Post: #76

(09-22-2016 07:29 AM)Dalaran1991 Wrote:  Interesting read from Leonard, but here's the thing: just because there will be a loss, doesn't mean that you will have to bear it for long.

Biology or not, look at how women handle a break up: they monkey branch to another guy right away. The hotter the girl, the shorter the transition time. How you explain it (defense mechanism, biology survival instinct, war bride genes, etc.) doesn't matter, what matter is whatever pain you feel will lessen or disappear when you meet another girl.
...

Yet the thousand cock stare is a fact.

Just because a woman can swing out of one relationship into another doesn't mean there's no damage. Never hitting the floor off the rebound is a survival mechanism, but it still scars them deeply. A woman's biological drive is to be owned and it's my personal belief that we form bonds with them because it ensures that the tribe will not disintegrate the second it becomes more convenient for the individuals of the tribe to abandon one another.

It's our strange and frankly ridiculous society that plays havoc with that. In the wild a woman might never be forced to "bounce" much less be convinced that doing so 50 or 100 times is no big deal. Now you find that a lot of women are sporting the thousand cock stare while dosed up on antidepressants washed down with red wine.

The reason is plain and simple. Neither men nor women are biologically adapted to P+D from puberty to sexual retirement. Men can do it with less damage than women, sure, but the failed LTR still scars them both because a tribal survival instinct really requires nothing less.

Post: #77

The fact that OP sits around imagining the supposed 20 or 30 guys that have skeet-skeet-skeeted all over her in the past shows how out of control his frame and mentality is. He doesn't even realize this chick told him this to let him know, "I am a ho, don't try to save me. I don't want to be saved."
If he is imagining past lovers now, just imagine when she cheats and leaves him for a more Alpha male. He will go suicidal or homicidal or both.

What the Doctor recommends here is to find a young wholesome chick, who while not being as hot and slutty, will make him forget this aged, cum-dumpster with her soon to be raisin-like ovaries. If she even has them, this chick sounds like she is a walking petri dish. Definitely a HPV carrier. I have met women younger than her that already had to have their wombs cut out.

Also, just like buying or selling a business there is a multiplier. Meaning the business is worth its annual profit multiplied by number common in that industry. Well, every chick has a multiplier too. This ones is a 10. Better tack a zero on the end of those notch counts. Only a raging whore would even give a notch count with such a wide variance.

That is the reason I don't have an accurate notch count, I have banged so many chicks I have completely forgotten the majority of them. Every once in a while I sit around and some past bang pops into my head and I go, Damn!, I forgot I banged her out. That is why I have a notch count that is somewhere between 200-300. I have forgotten so many that didn't even matter to me I have no idea of an accurate number I just know I have been fucking for over 30 years.

Her notch count variance also tells you how she views sex. It is no big deal to her. That is why she can't remember if it was 3 guys that Wolfpacked her that one night or 5. Anyway, gangbangs don't count, right?

Whatever you do, DO NOT leave this woman until you find something equally satisfactory or better, otherwise you will be walking around like a man with no organ cause this woman owns your brain, has your balls in her Louis Vitton purse, and threw your heart in the trash can a while back.

Find a deserving LTR and if you wan't keep banging this ho, but if you are hitting that raw, we might as well close this thread now.

Post: #78

Now that this thread has stewed a bit more I got something relevant for OP:

I've been there.

I've repeated the same mistake falling for women that were not good investments. They weren't reliable, they weren't loyal, and they weren't any sort of ride-or-die bitches. They were indeed all hot pieces of ass, and they certainly made me feel like a king of kings often times with their charms. The things they would say and do to me and for me. the "promises" they would make. The rosy images of a future together. All for not.

I had gone through this process a handful of times in my 20's, getting burnt a little harder and becoming a little more callused each time. Now I'm about to enter my 30's and I've only just recently been able to come to grips with that those relationships all meant for me and been able to look back on them in a healthy way.

The intense feelings of love and attachment, as Dalaran said, are very replaceable. You can always find someone who strikes that right chord with you, and the variables that make that person different from the other lovers you've had are where the pudding is. If you want a wife and mother for your future children, then you surely can and will find someone who makes you feel just as satisfied and loved but who did not bang a couple dozen different dudes before she met you. Who did not have a fucked up and abusive childhood contributing to a myriad of social issues and inability to properly pair bond. Etc.

