Post: #1

I grew up as the fat poor kid, always picked on and developed a bad case of SAD. I lost weight end of high school but kept same victim mindset through college, even though no I wasn't made fun of once.

In the last year I've tried my hardest to step out of my shell. Last year I couldn't look people in the eyes and got really anxious and had trouble having conversations with anyone. A few months ago I moved to NYC to just work on my "game" and social interactions with intention of only staying a month and then traveling one location per month but kept extending my stay. I made a similar post on yelp a while back and had three girls message me offering help who wanted to hang out with me, one I never heard from again, one set up meeting then flaked and never heard from her again, and last one met me once briefly, setup second meeting and got stood up. Also tried meetup but found every meeting I went to just seemed like people trying to network with their businesses or whatever and felt so out of place since it felt like a party atmosphere and I was just a wallflower most of the time. At some point I just said fuck it in regards to making friends, and thought if I could get dates it would lead to fulfilling my social quota. Even though I've gotten the point where I can break the ice with some girls, I just have some patterns that I just eject a lot of conversations for no reason with the occasional good convo that leads to asking out, but have only had one girl who I have gone on a date with after months of practice. I've come a long way in a year but still feel like I'm a failure since I've only had on true date after nearly 6 months of day game.

When I looked for second sublet in NYC, one of the reasons I stayed was Halloween...I was doing well near the end of my first stay, getting numbers pretty much every day and thought I would be awesome by Halloween and it would be such a fun time. But a lot of them flaked and Hurricane Irene probably screwed up a bunch also and left city for 2-3 week hiatus and when I came back, after not practicing during that time felt like I was starting over. Now just have a couple more weeks left in the city, and Halloween weekend is now and I've made no progress, am alone and friendless, and getting really depressed about not doing anything on Halloween but watching other people enjoy themselves... When I've been in the city for the weekends (I don't think I stayed in NYC for the majority of the weekends I've lived here...) I've been depressed watching people go out as I wander around doing nothing. I don't even drink, and hate going to bars most of the time, yet feel left out seeing people go out to these bars/nightclubs/whatever. I'm really shy and feel weird going to these places alone on Friday/Saturday nights, I don't know if I should be or not, but am really self conscious about the fact I have no friends an no experience with girls.

I haven't really had a close friend since childhood, can never transition from acquaintance to friend (eg at gym where I used to live everyone hung out with each other after the gym and while they were all friendly to me at the gym I was never really invited out with them) I was just really desperate and posted an ad out of curiosity on craigslist with new email seeing if someone would respond but no bites. I've always heard its hard to make friends out of school, and don't really know how. Any ideas? Just sick of being alone.

Post: #2

Keep your chin up dude and hang in there.

I think the most important thing to think about is to carry on trying to improve yourself as a person. Hit the weights hard, eat well, go to bed early and sleep well, drink plenty of water. When you can look at yourself in the mirror and feel confident about your body, you feel great and this resonates confidence. Once you have that you won't be so hung up on other people.

That would be my number one priority.

Read books, travel (money and situations permitting) and always ask yourself how can I improve? But don't forget to reward yourself and give yourself a pat on the back for the achievements you make along the way.

Fuck those people if they don't wanna hang out with you, their loss, you don't need them. When you're a cool and interesting person, people will naturally gravitate to you. Don't sweat it.

Becoming an expert in some field, e.g. lifting weights at a gym and giving guys tips or asking guys for advice then spotting them, asking them about their diet and becoming their gym buddy can lead to a friendship.

Roosh wrote a good post on this a while ago... It's not as bad as you think.

http://www.rooshv.com/just-keep-going

Post: #3

(10-28-2011 01:49 AM)swfter2456 Wrote:  I grew up as the fat poor kid, always picked on and developed a bad case of SAD.

Well you aren't the little fat guy anymore, so it's time to develop a case of HAPPY.

Nobody wants to hang around some crab ass, so don't be one.

It's gonna be ok brah. Just forget about everybody and everything in the past. They don't give a rip about you, so why worry about them.

You're in a perfect spot. Nobody knows anything about you. You're a clean slate. You can be anyone you want.

Take advantage of Halloween. Put some screwball costume on, get shit canned, and go to some bar and fire at every girl you see. Fuck it, wear a mask. Even though you got nothing to worry about, nobody will know it's you anyway.

Aloha!

Post: #4

Get a part time job at a busy restaurant / bar for 1-2 months. Great way to meet people and specifically girls.

Post: #5

(10-28-2011 08:48 AM)Dash Global Wrote:  Get a part time job at a busy restaurant / bar for 1-2 months. Great way to meet people and specifically girls.

