decent shape because she likes to stay active.
-She's a "Church Girl"

About Me:
-40 Years old (12 years older, which I think is why she's not interested)
-Can't really drink due to a Chronic Illness which affects the liver (It won't get caught/contracted by another person if they are vaccinated and I'm on meds for it)
-Need to lose 30-40lbs but I wear it well and it doesn't show.
-I have my own house
-Never married, no kids
-"Dated" a lot... most being 2 years long, with lots of 3-6 months long though...
-Only had sex with one woman (yes, ONE). Had lots of Last Minute Resistance cases and still don't know why they bailed when they were half naked.
-I am told I am an amazing kisser and I know how to hit a lot of erogenous zones on a girl's body
-Great career and make decent money. Not 6 figures but still decent enough to support myself and possibly someone else.

Thought
With that said, I'm sure I am overthinking or putting too much thought into it. My thought process is to just work on myself. Lose that 30-40lbs as quick as I can, getting the right gains, and things will work itself out for me. Unfortunately, the one thing I can't change is my past of being with only one girl. I wish it was more and I'm afraid this, along with no true relationship/being married at this stage etc, is a huge turn off to girls.

I feel like a lot of confidence with women has been shattered. 10 years ago, a girl I was seeing actually DID shatter it by telling me I had NO confidence (aka I wasn't making any moves on her to bang her after 2 months of hanging out because I wanted to wait a bit). I slowly recovered from this over the course of 10 years until my health took a turn -- and that is better now. What else can I do to improve?!

Post: #2

Ignore her. If she initiates contact invite her to come to your place.
Don't bother wining and dining her.

Post: #3

Dude, daytime sex is the best.

When you're free, fuck her in the morning.

Post: #4

She's got problems.

but don't kid yourself, you have a shit load of problems also.

You already know the steps to take and the things you need to change.

The problem is you can't change one thing, you have to change everything.

You've been with one woman. You're lonely. You want to feel loved. Those are normal things. But you got to work on yourself.

Give yourself 5 years to completely reinvent the wheel. Lose the weight, gain some confidence. Your life is already half way over. Don't waste the other half of it. Renounce everything and make every effort to go toward the person you want to be. Stop worrying about your house, your car, your job title, your money, you have a lot of material things going for you, yet here you are, lonely and afraid, because none of those things truly matter. They all go in the garbage at the end. When they throw your ashes in the wind, make sure they shake their head and say, "That's one motherfucker who knew how to live." Otherwise you'll still be asking for advice in 30 years while slowly fading away into a peaceful death, in your lazyboy, while watching the weather channel, never knowing what it truly ever meant to live or feel absolute love with complete venerability.

Post: #5

EDIT: Didn't see that LINUX responded already, but he alludes to some of the points I've made.

You're hung on this girl like she's hungout on an ex that bailed on her.

Stop wasting your time with her, it's obviously clear she isn't interested in hanging out with you, she isn't rescheduling or suggesting when you two should meet.

She's giving you excuses and the run around - at this point you're just an orbiter giving her attention and feeding her go.

The amount of time you're putting into this female could be used generating new leads with other.

She seems to have alot of baggagg, PTSD being a major one, along with being hung up on her ex.

I honestly don't think you're going to lay this girl - if I were you I'd stick to your original plan, disengage, and move on with your life.

As for what you can do to improve ? Focus on your self, your inner game and self confidence.

Don't be hung up on an ex that shattered you - at most be glad she pointed out your flaws (no confidence, making the right move, etc).

Work on those issues and better yourself, start approaching women, learn, readjust, even try online game.

Don't worry about this one girl, there'll be plenty more along the day if you take the time to work on yourself.

Post: #6

I agree with YoungBlade that a morning coffee date is no obstacle to getting the bang. However, my Borderline Personality Disorder Detector is blinking rapidly. She's 28 and almost homeless, obsessed with an ex who doesn't want her. She may be way more effort than she's worth.

Post: #7

(09-05-2017 05:13 PM)Svoboda Wrote:  Ignore her. If she initiates contact invite her to come to your place.
Don't bother wining and dining her.

Thanks. I almost did this after the last time we met up, because she wanted someone to teach her how to cook. I was thinking that would be a perfect opportunity to get her over and set the mood right. This way, I'm not spending any money than I would not normally spend.

Post: #8

(09-05-2017 05:28 PM)YoungBlade Wrote:  Dude, daytime sex is the best.

When you're free, fuck her in the morning.

Kind of difficult to do that when we're just meeting up for coffee or breakfast. Need to get her somewhere where we can progress to that. What I did like about the morning was that she was dressing comfortably, which meant less clothing like tight shorts and such. It was a turn on indeed and made me want her more.

Post: #9

(09-05-2017 05:33 PM)LINUX Wrote:  She's got problems.

but don't kid yourself, you have a shit load of problems also.

You already know the steps to take and the things you need to change.

The problem is you can't change one thing, you have to change everything.

You've been with one woman. You're lonely. You want to feel loved. Those are normal things. But you got to work on yourself.

