Post: #1651

(08-04-2016 09:40 PM)DTD309 Wrote:  I have been monitoring this thread for a couple of years now. I'll spare the tales of going from casual drinker at 21 to an "elevated" level of regular drinking activity, gradually, by 35. My stories are similar to many here going from high functioning alcoholic to suddenly having adverse reactions to "normal" drinking patterns.

I actually started and completed a 1 year wagon, inspired by this thread, on a leap-year no less (7/4/2015 through 7/3/2016 completed, not a drop). First 3 months were pretty fucking hard, but ended up dropping 35 pounds in that time period and regaining mental clarity, soundness of mind, and feeling of life purpose.

So my point to offer here is that I decided, after completing my 1 year wagon, to buy some nice scotch and try moderation, since I had proven my resolve and newfound responsibility, after all.

This has instead proven to be a bad idea of epic proportions and I am writing (now drunk) to encourage anyone nearing completion of their wagon commitment to fucking re-up for another year without hesitation. It took less than 1 month for me to devolve back into weight gain, tingles in my fingertips, blurry eyesight, diminished mental clarity, and negative mood in general.

I am just more acutely aware now after experiencing a year of positive improvement how dangerous this shit is. But to be personally accountable, this is a decision I made and now regret. I will rejoin the wagon for a second 1st year after I clear out my existing stockpile. Excuses, I know. But I will be back, date forthcoming.

DTD309, thanks for this post. It means a great deal to me that you've monitored this thread for a couple of years, and that you're making your first forum post here. Even though you didn't make the best decision at the end of your one year wagon, it's still a serious achievement -- and now you know that if you've done it once, you can do it again.

I hope guys nearing the end of their one year wagon read this post closely -- just as you say, for those who had been drinking hard enough for long enough, the second year of the wagon -- the deuce -- is often more important than the first. The second year is the one that really consolidates and deepens the gains. I hope that those guys for whom this is relevant seriously consider this. And I hope to hear again from you in this thread soon.

Post: #1652

11am on a sick stifling hot Friday -- I’d really like to take a secret slug of whiskey right about now. But: They are not your stars.

Twelve days shy of ten months on the wagon. If this were a ride from the Hudson to the Golden Gate, I would very precisely be in Oasis, Nevada (elev. 5,870 ft.; pop. 29), in the high desert just over the border from Utah. But for many months, starting not long after my last post in this thread back in March, I haven’t been thinking of this ordeal as a wagon ride. Rather, I’ve often (too often) been in the mind of a small-time convict doing a one-year stretch at San Quentin. That inmate pumps iron in the yard four days a week; he quietly studies his foreign language grammar in his cell; he eats truly well and squarely (the food is remarkably tasty -- after all it isn’t your Daddy’s San Quentin); and he enjoys a wildly liberal conjugal-visit policy, even if it’s the same rotation of visitors with little new blood. He does these things, and more, but all the while he schemes and plots and devises ever greater and bolder heists to pull off as soon as his time is up.

This of course is not an ideal way to deal with a year off the sauce, but I’ll be damned if I haven’t thought a thousand times about what and where I’ll drink once I’m let out. It has been an easy stretch because the sentence is fixed. You do your time without complaint, you don’t rat out your friends, and before you know it you are back on the streets…

If only it were so simple.

Post: #1653

(08-04-2016 10:15 PM)Tokyo Joe Wrote:  11am on a sick stifling hot Friday -- I’d really like to take a secret slug of whiskey right about now. But: They are not your stars.