This is the best advice.
You need to be interacting with folks.
Just being in a big City like NYC doesn't guarantee anything.
Big cities are full of isolated ,lonely people;more so than small towns.
You need to get involved in something whether it's work or classes or volunteering.

For fuck's sake don't start driving a cab and turn into Travis Bickle!!

Post: #6

I'm leaving NYC in two weeks so getting a job isn't an option.

Don't drink, how do I take advantage of halloween? Just go to bars?

I"m really not crabby in real life, I keep everything to myself.

Post: #7

Get involved with something to help build your confidence, try something like skydiving, para-sailing or try dirt bike riding or anything else that is quasi-dangerous, it will help build your self esteem.

Post: #8

Are you working out regularly? If not, that's the first thing I recommend. Hitting the weights hard will make you feel much more confident (aside from all the other great benefits).
What career field are you in? Do you work now? Where are you moving to in two weeks?

I'm not a big fan of online dating, but it seems you're comfortable trying to meet people through online sources...so consider hitting the online dating site hard. When I say hard, I mean like some of the guys on here (search for the okcupid mega thread) who send tons of messages every week. Defeat comes quickly online so you're likely to just feel shittier about yourself if you're only sending two messages/week and not hearing back. When I've moved to new cities in the past, I've found the online dating thing to work well to get a social circle going (except my current location, which fucking sucks bad).

Post: #9

I'm a professional poker player (mostly played online) and haven't finalized my plans but sublet ends then. I have worked out in past. Now mostly just doing yoga.

I don't want to get into online dating, only have gone online route of trying to meet people because I don't know any other way. May try to go to random bar tonight and hope someone talks to me

Those adrenaline seeking activities don't suit me at all

Post: #10

Don't say "hope someone talks to me", be positive, make it happen. Start the conversation and keep it going. You will be surprised at how easy it is after you break the ice.

Post: #11

Just don't talk about crazy psycho shit.

Post: #12

I'm a pro poker player too! Nice to see another player turned game player on the board. I did a lot of yoga which is pretty good for meeting chicks, but you should lift to increase your confidence about your body. Look at Starting Strength and the threads in the lifestyle forums.

You're in NY right? Take advantage of being able to go to a bar where everyone is standing around mingling. You can open asking about nightlife options like where a bar that plays certain music or whatever and mention that your new in town. If they ask where your from its a green light to talk a bit about that and if not just keep rambling (read day game.) You're going to be just fine, you're in good hands in this forum.

Post: #13

(10-28-2011 01:49 AM)swfter2456 Wrote:  I grew up as the fat poor kid, always picked on and developed a bad case of SAD. I lost weight end of high school but kept same victim mindset through college, even though no I wasn't made fun of once.

In the last year I've tried my hardest to step out of my shell. Last year I couldn't look people in the eyes and got really anxious and had trouble having conversations with anyone. A few months ago I moved to NYC to just work on my "game" and social interactions with intention of only staying a month and then traveling one location per month but kept extending my stay. I made a similar post on yelp a while back and had three girls message me offering help who wanted to hang out with me, one I never heard from again, one set up meeting then flaked and never heard from her again, and last one met me once briefly, setup second meeting and got stood up. Also tried meetup but found every meeting I went to just seemed like people trying to network with their businesses or whatever and felt so out of place since it felt like a party atmosphere and I was just a wallflower most of the time. At some point I just said fuck it in regards to making friends, and thought if I could get dates it would lead to fulfilling my social quota. Even though I've gotten the point where I can break the ice with some girls, I just have some patterns that I just eject a lot of conversations for no reason with the occasional good convo that leads to asking out, but have only had one girl who I have gone on a date with after months of practice. I've come a long way in a year but still feel like I'm a failure since I've only had on true date after nearly 6 months of day game.

When I looked for second sublet in NYC, one of the reasons I stayed was Halloween...I was doing well near the end of my first stay, getting numbers pretty much every day and thought I would be awesome by Halloween and it would be such a fun time. But a lot of them flaked and Hurricane Irene probably screwed up a bunch also and left city for 2-3 week hiatus and when I came back, after not practicing during that time felt like I was starting over. Now just have a couple more weeks left in the city, and Halloween weekend is now and I've made no progress, am alone and friendless, and getting really depressed about not doing anything on Halloween but watching other people enjoy themselves... When I've been in the city for the weekends (I don't think I stayed in NYC for the majority of the weekends I've lived here...) I've been depressed watching people go out as I wander around doing nothing. I don't even drink, and hate going to bars most of the time, yet feel left out seeing people go out to these bars/nightclubs/whatever. I'm really shy and feel weird going to these places alone on Friday/Saturday nights, I don't know if I should be or not, but am really self conscious about the fact I have no friends an no experience with girls.

