Post: #1

After my ex left, she continued reading my Facebook chats, posts, etc. and therefore was aware that I was still pining for her and trying to figure out how to get back together with her. First she blocked me and publicly posted an explanation that she wanted to encourage me to quit stalking her profile and work on moving on instead. Weeks later, though, she named me in a public post that said:

Quote:You'll miss someone like me. Someone that'll drop everything for you. Someone that'll do anything to make you smile. Someone that'll cross distances to see you. Someone that understands why you are the way you are. Someone that'll always be honest with you. Someone that'll never ask you to change. Someone that accepts all your flaws. But most importantly you'll miss the love someone like me has for you- someone like me whose love is true." — You’re going to miss me.

(Fortunately, at the time she posted this, I was following the advice of one of those get-your-ex-to-come-back-to-you gurus to avoid reading any of her posts, as a way of keeping her from accidentally or purposefully mindfucking me. Otherwise, that bit of knife-twisting would've been lethally effective. I only saw the post later, after I'd made some progress toward de-pedestalizing her, and I could more safely visit without being utterly dismayed by her remarks.)

The woman I'm with now had an ex who was relentlessly pursuing her for some time, threatening to kill himself in a car wreck if she didn't go back to him, etc. Apparently he also said something that offended her, so she publicly posted sarcastically thanking him for his behavior, and saying he'd reminded her of why she broke up with him. Later, his family got involved in trying to get her to go back to him, and she publicly posted one of those memes, "They start missing you when they can't replace you." When I asked her about it later, she admitted that it was directed at him.

(This prompted me to ask, basically, "Wouldn't you rather that instead of feeling miserable about losing you, he learn from his mistake and treat the next woman better, and have a happy life with her?" She said that she would wish that for him.)

I've heard of chicks doing this before to their exes: (1) when they know the guy is still trying to find a way to get back together with them, they publicly shoo him away (attracting supportive comments from friends, orbiters, etc.); and (2) when they know he's missing them, they try to reinforce his idea that she was special beyond other women, and that he really messed up by not treating her better.

In both of the situations I mention above, the girl ended up not getting back together with the guy, or even seeing him ever again, but rather moved hundreds or thousands of miles away. I wonder what is the point of mindfucking him in that manner? Is it just chicks' way of amusing themselves at their ex's expense? Or maybe it's just that they convince themselves that the guy really was totally at fault for the relationship's failure, and therefore figure he deserves to be hurt; and since they know how to hurt him, they do it.

Post: #2

Because they are weak and it makes them feel good about themselves.

A girl should not know you are pining for her. And you shouldn't be; even though sometimes it's impossible not to, you need to pretend you've moved on so that you actually do move on.

Post: #3

Power and attention.
If a guy is chasing a girl, it shows that she has high market value.
It gives her validation, as well as a sense of power.

Once it is behind you, move on.
There was a good (or not so good) reason it ended. One may miss his ex, but one should not make it public. The sympathy is not worth it.

Post: #4

It is all about her ego. Women who get dumped, want to maintain their self respect. My ex was like that, she sent me a bunch of random "I'm the greatest girl ever" motivational posters. She then blocked me because I never responded to anything.

Chicks mind fuck men to try and gain a psychological advantage. If you fall to her manipulation, you lose all the power. Make sure you are always one step ahead. This will help you through all facets of your relationship with a girl; whether it be one date, or a three year ordeal. Never show your cards.

Post: #5

Quote:After my ex left, she continued reading my Facebook chats, posts, etc. and therefore was aware that I was still pining for her and trying to figure out how to get back together with her.

First of all, how could she tell from your Facebook posts that you wanted to get back together with her? Were you publicly announcing it? That seems like some high school shit.

Secondly, why would you wife up a girl who is prone to the same immaturity? Airing dirty laundry over Facebook is, like I said, high school shit. I forgot, she cooks and cleans for you and has sex with you twice a day but that's not enough because you want her to be your "24/7 sex slave".

Post: #6

(05-28-2016 08:36 PM)egionesco Wrote:  Because they are weak and it makes them feel good about themselves.

A girl should not know you are pining for her. And you shouldn't be; even though sometimes it's impossible not to, you need to pretend you've moved on so that you actually do move on.

You might be onto something here. In particular, borderlines are very good at convincing naive guys that they've found their soulmates. Their skill at manipulating people into believing their delusions, and falling in love with them, is arguably their only strength. They're not able to remain stable enough to accomplish anything else. In the short term, though, they're able to put on a convincing appearance of being the perfect lover, wife, etc. and mixing the lies with just enough truth to be persuasive.

The borderlines I've known, when they looked back on their lives, took the most pride in (1) getting guys to fall for them, and (2) getting revenge on those guys later, whether by divorcing them, getting them locked up in jail, etc. These women couldn't control their emotions or discipline themselves well enough to hold a job, have a stable relationship, or do anything else constructive. But they loved the feeling of having so much power over men's emotions, whether to (1) seduce them into committing to a long-term relationship, or to (2) devastate their emotions and lives (which invariably is accomplished through manipulation, e.g. manipulating cops and judges to believe he was an abuser). They blame the guy for the relationship's failure, and feel proud to have wrecked him in retaliation, and maybe even gotten him to blame himself for the wreckage by convincing him of the truth of her delusions.