Twelve days shy of ten months on the wagon. If this were a ride from the Hudson to the Golden Gate, I would very precisely be in Oasis, Nevada (elev. 5,870 ft.; pop. 29), in the high desert just over the border from Utah. But for many months, starting not long after my last post in this thread back in March, I haven’t been thinking of this ordeal as a wagon ride. Rather, I’ve often (too often) been in the mind of a small-time convict doing a one-year stretch at San Quentin. That inmate pumps iron in the yard four days a week; he quietly studies his foreign language grammar in his cell; he eats truly well and squarely (the food is remarkably tasty -- after all it isn’t your Daddy’s San Quentin); and he enjoys a wildly liberal conjugal-visit policy, even if it’s the same rotation of visitors with little new blood. He does these things, and more, but all the while he schemes and plots and devises ever greater and bolder heists to pull off as soon as his time is up.

This of course is not an ideal way to deal with a year off the sauce, but I’ll be damned if I haven’t thought a thousand times about what and where I’ll drink once I’m let out. It has been an easy stretch because the sentence is fixed. You do your time without complaint, you don’t rat out your friends, and before you know it you are back on the streets…

If only it were so simple.

Yes, this. You are stating it more eloquently, but the devil started speaking to me about 10 months in, telling me how it would all be over soon and we would be getting back to normal and it would be OK this time.

It is wild how the visualizations and gravitation back to the bottle start kicking in... memories of drinking and having wild times in many cities, many countries.... but interesting how the mind reconstructed those memories as being nostalgically positive instead of true to their dark realities. The hangovers, regrettable behaviors, random encounters, dangerous situations, all seeming somehow acceptable and good to my personal development experience.

Then Glenfiddich 18 turns into Johnny Walker Green and then Chivas Regal. Because, it makes sense to start high end and then finish with lesser beverages since I can't tell the difference after a few anyway. And thus the cycle has returned.

Post: #1654

Interesting posts by Tokyo Joe and DTD309. Today marks the completion of the one year wagon for me, and I have been thinking a lot about drinking again - sometimes I romanticize it, sometimes I dread it.

I am out at my cabin on an island between British Columbia's mainland and Vancouver Island and will be here for another week or two, whenever my new job is to start. I had a few buddies out to salmon fish, and it did indeed cross my mind several times a day when I would hear the sound of 10am beers being cracked when the first big Spring was pulled aboard the boat, bonked and put in the cooler. Fuck, having one of those cold beers looked real good. But I didn't partake. I spent all my summers of my youth fishing these waters and have made serious investments in boating and fishing equipment, and I was happy to be able to show my good buddies (the ones who didn't give me any shit about dropping out of the drinking game!) the ropes, since none of them had fished before. By the end of the week, they all were trying to fillet fish, rip heads off prawns fresh from the trap in the boat (don't wait til you get to shore to do this, or the prawns won't be firm when they're cooked!) and carefully selecting the colours of spoons, plugs or hootchies to tie on the end of the lines next. It was a lot of fun, and one thing I noticed was that they could all go to bed when they were tired instead of continuing to drink until oblivion like I did. I never would "go out for a beer after work" it was always about ten for me once I started. I'm just not like a regular person who can control their drinking, and I accept that now. Like the Lizard of Oz said in an early post, those who love to drink, love to drink. It was my favourite thing to do!

