Post: #1

Most of the dudes on this website are single professionals like me, so lemme get your opinion.

There's been a reoccurring argument with people in my life lately. It's been whether or not I'm selfish for being 29 and not having a family or kids. No one but myself to spend my money on. Being able to go on long trips overseas without a care in the world, no one to look out for but myself, no one to slow me down. It's a enormous amount of freedom that I appreciate so much, that I'd die for, that without it I'd feel suffocated and sad. But i the end will I end up old and alone? Will my family be right in the end, and I'll die a selfish old man with nothing but memories of traveling to far away places visiting other people and their families instead of my own, and memories of fucking hot but shallow girls who will not remember me in 40 years? It's something to think about. In fact I think about it all the time, so much that I moved back to the states out of fear that they might be right.

Even though about 80% of people I see that are married with kids are miserable, it is true that I don't know what I'm talking about as I've never experienced the love that having a child brings, or the fulfillment of having a loving wife to care for. There have been girls in my life that I've loved and have thought about marrying, but the price you pay for marriage and a kid (as most women I've met will not stay in a marriage without kids) is way too high for me. It's pretty much game over for my old life: long trips and selfish weekends in boxers and video games, hair-brain schemes I come up with every year that requires me to invest all my money and not work for 4 months a year, finally start a band like I've been dreaming about, spend a year writing a book/screenplay, etc. Game fucking Over. I don't think I can live with that. And I guess that makes me a selfish asshole lol. At least according to society.

Post: #2

(01-09-2012 09:27 PM)americanInEurope Wrote:  Most of the dudes on this website are single professionals like me, so lemme get your opinion.

There's been a reoccurring argument with people in my life lately. It's been whether or not I'm selfish for being 29 and not having a family or kids. No one but myself to spend my money on. Being able to go on long trips overseas without a care in the world, no one to look out for but myself, no one to slow me down. It's a enormous amount of freedom that I appreciate so much, that I'd die for, that without it I'd feel suffocated and sad. But i the end will I end up old and alone? Will my family be right in the end, and I'll die a selfish old man with nothing but memories of traveling to far away places visiting other people and their families instead of my own, and memories of fucking hot but shallow girls who will not remember me in 40 years? It's something to think about. In fact I think about it all the time, so much that I moved back to the states out of fear that they might be right.

Even though about 80% of people I see that are married with kids are miserable, it is true that I don't know what I'm talking about as I've never experienced the love that having a child brings, or the fulfillment of having a loving wife to care for. There have been girls in my life that I've loved and have thought about marrying, but the price you pay for marriage and a kid (as most women I've met will not stay in a marriage without kids) is way too high for me. It's pretty much game over for my old life: long trips and selfish weekends in boxers and video games, hair-brain schemes I come up with every year that requires me to invest all my money and not work for 4 months a year, finally start a band like I've been dreaming about, spend a year writing a book/screenplay, etc. Game fucking Over. I don't think I can live with that. And I guess that makes me a selfish asshole lol. At least according to society.

You're 29 dude! Save these difficult philosophical life questions for your mid-40s!

Post: #3

Who cares if youre being a selfish asshole? Youre only 29, its not like you are a few years away from shitting your pants and wearing depends. And you dont have to get married, just have kids and a long term relationship.

Post: #4

Life is short. Don't waste it doing what other people want you to do. Do whatever the fuck makes you happy as long as you're not hurting anyone in the process.

Post: #5

(01-09-2012 09:36 PM)Only One Man Wrote:  Life is short. Don't waste it doing what other people want you to do. Do whatever the fuck makes you happy as long as you're not hurting anyone in the process.

+1

Post: #6

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16274740

Seems like I'm not the only one.

Post: #7

You came home due to family pressure? I am sure you had your reasons.
I am waiting til you get fed up of Amerikkka and leave again, I would much rather be in Europe.
Your life sounds good to me and marriage is such a "foreign" concept these days. Plus you are only 29, like someone else said wait til you are in your 40's.

Post: #8

Just gonna leave this here

Post: #9

Just get a top bitch (preferably Asian or immigrant) and still continue meeting new chicas. You'll get your share of the cooking/companionship while still maintaining the freedom/flexibility. Just don't let that top bitch get you to commit.

FUCK society -- what has it given us, other than fat ass, flip-flop wearing, masculine she hoes with a princess complex?

Post: #10

Ditch the Pro-Female Status Quo

Reading that will definetely dispel all doubts about your decisions.

