Post: #1

I know this post is tl;dr, so if you want to skip to the meat, scroll down to the second bar.
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To be beta is to exist in a prison.

I recently met someone who is a living demonstration of this concept. He has a strong affection for a friend of mine who is what most men would classify a 9. An average man would fall for her very quickly, and many often do. I did, and still suffer.

Let's call him Matt. Matt has a bad habit of orbiting this girl, which was the only reason I could connect the dots.

"She is attractive, isn't she?"

"Yeah, she's beautiful..."

"I can tell you like her."

"I love her."

Two impulses flashed through my mind. The first was to cry, and the second was to punch Matt in the face. He reminded me of myself as a teenager.

"Look, man... I've been down this road before with [her]. The only thing I can tell you is this: either do something now, or kill it now. If you're going to go for it, be prepared for things to get extremely difficult. You're going to have to fight. You will be tested beyond your limits. If you're not willing to go through all that shit, kill off any desire you have for her right now. I made my decision, and I chose to kill it."

A lie.

In hindsight, I should have said that he would have to change, not fight. To be fair to Matt, we are both betas. I don't have a chance in hell, but Matt has even less than that. Everything about his social persona feels constrictive. Can you feel the difference between an introvert who chooses not to say anything and one who simply cannot say anything at all? The former radiates a soothing calm that is infectious; the latter feels like a prison.

Matt cracked a sly smile, and with a wistful look in his eye said, "I think I'm going to fight. I can do it."

The fool doesn't even know that he is in prison!

Matt did nothing that night, because he couldn't do anything. Everyone got drunk and high, and after it all died down it was myself and Matt left sleeping on the couches. This was while my friend was happily sharing her bed with an androgynous blonde man I had never seen before.

As far as I know, Matt left with nothing. The most I got from my friend was an odd proposal to sleep "in here". There was only one bed in the room, and two current occupants. The warden in my mind decided that to honor such a request would be inappropriate, so I ignored it. I settled for a hug before I left, to which my friend felt comfortable giving in her underwear.

So, yes. I also left with nothing.

Nothing but the prison.
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I am in a dark place right now. My eyes have been opened to the possibilities for those brave men willing to do the work, exploit the system, and seize every opportunity. But, they are too open.

Now that I am aware of what to do, how to act in a more alpha-like manner, and, by extension, become more like man, it is becoming increasing painful to live in the old way. My feelings don't match my thoughts, which don't match my words, which don't match my actions. The old me would analyze things after the fact, but now I am aware of my countless mistakes in real time. Though, I make every effort to change, the beta me fights back reflexively and relentlessly.

I haven't read much about this online, but I would call the experience "beta withdrawal".

My good friend, a friend I shared my enthusiasm for game with, thinks game is a joke. He also gives me shit whenever I'm with him and I don't approach. Normally, this would be great, except the way he does this produces the opposite effect. I don't approach, and I feel like shit. It was his words that sparked this snowball into depression.

Every moment is pain. I can't stand to be in this body, in this mind, or in this prison any longer.

I will succeed, because I have no choice. But, is there a way to stop the pain? I would be doing a lot more for myself, but I can't operate like this.

Post: #2

pain is just part of the process, homie. sorry. no easy button. just keep at it. work out. talk to girls. read, learn and experiment.

Post: #3

So, just keep going.

I thought there was some critical part of the game that wasn't sinking in, or that this experience is somehow abnormal. If the answer is simple, then I will take the pain gladly.

Post: #4

Dude, you'll see by my other posts that I've been beta to my wife/girlfriend for about 25 years after which she's divorce-raping me and laughing all the way to the bank. So obviously continuing in that vein just wasn't an option for me and I'm having to make radical changes late in life. This is normal. Yeah, it hurts. Press on. Nothing easy is ever worthwhile.

Post: #5

Take a deep breath, don't beat your self up, I find the more I brood about my beta impulses keep kicking in the less I can move on...