I look back to my first post on this thread around the start of 2014 and think of where I was at that point. I had started drinking when I woke up on weekends to get rid of the hangover, and drank alone a lot at age 25! I would start craving cocaine by the fourth drink. I rarely exercised and had to grow a scraggly beard to cover a stealthily growing double chin on my puffy face. I rationalized that I needed to drink to be savvy enough to meet girls at the bar, but would frequently overdo it. One story that makes me cringe was waking up next to some horrid beast I would never speak to sober, who said "You were too drunk to get it up last night but you promised a morning sesh!" while softly rubbing my chest, her snaggle tooth visible with a little smile. I scrambled out somehow and went directly to a pub to be alone for a while with my best friend Bourbon! But for every dragon slayed, i would somehow have those mornings where I would wake up next to the princess, and I would count those rare victories as a reason to keep living that life. But things just started going wrong. Drinking became a serious hindrance on many facets of my life, and I could not figure out how to be responsible about it. By 26 when I started this third or fourth attempt at the wagon after another bender where I had drained so much serotonin and dopamine from my system that the only other option in my fucked up mind was hanging myself for my landlord to find due to the guilt and depression, I did something different and went to AA meetings consistently, five times a week. I posted about them before and I know it is the unpopular route, so I'm not going to preach it at all. I was bouncing between jobs in Eastern Montana and Northern Wyoming so I met some real characters who I wont soon forget in those rooms. I don't go too much anymore but I think it helped me a lot in the early days, if you ever have interest in them then you can PM me. Or read delicioustacos.com , I've never talked to him before but his writing on his sobriety really helped, knowing that there are some regular dudes in AA is a comforting thought especially after meetings where they send all the guys from prison pre-release with some of the most twisted meth, booze and opiate tales you can think of! ("How the fuck did I ever end up here!"). One thing that I do want to say about AA that I fundamentally disagree with - maybe because I never really hit a "Rock Bottom" due to drinking, I just don't feel the animosity and resentment about my drinking that most others in the rooms seem to feel. I had a great time in my party days! I'll never forget the memories with my pals, the "dopey grins shared between friends after a few drinks, knowing you are all at the same place" (paraphrased a memorable post by RVF member Charlemagne in Sweatpants). Things just changed after I hit diminishing returns in my mid 20s, but I don't feel shame or guilt at most things when I look back at them. The past is the past, I made it out alive, no need to dwell on it. No friggin way am I going to "Make Amends" to anyone, I won't apologize for having a good time. AA is what you want to make of it, take what you need and leave the rest as they say.

I didn't get laid for the first three months, but I met a nice girl in Gillette Wyoming through work. We had the same job for different companies so we would have something to talk about. I got the courage up to ask her out and ended up seeing her until May when she went to a new project in Texas. Just a nice gal, good family, not a party type. Her dad showed me how to rapidly remove tenderloins out of a deer when you're field dressing it without making a big mess and the deer starts to freeze up because you're fucking around so much. I hope that girl does well, and even if I never see her again, she will have a place in my heart as the first girl I went out with where drinking wasn't a pillar of commonality between us. (Was that sentence beta?)

The biggest key I found was to get good at something. Thanks to posts by Veloce I found a good outlet, and am now pretty good at cooking. I like to challenge myself and go into a store blindly and buy random shit, then try to put together new recipes with what I have on hand. Making a pot of pressure cooker chicken stock on cold winter Friday nights sounds depressing but it helped distract me from that voice in my head commanding me to go to the store and get a bottle of whisky! I also distracted myself a lot by following the Election coverage, our hero Donald Trump has done great things, fucked beautiful women and can command a room fearlessly without booze as a crutch, he is a great inspiration in that sense. And to be non-partisan, Joe Biden also doesn't drink, and he is glib as hell. Being someone who doesn't drink is not the YUGE deal I think it is all too often! I also was a much more useful employee and avoided getting shitcanned in this oil industry downturn, and in fact was able to get a new job when my previous work dried up.

So after thinking about drinking again, I will take a step back and avoid it - I think this year has done a lot to help me grow as a person and learn how to deal with life. I'm grateful that those days of waking up with the fear that I drove blackout drunk are behind me, and I'm grateful that I am in a position to spend quality time with true friends and especially with family, I have a relative with serious health issues and have been able to help a lot with her. Had I written that a few years ago I would have been lying to myself, but as I get older I see the value in spending time with people who bring happiness to my life.

I have this little voice in my head that used to constantly IMPLORE me to drink. I would see the sun shining on a Friday morning and be giddy all day at work or school, knowing that that first beer was hours away, practically salivating. The best thing about the wagon is that he has finally started to shut the fuck up, his voice is quieter, and I finally figured out that the feeling will ALWAYS pass.

Thanks to the Lizard of Oz for the thread, it has been a great journey, sign me up for year two, August 5, 2016.

