Post: #26

(04-21-2019 11:17 AM)nomadbrah Wrote:  

(04-21-2019 10:55 AM)Vladimir Poontang Wrote:  

(04-21-2019 10:52 AM)Roosh Wrote:  Acute grief can't be solved. Just refrain from hurting yourself.

Either spend time with your family or be alone in your apartment or in park where you can grieve. You're in for a hard road, though the first week is the roughest.

My condolences.

I feel so neutral. I've had moments when I cry for just a few seconds then suddenly stop and feel ok. Otherwise I feel so calm. I'm so worried that at some point I'm going to freak out. I've had panic attacks in the past and I'm concerned that I might have one. And it feels like such a normal day. I feel very capable of being stoic, but when I think of my mother I feel like I'm going to have to carry something that I can't carry.

Roosh you're so calm and if I didn't read your blog or hear about it I'd never guess about your situation. How can you continue a blog and make videos like that? I just mean how do you deal with it and still present yourself as you usually do?

Sorry for your loss Vladimir.

Losing a sibling must be even worse than losing a parent.

Don't feel like you need to react in any specific manner. You're doing good. You're reacting like a man and like God intented you to react. This is not something you should think about. You're stoic and by being that, you will get through the shock and be able to participate in the funeral and the wake. This is important that you participate and listen to friends, family and priest. Their words will bring meaning.

Tell them that you appreciate that they talk about her. Tell them that you want them to talk about her. It's important that you talk about her. It will help heal, but most people think they should act like it didn't happen out of care for you. The reverse is true. The more you talk, the more she lives on and the easier you will get through the grief.

Be prepared to be hit hard after the funeral and ritual mourning is over. It will probably last for a long time and you'll feel everything you don't feel now. This is when you'll need someone to talk to, but most people will think "you should try to get over it". That's not what you want. Let people know that you will be mourning for at least one year and that they should talk to you about it and your sister for that entire time.

If you want, you can always write to us here. I don't know you, but I know where you're at and I'll listen to you if you want.

She had plenty of problems, and I just wish she'd tried harder. I'm not angry at her. I just told her a few minutes ago that it was hard and that I understand.

Post: #27

Sorry, brother. May you find strength.

Post: #28

DAMN man i really hate this happened to you, you're like one of my favorite members on here...I Lost my granddad (which is basically my dad because he adopted and raised me) 3 weeks ago. I was and still am numb to it but seeing my family hurt is the most depressing thing i've EVER been through. Also, the anger sets in, like the anger of my grandma having to guess that my granddad died or the fact we know a family member is the reason he died.

You're going to go thru a whole range of emotions, mainly anger and sadness. The hardest thing is the realization that yes it happened. If you want to Pm me to talk about it more, i'm open to it. I'm praying for you and your family.

And I agree with Leonard, Be there for your family now but in the alone times ESPECIALLY when you're sad. Get a candle, turn off all the lights after you light the candle and focus on the flame as long as you can. Breath deeply, visualize the candle as warmth. It works!

Also be prepared for the preperations, be prepared for the funeral and seeing your family distraught, be prepared for the emotions that pop out of nowhere once you see her. The best thing you can do is be prepared and let time take it's course.

Post: #29

I'm sorry for your loss man. Life won't be the same without her, but... there will still be life. Remember that in the days ahead, no matter how meaningless it might seem right now.

Post: #30

You have my condolences my dear friend. I will send smoke signals to you tonight.

Post: #31

Sincerest condolences. May God grant you strength.

Post: #32

Sorry to hear this man, be with family as much as you can in this most difficult of times. It is one of the most painful things a man can endure, and you and your family are in my prayers

Post: #33

(04-21-2019 11:33 AM)Vladimir Poontang Wrote:  

(04-21-2019 11:17 AM)nomadbrah Wrote:  

(04-21-2019 10:55 AM)Vladimir Poontang Wrote:  

(04-21-2019 10:52 AM)Roosh Wrote:  Acute grief can't be solved. Just refrain from hurting yourself.

Either spend time with your family or be alone in your apartment or in park where you can grieve. You're in for a hard road, though the first week is the roughest.

My condolences.

I feel so neutral. I've had moments when I cry for just a few seconds then suddenly stop and feel ok. Otherwise I feel so calm. I'm so worried that at some point I'm going to freak out. I've had panic attacks in the past and I'm concerned that I might have one. And it feels like such a normal day. I feel very capable of being stoic, but when I think of my mother I feel like I'm going to have to carry something that I can't carry.

Roosh you're so calm and if I didn't read your blog or hear about it I'd never guess about your situation. How can you continue a blog and make videos like that? I just mean how do you deal with it and still present yourself as you usually do?