Give yourself 5 years to completely reinvent the wheel. Lose the weight, gain some confidence. Your life is already half way over. Don't waste the other half of it. Renounce everything and make every effort to go toward the person you want to be. Stop worrying about your house, your car, your job title, your money, you have a lot of material things going for you, yet here you are, lonely and afraid, because none of those things truly matter. They all go in the garbage at the end. When they throw your ashes in the wind, make sure they shake their head and say, "That's one motherfucker who knew how to live." Otherwise you'll still be asking for advice in 30 years while slowly fading away into a peaceful death, in your lazyboy, while watching the weather channel, never knowing what it truly ever meant to live or feel absolute love with complete venerability.

Yeah we both have problems. She was really opening herself up a lot to me about her problems. Basically, she was trusting me and talking about things or how she was feeling certain days... something she apparently never does with any guy. Not that I want to be her shrink, but I'm glad she was open. At least it was up front.

That is the issue indeed. I don't have ONE thing to change. I have many (almost everything) and it sucks. I see people who always have 1 issue to deal with and they freak out about it. I tell them they should only be so lucky to only have that one issue and not the many I have and it goes right over their heads.

As for the house/car/job/career etc. I think you may misunderstand where I'm going with this one. Many of these girls end up going for losers who can't drive, live at home or even have no job. Yet here I am, pretty stable with all of these things. Then there's the flip side of the coin, my career isn't a jaw dropping career like being in the military, a police officer, a doctor or a professional sports player. Women love this and I'm not that.

5 years is a LONG time to reinvent oneself completely, especially at my age. I think I can do it in 2-3 years.

Post: #10

(09-05-2017 05:35 PM)kaotic Wrote:  EDIT: Didn't see that LINUX responded already, but he alludes to some of the points I've made.

You're hung on this girl like she's hungout on an ex that bailed on her.

Stop wasting your time with her, it's obviously clear she isn't interested in hanging out with you, she isn't rescheduling or suggesting when you two should meet.

She's giving you excuses and the run around - at this point you're just an orbiter giving her attention and feeding her go.

The amount of time you're putting into this female could be used generating new leads with other.

She seems to have alot of baggagg, PTSD being a major one, along with being hung up on her ex.

I honestly don't think you're going to lay this girl - if I were you I'd stick to your original plan, disengage, and move on with your life.

As for what you can do to improve ? Focus on your self, your inner game and self confidence.

Don't be hung up on an ex that shattered you - at most be glad she pointed out your flaws (no confidence, making the right move, etc).

Work on those issues and better yourself, start approaching women, learn, readjust, even try online game.

Don't worry about this one girl, there'll be plenty more along the day if you take the time to work on yourself.

Thanks for this as well! Yeah, I've disengaged and putting distance on this one for a bit of time. If she comes back, great, but if not then move on. She's clearly not interested, otherwise she'd be asking me to go out on the weekends with her and such (which she did a few times right before she got with her now ex she's hung up on).

Believe it or not, my online game is strong. I have no problem landing dates through Bumble/POF/OKC/Match etc -- yet to try Tinder. I even have no issues getting 2nd or 3rd dates. My issues come out before those 3-5 dates, especially when I'm not progressing them into my bedroom. As for the approach game, I have zero. I don't go out often to drink at bars or when I do go out, it's to have dinner there and usually not on my own.... sometimes with other single guy friends who actually MAKE me the Wingman while they approach. Essentially, I've turned into the beta of a group of friends and it drives me nuts.

Post: #11

(09-05-2017 05:39 PM)Jetset Wrote:  I agree with YoungBlade that a morning coffee date is no obstacle to getting the bang. However, my Borderline Personality Disorder Detector is blinking rapidly. She's 28 and almost homeless, obsessed with an ex who doesn't want her. She may be way more effort than she's worth.

That's a good way to look at it... heck, I've accepted all this about her but more trouble than it's worth may be right!

Post: #12

Thank you all for the advice! I got a lot to think about and CHANGE for me here. The good news, I have a good plan on HOW to do it. I just need to remember that it takes longer than 2 weeks and even if I notice progress after 2 weeks, I need to continue on with the change going forward.

Post: #13

(09-05-2017 05:33 PM)LINUX Wrote:  Give yourself 5 years to completely reinvent the wheel. Lose the weight, gain some confidence. Your life is already half way over. Don't waste the other half of it. Renounce everything and make every effort to go toward the person you want to be. Stop worrying about your house, your car, your job title, your money, you have a lot of material things going for you, yet here you are, lonely and afraid, because none of those things truly matter. They all go in the garbage at the end. When they throw your ashes in the wind, make sure they shake their head and say, "That's one motherfucker who knew how to live." Otherwise you'll still be asking for advice in 30 years while slowly fading away into a peaceful death, in your lazyboy, while watching the weather channel, never knowing what it truly ever meant to live or feel absolute love with complete venerability.

I could not have said it any better myself.

OP - if I were you, I would take an extended vacation for at least a few months, quitting work if needed, and traveling to SEA/SA to build up as much experience with women as possible, both in and out of the bedroom. Definitely if you can afford it, hire a trainer and/or nutritionist - do not underestimate the impact a fit body will have both on your own confidence and self esteem as well as on the attention you will get from women.

