Post: #1

I didn't find a similar thread and I think the issue is as important as notch count of the spouse. Some posts on the forum suggest that in order to keep the wife loyal she has to live in a strong religious community, so before you decide to commit you have to screen the parents too, although they can deceive you. What are the red flags that we should be aware of?

Post: #2

(07-04-2017 03:54 AM)oldbeliever Wrote:  I didn't find a similar thread and I think the issue is as important as notch count of the spouse. Some posts on the forum suggest that in order to keep the wife loyal she has to live in a strong religious community, so before you decide to commit you have to screen the parents too, although they can deceive you. What are the red flags that we should be aware of?

TBH I'm not that interested in the family. I mean, if they are paedos, David Koresh fans, mongols or look like the cast of Deliverance, thats a problem. Infact its a deal breaker. If they manipulate her and poison her/her attitude then that could be a problem. Worst case scenario, I'd say "you let them tell you what to do and try and pressure ME into doing shit, so goodbye". And if they are all gold diggers, then I'll handle them appropriately too.

Religious women can be good, or bad, or plain stiff. I'm not sure how much it means on its own, if indeed anything.

As for notch count, well this is a discussion that baffles me sometimes. I don't want to date Mother Teresa. Or some stiff religious virgin who's cock-a-phobic. I'll probably never get an accurate admission on a woman's "cock count". A woman who hasn't dated many men is likely to have no idea what she REALLY wants. And one who dates too many will probably never find something to satisfy her. It would be a pretty shit world if women never wanted to fuck outside of marriage/a 5 year relationship. And it would make for pretty shit relationships too. Nope, I'd rather the Saudis do things the Saudi way and the rest of us do things our way.

Post: #3

Excellent question. I'd say if her mother looks and behaves more or less how you'd like the girl to look and behave at that age, that's a good start. And if her dad seems wary of you, that's also a good sign.

Post: #4

The problem is, that if we are too choosy about the family, we limit our options with women.
Who wants to say "I'll choose a lower standard woman with a better family, than the top level woman with a twat family"? I wouldn't. Unless they are all gypsies who molest kids etc.

Plus we probably won't know lots about the family til a fairly advanced stage. Murderers and child molesters/control freaks are bad news. But sometimes/very often you have a very good girl with a fuckwit family. I think my own family are a bit of a nightmare and completely unlike me. Does that disqualify me, and mean I am something else? To me, a red flag is only a dealbreaker if the family has affected the girl herself.

Post: #5

In Soviet Russia, parents of potential wife screen you.

Post: #6

Look at how your girl treats her father. Does she dote on him or challenge him?

Post: #7

(07-04-2017 05:53 AM)Tex Cruise Wrote:  In Soviet Russia, parents of potential wife screen you.

...and your parents.

Post: #8

Screen the parents ?! For real ?!

Post: #9

If you're seriously planning on marriage/cohabitation, then screening her family ties seems critical. It's been my observation that a woman who has not successfully detached from her parents' household will make your life terrible.

I don't just mean "moving out". I mean the subtle hints that will come slipping out with time that if you get married, you can expect her parents and siblings to be pressuring her to pressure you to take a job where they think you should live, dictating how you spend your holidays, etc. There's a big difference between "close family" and "controlling family", but all "controlling families" think they are just close and that it's normal.

The same goes for families that enable bad behavior and make excuses because "it's family". Do you want your children taking that grandpa as a role model?

"Sure, sure, your cousin Dwayne robbed a pharmacy at drug point, but he was having some trouble with pills and he served his time. He would have never hurt somebody. I realize that Fraktur neck tattoo that says 'RAPE AND MURDER' looks bad, but you can't always judge a book by its cover. Why don't we all go try to guilt-trip your mom into making your father invite him to Thanksgiving this year?"

Post: #10

I will piggyback on the last post about having a girl that has successfully detached from her parents household. You don't want a girl who will follow her parents lead over yours. She should take her cues from you.

Eventually you will begin to see how much a girls parents and upbringing shapes who she is. Not just on the macro level but the micro level. All the little behavioral ticks she has.