Sorry for your loss Vladimir.

Losing a sibling must be even worse than losing a parent.

Don't feel like you need to react in any specific manner. You're doing good. You're reacting like a man and like God intented you to react. This is not something you should think about. You're stoic and by being that, you will get through the shock and be able to participate in the funeral and the wake. This is important that you participate and listen to friends, family and priest. Their words will bring meaning.

Tell them that you appreciate that they talk about her. Tell them that you want them to talk about her. It's important that you talk about her. It will help heal, but most people think they should act like it didn't happen out of care for you. The reverse is true. The more you talk, the more she lives on and the easier you will get through the grief.

Be prepared to be hit hard after the funeral and ritual mourning is over. It will probably last for a long time and you'll feel everything you don't feel now. This is when you'll need someone to talk to, but most people will think "you should try to get over it". That's not what you want. Let people know that you will be mourning for at least one year and that they should talk to you about it and your sister for that entire time.

If you want, you can always write to us here. I don't know you, but I know where you're at and I'll listen to you if you want.

She had plenty of problems, and I just wish she'd tried harder. I'm not angry at her. I just told her a few minutes ago that it was hard and that I understand.

I imagine she did try very hard. When severe depression is chronic, everyone on the outside thinks that person can do more. But. The truth is not that simple. Her staying this long on the earth was trying very hard! Every moment was pinned in suffering, like being covered with 1000 mosquito bites, overwhelming. I guaranteed she tried very hard. She was fighting against a disiease that warps the very mind that is trying to fight it. Please understand, that internally her suffering was equivalent to that of a POW, maybe more, because she did not have her mind to help her, the disease turned it against her!!

Post: #34

Thanks to everyone. I started this thread because I needed to have people say stuff to me, and what you've all been saying is very helpful.

My friend has been here for 3 1/2 hours, and has just left. He came a long way. I've known him since we were 12. He's the first and only real friend I've ever had.

We talked about a lot of things. We talked about when his dad died when he was young, and about the things that keep popping into my mind, and about life, and psychology. It has made today as easy as it could have been. I don't think it could have turned out better. I've been very lucky to have quite a good day, which sounds strange, but I have. I feel pleasant. I know what's happened but still I've made jokes to myself as well as had bad thoughts (kind of like tourettes), and it's ok. I don't feel guilt, anger, just a lighthearted but sad sense of what a shame, why did you have to take an overdose, you've just ruined everything and now all I have is photos. I feel like I've reached total acceptance, but I wonder if it's a fake feeling.

Post: #35

It sounds like you are mad at your sister and feel like you should be feeling more grief now that she has passed on.

Just so you know, this is not uncommon and a lot of people feel that with people who have frustrated them while they are alive.

There are some who are still mad at people long after they have died.

I would counsel that you shouldn't either beat yourself up or come to any grand conclusions just yet.

Let time take its course and deal with whatever emotions come along when they do.

As you can see, there are so many ways this can go, and it may take time and some unraveling to come to terms with her death and your reaction and your new thoughts on mortality and other big issues.

It's really good that you felt comfortable enough to ask a friend to come all that way to be with you. A lot of guys would just suffer in silence and not want to bother anyone, and it is a sign of mental health to be able to ask for what you need.

Dealing with not only your emotions but your whole family's is a situation that won't be for the faint of heart.

Make sure you have resources and support, not only the forum and friend but whatever counseling and support lines are available in your area.

Obviously, couselors can make things worse, so if you are feeling like you got a bad egg, just leave her and never look back.

Try to find a male counselor who isn't soy.

Post: #36

(04-21-2019 04:02 PM)debeguiled Wrote:  It sounds like you are mad at your sister and feel like you should be feeling more grief now that she has passed on.

Just so you know, this is not uncommon and a lot of people feel that with people who have frustrated them while they are alive.

There are some who are still mad at people long after they have died.

I would counsel that you shouldn't either beat yourself up or come to any grand conclusions just yet.

Let time take its course and deal with whatever emotions come along when they do.

As you can see, there are so many ways this can go, and it may take time and some unraveling to come to terms with her death and your reaction and your new thoughts on mortality and other big issues.

It's really good that you felt comfortable enough to ask a friend to come all that way to be with you. A lot of guys would just suffer in silence and not want to bother anyone, and it is a sign of mental health to be able to ask for what you need.

Dealing with not only your emotions but your whole family's is a situation that won't be for the faint of heart.

Make sure you have resources and support, not only the forum and friend but whatever counseling and support lines are available in your area.

Obviously, couselors can make things worse, so if you are feeling like you got a bad egg, just leave her and never look back.

Try to find a male counselor who isn't soy.