I'd think the way a guy would end up pining for a non-borderline, though, would be if he didn't realize that there are a lot of chicks out there who are just as good, or if his game sucked so much that he didn't know how to access those chicks. Our culture encourages a belief in "true love" that is really glorified one-itis, and it discourages the learning of game (at least in any systematic way), so no wonder guys end up in this situation.

From what I've seen, girls are actually much more stalker-ish than guys, constantly snooping into their stuff, whether the relationship is still a going concern, or if he's now an ex. Girls continue to be so interested in what their exes are thinking, that they'll go out of their way to stalk them online. The guy loses no matter what he does, because if he moves on, that means she didn't matter enough to him for him to be properly devastated for the rest of his life (which means he was just a cad all along); but if he doesn't move on, that means he's a weirdo stalker. Either way, it's an opportunity to stir up some kind of drama, because of course the end of the relationship is always the guy's fault (regardless of who dumped whom or why; if she behaved badly in the relationship, it was because he provoked her).

When the guy continues to pine for her, then her publicly shooing him away becomes an opportunity to rehash how she was victimized and how he continues to victimize her. She can play the damsel in distress, a role that society tolerates women playing, and attract beta orbiters to "rescue" her. The fact that this guy wants her also highlights how desirable she is.

In reality, though, there's no way a woman can escape the fact that if the relationship ended, for whatever reason, it's because the situation didn't go according to plan. If she intended to just have a short-term fling, that would make her a slut; but if she intended to have a long-term relationship, and it didn't work out that way, then she either picked a guy who wasn't LTR material, or she did something to destroy a relationship that otherwise could've worked. As she accumulates more and more breakups on her record, it becomes evident that either her taste isn't improving, or her relationship skills still suck.

But eventually she ends up so old that she's washed up anyway, so it doesn't even matter whose fault the breakups were, except to the extent she still uses them to garner sympathy. E.g., an 80-year-old borderline will still tell everyone, within five minutes of meeting them, "My husband used to beat me," even though he's been dead for decades. It's a test to see if they're going to sympathize; if so, then they're a ripe target for manipulation. She never had anything to offer, and she still doesn't, but she'll put on a surface appearance of it by expressing sympathy for their small problems, token concern for their well-being, etc. so that it's hard for people to regard her as anything other than well-meaning and kind.

Post: #7

The "why" here is inconsequential. Women's behavior patterns become very, very easy to predict once you stop asking yourself "why" they do anything. This behavior is typical of a jilted woman.

Post: #8

Understanding "why" helps a lot of guys, including me, internalize this type of information but Red_Pillage makes an important point.

The "why" in this case is attention, power, and ego which are all closely related but don't get so focused on "why" that you forget what is most important which is "how" to deal with it and making sure you execute that "how" whenever necessary.

Post: #9

(05-29-2016 11:30 AM)birthday cat Wrote:  Understanding "why" helps a lot of guys, including me, internalize this type of information

True, this is not to be understated. I just remember a period of time in my life shorty after being red pilled that I wasted lots of energy on the "whys" of lots of things. Understanding what is true was more important to my development than ruminating about the endless rabbit whole of "why".

Post: #10

I had a similar experience and agree completely. Define "why" in a few sentences or less. If it takes more than that you will be focused too much on why and not enough on how.

Post: #11

(05-29-2016 09:17 AM)RaymondKertezc Wrote:  From what I've seen, girls are actually much more stalker-ish than guys, constantly snooping into their stuff, whether the relationship is still a going concern, or if he's now an ex. Girls continue to be so interested in what their exes are thinking, that they'll go out of their way to stalk them online. The guy loses no matter what he does, because if he moves on, that means she didn't matter enough to him for him to be properly devastated for the rest of his life (which means he was just a cad all along); but if he doesn't move on, that means he's a weirdo stalker. Either way, it's an opportunity to stir up some kind of drama, because of course the end of the relationship is always the guy's fault (regardless of who dumped whom or why; if she behaved badly in the relationship, it was because he provoked her).

It's a good screening technique, early in a relationship (and by early I mean no later than the second date or so) to direct conversation with a new girl towards finding out a bit what her previous relationships and "interaction style" is like. It's not difficult to lead conversation into this area in a way that feels natural, and not like an interrogation, with a little practice - most women love to talk about themselves.

You want to find out what her previous relationships were like. Does she take at least some personal responsibility for the ones that didn't work out, or were they all bad, assholes, abusive, losers, etc.? How does she manage conflict? Does she seem low conflict or high conflict? One way I like to suss this out a bit is to bring up driving; this state is know for its terrible drivers. I might say "Yeah, I seem to get tailgated a lot, I just pull over for these idiots. Got nothing to prove to 'em."

Note how she replies. Does she agree and say that this seems like a reasonable idea? Or does she respond like "WHAAAT? I hate those assholes! I always brake-check the fuck out of them!"

Brake-checking is a stupid idea for all sorts of reasons, but you'd be surprised how many people, both men and women, tell me that they engage in it. This is what we call "high conflict" behavior.

If she's not responding to these intelligence-gathering questions in an appropriate fashion, they're red flags. Use extreme caution. I have nexted at least one girl simply because she answered these questions in an extremely high conflict manner. It's not foolproof; if she answers them the right way it doesn't necessarily mean all is well, but if she's answering them the wrong way it's pretty much guaranteed she's a drama queen.