I haven't really had a close friend since childhood, can never transition from acquaintance to friend (eg at gym where I used to live everyone hung out with each other after the gym and while they were all friendly to me at the gym I was never really invited out with them) I was just really desperate and posted an ad out of curiosity on craigslist with new email seeing if someone would respond but no bites. I've always heard its hard to make friends out of school, and don't really know how. Any ideas? Just sick of being alone.

do you play any sports? there are social leagues in nyc for flag football, kickball, soccer, dodgeball, bowling, etc. everyone goes after to the bars for happy hour to play beer bong and gets shit canned. it's like 90 bucks for an 8 week season and they have cheap beer specials at the bars they work with. these leagues cater to ages 21-30. it's so easy to meet people and there are many young and friendly girls. nyc is a lonely place so other people want to meet genuine friends as well. try these leagues dude, some of my best friends today are from them.

http://www.zogsports.com

the other is called nyc social sports club.

good luck.

Post: #14

fear not..you aren't missing anything...just focus on money and health, and you'll be able to buy whatever you want or "need".

Post: #15

Post: #16

(11-29-2011 08:19 PM)blurb Wrote:  

Post: #17

Exercise and work on your physique and they'll come to you. Start reading books to expand your mind and have interesting things to talk about. Learn how to dress nicely and with some style.

Get a hobby that you really enjoy. For me it was guitar. Get in a band.

All else fails get some counseling or therapy. They'll help get you out of your head.

Been there man. Stay positive. It gets better.

Post: #18

Other guys have said this but the key here is that you have to get involved with stuff that's gonna get you interacting with people.

It doesn't sound like you have a job - idk if you're parents are supporting you or what but you need to get a job and support yourself.

Also when I lived in NYC I volunteered a lot with NY Cares. Go to their website nycares. com and fill out the shit and start volunteering. couple things about this - first you will encounter people who are really suffering and you will stop feeling sorry for yourself. You'll feel good about helping people.

Second, you will meet some really awesome, positive friendly people. And it was very common for ppl at volunteering projects to get a beer or food together afterwards. I made some friends this way and slept with a few women too. I dated a girl I met a reading thing I did with kids in the Marcy projects and she was really awesome and I still miss her.

You may want to get over this "I dont drink thing." don't be an alkie, but people socialize at bars, ESPECIALLY in NYC. Have a couple beers dude.

Also, join a coed sports league. They have so many in NYC. You don't have to be good at sports - that's not why ppl join anyways. Kickball, softball, soccer bowling etc. Again, people do this to meet people and have fun.

How do you think all these happy groups you see around town met each other???

Don't stop going to the gym especially with the cold weather. SAD is caused by a deficiency in vitamin D and exercise. I used to get it BAD. BAD SAD lmao ok sorry - but I take vitamin D and work out and I'm in Michigan right now. No problem so far - I'm in a great mood everyday.

Also read a book about how to be good with people. You're at square one so start with the basic bibles - How to win friends and influence ppl is great. I wrote a co-wrote a book with my old boss called the Attraction Code (I'm not promoting here I don't make money on it and I'm not with that company anymore). Honestly one of the best books on how to be happier with yourself and be good with women and people in general. Bold statement but that's coming from tons of people who emailed me after reading it.

So:

Get a job with other people
Volunteer - no more whining. help others and meet good ppl
Join a coed sports league - bowling or pool or something since it's winter
Vitamin D - high dosage like 5000 or 10000 ius per pill
Exercise
How to win friends or the attraction code - or something! (don't get stuck reading books though - pick one and go)

Post: #19

(10-28-2011 04:47 PM)swfter2456 Wrote:  I'm a professional poker player (mostly played online) and haven't finalized my plans but sublet ends then. I have worked out in past. Now mostly just doing yoga.

I don't want to get into online dating, only have gone online route of trying to meet people because I don't know any other way. May try to go to random bar tonight and hope someone talks to me

Those adrenaline seeking activities don't suit me at all

Sorry I missed this. Since you already have money and I know that poker shit is hard on the brain so a second job may be too much. Still volunteer tho - NY Cares is an awesome org. I was a teamleader there. Super easy to get involved and pick what you want to help with.

I hear you saying a lot of "I don't I can't, it doesn't suit me." Quit saying no and try shit the bottom line is you are scared of stuff.

BEING SCARED IS NOT A REASON TO NOT DO SOMETHING.

Unless there are sharks or something bad like that...