Post: #26

(01-24-2017 12:04 PM)Vaun Wrote:  I am gen X, but what I have found over the last several years with dozens of gf's, is that millennial women are largely in touch with and frequently talk to their exes. To you younger guys, this is a relatively new thing, related to social media. And this isn't just a "western" thing, or an American thing, its all women.

Un-friending these days is seen as such a "mean" and "horrific" act, that these snowflakes often dont do it. And guys will be guys, you cant blame the men on this one.

Attention whoring is like crack. Its an addiction for a lot of women, that I am guessing, has ruined or damaged their relationships. You can however play this to you advantage with a little self control, and proactive social action.

I used to get mad about it, or make demands, or even sweat it. That makes you look "butt hurt" and weak to these girls in this age group.

The only way to combat this, is to actively stay in touch with your exes and girls in general, during the early stages of the LTR or exclusive whatever it is.

Your exes and friends will comment, like, and DM you, and you will do the same. You will build up a stable of girls as friends over months and years. But not as a friend zoned guy, just a fun guy that is exposed to a lot of girls. This is ultimately helpful to your game. And rather than being the Lone Wolf Little Dark character, you are a cool guy in her eyes with a lot of competition. I now have several exes commenting and liking my stuff. And we are just friends now. And I have to wonder now, just how many of the dudes that you see on any girls FB/IG/SC pages, are past lays. Women seem to be totally ok with this, if you are in her past.

But as she falls for you, she will eventually bring this up when she starts to fall in love with you. It will eat her alive and dominate her thoughts, just as it does you. And if you are serious and want to marry or procreate with this girl, that is the only point where you can legit call her on her crap. If she asks you to stop, you can ask her to do the same thing. Then proceed. Anything before that and you are "an aggressive jealous jerk". Snowflakes a complicated creature, but so easily played when you figure it out.

For you socially inept dudes, this is your challenge. Its not approach, or "game", its getting out into the world. Friend your coworkers, colleagues, fellow students, childhood friends, approaches, etc. Just build social proof. In the process it will do way more for you than any approach advice. The only other way is to have a "mysterious" locked down, private social presence that she has no access to, and you DGAF about hers as well. She will desperately try to peer into your world, and you will not care if other dudes are hitting her up.

There is about zero genuine long term happiness coming out of this post.

Sure you could get a girl to promise to stop. Do you really want to start the foundation of a relationship based on a jealously war?

I mean you think she won't go back to her old ways?

This is one of those after posts 'was in LTR - was blinded to the red flags - ended bad, now recovering'.

---

I have a little story from my personal life. A close friend of mine was seeing a Brazilian girl. She was very nice and they were having a lot of fun together. All of a sudden she ignored his texts for a week. He saw her in person and asked hey what was up? She asked him if he were jealous to rile him.

He went on to meet an Argentine chick and is now having more fun with her. Brazilian comes back acting a little jealous and he throws it back in her face. Argentine doesn't play these games and respects him much more.

I see the Argentine around him a lot, haven't seen the Brazilian chick for awhile as it should be. He seems pretty happy about that choice and made it quickly.

Post: #27

(01-24-2017 01:51 AM)Slayer90s Wrote:  

(01-24-2017 01:48 AM)McCarthy Wrote:  Use smart filters on facebook.

Or drop facebook completely and keep the account for contacts purposes.

What? I dont get this

What I wanted to say is that men have very little to do on facebook.
I am not on facebook, these things don’t happen to me.

And no, facebook does not get you laid.

Post: #28

(01-24-2017 05:15 PM)XXL Wrote:  

(01-24-2017 04:45 PM)questor70 Wrote:  "She is HIS fucking girlfriend."

That's the crux of the matter. People have to decide the terms of their relationships. If the guy feels disrespected if a woman has a bunch of ex orbiters on FB, then he has every right to lay down an ultimatum. Let's say 90%+ women expect to be able to have ex orbiters on FB. That's HIS prerogative if he wants to fight against the tide social trends. If the goal (like most here) is to just add notches and not really concern himself with the overall quality of the relationship, then you have to follow the path of least resistance, which may involve taking a hit to your dignity by virtue of the epidemic of female hypergamy. But at that point you're not talking about "girlfriends". You're just talking about quantity (notches) and not quality (LTR).

