Post: #1

I, myself have already roasted this in so many ways I can no longer count. I know you guys won't let me down... Some of my girlfriends contacted me referencing this commercial asking why I wasn't on Match.

I'm even willing to wager some bets here, who has the best, in no particular order:

Papaya Tapper
Kona
Leonard
Kaotic
Samseu
Zelcorpian
Mercernary
Hypno
Youngblade
Catch 22
Kid Twist
Suits
SamuelRRoberts
C-note
realologist
Rhyme or Reason
Remington
Spaniard 88
Matsufubu
Mayhem
Jetset
Thebassist
sickyboy
vladamir Poontang

And anyone else. It's an open challenge and I apologize in advance if i left out anyone else. These are the people I've had clever interactions with in the last few months, which is, as far as I know, those who are still active on the forum.

Post: #2

Damn where to start, Flight attendant, likes to travel, single for a long time and likes nice guys, What could possibly go wrong.

Post: #3

(04-06-2018 10:31 PM)pheonix500000 Wrote:  Damn where to start, Flight attendant, likes to travel, single for a long time and likes nice guys, What could possibly go wrong.

Ummm, she's riding the cock carousel and nothing she has said is true....

... Just for starters.

Post: #4

(04-06-2018 11:02 PM)Dulceácido Wrote:  

(04-06-2018 10:31 PM)pheonix500000 Wrote:  Damn where to start, Flight attendant, likes to travel, single for a long time and likes nice guys, What could possibly go wrong.

Ummm, she's riding the cock carousel and nothing she has said is true....

... Just for starters.

I was being sarcastic, she is so much of a stereotype it isnt even funny.

Riding the carousel, she is at 30 and shows the same basic bitch tendency as younger girls.

Post: #5

I'm sorry, but due to our overbooking policies we regret to inform you that there is currently no space left in this cunt and we have had to shift your booking to a later time. But we at Courtney's Cunt value your continued business and would like to offer you an upgrade to ass-to-mouth ejaculation in consideration for any inconvenience you may have suffered.

Post: #6

Come find me, at my apartment, in lingerie with a vacuum cleaner, mop etc. If you clean my apartment properly you can throat the dick and dip.

Post: #7

(04-06-2018 11:05 PM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  I'm sorry, but due to our overbooking policies we regret to inform you that there is currently no space left in this cunt and we have had to shift your booking to a later time. But we at Courtney's Cunt value your continued business and would like to offer you an upgrade to ass-to-mouth ejaculation in consideration for any inconvenience you may have suffered.

I knew you'd come strong... Can't wait to see your challengers.

Post: #8

(04-06-2018 11:13 PM)godfather dust Wrote:  Come find me, at my apartment, in lingerie with a vacuum cleaner, mop etc. If you clean my apartment properly you can throat the dick and dip.

"Come find me in an inflatable balloon, skydiving, attached to a donkey, in free-fall, plummeting to our deaths with only your hooves to pull the ripcord...."

Post: #9

"Come findddd meeeeeee"

Not only was that the most annoying sound I've ever heard, but it sounds really desperate and pathetic. Listening to her speak for longer than 30 seconds would give me cancer. WB with earplugs or a sock in her mouth. The sock can only be removed for my cock.

This broad is probably an actress, but she represents the modern, basket case Western woman so well. Ride the cock carousel in their 20s, then beg for a Chad or more likely settle for a simp to take care of them.

Post: #10

"I like getting into different cultures."

Especially the cultures in the petri dish of communicable diseases currently living in that pussy.

God save us from people who mean well. -storm

Post: #11

(04-06-2018 10:15 PM)Dulceácido Wrote:  I'm even willing to wager some bets here, who has the best, in no particular order:

Papaya Tapper
Kona
Leonard
Kaotic
Samseu
Zelcorpian
Mercernary
Hypno
Youngblade
Catch 22
Kid Twist
Suits
SamuelRRoberts
C-note
realologist
Rhyme or Reason
Remington
Spaniard 88
Matsufubu
Mayhem
Jetset
Thebassist
sickyboy
vladamir Poontang

Why am I not at the top of this "in no particular order" list?

(04-06-2018 11:34 PM)Paracelsus Wrote:  "I like getting into different cultures."