Post: #1655

komatiite: That's a very fucking sweet and exceptional post, buddy.

In your case, it is definitely the smart move to sign up for year two. I will be interested to hear some thoughts and stories from your second year.

Congratulations and +1 from me for seeing the first year through. --TJ

Post: #1656

komatiite, thank you for that beautiful post, and +1 from me.

Quote:I think this year has done a lot to help me grow as a person and learn how to deal with life.

I agree; and you are both showing and deepening that by making another great decision.

Welcome aboard for year 2 as of August 5, 2016 and I hope to hear more from you here over time.

Post: #1657

I posted (too hastily perhaps) back in February that I was in for a full year but fell off. I'm now at four months on the wagon since the 10th of April,which is the longest stretch I've managed since I started drinking regularly in my late teens. So I'm committing for the further six months to make it a year, as I'm pretty sure that if I resume drinking I'll slip back into old habits quickly. I am noticing benefits such as less anxiety and better sleep overall, and of course no hangovers being the main one. I also am not carrying the shame around of being someone with an active drinking problem, while hypocritically being disgusted by alcohol's effects on people. It's been good to have sober time to take stock and deal with vices that aren't fun anymore. Good luck to everyone else in the thread.

Post: #1658

Quote:It is wild how the visualizations and gravitation back to the bottle start kicking in... memories of drinking and having wild times in many cities, many countries.... but interesting how the mind reconstructed those memories as being nostalgically positive instead of true to their dark realities. The hangovers, regrettable behaviors, random encounters, dangerous situations, all seeming somehow acceptable and good to my personal development experience.

Indeed, I couldn't have said that better.
That's the way it always happen for me but now I'm aware that it's only my head playing tricks and I brush those nostaligic memories off because they are only... Reconstructed memories.

However. As a person who have travelled and rambled all over the world drunk I thought that traveling would not be that fun anymore. How wrong I was.
Traveling sober is almost like rediscovering traveling.

When you take off the sunglasses there is a new world to be discovered beyond the shady alleys in some random country at 4am.

Post: #1659

komatiite - there are a lot of excellent post on this thread but this is one of the best and accurately sums up how I feel about alcohol now.

'We had good times, I don't regret it, I just don't want you anymore - I've moved on'

Thank you.

Post: #1660

Just getting caught up on this thread. I finished my 1 year wagon the first of May. I didn't re-up for another year at that time because I had so much going on and wanted to really think about it and what I wanted to do.

I've thoroughly considered all possibilities and there are really only three things I could do.

1. Resume drinking without expecting any bad consequences, horrible idea. That didn't work before and it won't this time. DTD309's post just confirmed that even though I already was more than aware of it and have seen or experienced it myself countless times. Great post though DTD.

2. Try to "socially" drink. I've never really cared for that idea and still don't. If I'm going to drink, I'm going to get fucked up. Period. That's what I wanted to get away from and "social drinking" never worked for me the countless times I've tried it.

3. Continue on the wagon. Best choice. In the last year I have accomplished many things that would not have been possible with heavy drinking. Why put brakes on something that is working so well? This is the only logical choice.

In thinking about what to do, I have even gone so far as to go to a bar and order a Guinness and my favorite Irish whisky. Sat there for about 15 minutes just thinking about it and considering drinking. Didn't take a single sip. I almost couldn't even will myself to drink it. It simply does not appeal to me anymore. Thinking about downing that beer and shot, I know where that road leads and it's not a path I want to take.

So here's to year 2 on the wagon that continues from May 3rd. Thanks LOZ for everything.

Post: #1661

scubadude, congrats on making a smart decision, and welcome back aboard for year 2 as of May 3, 2016. Look forward to hearing more from you here over time.

Post: #1662

(08-14-2016 10:03 AM)scubadude Wrote:  Just getting caught up on this thread. I finished my 1 year wagon the first of May. I didn't re-up for another year at that time because I had so much going on and wanted to really think about it and what I wanted to do.