That's it right there.

This unreactive nonsense applies to FWB or random ONS chicks that owe you nothing. That's fine. But when YOUR GF doesn't listen when you normally ask her to do something and she even does the opposite? Fuck no. She's not YOUR GF then.

Again this is not about her ex. This is about her disrespecting him. This particular situation about ex's comment is just the symptom, the real issue is the principle behind such behavior. Those of you who can't see what's actually going on there have to educate yourself and get more life experience.

It is about her. But yelling and bitching about it, especially this, will make her walk fast. If shes already openly allowing this public display, to me its already lost. So does this girl "deserve a talking to?" No, she is bad trash and not worth the effort, especially since he already mentioned it. At this point walking and openly displaying other options is what she deserves. Nowadays thats the fastest way to get a girl in line. Most never even had a father, or one that displayed any firm hand, so you acting like a mild Sean Connery will make you seem like the devil incarnate. And yes this is for LTR's. Anything less who cares.

But if a girl got to this point of allowing this open affection from other men, or never shut down the orbiters, its means its mostly over, or you never had something to begin with. Truthfully if a "GF" thought this were ok, if I didn't scold her already, I would walk out the door cold.

The "calm firm alpha says no discussion", is much harder for men to do in these moments, when jealous and angry. Most men lose it in these situations.

If you have to tell a girl not to do this, I am sorry budding alpha, shes not worth your breath to explain it.

Post: #29

(01-24-2017 05:33 PM)Travesty Wrote:  There is about zero genuine long term happiness coming out of this post.

Sure you could get a girl to promise to stop. Do you really want to start the foundation of a relationship based on a jealously war?

I mean you think she won't go back to her old ways?

This is one of those after posts 'was in LTR - was blinded to the red flags - ended bad, now recovering'.

Its not about a jealousy war, its about equal footing. Best offense is best defense. I would rather a girl know I have options, than one I have to beg to quit her shenanigans, or worse yet, openly disrespect with other men.

Alpha guy scolding his girl wont make her love you more. Her displaying this behavior means you are already out the door. Why argue now?

Is it healthy to have to 'correct' your girls behavior? Maybe, but who actually wants to live under that regime? Certainly not an attractive girl. Maybe the unicorns in the Philippines do.

No woman these days wants to live under the foot of her man. Go ahead and try it, and see how much long term happiness you generate with 'alpha love.'

Any woman you have to convince to not do this to you will eventually divorce rape you and destroy your life.

Post: #30

(01-24-2017 05:55 PM)Vaun Wrote:  

(01-24-2017 05:33 PM)Travesty Wrote:  There is about zero genuine long term happiness coming out of this post.

Sure you could get a girl to promise to stop. Do you really want to start the foundation of a relationship based on a jealously war?

I mean you think she won't go back to her old ways?

This is one of those after posts 'was in LTR - was blinded to the red flags - ended bad, now recovering'.

Its not about a jealousy war, its about equal footing. Best offense is best defense. I would rather a girl know I have options, than one I have to beg to quit her shenanigans, or worse yet, openly disrespect with other men.

Alpha guy scolding his girl wont make her love you more. Her displaying this behavior means you are already out the door. Why argue now?

Is it healthy to have to 'correct' your girls behavior? Maybe, but who actually wants to live under that regime? Certainly not an attractive girl. Maybe the unicorns in the Philippines do.

No woman these days wants to live under the foot of her man. Go ahead and try it, and see how much long term happiness you generate with 'alpha love.'

Any woman you have to convince to not do this to you will eventually divorce rape you and destroy your life.

Great insight as always gentlemen... An alpha crossroads perhaps?

Do you lean more towards the "I'm so cool nothing phases/bothers me alpha" or do you have to lay your foot down at times (specially in relationship game situations) and go with the "I'm cool/nothing phases me but I will put you in your fucking place when appropriate."

Mix of both? Thoughts? Whole new thread maybe? I like where this is going...

Post: #31

(01-24-2017 06:13 PM)Slayer90s Wrote:  Great insight as always gentlemen... An alpha crossroads perhaps?

Do you lean more towards the "I'm so cool nothing phases/bothers me alpha" or do you have to lay your foot down at times (specially in relationship game situations) and go with the "I'm cool/nothing phases me but I will put you in your fucking place when appropriate."