Nowadays I have learned how to separate my balls from my brain. It took a few years and a slew of relationships that went sideways but I'm there. I can be with an extremely attractive woman and understand that she will not be good for me in the long run and keep that interaction to mere surface level.

You seem to already be at a point of complete self-awareness about your situation in this current relationship of yours. You don't stand to gain anything else by "sticking through it" other than wasting her time and yours (and banging her some more times). In the end you're going to do what you want, but the longer you spend with her the shittier it's going to be breaking things off.

If you are on the hunt for a good long term partner then I can't see the sense in spending more time with this girl who we've all established is not the right choice for you.

Post: #79

What I learned in my vast and endlessly expansive wisdom if that if you bought a box of condoms and a pack of cigarettes for a girl's birthday and she actually likes the gift and thinks it's funny she is a whore.

Important lesson. As G would say, most don't know this.

Post: #80

Sup guys,

So I’ve been with this girl for two months now. It’s been an interesting and challenging experience. I’ve learned a ton about myself in this relationship. I think I do this stuff to myself, to gain learnings from it, like applied experiments. And maybe I’m also a bit addicted to toxic relationships. I started seeing my psychotherapist again about 5 weeks ago.

Biggest learnings:

• A girl’s past isn’t as important to me as I thought it would be. The real risks are related to the present: the risk of her being disloyal, emotionally unhealthy, in touch with her exes. If that’s demonstrably not the case, and you really have that connection and shared goals and values, and she’s completely devoted to me and fits into/amplifies where I’m trying to go with my life, then I think I could live with a moderately bad past. The present and future really are more important.
  

• Unfortunately, although I could live with a moderately bad past if the woman is well adjusted and devoted, that is not the case with this woman. As soon as I decided that I wanted to give this a real go, and a real chance, despite her past, she went to extreme lengths to push me away. I told her that I want to do this, and all I expect of her is to not bring up unsolicited information about her exes, and don’t have any contact with exes. She agreed, but afterwards, started fights where she broke our agreement every 3-5 days. Seemingly every time we were having a really good time, you could see her facial expression change, and she would bring up her past in some way, then escalate with her toxic fighting style: she yells, interrupts me, blames everything on me, storms out and makes me chase after her, and does this thing where, if I say something sensible she can’t really disagree with, she changes the subject and attacks me on something tangentially related. One of the posters further up said that she may have borderline personality disorder. I could totally see that.
• I know you guys will disagree on the point of being accepting of a moderately bad past, and in theory, I agree with you. But in practice, how many of you are married to an 8+ with brains and crazy sex skills, who is also 10 years younger than you and has slept with less than 5 partners? Seriously, how many of you? If most of you are, then I am obviously wrong and apologize. Otherwise, I think it’s time to be at least a liiiittle more realistic with our expectations. Be happy if you find a 9 that’s had sex with less than 15 guys, all beta, and is emotionally healthy and devoted to you.

• There’s also this undertone of anger towards slutty women on these men's forums, which I don’t think is healthy. I mean definitely don’t marry a mentally damaged slut, but consider committing to a nice one that's objectively making good progress towards becoming whole. We're all a little fucked in the head; sluts a little more so. They need compassion and friendship. 

• As for this girl, we decided to “take a break to process things”, and as soon as I didn’t see her for a day, all my energy and creativity returned to me. This shit is as good as over but may run another 1-2 months.
• I’m really glad I went though this. I don’t think you can go from the player life to marriage overnight — you need relationship practice. You need to try having exclusive, serious relationships, and fail a few times, and relearn those skills of commitment, communication, thoughtfulness, and focusing on one woman.
  




Post: #81

(11-05-2016 12:48 AM)hunger Wrote:  [*]There’s also this undertone of anger towards slutty women on these men's forums, which I don’t think is healthy. I mean definitely don’t marry a mentally damaged slut, but consider committing to a nice one that's objectively making good progress towards becoming whole. We're all a little fucked in the head; sluts a little more so. They need compassion and friendship. 


Seriously?