I've thoroughly considered all possibilities and there are really only three things I could do.

1. Resume drinking without expecting any bad consequences, horrible idea. That didn't work before and it won't this time. DTD309's post just confirmed that even though I already was more than aware of it and have seen or experienced it myself countless times. Great post though DTD.

2. Try to "socially" drink. I've never really cared for that idea and still don't. If I'm going to drink, I'm going to get fucked up. Period. That's what I wanted to get away from and "social drinking" never worked for me the countless times I've tried it.

3. Continue on the wagon. Best choice. In the last year I have accomplished many things that would not have been possible with heavy drinking. Why put brakes on something that is working so well? This is the only logical choice.

In thinking about what to do, I have even gone so far as to go to a bar and order a Guinness and my favorite Irish whisky. Sat there for about 15 minutes just thinking about it and considering drinking. Didn't take a single sip. I almost couldn't even will myself to drink it. It simply does not appeal to me anymore. Thinking about downing that beer and shot, I know where that road leads and it's not a path I want to take.

So here's to year 2 on the wagon that continues from May 3rd. Thanks LOZ for everything.

+1, scubadude. Options #1 and #2 are closely related, just a matter of devil's details. Best of luck in your second year.

Post: #1663

Lots of inspiration in this thread, and I appreciate everyone sharing stories that are personal and tough to share.

I never had a daily alcohol habit, or a craving that I had to satisfy. Rather I always had a tendency to binge way too hard whenever I did drink. There are too many times to count in which I skirted out of real dicey situations, and it was just a matter of time until luck wasn't on my side. Plus I can't recover nearly as fast as I used to, and the next 3-4 were shot after a hard Friday night.

Fast-forward to this April, the stars were aligned against me, and I had an extreme blackout night in which I made a fool of myself in front of new professional and academic colleagues. With a shitty unfulfilling job I was running from, I dug myself into a hole right off the bat in front of the peers I was running towards. I hardly ate the next week, exercised minimally, and fell into a crippling depressed state for the next month. I knew it was time for a change.

I swore off alcohol after that episode, and have felt much better since. My mood and confidence have improved significantly, I sleep better at night, I have made good progressions in the gym, and have a much more positive outlook on my future with a clear defined plan of where I want my life to go. I have no plans on taking a sip of alcohol again, but I am going to take each day in stride, so as not to establish a goal that seems insurmountable and meaningless.

Please count me in as of April 10, 2016. Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories, being candid about their situations, and supporting individuals with similar problems; most a lot more severe than mine.

Post: #1664

Chunnel, thanks for the post. Are you in for the full year?

You're right to believe that a commitment to a lifelong wagon would be too abstract and virtually meaningless; but one year is something quite specific and very meaningful to the human mind. Rather than just taking "each day in stride", you should explicitly commit to a 1 year wagon as of your start date, and then see it through and reevaluate when the time comes.

Post: #1665

(08-20-2016 12:38 PM)The Lizard of Oz Wrote:  Chunnel, thanks for the post. Are you in for the full year?

You're right to believe that a commitment to a lifelong wagon would be too abstract and virtually meaningless; but one year is something quite specific and very meaningful to the human mind. Rather than just taking "each day in stride", you should explicitly commit to a 1 year wagon as of your start date, and then see it through and reevaluate when the time comes.

LoZ, please count me in as of April 10, 2016. I fully agree with the tenets of a full year, and it being a goal that is tangible.

Post: #1666

(08-20-2016 03:24 PM)Chunnel Wrote:  

(08-20-2016 12:38 PM)The Lizard of Oz Wrote:  Chunnel, thanks for the post. Are you in for the full year?

You're right to believe that a commitment to a lifelong wagon would be too abstract and virtually meaningless; but one year is something quite specific and very meaningful to the human mind. Rather than just taking "each day in stride", you should explicitly commit to a 1 year wagon as of your start date, and then see it through and reevaluate when the time comes.