I'm not quite mad, just disappointed while at the same time relieved. I don't have to worry about her. Thanks for your comments.

I've got a rosary in front of me to remind me that this is God's will. God you bastard (forgive me for saying that), you fucking genius I know you did it for what is ultimately a good reason but I wish I knew that reason today although it's probably best that I don't. Your will man, always your will, not mine. I can't believe I'm being so accepting, but recently I've started praying (since a couple of months ago) and when I do I emphasise "YOUR WILL BE DONE". It's scary but liberating. I think right now He's saying damn right my will. Point taken.

Yesterday I had a call from my dad. My dad treated us like a nuisance because he didn't get on with our mother. It was wrong. The last time I saw him was in 2003, and before that, 1997. What a coincidence. I've always thought that the hardest thing I could possibly ever have to do is see him again, and we talked about meeting soon. And then this. All within 24 hours. Oh well, I did ask God to set me straight and that I would do anything and go through anything.

I know that somehow this is proving to me that I can handle way more than I think I can. Anyone reading this who thinks they're weak, believe me, if I can handle this, you can. I hope my life will get better somehow because of this. I want to go on and achieve things that are unbelieveable to me now. I've been a loser for so long, a loser with so much potential, but once I feel ready, and I don't know how I'll do this, I'm going to become somebody. I'm going to have money in my pocket, a damn fine wife, kids that I won't treat like nuisances, and my head held up high.

And to any atheists who think it's sick that a creator would cause or allow such things to happen, believe.

There are 3 reasons to believe :

1) Based on evidence
2) Wishful thinking
3) (the one that some atheists forget) a choice.

I pick 3. The evidence will present itself and if it doesn't it doesn't, no harm no foul. It's not wishful thinking because I'm not ignoring evidence for or against, nor concocting evidence. It's a choice. There's a creator and He's right under my nose and He can hear every thought.

I'm going to turn this into the beginning of something positive.

Sorry to go on, I'm just getting my thoughts out.

Post: #37

You have my prayers and condolences. Your grieving process is your own and not anyone else’s. God bless.

Post: #38

I can understand what you are going through. You need to focus on your breathing. Deep breaths, the kind where your stomach expands fully out. Eventually you will adapt to the situation.

My condolences.

Post: #39

Sorry for your loss. Said a prayer for you at Mass today. "Please help guide RVF member Vladimir Poontang through this difficult time". On a lighter note, I did laugh inside my head when I said Vladimir Poontang. All jokes aside, we are ALL here for one another. Through the bangs, rejections, departed friends and family members. Like-minded men being there for other like-minded men. A trully beautiful thing.

Side note: I go to Mass every now and again, and today you get the once or twice a year visitors. Spotted a mid-30s girl with gigantic hoop earings, shoulders and upper back exposed with gigantic tattoo mid-upper back, and chewing gum like Rosie Perez in White Man Can't Jump. EASTER SUNDAY MASS. The decline is real....

Post: #40

Sorry brother, can't imagine what you're going through. You, your sister and mom are in my prayers.

Probably not right now, but over the coming weeks maybe try re-reading some of the stuff Roosh wrote a few months ago.

Post: #41

Very sorry for your loss.

Post: #42

(04-21-2019 08:43 AM)Vladimir Poontang Wrote:  I'm shaking right now. I just had a call. Please, I need help and strength. Please I need company, help me, talk to me. I don't have anyone to talk to. Please. Pray for me. Help me, talk to me. Even if I don't respond, I just need to know people care.

I'm not at home at the moment. And I won't be back for a week or two.

I can't talk to you here, I have a dying relative to deal with my self.

But if you can wait, if you can hold on, I can talk to you on the phone - drop me your number - I'll pick up the call.

Maybe we can chat for half hour/hour or so?

I'm not a professional. But I'm a real person.

I warn you though, if this is any kind of way some kind of bollocks, I will come down hard on you. I'll be able to tell if you are not genuine. I'm not saying you are not. But this is one area where I won't allow the piss to be taken.

If you are genuine. If you just need a brother to talk to. I'm a good listener.

But that will be a few days/weeks off.

But no matter. The pain just gets harder. It won't go away. The insanity you feel now will only ramp up and get worse. It won't get better.

And I can be there for you in a few days/weeks. We can chat for 10 minutes or an hour if you like.

You have friends.


Just remember, if this is in any kind of way a 'play' I will sniff you out, and the retribution will be hard.

I have to protect my self to a certain extent - I'm sure you understand that. I'll be giving my real phone no. over to you.

Trust is a two-way street.

If you contact me and I feel comfortable, we will talk.

I'm sorry to have to say this Vlad, but I'm sure you understand.