Odds are that you grew up different and will want to housebreak her to fit the way you like things. This is where you have to be smart about how you go about it. Maybe you determine it's not worth the hassle and find a new girl.

Sometimes it's just easier to have her spend a lot of time with your family. She will want to fit in and start behaving the same way in my experience.

You don't have to find a girl from a perfect family. The main things are that her family isn't so absolutely fucked up that its a lost cause, and that she is willing to adopt your way. Will she get with the program? Is she desperate to be accepted by your family or is she an irreverent cunt?

My buddy married a girl from a shitty family but he totally indoctrinated her by getting her away from her family and having her live with his parents for half a year while he was on the other side of the country.

Your mileage may vary.

Post: #11

I can't believe some of you are still considering marrying a amish type girl just because of the fact that she hasnt fucked more than 5 men.

Post: #12

A few of the greatest, most pleasant and demure girls I've met and dated (In South America where machismo is still the norm, admittedly it's been a looonng time since I've been involved with an anglo woman) the one thing I've noticed they've all had in common was listening to them tell stories of their fathers disciplining them. Did their father set boundaries and treat them as girls naturally want to be treated? If so, they will expect it from you, their new daddy, and also have a healthy respect for men. They were also all low notch count women. And I do absolutely believe them. If they do not have stories of being disciplined, that's a red flag. One of these girls all but practically worshipped her dead father. She often would start crying randomly whenever a memory of her father would come to mind. Men I would describe as having very strict rules for the protection of their daughters, whilst simultaneously always loving on them and teasing them as if they were forever little 6 year old girls.

Unlike in the US where daughters go into porn and their fathers still treat them as innocent little angels as they get creampied on camera for the world to see.

Post: #13

Your mileage may vary, but from my experience:

. Her parents are (happily) married.

People have a tendency to live what they learn. If her parents are divorced, she may have learned to give up when things get tough rather than work through them.

. Her dad isn't henpecked.

Again, people have a tendency to live what they learn. If her father frequently got steamrolled by her mother, guess what pattern she's going to expect to repeat with you.

. Her mother has a job.

Now I'm not saying she has to be a career woman, but she needs to have something that keeps her busy outside of sucking up all her husband's time. Idle time is the devil's workshop, and women frequently get themselves in trouble if they have nothing better going on than to sit around the house. That's why I think a woman should at least have a part-time job, or be a "stay-at-home mom." Being a housewife in 2017 doesn't mean ironing your work pants and having dinner waiting for you on the table when you get home. IT means drinking alcohol in the middle of the afternoon and watching shitty reality TV shows.

These were just a few that I came up with right off the top of my head, I'll add more later if I can think up some more.

Post: #14

(07-04-2017 06:35 PM)LeoneVolpe Wrote:  Now I'm not saying she has to be a career woman, but she needs to have something that keeps her busy outside of sucking up all her husband's time. Idle time is the devil's workshop, and women frequently get themselves in trouble if they have nothing better going on than to sit around the house. That's why I think a woman should at least have a part-time job, or be a "stay-at-home mom." Being a housewife in 2017 doesn't mean ironing your work pants and having dinner waiting for you on the table when you get home. IT means drinking alcohol in the middle of the afternoon and watching shitty reality TV shows.

Thumbs-up to this. Go to small towns and look at the old days before they were riddled with drugs and white trash. The housewives with any class were busy as hell in the community, volunteering for X and Y every weekday and Z on Saturdays. That was their career and it kept the community running.

Post: #15

I'd say, just do a basic screening:

1) Are they happily married?
2) Are they trying to poison her mind?
3) Does any of her parents have a child with someone else?
4) Is her father a strong father figure?

IMO, the above is sufficient. It's hard to screen through their lives, but suffice to say, a traditional family is something you should be looking for.

I don't necessarly agree with "women should stay at home". My wife has a business and works on it, but we have household staff so it makes things easier and she can focus her time on more rewarding tasks.

Post: #16

Screening the family is absolutely necessary if you're considering a committed relationship with a woman.

Fathers to daughters are a model for how a husband/father should or shouldn't behave.
Mothers to daughters are a model for how a wife/mother should or shouldn't behave.

