Post: #1

Wondering what the consensus is on this topic, among the more experienced players.

Going by previous relationships, if a chick did something I really, really didn't like, my response would always be nuclear and disproportional.

Example: we were in bed, I reached for the condoms but clumsily the others spilled out the box. The box was supposed to contain 12, but only 3 fell out. She asked me where the others were, I said I gave them to a buddy (true, I did) and that's that. She turned crazy and started yelling "no, no you f*****g didn't, you used it to bang some hoe, didn't you."

I didn't rise to the challenge immediately, but kept calm, said point blank "no, get a grip on your emotions" switched the light and turned over to sleep.

She carried on and after 5 minutes I became irate and told her to GTFO the house. She packed what little she had with her (she only came over for the night) and left.

I went to sleep. 10 minutes later, she wants to be let back in and is ringing the door. I let her in, don't say nothing and go sleep.

Question I have is how often can you use this sort of tactic / GTFO / walk off etc. without her thinking "he done it previously, he took me back will probs be ok."

Once? Twice? Three strikes and you're out?

Post: #2

As Dante Nero says, don't issue ultimatums. Make ultimate decisions.

I'm bad at it, so my examples wouldn't be great.

Post: #3

Ultimatums do not work and have a massive counter effect in the long run.

But what you described here was not an ultimatum. An ultimatum is when you present two different choices to a person, with a clear default choice and no middle ground, and you do not allow them to change the conditions. You did not appear to give her a choice or establish consequences, so it is not truly an ultimatum. An ultimatum would have been "if you ever bring this subject up again, I will never let you back into my house." You can probably see the long term effect of saying that, given that you let her back in.

What you did was establish the conditions you consider acceptable and you did not waver. Props for staying calm and resolute. Although you could have done better, I won't criticize that now.

Post: #4

I think you handled that situation appropriately. You told her the truthful answer, she went ape shit crazy on you, and you asked her to leave calmly. She then made the decision to come crawling back to you. I think that showed her you have the upper hand, you were fine with letting her go, and you were fine with allowing her to come back once she calmed down. Well played in my opinion.

Post: #5

My policy is to never issue ultimatums and never accept the terms of anyone else's ultimatum. To issue an ultimatum is the ultimate declaration of powerlessness, as is to accept one.

If you are considering issuing an ultimatum it is a strong indicator you should re-examine the situation from the top down, objectively.

Post: #6

My 2c worth of opinion:

Quote:Going by previous relationships, if a chick did something I really, really didn't like, my response would always be nuclear and disproportional.

In general ultimatums are one time offer, if you repeat them you kind of lose credibility. The girl gets used to them and initially may conform but later change behavior.

Quote:She carried on and after 5 minutes I became irate and told her to GTFO the house.

Technically that's not an ultimatum, you gave her an order and she obeyed, hat's off to you, friend!

Quote:I didn't rise to the challenge immediately, but kept calm, said point blank "no, get a grip on your emotions" switched the light and turned over to sleep.

I went to sleep. 10 minutes later, she wants to be let back in and is ringing the door. I let her in, don't say nothing and go sleep.

Iron self-discipline, however i would 've hate-fucked her with the fury of a thousand supernovas, after all, you had every reason to and she probably wanted it that way, or else she wouldn't have come back.

Never underestimate the power of the hamster, suppose the whole thing was a shit-test on her part, this is, most probably, the only thing you did wrong.

Quote:Question I have is how often can you use this sort of tactic / GTFO / walk off etc. without her thinking "he done it previously, he took me back will probs be ok."

Once? Twice? Three strikes and you're out?

I think that you shouldn't give choices to girls, they are experts in spinning things to their advantage.
If things come to that, you just state your wish and she has to work out the solution. Remember, you told her to get out, not to stop whinning or you'd throw her out. The first one shows that you don't care if she leaves, the second one shows that you really want her to stay.
She should be on the defensive and depending on her effort to make up you can assess her better: whether she truly wants you or not.
She tries to make up, you tell her "good, we're ok - for now", she doesn't and it's "bye bye, baby".

Post: #7

Thank you for the feedback and pointers, gents!

I quite like the "good, we're ok...for now" comment as that introduces some slight uncertainty and hence the onus will be on her to ensure she behaves.

Post: #8

Once. You are a man, You. Dont. Have. TIME. for that shit. You are a creator of societies, riches, wealth. You attract women by the laws of nature. you are the lion of your house. Hell, In your situation, as soon as she started yelling, I would have put on my clothes, had her put hers on and escorted her and her shit, out of my house. Not waited five minutes, not become irate, just instant removal.

Stop taking bullshit from women, who cares if she doesn't talk to you again, theres another one right down the way that will be more than willing to treat you right.

Ive only had to do this twice. It was instant. I never saw them again as I didnt accept them back when they tried getting me back. but that doesn't mean I never had sex again. If you are spinning plates like you should be, then not tolerating bullshit AT ALL is the only answer. Lions dont take bullshit, you shouldn't either.

(01-12-2017 10:09 AM)SilentMajority Wrote:  Wondering what the consensus is on this topic, among the more experienced players.

Going by previous relationships, if a chick did something I really, really didn't like, my response would always be nuclear and disproportional.

Example: we were in bed, I reached for the condoms but clumsily the others spilled out the box. The box was supposed to contain 12, but only 3 fell out. She asked me where the others were, I said I gave them to a buddy (true, I did) and that's that. She turned crazy and started yelling "no, no you f*****g didn't, you used it to bang some hoe, didn't you."

I didn't rise to the challenge immediately, but kept calm, said point blank "no, get a grip on your emotions" switched the light and turned over to sleep.

She carried on and after 5 minutes I became irate and told her to GTFO the house. She packed what little she had with her (she only came over for the night) and left.

I went to sleep. 10 minutes later, she wants to be let back in and is ringing the door. I let her in, don't say nothing and go sleep.

Question I have is how often can you use this sort of tactic / GTFO / walk off etc. without her thinking "he done it previously, he took me back will probs be ok."

Once? Twice? Three strikes and you're out?

Post: #9

(01-12-2017 10:15 AM)heavy Wrote:  As Dante Nero says, don't issue ultimatums. Make ultimate decisions.

I'm bad at it, so my examples wouldn't be great.

To expand on what Heavy said. Don't give a chick an ultimatum, she will resent you and do exactly what you gave her an ultimatum about.

Don't even give her expectations unless you are in a LTR. If she gives you too much shit, cheats on you, etc. Make the ultimate decision to dump her, fuck her friend, etc. Do it strong and immediately.

Post: #10

I suppose if you wanted to let the matter go but wanted there to be some sort of consequence for a long term lesson then you could demand a demeaning act of contrition.

Get her to go down on her knees and blow you in the front doorway.