You are either confused as to what this forum is about, or you are a concern troll.

I know I'm still a newb and shouldn't be the one calling people out, but I couldn't let that one slide.

Post: #82

(09-22-2016 10:50 AM)Travesty Wrote:  What I learned in my vast and endlessly expansive wisdom if that if you bought a box of condoms and a pack of cigarettes for a girl's birthday and she actually likes the gift and thinks it's funny she is a whore.

Important lesson. As G would say, most don't know this.

The D-grade landlocked Applebees crowd definitely doesn't know it. I think a few John Gayer fans do.

Post: #83

Hey Hunger,

Welcome to the forum man. It's great to have you here.

Looks like the heavy hitters have you covered, so I'm not going to add anything.

But check out this thread, it's related and has a lot of solid advice.

/thread-59025

Post: #84

As for your sarcastic quip about how many men are married to 8+ women who are not whores, well my friend, if you're happy being another statistic, you just keep on shooting for "average".

I avoid average at all costs.

Post: #85

Yeah not good, no reason you cant keep seeing her i'm sure someone will come up that you do not have these issues along the way with just DON'T make it exclusive.

Post: #86

[/quote]
If your gut says "I am tired of this life and I want a partner" well then it is time to start playing by a new set of rules. [/quote]

Any thoughts on what that new set of rules should look like for guys that are on the lookout for a partner?

Post: #87

(09-21-2016 02:56 PM)Phoenix Wrote:  To dissent, or perhaps just play devils advocate: maybe you should just stick with it.

Everyone here always says "oh just move on". On to what? Is the whole of America's male population going to pack up and move overseas?

It sounds good and strong and clever to say "just walk away". And what will he walk away to? Some other American women who isn't quite as fucked up? Or not quite as unattractive or slutty and so on? Accept nothing but flawless in a country full of the most flawed, and you guarantee ending up alone.

For my part, I'm going to have to agree with this position. OP asks a lot of questions about this or that, but I don't see the big one that's staring me right in the face listed:

Are ya happy (right now)?

For reference I'll quote the questions you asked.

Quote:There were so many early slut-tells and so many moments where I could have shut this down and walked away. Why did I choose her anyway?
Why do I, despite knowing what I know, still feel such a bond to her? It’s usually so easy for me to walk away from women.
Why do I, despite having access to many women, keep choosing this particular type of woman? The one who I like, but hate her sexual history.
What does it say about my social value and self-worth if I keep choosing these types women?

The real talk is this: if you can't formulate a sketch of an answer to these questions, nobody here can do it for you. Nobody knows. And I think, in fact, that even if someone could attempt an outline, it wouldn't matter because the questions themselves are likely irrelevant anyway.

All I'm getting from that list is:

I'm not happy (right now).

Okay, we have that to work with, gut feelings aren't the whole story, but shouldn't be ignored. Next question:

Why ain't ya happy (right now)?

Or, more specifically:

What do you want?

If your personal history is essentially truthful, you sound like a solid dude who can pull a lot of tail. For whatever reason, perhaps because the moon was in the Sixth House of Aquarius, you met this chick, whom seems to fit the reasonable definition of a slut, fell in love with her, and now you're beating yourself all up about it.

I think the first thing to recognize that may help with some of those questions is: it's okay that you did. There is no law on the books anywhere that I'm aware of that says it's illegal to fall in love with sluts, or that you have violated one of the Player Commandments handed down from on high and you must atone. A billion players have fallen in love with sluts before you, and a billion more likely will after (as a thousand posts on this forum give evidence to, including some of my own.)

You fell in love with a slut. So what? So has everyone else. Did you think you were special? You're not. And recognizing that is actually not at all a bad thing - it can in fact improve your life tremendously.

With that out of the way, let's do a little Gedankenexperiment and think about your position now, and how your possible moves play out. Say you decide to stick with her, perhaps even commit to a LTR with her (we'll definitely put the marriage issue aside for a moment as everyone seems to be in agreement that's a bad idea.) What will happen?