Mix of both? Thoughts? Whole new thread maybe? I like where this is going...

I err on the side of putting my foot down too hard. Thats the experience my advice originates from. But even in the most calm and rational approach, no woman these days will be told what to do. If you have to ask, you've already lost. Take her worst behavior as to the extent that she loves you. Then walk if you dont accept it.

Post: #32

(01-24-2017 04:45 PM)questor70 Wrote:  "She is HIS fucking girlfriend."

That's the crux of the matter. People have to decide the terms of their relationships. If the guy feels disrespected if a woman has a bunch of ex orbiters on FB, then he has every right to lay down an ultimatum. Let's say 90%+ women expect to be able to have ex orbiters on FB. That's HIS prerogative if he wants to fight against the tide social trends. If the goal (like most here) is to just add notches and not really concern himself with the overall quality of the relationship, then you have to follow the path of least resistance, which may involve taking a hit to your dignity by virtue of the epidemic of female hypergamy. But at that point you're not talking about "girlfriends". You're just talking about quantity (notches) and not quality (LTR).

Unfortunately I would say most cases would extend to proper GFs nowadays, so in principle XXL is right but the social trends are so strong that you're swimming against the current and bound to be fighting a losing battle.

Why wouldn't a non-celebrity girl take free attention from the modern day equivalent of adoring fans? They are like hits of crack to her. Only the best quality and/or weirdest girls will get off that internet drug addiction at the behest of her man. Either that or he is so far above her/his game is so ridiculous that her cravings for him dwarf those of her online fans.

Sometimes I curse the fucking internet. Without it many of us would be blind about women and the world around us, but the cost of that knowledge has been so severe I wonder whether the tradeoff is worth it...

Post: #33

My typical stance is that if a girl respects you she will follow your directions. However since social media is so ingrained with culture and most women in a good young age range have never lived without it; and receive a steady stream of validation from I don't know if it's feasible to make those kinds of requests.

I've had these conversations before with potential LTR canidates, I tend to keep it pretty neutral but it usually goes like this.

Eugenics "I see so&so likes you a lot"
her "Yeah he's an old friend, we keep in touch"
Eugenics "Huh, weird. I don't keep in touch with my exes"
her "Oh it's not like that we were always just friends"
Eugenics "you know he wants to fuck you though right"
her "well luckily I have free will and a choice huh"

Riiiiight. Girls have their hamster on overdrive these days. One day when beta orbiter so&so gets on his game and girl is slipping or mad at me or the next guy and he'll get the lay. And it will all be fine because she never meant for it to happen. For them it's perfectly fine to keep in contact with guys that want to fuck them just because they think they are strong enough to resist.

You don't need to be insecure to see that it's a liability. The only answer I have is maintain a rock solid frame, don't get visibly jealous. Be ready to drop a girl if she's not respectful at any time. She's gonna go hang out with her male friend, oh word? Next. She flaked on you to do something else with some dude&friends that are constantly liking her profile. Next. Actions speak louder than words. Telling her this kind of stuff will have no or opposite effect. She should assume you are going to next her ass faster than she can blink if she misbehaves. If you don't extrude that type of frame you need to start.

OP sounds like his game is fairly tight minus a little slip up. His girl was begging and crying. Just a warning though begging and crying means nothing. A girl can do that at any time for any reason and it's completely worthless and means nothing. Moniter her behaviour and you'll see the meaning there, or not.

Post: #34

She's playing you / playing the field by allowing this to be posted.

Post: #35

I would just mind if she replied his comment, otherwise bothering with such a trivial stuff as such, lowers your value on her eyes, lowers you value relatively to that ex-boyfriend, and shows that probably you do not have the upper hand.

This is not a question of alphaness or betaness. The ex-boyfriend commenting on that specific picture that she is with you is making a fool of himself, is showing lack of gentleman-ship and sportsmanship, and is showing that was upset to see her with you... so let him stay that way perpetually shown in hers facebook profile.

Post: #36

Some good replies in this thread already. I'm no game expert but I have been in failed relationships and I've gone through something similar . OP, like some have said, you have already lost because:

1. You showed jealousy and weakness. This lowers your value in her eyes and gives her victim status because you're "controlling" and "abusive." She WILL use this against you.