Especially the cultures in the petri dish of communicable diseases currently living in that pussy.

I don't think she understands the structural dynamics of the male/female components of sexual interaction.

Quote:I'm not a game-player.

No woman is a game-player, you dumb cunt! They are the ones who get played when they completely over-estimate their own value in the sexual marketplace by engage in sexual activity with men that are far more desirable than they and have literally no reason to stick around to hear her obnoxious for a second longer than is necessary to secure the notch.

Stupid moron.

Post: #12

If a bitch is white, a flight attendant, and loves to travel- Does she have more frequent flyer miles or miles of cocks?

Post: #13

First comment:

"I would need a PhD in mathematics to calculate just how far out of my league Courtney is."

Fuck this gay earth.

Post: #14

I've never done a roast before, but I think it would go something like this...

Where do you even begin with this? The wrinkled, leathery skin like a used condom. The unconvincingly bleached hair. The expensively whitened teeth stretched out into a smile that says, "I'm having FUN! Can't you see how much FUN I'm having?" but is one mimosa away from breaking down sobbing in front of her entire Sunday brunch group. The soulless eyes that have seen more cock than the most hardcore pornhub viewer. The staged photos in expensive tourist locations, complete with ridiculous yoga pants and the world's ugliest bandanna. This is a woman with more SSRIs and exotic antidepressants in her medicine cabinet than you'd find in a GlaxoSmithKline warehouse.

Then of course, there's the plea for "nice guys" who "don't play games", that comes after she scared away her last 30 boyfriends by showing up at their apartment at 3:30 AM on a weekday night, banging on their window and demanding to know why they didn't answer the phone-melting series of texts she sent 10 minutes ago. She's thirty, and she stopped enjoying casual sex years ago, but it's the only thing she has to offer a man and she doesn't know how to stop. She's still getting swipes on tinder and likes on Instagram, but even though she's too stupid to do the math she knows she's not getting as many likes as she was when she was 29, and when she was 29 she wasn't getting as many as likes as she was when she was 28. This is a woman who's turned to an online dating website out of sheer desperation, the way a drowning man clings the wreckage of a sinking ship. This is a woman who's biological clock is ticking so loud that if you lay next to her in bed you'll wake up the next morning deaf in one ear and with a lifetime of tinnitus. Maybe that's why none of the guys she invites over never call her back.

In the brief moments where the prescription drugs and the alcohol wear off, she knows she's fucked. She could've married her high school sweetheart and been a happy mom like the ones in the magazines, with a beautiful kitchen with expensive granite countertops, and a family room decorated with those adorable little wreathes those magazines at the grocery store checkout line promise to teach you how to make. But her mother told her that she was too smart to just marry out of high school, and she ended up going to an expensive private university in the Northeast. She majored in English, and graduated 70,000$ in debt. The sweetheart went on to be a pharmaceutical rep and have three kids. She and her mom almost never talk anymore. She doesn't talk to most of her friends now either, because by now most of them are married with children, and it burns, oh how it burns, when they all complain about the trouble their kids are getting into at preschool, or how much daycare costs. "You're so lucky," they all say, "You don't have to deal with diapers or getting up in the middle of the night because your kid wet the bed." Both they and she know that she'd give up a kidney for the chance to change a baby's diaper.

This isn't an ad for match.com, it's an ad for the Cambodian sex tourism industry, with the tagline, "Cambodian Whores: We'll take your money and your dignity, but at least we won't show up outside your house at night screaming 'I wanted babies! Why won't you give me babies?!'"

Post: #15

(04-06-2018 11:31 PM)TigOlBitties Wrote:  "Come findddd meeeeeee"

Not only was that the most annoying sound I've ever heard, but it sounds really desperate and pathetic. Listening to her speak for longer than 30 seconds would give me cancer. WB with earplugs or a sock in her mouth. The sock can only be removed for my cock.

This broad is probably an actress, but she represents the modern, basket case Western woman so well. Ride the cock carousel in their 20s, then beg for a Chad or more likely settle for a simp to take care of them.

Damn... Well... Welcome this new guy. Fuckin'-a.

Thanks for not bombarding the realm with some stupid bullshit on your first post.