Well, we all know that when it comes to relationships with women, past performance is often a pretty good indicator of future results, no matter how much she protests "I'm not like that anymore." You'll be happy for a while, no doubt. But she'll start to grow tired of the routine, your game will slip, and she'll hook up with some other guy, as surely as night follows day, and you'll find out about her taking Chad's cock in the bathroom stall. There will be no way forward, the relationship will end, and you WILL be heartbroken. You'll also be a couple of months or years older.

Again, I'd pose the question: so what? A billion men have had their hearts broken by sluts before you. A billion more will after. It's honestly a "cost of doing business." Did you think by being a player you could somehow avoid heartbreak, suffering, and pain? That you were so tough, that you'd never build an emotional bond just to have it ripped from you? Again, there certainly isn't any contract I'm aware of that comes with either life or the Player's Handbook that I recall signing off on that said I could be immune to suffering. It's not possible, not if you're human. I'd advise forgetting the notion of some kind of immunity to suffering entirely.

You could walk right now if you want. There's no law that says you can't, and maybe it's the best option for you, particularly if she's throwing some BPD-tells. But keep in mind - you'll also be heartbroken that way too, perhaps almost as much as if she'd cheated and walked on you six months or a year from now...no man who wouldn't be heartbroken over a woman no matter what way it ended would write a post of that length about her. And you also won't be getting laid with someone you like, at least for a while. You may keep more of your ego intact. So there's that.

And what then? You're a single 30-something man in America. So am I. Your own stated notch count is proof positive that single women in our demographic generally aren't housewife material. It's a nice notion that never-married girls in their late 20s and early 30s are all post-wall spinsters, while us guys in our 30s are at the top of our game and can have our pick of the litter of 23 y/o "good girls." It's a fucking nice feel-good notion, isn't it? It's also an illusion. The reason the dating scene in this demo is such a shitshow is that while neither never-married or divorced men and never-married or divorced women wouldn't like to admit it, we both kinda missed the boat. My college girlfriend married the next guy she slept with after me at around age 22. She has four kids or something now.

That's where the "good girls" for us 30-somethings are here in America, folks - they're teaching their teenage daughter to drive, cook, and go to church while they're teaching their 2nd son to read, right now. You won't find 'em at the club. You won't find them daygaming in Starbucks in a quiet suburb of Boston or NYC without the stroller in tow. And you certainly won't find them on OKCupid or Tinder.

So even if you work your bloody ass off unicorn-hunting, don't be surprised if all you get for all the work is a girl with one fewer tattoo and a notch count of 18 instead of 30. And what have you won then, exactly?

Players and sluts in their declining years are passengers together on the Titanic, and everyone is scrambling for the four lifeboats left. Don't be surprised if you don't get a spot - in the West at least the good ship Happily Ever After set sail a long time ago.

Maybe you get lucky and somehow find the low-notch-count good girl of your dreams working in a library three miles away. And you marry her. And she cheats on you all the same and breaks your heart (and maybe the bank too, if worse comes to worse.) It's happened to a billion men before...there are simply no guarantees.

Or you could set your sights East as some have done, cast your lot there, and head off in your quest, never to return. The notion has its appeal to me as well; I can't deny that I think about it from time to time. But here my knowledge ends.

There are no perfect options and never will be. No relationship is forever, everything is time-limited, no woman will ever love and care for you the way Mommy did. But before you can proceed with whatever least-worst option appeals to you the most, I think you have to take some real introspection time and ask yourself "What do I want?" Without an outline of an answer to that question, it will be impossible for anyone to help you, not even yourself.

And from the OP's post this morning, I'm happy to say it looks like he's started down that path.

Post: #88

She sounds like a fairly common 32 year old these days. I just left a relationship with one, a 32 year old from a western country. Minus the back tattoo, the story is easily similar. I had a very similar experience with mine, with similar traits. Adventurous sex, nomadic traveler, distant familiar relationship, crappy finances but gainfully employed, broaches sex and sexual topics, acrobatic porno style sex from the get go, etc etc.

You like this girl because she has what appears to be depth, life experience, and she is attractive in your eyes. The chemistry(sex) and bond feels very real and has hooked you like heroin. I know because I was there earlier this year.

Her past relationships flamed out, most likely because they started just like yours is. Your in what closely matches the idealization stage of falling in love with a narcissistic woman. This trait and this behavior is very common of women in this age group.

