Post: #1

There's this girl whom I met while traveling a few months ago. (We made out before I left.)

Now, she's come to visit me for 10 days. My buddies said that I needed to wine & dine her to get her in the sack (I usually never pay because I don't want to give them power, but they said since she paid to fly to visit me I should). So the first 3 days were fine, paid for everything and indeed I did bang her twice. Last night she gets all cold on me and says she doesn't want anything and "thought she was visiting me as a friend". I still have 7 days with her though!

I don't want to spend 7 days with an ice queen - besides she's not even a fun person to hang out with! Obviously I can't kick her out and admittedly it was a dumb idea to invite someone if I didn't enjoy her company that much to begin with.

What do I do? Ignore her? Try again tonight? Act like nothings wrong. Stop paying for stuff? I haven't seen her today coz I had to leave early for work - I was planning to tell her that I'm busy all day and that she should just do her own thing today. What do you think?

Desperate for help!

Post: #2

This is probably some form of post-coital ASD.

I'd approach it that way, at least.

Post: #3

Sounds like buyer's remorse. Plenty of resources around the forum on it.

Basil's post here is especially good.
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Best play is to focus on building comfort and get into the frame that "it just happened", blame it on your feelings. Don't push hard after that; pull back a bit and then escalate again once she feels comfortable. The situation can probably be salvaged but you have to play it carefully.

If you want to go nuclear you can chuck her out, but I'd try the friendly approach first.

Post: #4

@Caligula Thanks. This is gold.

Also, should I stop paying for everything? How would I do that without making it obvious that I don't want to be her sugar-daddy? It's just annoying because she hasn't said thank you once (which was ok as long as she was putting out). Frankly, her value is not worth the expenditure.

Post: #5

Yeah darkhorse you should stop paying for everything. She told you that she came to see you as friends and she is acting like she doesnt want to fuck..why would you pay for everything to a friend that doesnt want to fuck? If she came to see you as a friend then she should have brought her own money and take care of her expenses.

Tell her that you are broke whenever you feel that you need to pay for anything. Dont really give a fuck if she is going to leave, she aint that cool anyway.

Post: #6

Definitely stop paying for everything.

If you're at a bar you can always say "first round's on you".

If you're at a shop you can always say "can you get this?" or "do you have cash?" when you're at the checkout.

If she turns sour at that call her out on it. Unacceptable behaviour not to carry her fair share of expenses, regardless of whether you're banging her.

Anyway, you can always try running some freeze out game on her, just be careful it doesn't get taken for you being passive aggressive. Don't give her the pleasure of seeing that she's in control of your emotions like that.

Best move: go out with another girl or have another girl come over to your place. Even better: bang the other girl. If she's there for ten days there's no need for you to be babysitting her the whole time and putting your life on hold for her.

Post: #7

Go to the grocery store without her and bring home food it takes effort to make. Then go out and drink with your friends for a few hours. When you come back see if she made herself food or made some for you also. Come back with a report and stay aloof.

Post: #8

Thanks guys. Damn it, just realized I made this exact mistake this time last year with another girl!!
Wish I discovered this forum earlier. Been reading PUA books for a while now, but clearly this forum is an invaluable tool with sticking points. Going to see this girl later tonight, wish me luck.

Post: #9

Let us know how it goes.

Post: #10

Wow guys, worked like a charm.

1. Freezed her out till late that night.
2. Got home and pretended everything was cool - made up a mundane story about how my boss was an asshole and gave me a pile of work. I pretended to be annoyed that I couldn't have spent the day with her.
3. Ran some comfort building. Said that I wanted to do everything I could so she would have a lovely holiday - but it didn't seem like she was happy. Said that I didn't want this to be the last time I saw her.

Lo and behold, she gets all googly-eyed and says that she's having "a wonderful holiday". Then she starts to escalate with kino and ...

Unbelievable. I totally would have burned this without your help. Thanks guys!

Post: #11

(10-25-2011 03:25 AM)darkhorse Wrote:  Wow guys, worked like a charm.

1. Freezed her out till late that night.
2. Got home and pretended everything was cool - made up a mundane story about how my boss was an asshole and gave me a pile of work. I pretended to be annoyed that I couldn't have spent the day with her.
3. Ran some comfort building. Said that I wanted to do everything I could so she would have a lovely holiday - but it didn't seem like she was happy. Said that I didn't want this to be the last time I saw her.