I look forward to chatting with you and passing on some resources your way in a little bit.

PM me your phone no. and a good time to contact you.

It's one thing to meet people in real life. It's another to bullshit on the phone.

I hope you take no offense over this Vlad. We can work it out over the phone.

You need to look after yourself best you can: eat well, sleep well, if you can.

The grief will come in waves. Like a tide washing over you that you have no power to resist. The few friends you have in this time will be your rock.

But it's still gonna hurt.


You have friends.

Post: #43

Sorry for your loss.

Man, don't be scared of what you are feeling. This is what you should do when you have a panic attack.

Grab an alarm clock. Set it for one hour. During that one hour you are not allowed to do anything against that panic attack. When the alarm rings, check if you are still panicked.

If you are not, you learned how to be patient when your mind is using its innate psychological immune function to get you back to baseline.

When we are really upset, your brain has to use serious horsepower to get you back to baseline. During that time you might feel panic. Do not interfere with that panic for an hour and you will see that afterwards the panic is gone because you let your mind do its work.

If it lasts much longer then a few hours and you experience that regularly you should find a psychiatrist who can help you cope.

Maybe not what you wanted to hear. I wish you all the strength in the world.

Post: #44

There are times when all that you can do is exist and breathe minute to minute.

That the pain and discomfort are drawn out, that a day feels like a year.

Take something that you need to do for your health or sanity or personal well being and go now...and do it.

Go make a cup of tea. Have a smoke. Pet your dog on the head. Light a candle and say a prayer. Stand up, stretch your arms above your head and then bend over, touch your toes, breathe. Put on gloves and go punch a heavy bag for three minutes straight full speed...

Ask a friend to call you and talk.

Rest easy tonight bro. You ain't alone.

Post: #45

We're pulling for you in Hawaii brah!

I'm not deep like some of these guys, and I never am the guy tosay "hey if you want to talk I'm here" because I just don't.

What I am willing to do is give you a phone number, which I may answer and tell you some racist jokes. That's my offer, and it's only open to you.

Take it or leave it, sorry for you loss my brother.

Aloha!

Post: #46

My deepest sympathy.
I lost my dad while I was going thru a breakup. It was tough but don’t be embarrassed to seek help (bereavement groups).
I found a separation group for my split and talked it out with my therapist to deal with those issues.
It’s a process. Stay strong.
I’ll pm you my number

Post: #47

Thanks for the offers to talk on the phone. I don't know if I can do that but it's good to have the option. Rigsby I'm not joking, but I don't blame you for being cautious. I'm just trying to keep my mind occupied.

Post: #48

May your sister rest in peace.

Hope God is with her.

Either go to Church or spend time with the family. This is the best thing you can do

Post: #49

Very sorry for your loss man. It's a painful loss to lose someone particularly our age close to us. Heart goes out to your parents as well, can't imagine it's easy for them to live through something like this.

I didn't lose a sister but I remember at a close relative's wake, an in-law and I were talking and as more of an outsider looking in, he correctly pointed out that the hardest time for those closest to the relative was going to be after the funeral and everybody goes back to their normal lives. I found that to be very accurate. Our family felt the presence missing in family events and holidays after he died. That's when you are going to process this and you need to prepare for that down the road.

Also, maybe avoid traveling for a while. I did and I came to discover I was traveling with a lot of unaired grief and lack of closure, definitely effecting rational decision making at times. It goes back to the above. Sometimes it really doesn't hit you your loved one is gone until months later. It can feel like a bad dream or a weird set of events in some sense.

Anyway man, I'm really sorry about your loss. Death is a cruel mistress at times taking away unexpected people.

Post: #50

(04-22-2019 05:25 AM)yankeetravels Wrote:  Very sorry for your loss man. It's a painful loss to lose someone particularly our age close to us. Heart goes out to your parents as well, can't imagine it's easy for them to live through something like this.

I didn't lose a sister but I remember at a close relative's wake, an in-law and I were talking and as more of an outsider looking in, he correctly pointed out that the hardest time for those closest to the relative was going to be after the funeral and everybody goes back to their normal lives. I found that to be very accurate. Our family felt the presence missing in family events and holidays after he died. That's when you are going to process this and you need to prepare for that down the road.

Also, maybe avoid traveling for a while. I did and I came to discover I was traveling with a lot of unaired grief and lack of closure, definitely effecting rational decision making at times. It goes back to the above. Sometimes it really doesn't hit you your loved one is gone until months later. It can feel like a bad dream or a weird set of events in some sense.

Anyway man, I'm really sorry about your loss. Death is a cruel mistress at times taking away unexpected people.

I'm trying to stay in the present moment. I just hope I manage to learn whatever lessons there are to learn.