Women this age grew up with porn and Sex in the City. There is an edge to them that lacks common empathy. What you are dealing with potentially is someone using you for the good feelings, and has now won the power in the relationship. She will work to discard you now.

Her sex and ex talk is an early attempt to make you start doubting yourself, and to start hooking you in with gaslighting. Its standard girl game with girls this age. You are now suffering because you are doubting yourself; you are doubting your true masculine reaction of disgust and revulsion to her freely admitting her slutiness. Even if her sexual history is not what you consider to be slutty; her talking about her exes, especially in a sexual context, is sadistic manipulation. You have accepted it now. You will face more pain.

You are doubting yourself; she is saying "stop overreacting to my slut talk." Now you are here asking if you are sane to have these bad thoughts about her. Shes already won the power in the relationship. Its done. She now wears the pants. Accept it or face more pain.

From your description, the next phase in the narcissistic relationship is for her to create doubt into your soul, and seriously weaken your self esteem. She will likely introduce an ex or someone else into the relationship to further drive you into your head. You will keep questioning yourself until you drive yourself mad.

You need to leave this relationship immediately. Go completely no contact and dig into the links I provided above. No call, no talk, complete 100% ghost. If you dont you will experience much more pain and hurt. It will affect your finances, your job, your health(already has), and can make you do really dumb things.

Keep writing the board. Its been three months for me since doing this and I am getting back to normal.

Good luck and keep writing.

Post: #89

(11-05-2016 12:59 PM)Vaun Wrote:  Her sex and ex talk is an early attempt to make you start doubting yourself, and to start hooking you in with gaslighting. Its standard girl game with girls this age. You are now suffering because you are doubting yourself; you are doubting your true masculine reaction of disgust and revulsion to her freely admitting her slutiness. Even if her sexual history is not what you consider to be slutty; her talking about her exes, especially in a sexual context, is sadistic manipulation. You have accepted it now. You will face more pain.

I think the cardinal rule should be repeated: you can choose to have relationships with sluts beyond a ONS; this forum likely wouldn't exist if it's something players didn't do. Even somewhat rewarding ones. Some are horrible gaslighting manipulators, to be sure. And some are no more manipulating than just any other girl, they're just doing what the culture raised them to do - conforming to the vessel.

But you mustn't accept monogamy. All that power for manipulation deflates when she knows that you always know, in the back of your mind, what she is. If she finds this unacceptable and she walks, so be it. Sadly, there will always be another guy willing to give his all for a shot to put the pieces back together. But it's not you.

She may try to hurt you by discarding you, and when it happens it may hurt for a while. Ideally, though, she shouldn't be able to remember rage and tears, but just amused laughter as you head out the door. The manipulation is all a trick to make you believe that love is so special and hard to come by, but we know it's a fool's gamble. There are others, many others out there, waiting.

Post: #90

Quote:Biggest learnings:

A girl’s past isn’t as important to me as I thought it would be. The real risks are related to the present: the risk of her being disloyal, emotionally unhealthy, in touch with her exes. If that’s demonstrably not the case, and you really have that connection and shared goals and values, and she’s completely devoted to me and fits into/amplifies where I’m trying to go with my life, then I think I could live with a moderately bad past. The present and future really are more important.

You just don't get it.

How did you become the man you are today?
My old man had a saying. He said: "I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday."
What he meant was, he wasn't born yesterday. He's had experiences before this, which is how he learned and became the man he is today.

Likewise, a whore is a whore because of her past. The saying "you can't turn a whore into a housewife." is decades old. Do you know why it's a popular statement? Because it's a fact. Once a woman has crossed the threshold, she's BROKEN. Just like you can download so many viruses to your computer that it becomes worthless, a woman can fuck herself up my taking too many cocks. Here's a graph to help you figure that out:


http://socialpathology.blogspot.com/2010...-risk.html

As you can see, a 27% 
TWENTY SEVEN PERCENT DECREASE in success rate for marriages after ONE OTHER MAN!

Anecdotal evidence is one thing, but this is a statistical study done by fucking scientists, NOT players. WAKE THE FUCK UP!

