Post: #1

Yet another lesson on why you should have nothing to do with girls having unnatural colored hair, especially green hair. Still a hilarious read.

Quote:With her boyfriend finally asleep, Emily Javier reached for the samurai sword she had secretly taped earlier to the side of the bed.

According to an affidavit filed by police, the room was dark, and she sparked her phone to see better. To aim better.

Below snoozed Alex Lovell. He played too many videos games, Javier would later explain to the police, and now he was cheating on her, she claimed. She knew the signs. Tinder on his phone. Scratches across his back. A girl’s hair in their shower drain. In the weak phone glow, Javier allegedly started hacking.

Lovell woke to his girlfriend of two years attacking him with a sword, police say. Survival instincts — mainly martial arts training and all the kung fu films he had watched — clicked in.

“I was able to wing chun my way to survival,” he told the Oregonian/OregonLive in an interview this week over Facebook messenger, referring to a Chinese martial art. He eventually wrapped Javier in a bear hug. “I saw the look in her eyes, and it scared the living poop out of me,” he told the news outlet. “I told her I loved her, and she was killing me. She needed to call police, or I was going to die.”

Javier broke off the attack and made the call, frantically telling a 911 operator she had stabbed her boyfriend and she thought he was dead. “You used a sword?” the operator asked.

When police did arrive at the scene on March 3, they found Lovell curled up in the blood-spattered bedroom, according to the probable cause affidavit filed by police in Camas, a Washington state town northeast of Portland, Ore. Remarkably, he survived the attack despite serious injuries. Lovell almost lost the index, middle and ring fingers on his hand. But in interviews this week, the competitive gamer sounded happy to be alive.

“I was just so proud for beating this samurai wannabe crazy lady with hate in her heart,” the 29-year-old told the Oregonian/OregonLive. “I’ve been preparing my whole life for something like this.”

Javier — who pleaded not guilty this week to first-degree attempted murder, according to the Columbian — had also allegedly been preparing.

Alex Lovell — known as “Biggie” in his local gamer scene — is an avid player of “PlayerUnknown’s Battleground,” a multiplayer online fighting game. As he told the Oregonian/OregonLive, Lovell has been recently logging 12 to 13 hours a day playing the game. The regimen also required “exercises for his hands, wrists and shoulders and also practicing mouse moves and techniques to maximize performance,” the paper reported.

“I wasn’t a sweaty nerd, more of an Ethlete,” Lovell told the Oregonian/OregonLive.

In an interview with police after the attack, Javier, 30, admitted she was frustrated with her boyfriend for staying glued to his game. Then, a week before the violent incident, Javier said she had discovered Lovell was unfaithful. According to the affidavit, she told police she discovered Tinder, the dating app, on his phone. She also noticed scratches on his back, possibly from a romantic encounter. She found red hair in the shower drain — her own hair was dyed green.

She did not confront her boyfriend. In the past, he had just denied such accusations. This time Javier went to the mall and bought a samurai sword. “I thought, I was gonna stab him while he was sleeping,” she told police.

The relationship reached a crisis point on March 2. According to the police affidavit, Lovell came home but ignored his girlfriend. She allegedly decided to go through with the attack, taping the sword and two knives to the bed. Javier also told police she hid Lovell’s phone so he could not call for help. When Lovell finally went to sleep, she reached for the sword.

In an interview with the Columbian this week, Lovell denied he was unfaithful. “I barely had time to hang out with my girlfriend, let alone another girl,” he told the paper. “I didn’t see it coming, but it makes sense that it happened. She obviously didn’t want anyone else to have me, so — samurai sword.”

Doctors were able to reattach Lovell’s fingers where they were nearly hacked off at the base. He also suffered wounds to his feet, legs, torso, neck and head. His right arm is in a cast. Members of the local gaming scene set up a GoFundMe page for his medical bills. The fund is just $2,000 shy of its $10,000 goal after 10 days.

Javier remains in custody. Her attorney did not return an email for comment.

“The feeling I had when I won the fight with my bare hands is just absolutely the best feeling,” Lovell boasted this week from the hospital. “I’ve played all the sports, won big games, landed some decent tricks on my snowboard. This was better.”

Link: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morn...f9c431b6db

Post: #2

Guess she forgot to take the Mister Sandman perk.

Post: #3

Don't date chicks with green hair for a start...

Post: #4

Not to be overly judgmental, but the description of his life before the attack makes it sound like she was just putting him out of his misery.

Post: #5

Over/under someone's going to make this a race or IQ thread. It has all the key elements.

An ethnic piece of weaponry.
A chick with green hair.
A beta that seems like he might get back with her after she tried to hack him to death.
Hispanic sounding last name.
Location was in Oregon.

Either way this bitch is crazy and I hope the guy changes his number, moves and switches colleges because this bitch is rife for a stalker. From what he said about understanding her side I'm pretty sure he'll back with her and end up with his dick chopped off soon.

