Post: #1

I'm sure this situation comes up fairly often, and curious how people deal with it.

In this specific situation, about 6 months back a family I'm very good friends with casually suggested we go camping this summer since all national parks are free in Canada this year. I said that sounded like a good idea, and that there was something interesting going on at one of the parks near where we live. Because they were all free and anticipating high demand, I was up at 7am and booked two sites the day they were made available in Jan, for this weekend coming up. Let work know I'd need to be home this weekend (I work away from home).

They had casually mentioned potential other plans in the last few months when we'd meet up, but when pressed kept saying "oh yeah, shouldn't be a problem, we're still planning to go".

Now as it's crunch time since it's a 3 day cancellation window and the booking is on my card, and since I hadn't heard anything I check to make sure everything is still a go, and of course its "oh no, I don't think we can, blah blah blah BS excuse".

While there are some costs involved for booking and cancelling(~$20) I likely wouldn't even have bothered asking for the camping fees since neither of us really care about $50 one way or the other if we went. I'm more annoyed about the fact that I made these plans, committed to time off, and it seems like they weren't even prepared to let me know that the reservation I've made and paid for wasn't going to be used. It's like they took it as a free option to go or not to go, refused to commit 100% so they had the open choice, and then forgot all about it.

I'm curious how other people would handle this sort of thing? By nature of trip planning, one person will invariably be more invested in the process and costs of putting it together, and the other with therefore simply not care as much about going since they haven't invested anything. I still can and may go by myself, but it's simply not the trip I wanted, and wouldn't have done this trip if it was going to be alone from the outset. .

Post: #2

Yeah you have to be prepared to do things alone or with your misses. Have other people join you if they can but don't put your plans nor money on the line. People mostly flake because they're lazy and scared. Don't try to be their psychologist.

Seems like it's not a terrible inconvenience for you. Lucky you're not out plane tickets or being stuck with a $150/night room or concert tickets.

I generally find traveling with other people annoying. They're lazy disinterested and mostly worry about when they will eat next.

I do enjoy groups sometimes and I use the meetup app. It's more of a city thing but there are travel clubs there too.

Post: #3

Now you know where these folks' priorities lie. If it's a good friendship, get over it and never invite them to go camping again.

You can tell from their language ("it should be OK"), they were never interested in committing and were prepared to cancel at the drop of a hat if a better opportunity came along or even if they just didn't feel up to it.

You can't change people, only your own expectations for them.

Find some new camping buddies.

Post: #4

Those people are short-term thinkers. Long term plans scare them because they have a fear of missing out on "better opportunities".

I just never make such long term plans with those types of people.
In reality only make long term plans with those that you have significant control over like your gf/wife/kids. If others want to join? Great! But you aren't making plans dependent on other peoples voluntary participation.

My gf's family is bad for this. Especially her older sister and mom. They are both lovely people but with regards to any and all events that require forethought and planning i take the initiative. Because if i don't then everyone is playing phone tag 24hrs before the event is supposed to take place.

In most circumstances if her family suggests to do something far in the future and they want some kind of financial commitment, i will ask them if they have booked off work, put a down payment, is there a website etc because mostly these plans will fall apart 1 month out.

Post: #5

If you are a single guy you shouldn't be making plans with a family. They have their own lives to deal with and they have their family social circles with and hanging with single guys is probably low on the totem pole. You should only hang with them if they initiate the plans and put a stake down (money, etc). If you travel, you should only travel with like minded individuals. Less prone to flaking for sure (although it does happen).

I had this happen to me, I booked a 4 day weekend to Vegas as a layover on a business trip and made plans to meet friends there. They eventually all started to flake out one by one, so I was there by myself but still had the best time ever.

Post: #6

I noticed this issue a lot especially when I go somewhere with a friends from another country.

Italian mentality does everything in last minute. I don't think I know any friends in Italy where they book their vacation in few months in advance but when I go to North Europe, such as Lithuania, Sweden, Latvia and so on (including Germany of course) a lot of people tell me that they're going to Italy or they booked a week vacation there. I would ask them, when are you going?

They'd just tell me, oh in June or July but at the time we talked about this was in February or January.

That's something else. I don't know any Italian in January that knows where they are going to vacation in July

Post: #7

I started traveling solo years ago and once I started I found it hard to take a trip w/anyone again. Why put up w/other people and their needs when you can basically do whatever you want whenever you want?

Post: #8

(08-01-2017 08:18 PM)TheBMan Wrote:  I started traveling solo years ago and once I started I found it hard to take a trip w/anyone again. Why put up w/other people and their needs when you can basically do whatever you want whenever you want?

Never had any problems travelling with friends but after my first trip solo a few years ago it is always now either solo or with a girl (or family). Much better.

Post: #9

Never count on anyone but your closest circle and use serious ultimatums and deposits. This is the age of short term flakiness and no loyalty.

Post: #10

Skip them out of your life

Post: #11

step 1, get new friends

step 2, if this ever comes up make them put the deposit down or give you half. not that the $ is important but some people just don't see any value in something that's not costing them anything and feel no obligation to show up.

Post: #12

(08-01-2017 03:15 PM)Drazen Wrote:  If you are a single guy you shouldn't be making plans with a family. They have their own lives to deal with and they have their family social circles with and hanging with single guys is probably low on the totem pole.

Well I'm very close with the guy having known him since childhood, and am godfather to one of his girls, am over at their house weekly when I'm in town, so figured it would be a good trip, especially since they seeded the idea initially. Almost family really, but generally I'd concur.

(08-01-2017 08:48 PM)ProGambler Wrote:  Never count on anyone but your closest circle and use serious ultimatums and deposits. This is the age of short term flakiness and no loyalty.

I would definitely put these guys in the realm of closest circle, which is why it kind of annoys me and am torn how to proceed. On one hand it's a lack of respect for the time, money and effort I put into planning, and my scheduled time off, on the other they're great friends, and I'll still be able to salvage a trip alone. I'm not even sure how I *could* get my proverbial satisfaction here. Should I call them on it? Which would be for no other purpose than to make a point? They'd really be no other possible response for them after I've said my piece other than "OK" and then we'd go on with life with a slightly soured relationship. That seems like a bit of a net loss.