Quote:Unfortunately, although I could live with a moderately bad past if the woman is well adjusted and devoted, that is not the case with this woman. As soon as I decided that I wanted to give this a real go, and a real chance, despite her past, she went to extreme lengths to push me away. I told her that I want to do this, and all I expect of her is to not bring up unsolicited information about her exes, and don’t have any contact with exes. She agreed, but afterwards, started fights where she broke our agreement every 3-5 days. Seemingly every time we were having a really good time, you could see her facial expression change, and she would bring up her past in some way, then escalate with her toxic fighting style: she yells, interrupts me, blames everything on me, storms out and makes me chase after her, and does this thing where, if I say something sensible she can’t really disagree with, she changes the subject and attacks me on something tangentially related. One of the posters further up said that she may have borderline personality disorder. I could totally see that.

Her personality didn't develop in a vacuum. Years of taking cock in every orifice makes the most sweet, feminine beauty into an evil hag. The saying "beauty is only skin deep" sounds like something an ugly idiot says until you deal with the hot girl who's completely unstable, then you get it.

I

Quote:know you guys will disagree on the point of being accepting of a moderately bad past, and in theory, I agree with you. But in practice, how many of you are married to an 8+ with brains and crazy sex skills, who is also 10 years younger than you and has slept with less than 5 partners? Seriously, how many of you? If most of you are, then I am obviously wrong and apologize. Otherwise, I think it’s time to be at least a liiiittle more realistic with our expectations. Be happy if you find a 9 that’s had sex with less than 15 guys, all beta, and is emotionally healthy and devoted to you.
[/quote

Again, the girl who's fucked 15 guys, and she's a 9, and you think they're all beta? Seriously? What world do you live in where the 9 fucks 15 dudes and they're all losers?

But even if it WERE the case, the fact of the matter is she's NOT emotionally healthy. She ISN'T "devoted to you". Her pair-bonding is BROKEN. Period.

Also, you're 32, and you still think that you need to marry a 9. I'm sorry, but that's some 14 year old thinking right there. Don't get me wrong, I love a hot girl as much as the next guy, but there is a law of diminishing return in EVERYTHING. If you're a billionaire, how much happier does another 20 million make you? Not much. VS if you're the guy who's making 75k a year, you get a check for 20 million, it's a world of difference.

The point is that the difference between a 5 and a 7 makes for your happiness is HUGE. Whats the difference of happiness overall between a solid 7 and a 9? Not for the first 6 months, but long term. I don't care HOW hot she is----SOME GUY, SOMEWHERE is tired of fucking her. She can be a perfect 10----eventually you're going to get tired of fucking her all the time.

Stop obsessing over a girls looks when it comes to an LTR. For one night stands, get the hottest you possibly can. But for LTR's, there are things more important than how she rates on a 1-10. Obviously she should be AT LEAST a 7---but if he naked body get's you ready to go, how much more do you really need?

[quote]There’s also this undertone of anger towards slutty women on these men's forums, which I don’t think is healthy. I mean definitely don’t marry a mentally damaged slut, but consider committing to a nice one that's objectively making good progress towards becoming whole. We're all a little fucked in the head; sluts a little more so. They need compassion and friendship. 


Ok Captain-Save-A-Ho. Let me know how that works out for ya.

Quote: As for this girl, we decided to “take a break to process things”, and as soon as I didn’t see her for a day, all my energy and creativity returned to me. This shit is as good as over but may run another 1-2 months.

You KNOW she's broken. Why are you going back to the poisoned well?

Quote: I’m really glad I went though this. I don’t think you can go from the player life to marriage overnight — you need relationship practice. You need to try having exclusive, serious relationships, and fail a few times, and relearn those skills of commitment, communication, thoughtfulness, and focusing on one woman.

100% agree. But you also need to figure out what is and isn't acceptable in a woman. You still have a lot to learn in that department. I think we'll see you back posting in a few years after you're divorce raped if you don't wise up soon.

Post: #91

Whenever there is any doubt, there is no doubt.

Post: #92

The first step is recognizing that you fell in the trap - you recognize it, so let's move on to the next point: getting out of the trap. Easier said than done, but it all boils down to one keyword: abundance.

