Post: #6126

Constantly get good matches here and drop the ball with my terrible game, visiting the profiles too much, and thirstyness

It's frustrating fucking it up with pretty girls you've already matched with. I'm shit at this.

Post: #6127

Valhalla, what knowledge have you learned through this forum that you have applied to your game/lifestyle to make yourself better with women? This can be for online game or in general.

Post: #6128

@ The Wire -- Thanks for the feedback on this, especially your 1st point. There's another particularly bad snag of this online shit, is how after 9 thousand messages, your overall mood really plummets, and you're about ready to hit up anything. Typically, I try to obey the rule, 'If I weren't gonna approach this chick for real, then don't message'.

Post: #6129

The premise of OK Cupid (or really any traditional dating site) is that the more you know about someone, and the more the two of you are alike, the greater likelihood you'll hook up. It's a RATIONAL approach, and chemistry isn't rational.

I can't tell you how many times I've come across a woman with a 95%+ match, I write them, and I don't even get a reply. (I know sometimes high percentages can just be due to them answering a few questions, but I'm talking about a genuine match across all of the categories.) I know they're rejecting me simply because of my looks. I've also ruled out women on that basis too, although at this point I'm pretty damn forgiving, especially when it comes to age.

This also factors into what happens when you get into back and forth PMing. A text chat contains none of the non-verbal cues that you need in order to escalate attraction. If you spend too much time in text-chat then it's easy to forget why you were initially interested in them in the first place. It's really an attraction-killer. I also think women like to keep lower SMV prospects in an indefinite hold status while they keep shopping around for sexier models.

I now have two women (via Bumble, not OK Cupid) where I actually have their telephone numbers but I can't actually get a face-to-face out of them. One of them lives only one town over. It takes so much work to pipeline women up to the point of getting their telephone numbers that it sucks feeling like if I don't lay down an ultimatum or soft-next that I'm allowing them to hang a beta-orbiter backup-plan frame around me.

Post: #6130

questor70, how long have you been on OKCupid and other dating sites? Do you find it more difficult to get women out on dates now compared to 3-5 years ago?

Post: #6131

Not sure how much this has changed but my gut feeling is that the continued mainstreaming of online dating is making it almost impossible to get a woman to FOCUS on any one man long enough for anything remotely resembling "intimacy" to take place.

I mean, men adopting abundance mentality is one thing, but for women it's true abundance, and that sort of kid-in-a-candy-store atmosphere, as envious as it seems, carries a downside. It's the Paradox of Choice.

There is a moment in time where you have to, as the saying goes, SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT. I think women may be reaching a stage where the fire-hose of choice is so overwhelming that they just get locked into permanent window-shopping mode.

The best success is in engaging women who are brand new users of the dating sites. They aren't yet aware that they're going to get flooded with suitors like fan-mail for a rock star. So their initial instinct is to actually read your message and treat you like a fellow human-being.

The problem now is that even if you're the first one to engage her, if you don't lock her in almost instantaneously, she's going to get that tsunami of suitors. When that happens, she'll start stalling and sifting. It's a form of monkey-branching but it's happening now at the earliest stages of the interaction.

This thing about being kept on hold at the texting stage is new for me. I've never experienced it before and I don't know how to handle it. I used to equate getting a number as a guarantee that we'd at least meet once and size the other up. I'd see that as a good thing as any guy only wants the dignity to stand there and make a full case for himself in the flesh rather than being judged based solely on his online game. Now I can't treat it that way. It's just another place where things can stall out.

Post: #6132

Would someone be willing to help me write a interesting profile. I'm not very good at describing myself because I consider myself a boring person

Post: #6133

Questor, I think at this point through online dating methods, the number does not mean anything like it used to. I don't even bother wasting efforts on the phone number in any method (online or IRL). The contact methods are out there in many different capacities (e.g., email, FB, LinkedIn, etc.). As long as you have a full name (even though many of us could figure out who you are with your first name) and exchange some form of contact information (business card, for example), the number isn't important. Establishing the connection and building the relationship is important. All of the details you have described resonate with many of us, and it's more difficult to get young girls to commit to an actual live meeting one-on-one. I think something will come out later this year that will detonate these bullshit swiping dating apps or OKC-like sites.

