Post: #26

(01-14-2016 09:35 AM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  Once you're done.... just start texting them 4-5 times a day, tell them how much you need them, share feelings, and offer to do shit for them unsolicited.

Watch how quickly they fade out...you wont have to "let them down" at all

Haha add in a few drunk late nite "I love you" texts. Maybe a few calls, then wait outside her house the next morning, see if they need a ride to work. Ya know, just be super nice; Problems solved.

In all seriousness though, acting needy can get an american girl to go away quite fast, though on the wrong girl, I imagine it could backfire badly.

Post: #27

Post: #28

(01-14-2016 09:34 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  Every body does the fade or goes ghost. It saves them grief.

But if you actually care, you have to tell them what is wrong.

It's funny how the 'Sphere is all about honor and being forthright but turn their backs on those principles when it might result in a crying woman.

WIA

The only person in this thread to say they ghost/fade is cascadecombo.

I would say the only dichotomy in this thread is people who choose to be straight up honest and those who embellish or lie to let a girl down softly.

I think it's safe to say that all of us here have the balls and social tact to tell a girl off adroitly.

Post: #29

(01-14-2016 09:34 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  Every body does the fade or goes ghost. It saves them grief.

But if you actually care, you have to tell them what is wrong.

It's funny how the 'Sphere is all about honor and being forthright but turn their backs on those principles when it might result in a crying woman.

WIA

I agree with you there's a better way; I was just being honest about what actually occurs most often. Often our ideals and our reality don't perfectly match up, and personally I've admitted many times on this forum that my own dynamic with women tends to be a bit dysfunctional.

I'd say this is true for most guys if they were completely honest. Human relations are sticky. Just turn on the news.

That being said, are you implying you're more principled than the rest of us in this regard? I seem to remember a recent post where a guy was talking about a taken woman and your response was "Are you willing to do what it takes?"

Maybe that's not immoral for you, but let's not forget principles vary person to person.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #30

Dude I don't get it, why are guys ghosting, fading away, or playing the beta with an LTR ?

This is NOT attacking anyone on the forum, but the general view point, my opinion will vary from others, I do respect everyone's input.

I get that if it's with a ONS, or a fuck buddy. I've done that.

With an LTR it IS different, no matter what anyone says. You invested your TIME in the relationship and so did she.

I have a no bullshit approach (for the most part) - I fucked up with my LTR - when I saw the signs and had the future talk I should've bounced immediately, but I waited a month longer.

There's no reason to ghost - I'd rather have a bitch straight up tell me, "I think we are going for different things" "You don't want me as a GF" or whatever else the hamster says.

There's no reason to fadeaway - I don't have time for that shit, rip the band aid right off, not a slow drawn out peel off. It's not fair to either of you. Tell her straight up shit isn't working out, you don't have to point out all the flaws, maybe just one serious one, or straight tell her you don't want to string her along with false hopes.

There's no reason to play the beta - I could never picture myself saying "I love you" to chase a girl away, I could never picture myself blowing up her phone to act all needy. Let alone say I'm poor.

A woman will respect you more for being straight up and honest. My ex LTR even told me "thank you for being honest, I appreciate that" (through the tears of course). She also told me the doors always open if I ever change my mind.

Just last year 2 girls I basically had mini LTR's with (on top of my main LTR) were upset and had the "what are we talk" I straight told them I don't have time for an LTR, they knew I was busy working or doing shit, and that it isn't fair anymore to them and we need to stop seeing eachother. One never talked to me again - the other pined after me for half a year texting me and calling me. I never talked to either ever again.

I think we can do better when communicating with women about what we want/what we expect in a relationship or whatever we're doing with them.

Post: #31

I also make it clear from the get go.

I know whether I want to be in a relationship early on (hours to days, if there are red flags/passes hoops/qualifies etc.)

For the most part, I fade. I never really give them a chance to get into an LTR nor do I lead them on but just automatically fade.

If they know I am banging other girls, they may try harder and then I need to intervene. Mostly, they are put off and let me fade.


Why fade?

- I am not feeling her, she knows this
- It was an experience
- Don't want a relationship
- I don't owe an explanation
- I am not invested enough to care
- Time: haven't got time to keep up with her investment in me (especially if I think she is using me for something)

In line with this thread, there is a difference between honesty and discretion and knowing when to fade to avoid drama and bullshit with bitches who are... bitches

Post: #32

(01-14-2016 01:31 PM)Noir Wrote:  In line with this thread, there is a difference between honesty and discretion and knowing when to fade to avoid drama and bullshit with bitches who are... bitches

Noir that's actually something I overlooked, the temperament of the girl, as in is she going to pull some crazy shit, BPD, etc.

You're right, it does need to be adaptive, to have the smallest impact on her.

But filtering out drama and bullshit girls are from the get go and don't even make it past the bang stage.

A guy in a relationship should have already had most of that out of the equation already, but females can be unpredictable when you're ending things.

Post: #33

Ghost/fade is a women's move. Just my opinión. That doesnt make you a women for using it. Ive used it. I dont anymore. But that's where you learned it from.