**Fist bump**

Post: #16

(04-07-2018 12:12 AM)SamuelBRoberts Wrote:  I've never done a roast before, but I think it would go something like this...

Where do you even begin with this? The wrinkled, leathery skin like a used condom. The unconvincingly bleached hair. The expensively whitened teeth stretched out into a smile that says, "I'm having FUN! Can't you see how much FUN I'm having?" but is one mimosa away from breaking down sobbing in front of her entire Sunday brunch group. The soulless eyes that have seen more cock than the most hardcore pornhub viewer. The staged photos in expensive tourist locations, complete with ridiculous yoga pants and the world's ugliest bandanna. This is a woman with more SSRIs and exotic antidepressants in her medicine cabinet than you'd find in a GlaxoSmithKline warehouse.

Then of course, there's the plea for "nice guys" who "don't play games", that comes after she scared away her last 30 boyfriends by showing up at their apartment at 3:30 AM on a weekday night, banging on their window and demanding to know why they didn't answer the phone-melting series of texts she sent 10 minutes ago. She's thirty, and she stopped enjoying casual sex years ago, but it's the only thing she has to offer a man and she doesn't know how to stop. She's still getting swipes on tinder and likes on Instagram, but even though she's too stupid to do the math she knows she's not getting as many likes as she was when she was 29, and when she was 29 she wasn't getting as many as likes as she was when she was 28. This is a woman who's turned to an online dating website out of sheer desperation, the way a drowning man clings the wreckage of a sinking ship. This is a woman who's biological clock is ticking so loud that if you lay next to her in bed you'll wake up the next morning deaf in one ear and with a lifetime of tinnitus. Maybe that's why none of the guys she invites over never call her back.

In the brief moments where the prescription drugs and the alcohol wear off, she knows she's fucked. She could've married her high school sweetheart and been a happy mom like the ones in the magazines, with a beautiful kitchen with expensive granite countertops, and a family room decorated with those adorable little wreathes those magazines at the grocery store checkout line promise to teach you how to make. But her mother told her that she was too smart to just marry out of high school, and she ended up going to an expensive private university in the Northeast. She majored in English, and graduated 70,000$ in debt. The sweetheart went on to be a pharmaceutical rep and have three kids. She and her mom almost never talk anymore. She doesn't talk to most of her friends now either, because by now most of them are married with children, and it burns, oh how it burns, when they all complain about the trouble their kids are getting into at preschool, or how much daycare costs. "You're so lucky," they all say, "You don't have to deal with diapers or getting up in the middle of the night because your kid wet the bed." Both they and she know that she'd give up a kidney for the chance to change a baby's diaper.

This isn't an ad for match.com, it's an ad for the Cambodian sex tourism industry, with the tagline, "Cambodian Whores: We'll take your money and your dignity, but at least we won't show up outside your house at night screaming 'I wanted babies! Why won't you give me babies?!'"

HOLY shit, I was almost crying myself... AGAHAHAHAHAHA... Is there any possible chance anyone can beat this guy?

Ya'll keep topping each other, which is exactly what I thought, BUT, I didn;t know it would end up this raw.

Please continue...

Post: #17

Delete

Post: #18

Pinto beans, and a nice diet coke?

Post: #19

If tits were as big as nose is wide, I would message.

Post: #20

The way she says "I like nice guys". She doesn't even believe it herself. She just can't help rolling her eyes back sarcastically right after she says it, even though it's a clip of less than 1 second.

Post: #21

Maybe its wrong of me, but at 0:10 I really wanted the jet engine to suck her through and just squirt STDs all over the runway.

Aloha!

Post: #22

I don't want to cross a line by ridiculing her in the worst possible way, but I might as well address the elephant in the room.

She's 30.

Post: #23

Quote:I like getting into different cultures.

So does every dumb bitch who thinks she's "spiritual". So did this bitch. It's not always a good idea...

Post: #24

Roasting aside, what would be the winning message that wouldn't be discarded faster than a windshield wiper flyer?

I have no experience with that sort of thing on account of my crippling oldness, but I'm curious to see what kind of stuff you youngsters throw at these whores.

Post: #25

OP should have put her name in the title.

That way, when Courtney inevitably stumbled upon this page, she could find fulfilment and spirituality in all the excellent advice being offered here.