Post: #6134

Post: #6135

Sorry for posting again but would someone be able to give me some advice on sprucing up my profile.

Post: #6136

That pie chart is dismal.

Post: #6137

(04-17-2017 08:34 PM)TheWhiteWolf Wrote:  Would someone be willing to help me write a interesting profile. I'm not very good at describing myself because I consider myself a boring person

Most people's lives are boring as hell, and being an "interesting person" is not necessary in order to have an effective profile. Just work in any intriguing tidbits there are about you, and pad the rest with whatever mildly funny bullshit you can think of. Do not straight-forwardly "describe yourself." The key is to be unlike all the other desperate sadsacks who are taking the process super seriously.

If you give me an example of something you've written I can help critique/improve it.

Post: #6138

(04-16-2017 02:36 PM)questor70 Wrote:  Not sure how much this has changed but my gut feeling is that the continued mainstreaming of online dating is making it almost impossible to get a woman to FOCUS on any one man long enough for anything remotely resembling "intimacy" to take place.

I mean, men adopting abundance mentality is one thing, but for women it's true abundance, and that sort of kid-in-a-candy-store atmosphere, as envious as it seems, carries a downside. It's the Paradox of Choice.

There is a moment in time where you have to, as the saying goes, SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT. I think women may be reaching a stage where the fire-hose of choice is so overwhelming that they just get locked into permanent window-shopping mode.

The best success is in engaging women who are brand new users of the dating sites. They aren't yet aware that they're going to get flooded with suitors like fan-mail for a rock star. So their initial instinct is to actually read your message and treat you like a fellow human-being.

The problem now is that even if you're the first one to engage her, if you don't lock her in almost instantaneously, she's going to get that tsunami of suitors. When that happens, she'll start stalling and sifting. It's a form of monkey-branching but it's happening now at the earliest stages of the interaction.

This thing about being kept on hold at the texting stage is new for me. I've never experienced it before and I don't know how to handle it. I used to equate getting a number as a guarantee that we'd at least meet once and size the other up. I'd see that as a good thing as any guy only wants the dignity to stand there and make a full case for himself in the flesh rather than being judged based solely on his online game. Now I can't treat it that way. It's just another place where things can stall out.

Very interesting post, and agreed fully. A recent study found that Tinder hurt men's self esteem, most likely because of the massive rejection/ghosting so many face. It's not that far fetched to surmise that it may be having the exact opposite effect on women, ie, unjustifiably inflating egos.

Even on this board, there are guys who (seemingly) pull most if not all of their lays through online game, as opposed to day/night/social circle game. Like it or not, things are headed that way. OLD and apps like Tinder tend to act as equalizers in that regard - I personally know guys who can barely land a phone number IRL, but still get matches and land dates through Tinder/Bumble, and ONLY through these media. So for them, these apps are a godsend. And it's not just the kids, some of these guys are in their late 30s/40s.

Post: #6139

Another delicious slice to the pie I could add would be "profiles with full inboxes".

Post: #6140

(04-23-2017 09:20 PM)TheWhiteWolf Wrote:  Sorry for posting again but would someone be able to give me some advice on sprucing up my profile.

Without you posting your actual profile, it's hard for anyone to give you advice on how to 'spruce' it up.

My advice: Look at other guy's profiles. Do the opposite of theirs. Most of them are the same crap telling their likes/hobbies/etc. Be different. Stand out. My OKC profile (currently inactive) is total nonsense. I am a complete smartass and I don't answer the generic profile questions seriously. This does two things: 1) Shows girls I'm funny and 2) Adds a bit of mystery.

Post: #6141

Well, I've finally been blacklisted from the OKC. A date from this mornin' blew up in my face big time, and I suspect a bullshit report was made on me. Anyone here know if it's, like, an IP ban or what, as I can't seem to even be able to start up another account? Yeah, I know, I'm missing out on a big party now.

Post: #6142

(04-26-2017 11:09 PM)Mess O. Wrote:  Anyone here know if it's, like, an IP ban or what, as I can't seem to even be able to start up another account? Yeah, I know, I'm missing out on a big party now.

If you are IP banned, Opera has a built-in free VPN feature. Use that.

Post: #6143

Indeed. Side-stepped the blacklist using a VPN. Back to sending 100 messages an hour. Yay.