Post: #34

To be clear, I don't ghost/fade either. I don't think my initial post said that so I may have unnecessarily latched myself onto an argument that has nothing to do with me.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #35

(01-14-2016 12:16 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  That being said, are you implying you're more principled than the rest of us in this regard? I seem to remember a recent post where a guy was talking about a taken woman and your response was "Are you willing to do what it takes?"

Maybe that's not immoral for you, but let's not forget principles vary person to person.

BB, I didn't take his post that way. There is a lot of incongruous behavior on this site and this is one of them.

Guys are complaining about women's behavior when it comes to ghosting and flaking and then some of those guys end up doing the exact same thing to a girl who is acting exactly the way guys say they want them to act.

Quite a few examples here when it comes to this type of behavior.

Post: #36

I wonder if you'd think she was such a good woman.

If the roles were reversed & it was you who wasn't 'good enough' for her.

You'd see some shit. Belie' dat.

All is fair in love & war.

It's more than just a saying.

*Ramble off*

Post: #37

(01-14-2016 02:51 PM)worldwidetraveler Wrote:  

(01-14-2016 12:16 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  That being said, are you implying you're more principled than the rest of us in this regard? I seem to remember a recent post where a guy was talking about a taken woman and your response was "Are you willing to do what it takes?"

Maybe that's not immoral for you, but let's not forget principles vary person to person.

BB, I didn't take his post that way. There is a lot of incongruous behavior on this site and this is one of them.

Guys are complaining about women's behavior when it comes to ghosting and flaking and then some of those guys end up doing the exact same thing to a girl who is acting exactly the way guys say they want them to act.

Quite a few examples here when it comes to this type of behavior.

Agreed, any way you shake it dishonesty/deception is a sign of weakness. Work on your personal power. And besides, if your honest you don't have to remember anything.

Post: #38

(01-14-2016 12:45 AM)kaotic Wrote:  I dumped my LTR of almost 2 YEARS man, you're wasting both your time.

If a chick isn't worth the long term game, drop her at first signs of "what are we", don't keep banging her.

The last thing we need is a good girl being turned into a jaded bitch.

Jariel speaks gospel on not wasting your time on unworthy women.

Even better is to make it known up front about what you are:

-you got your own shit going on
-you're busy
-you only see her once a week or son
-you don't text and talk much
-you aren't looking/ready for a relationship

Just with the above alone a girl will fade out, or she'll call you out on it.

Be honest if you do talk to her about it, end on best terms as possible, and don't talk to her again.

I agree. Honesty upfront about what you "want" is usually the best scenario to take a girl who wants to be your gf or LTR and turn her into a fuckbuddy. In my experience, 9 times out of 10 if I know a girl likes me and I don't want anything serious with her other than sex I tell her that exactly. It may stun her a bit, and she can choose to leave but likely she won't because you are being alpha as hell in doing this.

For good girls, I recommend not leading them on, if you don't want to date them or 'be with them', as soon as they need to know, let them go. Like buddy said, the last thing we need is more jaded women out there. Not all girls are horribly lost to social media and the world we live in. So just as most women point men to RoK or RooshV, don't be the men giving a bunch of women 'reasons' to go feminist nazi on us.

Post: #39

Edit: fuck it.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #40

(01-15-2016 11:19 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  Edit: fuck it.

Can't tease us like that man, I was waiting for another post like:

Post: #41

^

I'm good.

   

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #42

(01-15-2016 12:42 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  ^

I'm good.

Fair enough fucker lol. Are you still in Cambodia? I'm embarrassed to say, I just viewed your website for the first time, I dig it.

Post: #43

Philippines now.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #44

I justdid this a couple weeks ago.
I told her I had been seeing my ex again and that we still have feels for each other

Post: #45

I think - or hope - that most guys saying to "go beta" to drive a girl away are saying it as a joke.

In other words, what they're saying is to follow mainstream dating advice

@Nomad - Why no on the 20 year old? Do you think she was trying to get to you through this other girl? Or did you not want to go on a blind date?

Edit: Ah, I think Nomad mistakenly copy-pasted himself from another thread: /thread-37535...pid1193211

Post: #46

Just disappear. No texts or phone calls.

Post: #47

I'm going through this situation right now.

Met a wonderful girl online, talked for three months before visiting her country. Staid with her an entire month at her parents' house where she lived, interspersed with a friend's house nearby. We were inseparable. The first night we met, we went at it for hours, great passionate love making. She was and still is a total sweetheart. I'd wake up early in the morning with her under the covers sucking me ever so softly. Every day she'd do this. She told me out loud that a woman should leave her man's balls dry and it was her job to serve.

Once she'd take care of bedroom duties, she'd insist I stay in bed, and she went downstairs to wash my laundry and make me breakfast. It was always one huge meal after another. This girl just loved to spoil me. She bought me beer, fruit, you name it. Her income was middle class by her country's standards, but she was very generous, also treating me to the movies. Just a really, generous sweetheart of a girl. Super feminine with hair down to her butt. She had only one bf/partner before me, and he was an abusive prick. When I got really sick over there, she nursed me daily in bed, tending to me with utter devotion. When I treated her well, she bonded so fast and so hard.