Spending time around her family will give you a window into the future of your relationship with her. You can spend all the time in the world with her, listening to her dreams and desires, getting to know her values and beliefs, but if you start spending time with her family you can begin to see if what she says lines up with what she learned.

Post: #17

   

Post: #18

(07-04-2017 11:09 PM)Rawmeo Wrote:  I'd say, just do a basic screening:

1) Are they happily married?
2) Are they trying to poison her mind?
3) Does any of her parents have a child with someone else?
4) Is her father a strong father figure?

IMO, the above is sufficient. It's hard to screen through their lives, but suffice to say, a traditional family is something you should be looking for.

I don't necessarly agree with "women should stay at home". My wife has a business and works on it, but we have household staff so it makes things easier and she can focus her time on more rewarding tasks.

1. Will be hard to find that.
2. You mean poison her mind same as controlling parents?
3. If the father has children from previous marriage, is it a red flag? or parents that it's their second marriages.
4. If he's weak, would you still consider it?

"Stay at home mother" is not a red flag, depends what she does with her spare time and how many children she has. Home business is a good idea to make her busy.

Post: #19

The first question is "is it relevant".

If you have a decent, functional set of parents yourself then the answer is no. The traditional approach is that the woman you take becomes a part of your family and hers can fuck off. There's only one thanksgiving. Not "we went to your family's last time so this year..."

The question becomes relevant if your own family is a shitshow or if they're geographically distant, since inevitably you'll be relying on Gram and Gramps for babysitting and other shit. If that's the case then you absolutely DO need to screen for a girl with parents who aren't complete fuckups.

The good news is that old people tend to have mellowed and gotten their shit together so there's fair odds they'll be better adjusted than your prospective unicorn. If that doesn't seem to be the case then you're going to need a commitment from her to break all family ties and start fresh somewhere far away, but honestly, if a girl has a fucked up family then she's probably not a keeper. She might keep her shit together for as long as it takes to get married but as soon as she enters that sphere of existence she's going to start emulating her retarded folks.

Post: #20

(07-05-2017 04:28 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  The first question is "is it relevant".

If you have a decent, functional set of parents yourself then the answer is no. The traditional approach is that the woman you take becomes a part of your family and hers can fuck off. There's only one thanksgiving. Not "we went to your family's last time so this year..."

The question becomes relevant if your own family is a shitshow or if they're geographically distant, since inevitably you'll be relying on Gram and Gramps for babysitting and other shit. If that's the case then you absolutely DO need to screen for a girl with parents who aren't complete fuckups.

The good news is that old people tend to have mellowed and gotten their shit together so there's fair odds they'll be better adjusted than your prospective unicorn. If that doesn't seem to be the case then you're going to need a commitment from her to break all family ties and start fresh somewhere far away, but honestly, if a girl has a fucked up family then she's probably not a keeper. She might keep her shit together for as long as it takes to get married but as soon as she enters that sphere of existence she's going to start emulating her retarded folks.

Most of the women will have the "we went to your family's last time" approach.

If you don't like her family, the best solution is to make her break all family ties and start fresh, but is it even possible?

Culture and religion are also a big part, not sure if her family should be from the same background as you or it doesn't matter.

Post: #21

^Seriously, a guy with proper leadership qualities doesn't do the "your family this year" bit. He's a part of the patriarchy and he's expected to be a part of his own family during special occasions.

Take a look at any guy attending his wife's family events. He will stand there with his short and his loafers, drink in hand, looking like he's wondering when he's going to get his balls back.

Women these days have lots of expectations that are bullshit and not to be conceded to. Once married she's expected to maintain a working relationship with her mother and the family can attend non holiday events like birthday parties and whatnot, but she should be instructed to accept that she's a part of your family now, not the other way around.

That is not just a Western cultural expectation. That's the expectation of just about every civilisation where the men still have their dicks intact.

Post: #22

(07-05-2017 06:21 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  ^Seriously, a guy with proper leadership qualities doesn't do the "your family this year" bit. He's a part of the patriarchy and he's expected to be a part of his own family during special occasions.