Lo and behold, she gets all googly-eyed and says that she's having "a wonderful holiday". Then she starts to escalate with kino and ...

Unbelievable. I totally would have burned this without your help. Thanks guys!

Well played!

Post: #12

So in a ridiculous turn of events...

Went out yesterday afternoon with some guy friends and the girl (A). Girl starts to show some interest in one of my friends (who's a doctor) and even sits next to him not me in a cafe. WTF. I ignored it for a while and then when someone made a comment about it being cold, i said to her "hey move over here, I need your warmth". She goes, "No, I'm warm here". Ouch.

Now, I trust my buddy but I don't trust this A. I mean, i got her number at a party while she was there with another guy. At least she's consistent haha!

Anyway, we all go out to a club and some girl friends join us. At this point, we are all super drunk. I'm like "ok, let's play this game" - so I go dance with my female friends. A proceeds to dance with my doctor friend. After a few songs, I cut in and dance with A. I go in for a kiss but she turns her head away. Seriously?

Well, you know I'm at a club and I'm going to kiss someone. If it's not this girl, it's going to be someone else!! So I walk away and go dance with my (hotter) female friend and give her a kiss. And then I dance with another friend and kiss her as well. It got messy haha! A danced with my doctor friend again, and I could tell she was into him. He didn't want to kiss her though! (you know because he's a buddy)

I went back to A for a dance and tried for a kiss. Again no. Maybe she's shy about PDA or she's too angry now or maybe she's just a boring person - who knows. Anyway, I again I leave her to dance with my friends. She dances with my guy friends but of course none of them would make a serious move.

Some random guy chats he up for ages and I see him give her his number. I go to her and say, "Hey you can go with this guy if you like, but I need my key back". Guy grabs my arm to start some shit but the bouncer cuts in. We end up leaving and I tell her when I get home that she is welcome to take her things and leave if she wants. I just don't want to be responsible for her. She said "no" but that she "was on holiday and just wanted to enjoy herself". I was like whatever and gave her a separate bed to sleep in that night.

So yeah, very reactive/emotional on my part. Looking back, I'm trying to analyze how I could have acted better, not necessarily to save the situation but to save my pride! Ideas?

Fact of the matter is, this girl is a user. The warning signals were all there and I ignored it - so I wasn't surprised that she would be smitten by a doctor. Worse, she has no personality so she's incredibly boring and kinda annoying when she's not naked.

She still hasn't spent a cent (nor offered or said thank you once) since she arrived which isn't really a huge deal for me because I know financially she doesn't have much. But she's also abusing the generosity of my friends, letting them buy her drinks last night.

Then I thought about it. I don't want to hang out with her nor do I want her to be leeching off my friends. I actually have zero interest in having sex with her again. At the same time, I'm not quite a dick to kick her out. Actually, the best thing that could happen would be if she did go on a date with another guy.

So I left her a nice note today to say I want her to enjoy her vacation and sorry that my job keeps me so busy. That she should go out with whomever she wants just don't bring anyone home to my place! Kind of a crazy situation, but I think that's the best scenario - at least now I can do whatever I want with my buddies in my free time and not have to invite her lol. 5 days left...just hope she doesn't steal anything!

Women like these are a reminder of why I like to stay single. Obviously need a better filtering process. Live and learn...

Post: #13

Well played kissing the other girls.

You probably gave out too much of a needy vibe by going for the kiss twice at the club, chasing her around and pushing in when she was talking to the other guy. She may have sensed you looking over at her a lot when she was with your doctor friend.

If you're going to throw her ass out, really throw her out - no half measures or hints. But if you don't think she's crazy enough to steal your shit or otherwise fuck with your things riding it out may be easier.

Post: #14

Oooh, fair call on the neediness/jealousy. I mean, I kissed a friend of mine who's much hotter and frankly would rather bang. Yet I still felt possessive over A. So how do you guys avoid the needy vibe? Just freeze her out completely for the night?

Post: #15

Though your actions came across as needy, you were fully justified in reacting the way you did. This chick is a mercenary, and was flat-out disrespectful to you. She's staying with you, fucking you, having you totally foot the bill for her stay, then making a play for other guys, including a friend, right in front of you? She has no scruples. In fact, I'd give you doctor friend the thumbs-up to fuck her. Shit...pass her to as many of your boys as possible. She's acting like a trick. Treat her like one.