At the end of the month, my visa wasn't able to be renewed due to my business dealings in her country not going so well. It took a real hit on my personal finances, so I told her I need to return back to the states. We tried making it LDR for a while, but that didn't work due to the fact that she is 28 and I told her straight up that I don't have the means to support her right now, and that she should be with a stable guy that can give her marriage and children. She loves kids, I've seen her interact with family, and she even has the "baby making" body for them.

When I told her (honestly) that money was a huge concern and that time is not on her side when it comes to finding a man. She had tried so hard to make it work, she really did. What a fantastic woman. When I told her that it wasn't realistic from a financial standpoint that I could go back there and we should break up, it was over Skype and she cried so hared. They were the uncontrollable sobs of a crushed woman. I've never felt so low in my life. It felt like I stepped on a beautiful butterfly, damaging its wings.

We broke up back in May of last year, and she still is having a hard time getting over me. She messages me from time to time on FB, and says we should be friends, but I have my doubts that she really sees me that way. When a sweet, non-carousel woman gets boned, it is like ripping off a bandaid if you break up with them; It will hurt like hell and leave a mark. I've given her paternal instructions to start dating and looking for a good man in her country instead of pining for one that is 7,000 miles away. I don't want to make her an alpha widow, even though I fear that might be what I've done.

The whole experience has made me reconsider how I approach girls. I love the feminine good girl. Yes, there are a shortage of them here in the West, but even here there are a few left, as well as overseas. My long-term goal is to get married and use everything I've learned about game to hold a solid frame withing a good LTR girl leading up to marriage. I know a lot of guys on here will scoff at that, but deep down, I'm a man who desires a good woman by my side, and sleeping with a bunch of damaged women just kills a bit of my soul. In the future, I'm going to be ultra careful about trying to make a girl bond with me so fast until I can assess if we're a good match, and if I'm in the financial shape to take care of her.

For now, I've taken a break from the game. This last breakup hurt this girl so badly, and to be honest, it hurt me too. I need a breather to focus on getting my financial house back in order, then I'm going to search for a wife material woman. Ultimately, a man has to have his priorities in order. I just hope my butterfly can flap her wings again soon.

Post: #48

That was a tough read John



It was tough dumping my almost 2 year ltr about a month ago, nowhere near close to as a great woman as yours.

But you let her down gently as possible, you were straight up with her, which matters.

Her being your friend is impossible.

Focus on yourself, take a break from game of course.

It sounds like you're really passionate about what you want in the future with a woman, I'm not going to scoff at you for it.

Post: #49

I've been a student of Game for several years. I think a lot of men get into game to improve their chances of getting laid, meaning that sex is the primary motivation for learning. But as a man enters his 30's, he starts thinking more about his mortality, his legacy, and whether or not there is more to life than getting his wick dipped into as many wells as possible.

I come from a very happy family, and know that Game can be used for more than just getting club sluts or Tinderllas to hop on my pecker. The bottom line is, Game is a set of tools to help you accomplish what you want with women, and for me, that means finding a good girl once my own life is in order to settle down and have some kids. I'm not the naive beta I once was, and have learned to lead with dominance and women love me for it now.

Just this last week I told two really sweet girls that a woman's place is in the kitchen and in the bedroom, servicing her man's needs and having a good husband at her side taking care of them. One was 23 and the other 19. Both strongly agreed, and the 19 year old even admitted to me that she was a bit embarressed to say this, but that she wanted to have my babies! (Very flattering, and she acknowledges that at her young age it is best to have kids early and with a good man. Smart girl!)

The bottom line is, many of the good girls we talk about really do want to become wives and mothers. There's a certain confirmation bias of always chasing sluts and then wonder why we think of many women as sluts in this community. I'm not talking about white washing many Western women which are truly awful, but there are still diamonds in the rough. As men, we have the responsibility not to damage these diamonds. If you're not looking to wifey up a girl, don't get into an LTR or even date/sleep with these chicks, as you are only killing a bit of their soul and yours in the end.

I've learned my lesson.

Post: #50

I'm going through this issue now, or at least I was last week.

I was dating a really sweet girl, very cute too. A solid 8.

My law practice is on fire right now, and a lot of the work I'm doing has been in the media, so I've been making the rounds on morning talk shows, podcasts, etc. It's been busy as hell.

She tried to broach the topic of "Hank, where is this going?" First over text, and I told her I don't have these kinds of discussion over text message. Then she tried to have the discussion with me right before I was supposed to be on a radio talk show. I told her I'm too busy to do this right now, and she stormed out of my house and hasn't contacted me since last Saturday morning.

I feel bad for her, and I don't want to corrupt her for the next guy. I'm sure she'll make someone very happy. I am just too busy with other ambitions to take relationships all that seriously.

The good news is I've been more productive than ever, and it's had a very positive effect on my cashflow. It's Friday night at 8:30, and I'm here doing work and making money, instead of out spending money.