(01-09-2012 09:27 PM)americanInEurope Wrote:  There's been a reoccurring argument with people in my life lately. It's been whether or not I'm selfish for being 29 and not having a family or kids. No one but myself to spend my money on. Being able to go on long trips overseas without a care in the world, no one to look out for but myself, no one to slow me down. It's a enormous amount of freedom that I appreciate so much, that I'd die for, that without it I'd feel suffocated and sad. But i the end will I end up old and alone? Will my family be right in the end, and I'll die a selfish old man with nothing but memories of traveling to far away places visiting other people and their families instead of my own, and memories of fucking hot but shallow girls who will not remember me in 40 years? It's something to think about. In fact I think about it all the time, so much that I moved back to the states out of fear that they might be right.

"What you need to know is this “what’s good for the women, regardless of the cost” attitude that so permeates our culture will relentlessly try to beat the player-rebel out of you before you even get started, and it won’t ever let up."

"Nearly everyone you know is opposed to you. Overtly or subconsciously, the vast majority of the people that surround you are agents of our female first society, and they will exert as much social pressure as they can, shaming and ridiculing you for daring to breaking away until you are finally brought back into the pro-female mold."

Post: #11

Man, you sound like you're doing just fine. Don't let the fear-industrial complex make you think otherwise. A lot of folks out there haven't been blessed with the experiences and insights you've acquired and simply direct their fears and insecurities onto you. You have nothing to be worried about. Just live your life as you're doing now.

There's a funny article I read today along these lines. You'll see why feeling guilty is a waste of time.

http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/artic...adulthood/

Post: #12

Stay your ground AIE. The married guys giving advice are miserable. And misery loves company. Their jealous of what you have and want to take it from you by steering you into their mundane lifes' choices. Brush it off and continue marching to your beat.

Post: #13

AIE, sounds a lot like what I was going through at 29 as I felt the "full-court pressure" so-to-speak of my family trying every lame tactic in the book to shame me and push me into having kids/getting married. What I now know is that it was mostly being done by the women and they were looking at things through their own perception of how they understood the dating market. I.E. by 30 all bets are off .... FOR THEM. As soon as the clock struck midnight on my 30th b-day it seemed like all that pressure basically stopped at once. Hang in there bro.

Post: #14

The only reason married guys tell you to settle is to validate their own lifestyle. You're a threat to their existence. YOU make them question their decisions to live with a fat sow and 2.4 stupid kids running around the house destroying everything.

Post: #15

It's more appropriate for women age 29 to be worrying about those sort of existential questions. Their biological clock is much, much more ruthless than anything you are facing.

Men have the luxury of delaying the questions of children and life paths for much longer than women do. Women, and to some extent general society, tries to force men to confront these sooner than they really have to because it is better for women (More men to rope into marriage) and society (Society doesn't trust single men - they threaten the staus quo). Whether it is also better for you, personally, you have to decide.

Post: #16

You should NEVER get married to please other people. Whether it's your friends, family or a girlfriend.

You have to decide whether you like this lifestyle more than settling down.

The better you get at game, the less attractive marriage becomes as an alternative.

Post: #17

The accusation of being selfish is in itself selfish. Ayn Rand touched on this in "The Virtue of Selfishness," in that in almost every action, there is self-interest. Your parents are being selfish in wanting you to marry and settle down because they want grandchildren. Women want you to settle down because if you're young and successful, they want access to what you can give them (house, babies, etc.). And if the relationship fails, she walks away with the bulk of what you have. Other men that have taken the plunge look at you and are envious - they can never again have that life, so they want to drag you into their misery. All of these various people have their own motives and self-interest in wanting to see you married. People will employ the fatalistic "you'll be old and alone at the end of your life" argument to scare you into fulfilling THEIR needs, and not your own. Only you can decide what makes you happy. Not everyone is cut out for family life. I think it's more selfish to enter into a lifestyle that will make YOU miserable, and as a consequence make OTHERS miserable also.

Honestly, when you're in your 40s or so, you can still do the family thing if you choose. Of course, women will tell you THAT'S selfish, because "when your kid/kids are such and such age, you'll be such and such age and too old to do blah, blah, blah." You can worry about that when and if you choose. Live your life as YOU see fit bro. Who's gonna help you with all those regrets when you're older?

Post: #18

Bro I am in 8th year of marriage and been with my wife for 11 years total. Have a stud 5 year old son who will be epidemy of alpha (I am raising him that way). I actually told him to spank his mom if she doesnt do her job right(cleaning and cooking and taking care of him which she couldnt do right a single day to save her life but society enables her to get away with it). So needless to say he reports to me everyday that mom is not doing her job when I am at the office.