Post: #6144

Had a date with a 7 about a month back. Date went well, solid make-out, but no lay (couldn't go for it due to logistics). She hits me up the next morning about what a great time she had. We make plans to meet the following weekend. She flakes, giving me about 2 hours notice, but says "can we please reschedule?"

The thing about this chick is that she is hitting me up daily with all sorts of inane shit. I bide my time because I'm planning on rescheduling the date, so I keep chatting with her but pace myself because I think she's planning to have me as her next orbiter. She phones me one night this week. I don't pick up. I call her the next day, we chat - I broach the subject of a date this weekend, tentatively for Sunday.

She keeps texting every day - but my test is to see if she mentions the date again - as in "what time did we say we're meeting?" - or some kind of confirmation from her.

She never mentions the date, and at 9pm this evening I blocked her.

It was a shame, because all other indications suggested a high IL.

Post: #6145

^That's fowl. You can only assume this woman has some deep seated issues, but the reality is that she probably is par for the course. Good luck man and do your best to stay positive!

Post: #6146

In the old days you'd think women would be sort of protective of their telephone number in case you turned out to be a clinger but I am wondering whether women are becoming so lazy that they might be trying to consolidate all communication with top prospects to text messages rather than having to service notifications and cycle through different apps (Tinder, OK Cupid, Match, Bumble).

To muddy the waters even more, even if you get into a formal relationship, electronic communication is being seen more and more as where the relationship lives rather than face-to-face. So in her world she may already think she's granting you the "relationship experience" even though it's nothing but words on a screen. Dating has devolved to the point where it's like playing an old text-based RPG.



I had to drop my two best online prospects because they fell into texting hell. One of them kept gaving me lame excuses why we couldn't meet up while still maintaining smalltalk every few days. When I tried to revive the other, I got a text back claiming to be her daughter saying she was using her mom's phone and her mom would "get back to me". How F'd up is that? Her daughter is acting as her mom's online dating secretary? And of course, she never did get back to me.

I wish I knew what these kinds of women are really expecting men in this situation to do if this is some form of shit-test. Especially with the one that was still texting me, she wasn't ghosting, but she was clearly stalling, and it feels like a shit-test fail to just sit there and tolerate it, but it pissed me off so much I wasn't interested in nagging or pressuring her. It just made me stop wanting her altogether.

Post: #6147

(05-01-2017 10:42 AM)questor70 Wrote:  I wish I knew what these kinds of women are really expecting men in this situation to do if this is some form of shit-test. Especially with the one that was still texting me, she wasn't ghosting, but she was clearly stalling, and it feels like a shit-test fail to just sit there and tolerate it, but it pissed me off so much I wasn't interested in nagging or pressuring her. It just made me stop wanting her altogether.

There are really only two approaches to this situation:

1) Play the long-game, maintain the chit-chat, and keep angling for the meet. This is of course contingent on how hot you think she is. With this option there is a risk it stays in text hell and you fall into the trap she's set for you.
2) Delete, block, and move on.

At least with the 2nd option there is a minimal .012 percent chance she feels in any way slighted and modifies her behaviour as a human being. You won't ever bang her, of course, but the chances are you wouldn't have no matter what.

Post: #6148

I really don't see how anything other than a mass exodus from online dating is the topic of discussion at this point. In 2017. Never mind how the quality of these platforms have gone downhill since their conception, but also how it's affected relations between men and women outside of them.

Post: #6149

Just had an excellent date with a Japanese chick from off of here. Finally tugging a bit of its damn weight. I really tried to follow "the rules", so we'll see if anything comes of it.

Post: #6150

Just went on and created a fake OKC woman account and deleted it after about 30 minutes. I used a random totally obvious clip art image for the headshot of a decent looking chic in an office. Within 30 minutes I had over 20 messages, ranging from "hey", to "Hi! You're so hot!", to full on letters with multiple paragraphs. I even got a neg from a dude, "good luck", haha. I just did it to check out it from that perspective. Good profiles have good pics, are minimal, concise explanations, etc. Everything thats been said here. Clear pics that show you travel, have some friends, dress well. Save the humor, or trying to be quirky. I am off of it, but when I go back to online I will have new pics and new profiles. Currently have over 2000 matches on Tinder and I am taking a break from it.