2. You have chosen poorly for a LTR. This woman has not only disrespected you and your relationship by letting this comment stand -made by an ex of all people - but she lied to you after she made the fake gesture of blocking him. This type of behaviour will only get worse and because you have shown weakness, she will commit more egregious acts under the pretense of "I don't take no "ish" from no man." Like Vaun mentioned, most girls are like this nowadays. It's up to us to determine the costs and benefits of putting up with that type of behaviour to have an LTR.

Not all is lost though. I presume you have not invested much on this woman and you can start making your exit strategy and come out unscathed. If you do choose this path, be swift and decisive. I've messed up so many times in the past in situations where I don't really intend to walk away but hope that the woman will see her errors and "change." Do not do what I've done. The choice is yours OP.

Post: #37

Here's my two cents.

Training a woman is like training a dog or a child. You don't win by hovering around them to yell at them or hit them every time they do something wrong. You win by poisoning off the good sensation they get when they do certain things you don't like.

The dog will stop tipping over the trash can only when the perceived joy of it is overwhelmed by the fear of consequence, not the consequence itself.

The child will stop stealing cookies from the cookie jar only when the fear of the consequence overwhelms the joy of eating the cookie.

The bitch will stop attention whoring from exes only when the fear of the consequences overwhelms the joy of the attention spike.

In this case the bitch was looking for a ruling. "Is it ok?" Sure, you can lay down the law but that still creates a duality where everything you haven't forbidden is still on the table, and further to that a law without defined punishment is really not much of a deterrent.

Let's imagine you tell her, "you're not allowed to talk to him". You walk away and she'll immediately wonder "or what?" In her mind she'll be hamstering the reward of the attention spike right now vs the risk of getting caught AND the vague guess as to what the punishment might even be, and all humans will tend to underestimate the consequences for their stupidity where those consequences are not clear and the reward is immediate.

Take a different tack.

"Baby, everyone knows when they're dancing with the Devil. If you didn't feel that tug towards something forbidden then you wouldn't have even asked. You don't need me to tell you in specifics where that line is. Just know that if you cross it you're going to come home one day and find your shit on the porch."

Kiss her on the forehead during her moment of shock and then
Walk
The
Fuck
Away.

Give her a good hour to think about it. There's a solid likelihood that she'll slither up and all but beg to be fucked. Reward her display of fealty. Behavioural conditioning relies as much on positive reinforcement as it does on negative punishment.

Thereafter when she gets online that little attention whoring hamster is suddenly going to derive a lot less pleasure from random strangers complimenting her. Every douchebag and deadbeat sending her lovehearts is going to be measured against that constant image in her head of coming home to find her stuff outside the front door and the locks changed.

But that's just my opinion.

Post: #38

Funny thing is we've only been together for 2 months and the fact that she's already displaying this kind of behavior is a Red flag. Were both very young (shes 19 and im only a couple years older than her). She's my Girl but i wouldn't hesitate to next her if that's what it comes down too. More Thoughts? (thanks everyone)

Post: #39

People saying you shouldn't be on facebook - all that would mean is that you have less info on her red flags.

I think you should not have mentioned it, as staying friends with an old ex is not such a crime in my book.

AS LONG as she doesn't do any flirting or tolerate him saying anything inappropriate.
If she crosses this line, its time for a first and final warning as per Leonards excellent post above.

Be alert, this is cause for minor concern.

Post: #40

This girl is obviously not girlfriend material, that is the real issue here. Downgrade her to the plate she deserves to be and keep it moving.

Post: #41

(01-24-2017 11:23 AM)rudebwoy Wrote:  Your reply should have been thank you.

Your secure enough to not care about anything.

Yep. The ideal is to eventually become confident enough in yourself that you don't let trivial stuff like this concern you. You know that "girls gonna girl" and if/when something happens that severely crosses a line you'll find a girl who likes you just as much in no time flat. Even if you're doing the monogamy thing you'll know there some girls who are waiting on you to free up. They might even be regular contributors to your social media accounts, if you're into that.

OP should keep in mind that there might be completely "innocent" reasons for her not deleting the comment/unfrending the guy, particularly in a social circle kind of situation. Girls keep old boyfriends/orbiters/randos hanging around on their accounts for all sorts of reasons other than "I want to bang him at the first possible opportunity." Writing "lookin' good" as a comment on an old girlfriend's photo of her and a new guy? Stinks to high heaven of neediness and beta-tude to me...