Go out there and meet other girls, and once you find a beter one, it'll be easier to forget that one.

And go get checked for HIV.

Post: #93

(09-21-2016 01:02 PM)hunger Wrote:  [*]She’s fucked “more than 20, less than 30” guys, according to her

Translation: It's more than 30 guys, less than.....who knows?

Post: #94

^ This. I forgot to mention: when a girl tells you her notch count, it's in average x2.4

Post: #95

update hunger?

(11-05-2016 12:48 AM)hunger Wrote:  Sup guys,

So I’ve been with this girl for two months now. It’s been an interesting and challenging experience. I’ve learned a ton about myself in this relationship. I think I do this stuff to myself, to gain learnings from it, like applied experiments. And maybe I’m also a bit addicted to toxic relationships. I started seeing my psychotherapist again about 5 weeks ago.

Biggest learnings:

• A girl’s past isn’t as important to me as I thought it would be. The real risks are related to the present: the risk of her being disloyal, emotionally unhealthy, in touch with her exes. If that’s demonstrably not the case, and you really have that connection and shared goals and values, and she’s completely devoted to me and fits into/amplifies where I’m trying to go with my life, then I think I could live with a moderately bad past. The present and future really are more important.
  

• Unfortunately, although I could live with a moderately bad past if the woman is well adjusted and devoted, that is not the case with this woman. As soon as I decided that I wanted to give this a real go, and a real chance, despite her past, she went to extreme lengths to push me away. I told her that I want to do this, and all I expect of her is to not bring up unsolicited information about her exes, and don’t have any contact with exes. She agreed, but afterwards, started fights where she broke our agreement every 3-5 days. Seemingly every time we were having a really good time, you could see her facial expression change, and she would bring up her past in some way, then escalate with her toxic fighting style: she yells, interrupts me, blames everything on me, storms out and makes me chase after her, and does this thing where, if I say something sensible she can’t really disagree with, she changes the subject and attacks me on something tangentially related. One of the posters further up said that she may have borderline personality disorder. I could totally see that.
• I know you guys will disagree on the point of being accepting of a moderately bad past, and in theory, I agree with you. But in practice, how many of you are married to an 8+ with brains and crazy sex skills, who is also 10 years younger than you and has slept with less than 5 partners? Seriously, how many of you? If most of you are, then I am obviously wrong and apologize. Otherwise, I think it’s time to be at least a liiiittle more realistic with our expectations. Be happy if you find a 9 that’s had sex with less than 15 guys, all beta, and is emotionally healthy and devoted to you.

• There’s also this undertone of anger towards slutty women on these men's forums, which I don’t think is healthy. I mean definitely don’t marry a mentally damaged slut, but consider committing to a nice one that's objectively making good progress towards becoming whole. We're all a little fucked in the head; sluts a little more so. They need compassion and friendship. 

• As for this girl, we decided to “take a break to process things”, and as soon as I didn’t see her for a day, all my energy and creativity returned to me. This shit is as good as over but may run another 1-2 months.
• I’m really glad I went though this. I don’t think you can go from the player life to marriage overnight — you need relationship practice. You need to try having exclusive, serious relationships, and fail a few times, and relearn those skills of commitment, communication, thoughtfulness, and focusing on one woman.
  




Post: #96

Listen man, this right here is all you ever need to know about a woman "Parents divorced when she was 15, abusive dad". Let it go bro. It'll save you some headaches down the road

Post: #97

Reading this thread for the first time.

Quote:I think I do this stuff to myself, to gain learnings from it, like applied experiments. And maybe I’m also a bit addicted to toxic relationships. I started seeing my psychotherapist again about 5 weeks ago....We're all a little fucked in the head; sluts a little more so. They need compassion and friendship.

This guy wasn't ready to be helped.

Post: #98

If you don't want to give up your bond with her ... how about this crazy idea... tell her you're tired of her shit so you're turning this into an open relationship, both of you can see other people. If she doesn't like it, she can leave.

She's eventually going to fuck someone else, but this way you at least aren't being lied to about it. Also you get to fuck other girls too. It could work out brilliantly or the thought of her fucking someone else and then kissing and fucking you could drive you insane. I don't really know. Let us know how it goes.