Post: #1

i am in the process of turning a one-time thing with a girl into an on-going thing. she is a very smart, sociable girl, but very shy with boys. the first two times we banged were the first two times she was at my apartment alone. the other night, she is at my apartment alone for the third time. everything is good, no weird vibe or anything, we are on my couch goofing off, watching tv, teasing each other, etc. we have made out a few times that night, i end it each time. at one point we start up again i'm undoing her bra and she kind of hesitates for a second. she very nervously asks me if it would be okay if we didn't do it tonight, would that upset me? i kind of smirked like i was amused and said no, then i helped her up and the night basically went on like it was before, kissing and goofing off. at no time did i apologize at all, indeed i didn't say anything like, "i don't want to force you," or anything, i just replied "no" and sat up and proceeded very unbothered.

she seemed even warmer and more snuggly-touchy after that, but the next day didn't text (she normally texts me all day), and when she finally did text that night she seemed very concerned with keeping me happy - typing too many "haha"s at my jokes, asking a lot of general questions like "what are you doing?" "do you prefer me to text you or gchat you via phone?" etc., just basically excuses for reinitiating conversation. this was three nights ago, so it's too soon for her to have come over again since.

when she asked me if we could stop, i could have still smirked like i was amused, said, "stop messing around," and kept going, and it would have been a lay. my thought in the moment was "i don't want her to feel uncomfortable in my apartment, because then she won't come back." she's keeping the fact she comes over to my apartment a secret from her friends, so i don't think she's trying to snag any sort of bf-like commitment, or at least not right now. my question is, if my goal is to have a casual ongoing fuckbuddy, was what i did the right play?

so far i've been playing it as if nothing happened, trusting that a strong enough frame of not caring about it one way or the other (i.e., i'm not angry, but i'm also not going to try to prove good intentions) will keep her comfortable. is this probably the best course of action?

Post: #2

You're wayyyyy overconcerned with her needs. Telling a girl we want her to feel comfortable is just something we say, but truth is we need to get what we want, every time. Unless she was on her period, you got bitched and now you're wondering how YOU should solve the problem.

"i don't want her to feel uncomfortable in my apartment, because then she won't come back."

You should think, "What the fuck is her problem. If she doesn't shape up then I won't let her back."

Understand the difference. Is she thinking about your needs right now, how she left you blue balled?

Post: #3

(08-27-2009 12:32 PM)Roosh Wrote:  You're wayyyyy overconcerned with her needs. Telling a girl we want her to feel comfortable is just something we say, but truth is we need to get what we want, every time. Unless she was on her period, you got bitched and now you're wondering how YOU should solve the problem.

"i don't want her to feel uncomfortable in my apartment, because then she won't come back."

You should think, "What the fuck is her problem. If she doesn't shape up then I won't let her back."

Understand the difference. Is she thinking about your needs right now, how she left you blue balled?

This is gospel truth right here. Just that simple maneuver from her now puts her into control.

Post: #4

thanks roosh!

Post: #5

BCG-

Why didn't you ask this wahine what the problem was?

Now I love the dirty little secret thing, especially when its initiated by the girl. It makes the f^ck-buddy scenario you're interested in work so much better. Use that. But tell me why you're doing this? What's she hiding?

And forget about her being shy around boys - she's with a man now.

Aloha!

Post: #6

(08-27-2009 12:32 PM)Roosh Wrote:  You're wayyyyy overconcerned with her needs. Telling a girl we want her to feel comfortable is just something we say, but truth is we need to get what we want, every time. Unless she was on her period, you got bitched and now you're wondering how YOU should solve the problem.

"i don't want her to feel uncomfortable in my apartment, because then she won't come back."

You should think, "What the fuck is her problem. If she doesn't shape up then I won't let her back."

Understand the difference. Is she thinking about your needs right now, how she left you blue balled?

not to revive an old thread, but i wanted to say that this was really clarifying and got the job done. after reorienting my frame to match this, i a) never got bitched again and b) secured this as an ongoing thing.

Post: #7

Most likely she was on the rag that night. She was doing you a favor.

Post: #8

(10-21-2009 12:23 AM)UgSlayer Wrote:  Most likely she was on the rag that night. She was doing you a favor.

no, she wasn't. i know her cycle because i don't mind having sex with a girl on her period, and that's how i know this girl doesn't mind, either.

Post: #9

Meh, I'm going with being on the rag. Yeah, yeah, we know our chick's cycles and what not. But you do realize that sometimes it can get a little out of whack. Or maybe she wasn't feeling "fresh" or whatever but I'm defintely going with either that or she's testing you to see if you're just all about the sex.

Chicks do that too. Only the ones that think they're ready to get involved LTR. They will hold out on sex just to see what the guy's reaction is and want to know if we're actually interested in them or if it's all about the sex.