I'd think long and hard before I signed on for marriage or babies with this girl, though. But that's common sense with any woman.

(01-24-2017 09:12 PM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  Let's imagine you tell her, "you're not allowed to talk to him". You walk away and she'll immediately wonder "or what?" In her mind she'll be hamstering the reward of the attention spike right now vs the risk of getting caught AND the vague guess as to what the punishment might even be, and all humans will tend to underestimate the consequences for their stupidity where those consequences are not clear and the reward is immediate.

It's the concept of "counter-projection" in psychology. A man who is constantly insinuating his faithful wife or girlfriend is a cheating whore with no concrete evidence may very well wake up one day to find exactly that.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychologi...projection

If you're told over and over again that the shoe fits, there's a tendency to want to try it on.

Post: #42

Unless you're screening for nothing but conservative country girls then you're almost certainly going to have to train your flighty city girl to some degree.

Be firm and lay down your expectations early. If they comply then you're on to good thing.

If they resist then you know you're in for trouble and you can next/plate her before she gets her claws in too deep.

Post: #43

@Slayer90s

You're right about red flag. She did something against your will. She's either a bitch or she's on the fence about you.

Here's what you need to remember. Women adapt to their man. Your girl (any girl) needs to know what you want her to be so she can become that for you. You appreciate her when she does. She feels happy that you're pleased with her. To do that you need to actively shape her personality setting clear expectations and boundaries.

There's nothing wrong about telling your girl she disapppointed you by something. It's not like you're losing your power then. If anything you're using your power to set things straight. It doesn't matter what it is that she does that you don't tolerate. Providing it is reasonable to you you should tell her.

I dont know if that ex's comment thing was worth it to call her out. We can't tell. But it felt wrong to YOU and that's enough. Your gut was telling you that. So you did the right thing. You listened to your gut. It felt right. If you kept it to yourself it would be eating you alive soon. Probably some resentment towards her would kick in. You self respect would slightly drop.. "why am I afraid to tell her?". That's how men become losers in relationship.

She did the wrong thing. You know where you stand. It's up to you now

Post: #44

(01-24-2017 11:07 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  People saying you shouldn't be on facebook - all that would mean is that you have less info on her red flags.

I think you should not have mentioned it, as staying friends with an old ex is not such a crime in my book.

AS LONG as she doesn't do any flirting or tolerate him saying anything inappropriate.
If she crosses this line, its time for a first and final warning as per Leonards excellent post above.

Be alert, this is cause for minor concern.

If a girl displays red flag behaviour only on facebook then her guy truly is a very lucky one because this means she is good at all other times and of course the guy can tolerate facebook misbehaviour.Theoretically.

But I think that FB misbehaviour is the last red flag, if one comes to this, there are probably many more that the guy doesn't notice.
One shouldn't scour FB to look for red flags, one should notice red flags in personal contact.

I completely agree that you shouldn't concern yourself if a girl contacts her exes but only in the sense that you don't care if she's gone.
If she passes the boner test you can keep her as a plate or whatever, on the other hand, contact with exes is one of the big red flags and a big disqualification when considering upgrading her in LTR.

Post: #45

(01-24-2017 02:03 AM)General Stalin Wrote:  That said, my further advice to you is to get off of FB, or at the very least don't look at other people's shit on there or give a shit what broads post on there. Use it to keep in touch with old friends/family and to post cool shit that can gain you attention and somehow improve your station in life or promote your business or whatever. Aside from that, it's an unneeded distraction and another way to get yourself caught up in unnecessary dramatic bullshit (case in point).

I could say for the millionth time, don't bother using facebook (except for stalin's aforementioned reasons) but why bother?

Instead, I urge readers to pay attention to the sheer number of threads where it's been a source of problems for posters here, and let do the talking for me.

As far as:

Quote:People saying you shouldn't be on facebook - all that would mean is that you have less info on her red flags.

Not necessarily true, if the bitch is on FB and knows you aren't, shes going to be extra lax with her security measures since she incorrectly thinks you won't do your due diligence. You just have to be sneaky about it. Think about it, you tell some bitch your dating that you don't use FB and her hamster is immediately going to think. (if shes a thot like OP's bitch)

"Oh, great! He doesn't even use FB, I don't have to worry about him lurking my profile!"