Take a look at any guy attending his wife's family events. He will stand there with his short and his loafers, drink in hand, looking like he's wondering when he's going to get his balls back.

Women these days have lots of expectations that are bullshit and not to be conceded to. Once married she's expected to maintain a working relationship with her mother and the family can attend non holiday events like birthday parties and whatnot, but she should be instructed to accept that she's a part of your family now, not the other way around.

That is not just a Western cultural expectation. That's the expectation of just about every civilisation where the men still have their dicks intact.

In case my family is geographically distant, should I still avoid her family's events?

Post: #23

(07-05-2017 06:21 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  ^Seriously, a guy with proper leadership qualities doesn't do the "your family this year" bit. He's a part of the patriarchy and he's expected to be a part of his own family during special occasions.

Take a look at any guy attending his wife's family events. He will stand there with his short and his loafers, drink in hand, looking like he's wondering when he's going to get his balls back.

Women these days have lots of expectations that are bullshit and not to be conceded to. Once married she's expected to maintain a working relationship with her mother and the family can attend non holiday events like birthday parties and whatnot, but she should be instructed to accept that she's a part of your family now, not the other way around.

That is not just a Western cultural expectation. That's the expectation of just about every civilisation where the men still have their dicks intact.

That's exactly why this thread has no meaning from the start: Guy who lead his own family does not care about the family of his wife.

Heard once, in a wedding, the bullshit "Happy wife, Happy life/My daughter rules" and the response the dad got from the husband was "Nope she is mine now and she will do what I tell her to do or I'll send her back to you", the bitch stood there her mouth wide open, I thought the dad would replicate but all he did was shake his hand gratefully and later said to who wanted to hear that his daughter was in "good hands"...

Parents screening come from guys who don't want to lead and rely onto the education the parents gave to see if the daughter will treat them good then they'll go looking for some Cesar Millan to teach their wife good manners (Yes wife and dogs follows the same principles on how to educate them).

Fucked from the start.

Thx to LND once again for his wisdom.

Post: #24

(07-05-2017 04:48 AM)oldbeliever Wrote:  Most of the women will have the "we went to your family's last time" approach.

If you don't like her family, the best solution is to make her break all family ties and start fresh, but is it even possible?

My opinion is that if a woman expresses a lot of pining for her family or her hometown, you have a problem. Also, if her mother is her major female friend that she confides everything in and asks for advice, you have a problem. If you hear way too much "my brother said... my mother said... my father says..." you've got a failure to launch, as surely as a 25-year-old who still brags about high school.

She should be severing her own family ties and setting boundaries (to a reasonable degree) as part of the maturing process without you getting involved. If you will be in competition with her parents for leadership, it will be an endless battle that breeds contempt and resentment.

On the flipside, I've witnessed the same circumstances where a woman gets sucked into started a household with a man who could not properly separate from his mother. She ignored the red flags and married, not knowing that he spoke to his mother on the phone for an hour every day at 6:00 pm. They initially tried to live in a functional city, but she could hear him crying about how he wanted to go back to his hometown, and eventually they did, in a house his mother told him to buy.

So now the parents think "our son is back", and don't see him as living in a separate household. They think they can come over unannounced, plant things in the yard, or rearrange the furniture. It turned out the husband's mother had chosen his career for him, and now expected to tell the grandchildren what they should do with their careers. She would make statements like "'we' vote [this way]", referring to her children.

As a man, do you think that marriage worked, where the batty mother-in-law was the de facto head of household? Do you think that led to some extremely unhealthy and dysfunctional behaviors in the husband, trying to find something, somewhere in his life, that his mother would allow him to control? It will be the same with the wife if you and her father are locked in combat over her.

Post: #25

@blck: Holy shit! How has it taken over a year to hear a Caesar Milan reference on this forum? Repped. When some guy tells me he's watched Season one of The Dog Whisper it's like saying he's already attended Game 101.

@oldbeliever: As I said in the earlier post, my advice on putting her family in the background only counts if you have a strong family unit around you. Distant ones don't count. They're not going to be the ones taking your 7 year old to school when you and your wife are by the side of your 3 year old in hospital (God forbid).