So now that you have this background

1. You are not selfish.
2. Do not get married under any circumstances.
3. Having a kid is great but you dont need to get married to have one.
4. I dont believe in love anymore but if you do, you can fulfill that need by a long term relationship.
5. Your life is good and its so good that you are doubting the happiness and picking apart goodness. Dont do it. Keep it the way it is.
6. Once you fall into the trap of marriage its all downhill with the imposed responsiblities by society. Its the ultimate entry DRUG into conformism and it sucks to fight it. It takes a lot more energy and resolve to be alpha being married in today's society and you dont want that fight unless you absolutely desire it.

Post: #19

(01-10-2012 02:45 PM)Timoteo Wrote:  Honestly, when you're in your 40s or so, you can still do the family thing if you choose. Of course, women will tell you THAT'S selfish, because "when your kid/kids are such and such age, you'll be such and such age and too old to do blah, blah, blah." You can worry about that when and if you choose. Live your life as YOU see fit bro. Who's gonna help you with all those regrets when you're older?

Yes. I have a family friend who had kids in his 60s with a much younger woman. He was already retired so he got to spend more quality time with his kids than someone climbing the corporate ladder who's only there on evenings and weekends.

Post: #20

Who cares what they think? Why even argue?

When people's lives are shitty, they want you to join their suffering, not have a better life.

Post: #21

Aren't THEY being selfish for wanting you to conform to what's acceptable for THEM, so that THEIR world view isn't threatened?

Flip the script.

Post: #22

Rule 1: Anyone telling you are selfish just because you're doing what makes you happy shouldn't be a part of your life.

If you're actively hurting someone else to make yourself happy, that's selfish. What you're doing is being honest with yourself and refusing to compromise, which is excellent. Continue being excellent.

Disregard Douchebags, Acquire Happiness.

Post: #23

(01-10-2012 02:45 PM)Timoteo Wrote:  The accusation of being selfish is in itself selfish. Ayn Rand touched on this in "The Virtue of Selfishness," in that in almost every action, there is self-interest. Your parents are being selfish in wanting you to marry and settle down because they want grandchildren. Women want you to settle down because if you're young and successful, they want access to what you can give them (house, babies, etc.). And if the relationship fails, she walks away with the bulk of what you have. Other men that have taken the plunge look at you and are envious - they can never again have that life, so they want to drag you into their misery. All of these various people have their own motives and self-interest in wanting to see you married. People will employ the fatalistic "you'll be old and alone at the end of your life" argument to scare you into fulfilling THEIR needs, and not your own. Only you can decide what makes you happy. Not everyone is cut out for family life. I think it's more selfish to enter into a lifestyle that will make YOU miserable, and as a consequence make OTHERS miserable also.

Honestly, when you're in your 40s or so, you can still do the family thing if you choose. Of course, women will tell you THAT'S selfish, because "when your kid/kids are such and such age, you'll be such and such age and too old to do blah, blah, blah." You can worry about that when and if you choose. Live your life as YOU see fit bro. Who's gonna help you with all those regrets when you're older?

Post: #24

This thread is just what I needed right now. I'm 28 and in a similar boat

Def. not jumping ship for a long long time, if ever

Post: #25

The only thing you have to ask yourself is what is on offer.

Between choices, what is the better offer?

Marriage has never been about love, it used to work however out of respect. Respect out of the division of labour that provided for the welfare of children, and fulfilling the biological urge (truth?) for procreation.

Now this contract has been broken, there is no respect for men. Just think about the difference between day game and night game in the anglosphere.

Night game is the modern dysfunctional, fucked up mating ritual. In the anglospshere you have to overcome utter scorn and contemptuous attitudes that embodies itself amongst these women, towards men. This attitude does not exist in most other countries.

One only has to notice the difference in day game, when it is so far assumed from a mating ritual. Sure, the women are as irrational and flaky, but for the most part they actually resemble 'nice'.

But once the mating instinct is enabled, really from first date to menopause, women are now seeking, ney expecting, primacy in the relationship for no other reason than having a pussy. Once the 'love' leaves, around 4 years, what else does she offer? Seriously, the vows of 'richer or poorer, for better or for worse' are one sided conditions.

All that is left is 'to love and to cherish', and they are now generally hollow vows.

So what do you get out of it? What is your return on investment. And by no means am I expressing desire for celibacy, but the odds aren't in your favour.

Whenever you're amongst 4 (8 people) couples or more, return the question "50% of all marriages end up in divorce, so which four of you will split up?"

They'll usually return 'but we're different", then say...

"look, no one enters a marriage witht he intention of enacting a divorce, but it happens 50% of the time, so again, which of you will split up? Percentages say it will happen?"

The situation tends to reframe itself from there, and usually kills the conversation as 4 coulpe ponder the inadequacy of their marriages.