Of course, XXL and others have already addressed the real issue at play here. And it's not OP's insecurity, which is more of an effect than a cause in my opinion. Stalin said this already also but i'll reiterate; OP, right now, you're the type of guy who gets salty about some tool commenting on his lying girlfriends picture on FB.

Do you really wanna be that guy?

Excessive use of Social Media (or really ALMOST ANY use of it) turns you into a tool. A basic bitch type thinker. So get off that shit. Before you know it, you will find yourself NOT in situations like this,

Post: #46

(01-25-2017 06:01 AM)Rhyme or Reason Wrote:  I could say for the millionth time, don't bother using facebook (except for stalin's aforementioned reasons) but why bother?

Instead, I urge readers to pay attention to the sheer number of threads where it's been a source of problems for posters here, and let do the talking for me.

public service announcement

Post: #47

You shouldn't be using social media to spy on your girl or keep tabs on her. If your girl is the type of chick that makes you feel like you should be scoping out who she is talking to and what she posts online then you shouldn't be calling her "your girl"

Post: #48

(01-25-2017 12:56 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  You shouldn't be using social media to spy on your girl or keep tabs on her. If your girl is the type of chick that makes you feel like you should be scoping out who she is talking to and what she posts online then you shouldn't be calling her "your girl"

Post: #49

(01-24-2017 04:45 PM)questor70 Wrote:  "She is HIS fucking girlfriend."

That's the crux of the matter. People have to decide the terms of their relationships. If the guy feels disrespected if a woman has a bunch of ex orbiters on FB, then he has every right to lay down an ultimatum. Let's say 90%+ women expect to be able to have ex orbiters on FB. That's HIS prerogative if he wants to fight against the tide social trends. If the goal (like most here) is to just add notches and not really concern himself with the overall quality of the relationship, then you have to follow the path of least resistance, which may involve taking a hit to your dignity by virtue of the epidemic of female hypergamy. But at that point you're not talking about "girlfriends". You're just talking about quantity (notches) and not quality (LTR).

"She is HIS fucking girlfriend."

His? As in the English language to mean "possessive" or "possess"?

This entire thread can be summarized with this.

He doesn't own that bitch. She isn't his wife. Why do guys get upset over things they do not own or control in the first place? This isn't about frame. This doesn't require a WIA breakdown to understand.

Bitch disrespects you? Next!

Tell her something if you feel like wasting your breath, but if it is bad enough to warrant dismissal, leave or tell her to take a hike. I don't actually see any real disrespect in a way. She wants her options open, but you don't want her to? You tell me what's wrong with that picture.

Real talk time: A legit keeper LTR or marriage wise, would have removed all those other dudes off her shit before you could have seen those other scrubs. A woman that is worth keeping or putting status on, follow's the "One Rule for Exes" rule her own self. That rule is not just for men. She obviously is not looking to be 100% exclusive with you.

OP, you are not as valuable to her as you think you are and she is not valuable enough to warrant you wasting time talking to. You should have more than one girlfriend to begin with. If you had a handful, you would have never made this thread to begin with.

Quit trying to handcuff hoes. Some of you guys are out of line and got the game fucked up.

Post: #50

Oh and you guys ranting about Facebook and getting off social media, need to quit. It's just a tool. Don't hate the tools. FB could let you find things that might take months to figure out offline.

All you have to do is enjoy the time spent, get the drawls, and observe her actions. Anyone that has had a girl actually give up tangible things in their lives or everything just because they are madly in love with you, knows exactly what I mean. Girls that are just drifting along with you, while you are trying to be Mr. Man that wants to "build something", are just going to let you down at some point. You are basically being the wrong caveman. Dragging her by the hair or trying to.

You can build attraction, interest, but not love or dedication. Not in this regard at least.

If you showed zero interest in her other men, she probably would have wanted you more on her own volition. Instead OP came off weak and thirsty.

I think either Roosh, Tuthmosis, Archie, CJ, Scorpion, or someone else needs to define what a girlfriend actually is at the top of this subforum, just so everyone understands where they stand with gals they think are theirs.

Maybe we just need a basic game dictionary. Might need to holla at that kid making that wiki for Roosh.