Post: #16

you should be more dominant with her I think dude.

Post: #17

(10-24-2011 10:22 AM)darkhorse Wrote:  So the first 3 days were fine, paid for everything and indeed I did bang her twice. Last night she gets all cold on me and says she doesn't want anything and "thought she was visiting me as a friend".

are you sure you fucked her properly. cause that sounds like she is dissapointed of your performance

Post: #18

Having just dealt with a girl like this, my advice would be to make sure all your valuables are still in your apartment when she leaves, and make sure there's a camera recording somewhere of her and you interacting in a friendly manner. She sounds like a psychopath, and while I wouldn't necessarily worry about her chasing with a chainsaw naked (man that was a great movie), the more garden variety psycho doesn't have a problem with stealing or crying fake rape.

Post: #19

(10-26-2011 10:09 PM)BortimusPrime Wrote:  Having just dealt with a girl like this, my advice would be to make sure all your valuables are still in your apartment when she leaves, and make sure there's a camera recording somewhere of her and you interacting in a friendly manner. She sounds like a psychopath, and while I wouldn't necessarily worry about her chasing with a chainsaw naked (man that was a great movie), the more garden variety psycho doesn't have a problem with stealing or crying fake rape.

please tell the story

Post: #20

I'd have kicked her out

Post: #21

LoL. Why is she still staying over? She's clearly worn out her welcome. Take your key back already. Stop worrying about being nice to her. She's done nothing but offer her vagina to you when you've let her crash at your pad for days. Tell her to have your laundry done, your dinner ready, or get the fuck out. Time to go. You don't even have to be mad about it. Say you've got other plans and the "vacation" has ended at your home. She needs to step or stop with the chess match.

Post: #22

(10-26-2011 10:13 PM)rockdaspot Wrote:  

(10-26-2011 10:09 PM)BortimusPrime Wrote:  Having just dealt with a girl like this, my advice would be to make sure all your valuables are still in your apartment when she leaves, and make sure there's a camera recording somewhere of her and you interacting in a friendly manner. She sounds like a psychopath, and while I wouldn't necessarily worry about her chasing with a chainsaw naked (man that was a great movie), the more garden variety psycho doesn't have a problem with stealing or crying fake rape.

please tell the story

Made the mistake of getting involved with a girl hired by my father to do some editing. She had a similar issue with random coldness eruptions of what I originally thought was retroactive ASD. Eventually I came to the conclusion that it was based on keeping me on edge with her in order to have control. I got tired of the shit and started ignoring her which I assumed would be the end of it.

She didn't come chasing once I started ignoring her, so I was right that she didn't have any real interest. Of course in the meantime my rather foolishly generous father had agreed to let her stay in a studio on family owned property while she was working for him, because her apt. lease had expired and she couldn't find a new place to stay in time (yeah that makes sense...). And of course I happen to live in an apartment right next to this studio. Fun.

So I was cordial but didn't want to deal with her anymore (although I was mildly hoping she'd come on to me again...egotistical individual that I am), and everything seemed fine until my dad had to fire her because she had basically stopped doing any work. Well, obviously the most plausible way she could cover for not being productive would be to spin a massive cock-and-bull story to my parents about how she couldn't possibly have gotten any work done while she was living there, since I was apparently an emotionally abusive racist who was constantly harrassing her. Since then she's had to stay with family members, evidently to avoid being made part of my skin suit. At that point it was pretty obvious that she's floating in the deep end of the DSM manual, so we're very carefully trying to get rid of her without her destroying anything or calling in a phony claim to the cops.

I'm probably paranoid at this point just from reading too many psychology articles, but the ridiculous lying and incongruous lack of emotion in romantic situations makes me think she's got antisocial personality disorder.

The worst part is that at this rate I'm never going to finish my skin suit...

Post: #23

^^^^^

I'd call the cops on her. tricky situation though.

Post: #24

I really don't trust the capacity of cops to be impartial in a dispute between me, a rather large guy, and a tiny woman with the ability to shake in fear and flash some major disney cartoon animal eyes on demand.

Post: #25

Why the fuck did you agree on a 10-day visit?

If a chick wants to come visit, she comes for the weekend, then she goes back the fuck to wherever she's from.

If she's staying by herself in a hotel or whatever, then she can do as she pleases, but you should have let it be known up front that a weekend or 2-3 days was all she was going to get of your time.

You're getting played now, because you played it badly from the start.