Post: #1

This is actually the biggest problem for me in any relationship I've even been in, whether serious or casual.

It usually goes like this - once I start fucking a chick, I'm usually getting some whenever I want it for a month, a couple months, 3-4 months depending on the chick... but then, somewhere along the line, she says "not tonight" for the first time. It's usually something like "let's not have sex tonight, just lay with me, why do we have to have sex every time you see me?"

I just never no how to handle this situation. It always strikes me as odd, that a chick whose always been DTF anywhere, any place, is now all of the sudden saying "no, not tonight".

This is literally, the single, most frustrating thing that women do to me.... yet, it always happens... no matter the girl, at some point, she'll pull this shit.

What's y'alls advice for how to handle this situation? Or how to bounce back to the point where she's DTF every day, all the time again?

Post: #2

Read up on Roissy's blog. He has some good tips for this type of stuff.

roissy.wordpress.com

Post: #3

To add to this, I'm almost 100 percent convinced thata guy who loves the pickup lifestyle is not comfortable or compatible in a LTR.

If a guy is in a monogomous LTR, eventually, he either becomes p-whipped and emasculated (which almost all girls try to do ie "locking a guy down") or he/the girlfriend become fed up with each other and break up. The girl can't deal with not being able to lock a guy in or the guy can't deal with all the nagging. That, or they're stuck in a loveless relationship they can't get out of.

Most guys who remain in an LTR and get married become p-whipped slowly but surely. It's almost ingrained in our society to give up certain freedoms and compromise for your wife. They are happy at first but most of these turn into the loveless marriage they can't get out of so they watch a lot of porn.

Anyway, I sort of went off on a mini-tangent with this. But it relates because no girl wants to fuck a pussy except dudes and butch lesbos.

No, I'm not calling you a pussy, I'm just saying that as your LTR progressed in a traditional societal sense, you may have slipped into the boring boyfriend role without knowing. I've been there too, so I feel your pain if that is the case.

Post: #4

Naw, I'm not in an LTR, and definitely not a monogamous LTR. I just like to keep somewhat of a main chick, who I have tested and whatnot, so I can rawdog something on a regular basis.

I've attempted LTR's - they require too much work and eventually too much drama. Not a fan, especially not now at 23 - maybe in my 30's I'll look/find something to actually settle down with.... but no time soon. Not an LTR anyway - for now just short casual relationships while tagging other random tang on the side.

Post: #5

"somewhere along the line, she says "not tonight" for the first time"

I vaguely remember this happening to me as well. Especially around the college years.

Not really sure what it is all about. Must be a girl control thing or something.

This rarely happens to me anymore, maybe because I don't date girls long enough for it to happen.

Post: #6

I think it has more to do with familiarity and some slipping in the game department than anything else. Even lobster fra diavolo gets old if you eat it every day.

Post: #7

''no,not tonight''

this is resistance.

if you are still unable to break the barriers of resistance from a girl,then you still need to learn more about game.

Post: #8

In my experience, any time a girl says "no, not tonight" whatever her motive is for saying that weather shes just not DTF that night or wants you to be mr. cuddlez-a-lot idk. But in my experience any time one has said that to me i just say "ok thats fine" back off a bit, start chatting about shit make her laugh make her comfortable, talk for a bit while feeling her body and playing with her titties and eventually we fuck anyway....

Like Charmer said, Its resistance and you should have ways around that.

... and if you dont get it that night, you can bet shell be down in the morning to start the day off right.

Post: #9

"you're fucking kidding right?" would be a good start.

She wants you to pretend that sex isn't all that you want from her, but don't let that happen. Push back on this hard and let her know that if you're not her snuggle buddy and if you cant get it from her you need to go elsewhere.

Post: #10

I never have this problem

if a girl says that then it means you are not exciting her anymore

Post: #11

I never really had this obstacle, sure, sometimes they told me before hand (ex gfs) that they were tired, sore or whatever.
I let it be for some time and then make them wet, at the end I do my stuff and get my satisfaction and most of the times, they laugh and feel the same.

To be honest, I have given the "no" some times because I was just tired and still I told them, hey I am doing nothing, but help yourself with my sculptural body hehe
In a good way, someone has to be the rapist or the raper, but if you know the girl and are playful, they won't take it as an offense.

Post: #12

Thanks for the post, just remembered how cool it is too be free of putting yourself in line for crap like this.. :-) but to be honest Ive probably said it more time to a woman than the other way around.. its just a thing you do, when your so much in control that sex becomes so available that its boring..

Post: #13

If she's been having sex with you for several months straight, what difference does it make to just kick back one night? I think you're making much ado over nothing.