Think of it as an error in a new computer program you are writing for yourself, and no program is bug free, tomorrow your experience will rewrite parts of it only if you let it.
</analogy>

Post: #6

one more thing.. it sounds like you're barely starting your journey.. i want to warn you that it's going to hurt waaay more before it starts getting better. you can't be afraid to get rejected.

i sense that you're putting females on a very high pedestal. you need to realize they're not the mystical, elegant, special snowflakes that most beta assumes. don't respect them just because they're females, wait until they earn it. i don't know what bloggers you read now beside roosh but i would like to give you some recommendations that i think would help you understand women more.

Solomon II

Rollo

Heartiste

also you should watch how your alpha friends interact with females and learn from them. good luck homie.

Post: #7

(11-09-2011 04:03 AM)JoyStick Wrote:  one more thing.. it sounds like you're barely starting your journey.. i want to warn you that it's going to hurt waaay more before it starts getting better. you can't be afraid to get rejected.

i sense that you're putting females on a very high pedestal. you need to realize they're not the mystical, elegant, special snowflakes that most beta assumes. don't respect them just because they're females, wait until they earn it. i don't know what bloggers you read now beside roosh but i would like to give you some recommendations that i think would help you understand women more.

Solomon II

Rollo

Heartiste

also you should watch how your alpha friends interact with females and learn from them. good luck homie.

Don't be Beta.

Post: #8

Pain is weakness leaving the body.....its a good thing.

Post: #9

You learn to live in the eye of pain and as soon as you feel somewhat comfortable and stable, you realise that the rabbit hole goes deeper and down you go to another level, that brings you to a whole new sphere of pain again. And this goes on and on.

Once you think you "got there", something shows up, possibly in a drastic way, that shows you are not there yet. You feel the wall and you feel the pain. And process starts again.

The best you can do is try not to control and analyse, overthink this process. Just go through it, feel it through fully.

Learn to live in the eye of pain, live at your edge , and don't try to control this process, thinking when will it end or if there is a way out. It helps to accept that it will always be like this, moments of pain and crisis intercalated with moments of clarity and stability. Your own commitment is to live it fully.

Post: #10

(11-09-2011 04:03 AM)JoyStick Wrote:  one more thing.. it sounds like you're barely starting your journey.. i want to warn you that it's going to hurt waaay more before it starts getting better. you can't be afraid to get rejected.

i sense that you're putting females on a very high pedestal. you need to realize they're not the mystical, elegant, special snowflakes that most beta assumes. don't respect them just because they're females, wait until they earn it. i don't know what bloggers you read now beside roosh but i would like to give you some recommendations that i think would help you understand women more.

...

also you should watch how your alpha friends interact with females and learn from them. good luck homie.

I've known this girl for years. She doesn't look as attractive to me now as when I barely knew her. I am simply aware that she requires a level of game that I don't possess. That's the reason why I told Matt that he'd be in for shit if he didn't know what he was doing. It seems like a stupid risk.

I am familiar with all of those blogs. I've read Heartiste since he was Roissy. If those sources are good I will definitely dive into it.

(11-09-2011 08:48 PM)Amour Fou Wrote:  You learn to live in the eye of pain and as soon as you feel somewhat comfortable and stable, you realise that the rabbit hole goes deeper and down you go to another level, that brings you to a whole new sphere of pain again. And this goes on and on.

Once you think you "got there", something shows up, possibly in a drastic way, that shows you are not there yet. You feel the wall and you feel the pain. And process starts again.

The best you can do is try not to control and analyse, overthink this process. Just go through it, feel it through fully.

Learn to live in the eye of pain, live at your edge , and don't try to control this process, thinking when will it end or if there is a way out. It helps to accept that it will always be like this, moments of pain and crisis intercalated with moments of clarity and stability. Your own commitment is to live it fully.

That sounds close to a revelation I once had during a Bipolar mood swing. I'm glad you told me this.