Post: #1

BACKGROUND

I’m 30 y/o, very high notch count, never been exclusive with anyone.
I’ve had diminishing returns of fulfilment from ONS since I decided against trying an exclusive relationship (past 2 months).
I’m wondering will this trend continue leading to a stronger LTR desire.

She’s 27 y/o, Polish, loyal, distant from father, been cheated on by last 2 boyfriends and knows I’ve slept around lots before.

PROS TO LTR HER
My gut wants to try it.
She’s the best girl out of a very large sample size and first girl I’ve loved.
I think it will provide more fulfilment and happiness (at first at least) than fucking randoms.
I enjoy her company, affection and can learn if I want a LTR even if it doesn’t work.

GUILT FREE CONS
I assume the dynamic will get stale and I will get bored of fucking the same girl after a month or so (doesn’t everyone?).
I am unsure if I want children so don’t have this reason to LTR right now. In fact I have no idea what I want ten years from now.
Opportunity cost - I'm location independent with work, financially well off and have strong game.

GUILTY CONS
If or when I don’t like and end it I will break her heart.
If it’s just a phase I will feel I ‘used her” to sample a LTR.


HER PERSONALITY PROBLEMS*
Doesn’t seem to approve of my friends because they are also notch and flag collectors (never met them).
Gets angry and questions when girls comment on social media or an old conquest messages me.
Assumes I am fucking multiple other girls when we are not together – she paid for Tinder plus to change location and see I was actively using it a month after we first met when we were in different countries.

MY PROBLEMS SHE THINKS I SHOULD WORK ON
I have commitment problems (I so far haven’t found childhood trauma that would have caused this), I’m a sex addict, I concentrate on external factors (such as her) rather than focus internally.


In summary, it’s the first time I have any sort of desire to have a relationship and don’t know if it's because of her or because I am maturing (I think the former is fuelling the latter).
I think it’s something I need to ease into and not dive into (unsure if I can negotiate this) and I’m hoping this amazing forum can help me out of this confusion.
Thanks in advance brothers.

*Has meditated and claims to be more accepting with bad situations since I last saw her

Post: #2

awesome username, buddy.

i haven't been in a LTR myself, so I can't really give solid advice.

i see some red flags for a long term thing with that polish girl: she is not close to her family and monitors your social media to make sure your not banging multiple girls.

Why not share a apt or room together to see if she is LTR material? Live-in relationship

Post: #3

Those cons don’t seem so bad.

Heartbreak is part of life, you don’t need to “protect” her from it, especially if there’s a genuine chance it that *could* work out. Women are tough, they’ll get over any heartbreak (don’t believe the waterworks).

Obviously you’d be an amazing catch for her, so it’s in her benefit too if you give it a try.

I say go for it

Post: #4

what you describe as her personality problems I think they are reather qualities it shows that she is serious

Post: #5

Go for it!

Post: #6

My first LTR was in 6th grade with a girl named Ann.

On the bus, we held hands.

After about a month, we kissed on the lips. A week later, made it to second base.

Parents got wind of it and made us break up.

Who would have thought hand holding would pop the wildest boners.

I then posted a question in the correct subforum for Halo 1... In 2001.

You're a bit late OP.

Post: #7

(12-13-2018 10:10 PM)flaghunter Wrote:  PROS TO LTR HER
My gut wants to try it.
She’s the best girl out of a very large sample size and first girl I’ve loved.
I think it will provide more fulfilment and happiness (at first at least) than fucking randoms.
I enjoy her company, affection and can learn if I want a LTR even if it doesn’t work.

So far so good. The first is the important one.

(12-13-2018 10:10 PM)flaghunter Wrote:  GUILT FREE CONS
I assume the dynamic will get stale and I will get bored of fucking the same girl after a month or so (doesn’t everyone?).
I am unsure if I want children so don’t have this reason to LTR right now. In fact I have no idea what I want ten years from now.
Opportunity cost - I'm location independent with work, financially well off and have strong game.

"Stale Dynamic" - Assumption should be revised to - "Would be less excited". That is not an actual "CON". I'm having an mLTR and don't get bored from fucking the same girls in the last few years.
"Want Children" - not a problem for LTR if you use contraceptions.
"Opportunity Cost" - Consider this an experiment. So the cost is "reduced" since you are trying something new.

(12-13-2018 10:10 PM)flaghunter Wrote:  GUILTY CONS
If or when I don’t like and end it I will break her heart.
If it’s just a phase I will feel I ‘used her” to sample a LTR.

Second @RoadTo100
Getting heart broken is a risk of getting into LTR. Not on you.

(12-13-2018 10:10 PM)flaghunter Wrote:  HER PERSONALITY PROBLEMS*
Doesn’t seem to approve of my friends because they are also notch and flag collectors (never met them).
Gets angry and questions when girls comment on social media or an old conquest messages me.
Assumes I am fucking multiple other girls when we are not together – she paid for Tinder plus to change location and see I was actively using it a month after we first met when we were in different countries.

So she's insecure and would try to part you from your friends.
Suggestion - Stronger frame and/or manage expectations.

(12-13-2018 10:10 PM)flaghunter Wrote:  MY PROBLEMS SHE THINKS I SHOULD WORK ON
I have commitment problems (I so far haven’t found childhood trauma that would have caused this), I’m a sex addict, I concentrate on external factors (such as her) rather than focus internally.

That's her trying to assert frame. DO NOT GIVE IN TO THIS.
Tell her that if you give your word, you stand by it. You will need to show how you can be relied upon.

(12-13-2018 10:10 PM)flaghunter Wrote:  In summary, it’s the first time I have any sort of desire to have a relationship and don’t know if it's because of her or because I am maturing (I think the former is fuelling the latter).
I think it’s something I need to ease into and not dive into (unsure if I can negotiate this) and I’m hoping this amazing forum can help me out of this confusion.
Thanks in advance brothers.

*Has meditated and claims to be more accepting with bad situations since I last saw her

Suggest you try. Give it a few months and consider this an experiment. Be minded to it, but approach once in a while (CH 16 commands still apply).

Post: #8

Thanks for the replies guys!
The next problem is when to tell her i want to try this.

I'm travelling Latin America with my buddy, and want to enjoy this for a bit longer before I go to see her.

If I let her know now she will be stressing asking what I'm up to, checking if I'm actively using Tinder and making my experience here worse.

If I don't let her know she will possibly give up on me and move on - she is very close to this at the moment.

Is the a happy medium between the two?

Post: #9

You mean an exclusive relationship? LTR means long term so if you haven't even started the relationship yet, it's not really an LTR .

Just do it. Break up with her in a month if you change your mind. No biggie.

How long are you gonna be in Latin America though? If it's months then I don't think it matters what you say, she'll most likely date other dudes in the meantime anyway, especially if you have agreed to be exclusive (because then it's exciting for her to cheat). Either way, it'd be quite low status of you (in her eyes) to get into an exclusive relationship via text message when abroad in Latin America. She won't believe you'll be loyal and even if she did, she'd think lower of you for not enjoying yourself with all those hot latinas. So bottom line, wait until you get home.

********

One more thing: Could I ask you why you love this particular woman? What exactly is it about her that makes her different than all the other ones you've been with before?

Post: #10

I change my mind and you should definitely pursue it. I'm mid-30's and very single.

If I had to go back to being a 30 year old, I would have taken relationships with women more seriously, instead of living the player lifestyle.

Don't wait any longer to get into a LTR and become an old man like me