At 40, if you've only ever banged one woman, you've really, really been missing out. I'm not saying this to rub it in, but I do think you need to take a step back and seriously evaluate and possibly adjust your priorities even if it's only for a short while. YOLO, as Linux said. And if you think "I'm too old", consider that this moment - right now - is the youngest you're ever going to be.

Good luck and keep us posted. There are lots of guys with solid advice to offer on here. Feel free to PM me as well if you need to chat.

Post: #14

(09-06-2017 09:17 AM)BeepBeepImAJeep Wrote:  Thanks for this as well! Yeah, I've disengaged and putting distance on this one for a bit of time. If she comes back, great, but if not then move on.

Correct.

Never a chase a woman that is not interested in you.

You have better things to do, there are plenty more women and the vibe you give off is self defeating.

You are the prize, start acting like it.

Post: #15

"If you find yourself having to ask for advice on how to get a particular girl, you won’t get her." - The bearded guy who runs this forum

http://www.rooshv.com/the-9-immutable-laws-of-pick-up

Post: #16

(09-05-2017 03:56 PM)BeepBeepImAJeep Wrote:  First off, thanks for all the good stuff on here. I accidentally found this forum after I asked a girl to get together one Friday night and she responded with "I do have plans...". I've been able to read up on a lot and everything has been amazing thus far!

It's not the first time this girl has pulled it off like this. A few weeks prior, I was trying to arrange for us to meet up for coffee one night. My mistake was asking her on a Monday night when she was free and we agreed for a Thursday night. Thursday comes around and she had agreed to work for someone that night at her side job and felt really really really bad about forgetting we had plans. I didn't ask to reschedule and waited a few weeks before I asked her to get together one night again, which as I said she rejected it. I didn't ask to get together any more after that.

Prior to this, there seemed to be interest from her end. She'd randomly text me, mainly during the day while we're at work, would sometimes call and was just always communicating and even offering to get together during the morning/day. The problem with morning/day is that it's hard to progress into the bedroom with this, especially when it's not at my place. After all, that's the goal.. is it not?

Lately, I felt like she's just not taking the steps of being interested. After all, wouldn't she still be calling/texting and wanting to go out? (I'm expecting a response of "she's banging another guy already so lost interest"). My plan of action is to ignore her and just move on with my life. It has worked before. Besides that, what is the best advice, even if I still want to land this girl?

About Her:
-28 years old
-Asked to move in with me as a roommate since she can't afford living on her own.
-Didn't know where she was going 2 days prior to getting out of her apt so moved in with family down the road from me. I politely said no. I want her to be banging me in my place, not banging other guys there.
-Lives with "PTSD" from a physically abusive relationship in her past.
-Prob a 6.5/10... could pull off a 7/10 when dolled up.
-I have known her a little more than a year, 6-7 of those months she dated a guy who just kept ignoring her after they were done.One day he got up and moved to another state and she's hung up on this. She even gone to go visit him and he never showed up to see/meet her. Now she wants to move there.
-Can't cook
-Really good with money and otherwise very intelligent.
-Parents own a business
-In pretty decent shape because she likes to stay active.
-She's a "Church Girl"

About Me:
-40 Years old (12 years older, which I think is why she's not interested)
-Can't really drink due to a Chronic Illness which affects the liver (It won't get caught/contracted by another person if they are vaccinated and I'm on meds for it)
-Need to lose 30-40lbs but I wear it well and it doesn't show.
-I have my own house
-Never married, no kids
-"Dated" a lot... most being 2 years long, with lots of 3-6 months long though...
-Only had sex with one woman (yes, ONE). Had lots of Last Minute Resistance cases and still don't know why they bailed when they were half naked.
-I am told I am an amazing kisser and I know how to hit a lot of erogenous zones on a girl's body
-Great career and make decent money. Not 6 figures but still decent enough to support myself and possibly someone else.

Thought
With that said, I'm sure I am overthinking or putting too much thought into it. My thought process is to just work on myself. Lose that 30-40lbs as quick as I can, getting the right gains, and things will work itself out for me. Unfortunately, the one thing I can't change is my past of being with only one girl. I wish it was more and I'm afraid this, along with no true relationship/being married at this stage etc, is a huge turn off to girls.

I feel like a lot of confidence with women has been shattered. 10 years ago, a girl I was seeing actually DID shatter it by telling me I had NO confidence (aka I wasn't making any moves on her to bang her after 2 months of hanging out because I wanted to wait a bit). I slowly recovered from this over the course of 10 years until my health took a turn -- and that is better now. What else can I do to improve?!

You kind of missed the boat man, she was quite interested before but you got caught overthinking the specifics like the day and time to meet, escalate etc. There is no time to hang out with someone like the present. I agree with the others there is no point mulling over it. You have got a good career and money and no family to worry about. Take a vacation go to Asia, eastern europe, you can afford a nice pad in central places. Experience different cultures, the women will come soon after. But do work on yourself, go to the gym and be plugged into your professional and social circles.