LoZ, please count me in as of April 10, 2016. I fully agree with the tenets of a full year, and it being a goal that is tangible.

Chunnel, welcome aboard as of April 10, 2016 and I look forward to hearing more from you here over time.

Post: #1667

Less than two months to go.

With apologies to Orwell (and St. Paul) --

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not drink, I am become as a sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not drink, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not drink, it profiteth me nothing. Drink suffereth long, and is kind; drink envieth not; drink vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. . . . And now abideth faith, hope, drink, these three; but the greatest of these is drink.

I Corinthians xiii (adapted)

Post: #1668

While I'm not in the bandwagon but I ve been a week and a half at least without booze due to what seemed to have been a severe attention call by my kidneys.
Not sure if it's due to boredom or anxiety but my sex drive has increased dramatically

Post: #1669

Stay the course!

Post: #1670

(08-23-2016 08:51 PM)littleG Wrote:  Stay the course!

Deffo!
I ve been drinking non-alcoholic beer as it is always touted as an isotonic drink these days and it does the job nicely,and also,its kinda different when I am at the bar analyzing the scene and suddenly realize how many loud drunken people are around me,think I could have been one.
My kidneys seem to have recovered completely but I don´t see why I should hit the booze again

Post: #1671

Hi all,

I've lurked on this thread before but am actually considering the 1 year dry challenge but wonder if it will be useful for me. I only drink on average 1-2 nights per week and will have anywhere from half bottle or a full bottle of wine OR 3-6 beers. Would doing this challenge bear fruit for a light drinker like me?

I'm hoping it will be another chance for me to develop discipline as well as give my weight loss efforts a boost??

Cheers

Post: #1672

(08-29-2016 06:25 AM)rawbeefcake Wrote:  Hi all,

I've lurked on this thread before but am actually considering the 1 year dry challenge but wonder if it will be useful for me. I only drink on average 1-2 nights per week and will have anywhere from half bottle or a full bottle of wine OR 3-6 beers. Would doing this challenge bear fruit for a light drinker like me?

I'm hoping it will be another chance for me to develop discipline as well as give my weight loss efforts a boost??

Cheers

OK, so, I did the one year wagon and now I'm hammered on a Tuesday night, so take this with a grain of salt. If you are drinking at that level and you are at or around mid 30's... you are already in trouble and may not realize it. If you are taking down a sixer or whole bottle of wine two nights a week, not sure I would objectively call that a light drinking pattern. Not throwing shade, just speaking as someone who went from that to something more as tolerance gradually built up.

That said, it really comes down to a ROI calculation if you want to be rational about it. Be sure you are honest about the costs, though, as the cost of the booze ends up almost always being a minor point. Opportunity costs could be tremendous.

Rhetorical question... what does drinking do for you (what is the return)?

DTD

Post: #1673

DTD309, I feel that the next time you post in this thread should be when you announce your new start date. It's probably best not to post here when you're drinking.

You know what you need to do; your own posts testify to that. Have your farewell drinks and come back here when you're ready to do it.

***********

rawbeefcake: the only way to find out if you might benefit from a 1 year wagon is to do it. Think about whether you have what it takes to go through a full year without any drinks, at any point, for any reason; and if you feel you do -- and if the idea intrigues you -- then do it. No matter what, it will be a memorable year and I promise that you will find out a few things about yourself.

Post: #1674

DTD309 & The Lizard of Oz: Thanks for the advice, I'm kicking off my dry year as of the 1st September. I'm only in mid-twenties but have been drinking on most Friday and Saturday nights for what feels like a long time now. Not too concerned about it but it feels as though its become an unwanted habit: I start with 1 drink over dinner and end up drinking alone at the end of the night when my wife has already gone to sleep.

Post: #1675

11 months in and no regrets. Im looking forward to sharing my observations and experiences.