Post: #14

(03-06-2010 08:33 PM)speakeasy Wrote:  If she's been having sex with you for several months straight, what difference does it make to just kick back one night? I think you're making much ado over nothing.

Fuck that, I'm not a snuggle buddy.

Post: #15

(02-27-2010 02:34 PM)Willy Wonka Wrote:  This is actually the biggest problem for me in any relationship I've even been in, whether serious or casual.

It usually goes like this - once I start fucking a chick, I'm usually getting some whenever I want it for a month, a couple months, 3-4 months depending on the chick... but then, somewhere along the line, she says "not tonight" for the first time. It's usually something like "let's not have sex tonight, just lay with me, why do we have to have sex every time you see me?"

I just never no how to handle this situation. It always strikes me as odd, that a chick whose always been DTF anywhere, any place, is now all of the sudden saying "no, not tonight".

This is literally, the single, most frustrating thing that women do to me.... yet, it always happens... no matter the girl, at some point, she'll pull this shit.

What's y'alls advice for how to handle this situation? Or how to bounce back to the point where she's DTF every day, all the time again?

Alright, I know the exact situation that your talking about. Its a test of the relationship power dynamic, most of the time, unless she has a woman issue, a legitimate headache or something similar. However, it
doesn't matter if its a test or legitimate. You treat it the same.

Girls that have self esteem, and that are desirable to other men, will generally try this sooner or later, especially if you've been getting regular sex from them or otherwise have been the dominant one in the relationship. I've found that the more frequent / dominant that I am in taking sex, or whatever, the more likely a girl will try this. Whether she consciously realizes this or not, she is testing to see if you are truly as dominant as she has been assuming you to be. This means not "needing" sex from her at all times, even if you are actually getting it at all times. If you do anything but what I tell you, I can almost guarantee that you fucked up.

What you do is turn the tables on her and tell her that you weren't planning on giving her any anyway, and look at her like she's crazy. It has to look and sound legitimate, although more nonchalant/cocky/funny than emotional, and not like your covering some type of emotion that shows that you care about her not giving you sex. Then change the subject and act like she never said anything. Go out of your way to talk about something else, and show that you aren't the least bit emotionally affected by her statement. Tell her that she'll be lucky to get any from you this month, or whatever, and you can then keep busting on her about this fact or change the subject. Tell her your worn out from all of the other hoes that you've been banging, or whichever cocky joke that you want to run. However, don't ever lead on that you might actually care about what she just said. You have to sound believable, but also not convey any negative emotion. She should be playfully punching you, or joking with you as you do this. If she remains serious when you tell her that your not giving her any, and maybe even accepts what you say, then there is likely a bigger problem thats been building up for a while. She might be slowly breaking off the relationship, which most likely means that you haven't been controlling the dynamic correctly from the beginning.

When you pass this test, it may mean that you won't get any that night. Or you might, later. So what. Its the price you pay for passing her test and setting the dominant frame that she needs to feel so that she can keep giving it up to you. Or that maybe you can come over and be with her for for something else other than to use her as a cum receptacle. After you pass tests like this once or twice, she'll stop testing you as much, confident that your the confident and non-needy man she needs you to be.

Its a test that I relish when it happens, and have never failed. I relish it because its actually a chance to show her that I'm the one with the power, and not her.

The harder the test, the better it is for your power in the relationship when you pass it. You should look forward to hard tests like this, as it will make your ability to get what you want easier given when you pass the test.

If your physically initiating sex, as in half naked, when she pulls this lame shit, you can't fake not having wanted to give her any. Just say "ok", jump up and start to do something else. Don't whine about it, just playfully act like she is the one missing out and with a smile on your face.

The more a girl feels like you don't care, the less you'll get tested and the easier sex will be to get.

Post: #16

Thanks, hydrogonian, that was a real good reply to the question.

Yeah, man, that's what it always seems like some bullshit shit test. The last chick I was with for four months... she pulled that shit the first time, and I passed, I was like, "alright, fine, we ain't got to have sex... whatever, whatever" and she went right back to jumping my bones and doing it like rabbits.

Then, a month later, she tried to pull that shit test on me again - this time, I got frustrated and broke up with her. Fuck it. I moved on. That time around, I was already on the fence about the relationship, so when she tried to pull some not tonight shit, I was just gone. Like, she sealed her fate with that shit.

But, yeah... appreciate the response. With various different chicks, sometimes I have gotten frustrated over that shit, and other times I've played it cool and done basically what you said, joke with her and be like "who said I was trying to give you some anyway". Looking back on it, playing it cool has always worked out much better. I just got to keep my frustrations in check I guess, and work to play it cool every time it happens, rather than just occasionally.