Post: #6

It couldn't have been a real katana.

If it was a real katana it would have cleaved him in two and cleft a large portion of the side of the building away in the same stroke.

Such is their power.

Post: #7

Hilarious story. What I find funny is the whole column reads like an Onion article with it's tone, the guy being interviewed comes off extremely nonchalant about the incident. "I've been waiting for this moment my whole life." Dude's been waiting for a 4 to hack off his head with a katana?

If my girlfriend tried to kill me with a samurai sword, I would not be taking it lightly, to say the least.

Post: #8

Dumb bitch.

If she bought her samurai sword at the mall, it wasn't a real sword, just an overgrown piece of cuttlery. I'd penalize it at 1d6 damage, tops.

Next she forgot to take into account her strength penalty. That's at least a -2 strength penalty for being female, but given the green hair, I'd wager it might be a -3. Keep in mind that applies to her hit probability, and damage rolls.

About the only thing she did right was wait until he was asleep, dropping his armor class to 5. But even then she didn't perform a coup de grace, she just started swinging wildly. And with that strength penalty, she probably missed the first few times.

The only way this plan would have worked is if her boyfriend were first level, and even then he'd have a 50/50 chance of beating her. She should have bought a gun.

Post: #9

SWORD CONTROL NOW!

Post: #10

She'll plead some form of insanity with medical records to back up her mental instability (depression/bipolar/psychosis). These days every other girl with colored hair is popping Xanax and Zoloft or Efexor. This will make the prosecutor offer a plea of 2nd degree attempted murder which is 5-15 years. Won't work. Her lawyer will run with she's a good woman that called the police, she's just mentally ill, and she'll do a few years in a mental institution but no jail thanks to the vagina pass. That's what I think will happen.

This dude talks like he got away because of his skill but it's clear he made it out because she called the police after slicing him up. Could have been a lot worse.

Post: #11

Quote: "The feeling I had when I won the fight with my bare hands is just absolutely the best feeling"

Uhhmm... Yeah, I guess he "won the fight," if you consider telling her he loves her and then begging for his life a big "W" in the win/lose column. Meh.

Post: #12

This kid who got attack sounds like a low T soy boy faggot.

Post: #13

What frustrates me the most about this article is how easily this guy tries to shrug off the fact that his girlfriend attempted to murder him. Guys like this are the reason why women believe they can get away with this type of behavior. Guys just write off shit no matter how fucked up her actions are but watch the roles reverse and it would be all hands on deck to throw this guy under the jail and her playing the victim card to the max. I remember and instance when my brother and his girlfriend got in an argument and how she waited for him to fall asleep. Then she proceeded to punch him in the face, once he woke up, she ran out of the house. Of course he called the police, when they showed up and saw that he needed to go the hospital they attempted "to look for her". I bet they looked for her all of 2 minutes and of course there was no follow up after but oh man if that situation was reversed you better believe there would have been a citywide man hunt and a warrant out for his arrest. The thing is in real life I call out women just like I would call out a man and on several occasions I've been told to calm down and relax because she's a female, fuck that shit. Egalitarian society my ass!!!

Post: #14

Looks like a decent house in a decent neighborhood. Who's bringing in $ if he's gaming 12 hours a day?

Post: #15

The "athlete" gamer in question:



The girl looks like a WB with some makeup, she's hispanic, so that def is a WB

But her court pics kinda ruin that notion:

Post: #16

Quote: Survival instincts — mainly martial arts training and all the kung fu films he had watched — clicked in.

Quote:“I told her I loved her, and she was killing me. She needed to call police, or I was going to die.” When police did arrive at the scene on March 3, they found Lovell curled up in the blood-spattered bedroom, according to the probable cause affidavit filed by police...

Quote:“I’ve been preparing my whole life for something like this. The feeling I had when I won the fight with my bare hands is just absolutely the best feeling,” Lovell boasted this week from the hospital.

If op didn't include the link I would have swore that this was a copy and paste from The Onion!

Post: #17

(03-16-2018 12:42 PM)kaotic Wrote:  The "athlete" gamer in question:

He's an ETHLETE. Lets get it straight everyone.

Post: #18

I don't think y'all are giving this guy enough credit.

His chick tried to kill him with a samurai sword for cheating, he got her to call the cops on herself mid-rampage, and his interview answers are hilarious. He's at got at least a little bit of game.

Post: #19

Don't Die Game Recognized?

Post: #20

This thread could have used a Steve Mcmahon title.

"Lovesick Lass Leaves Limp Loverboy with Lacerations"

Post: #21

(03-16-2018 02:23 PM)Enigma Wrote:  I don't think y'all are giving this guy enough credit.

His chick tried to kill him with a samurai sword for cheating, he got her to call the cops on herself mid-rampage, and his interview answers are hilarious. He's at got at least a little bit of game.

Honestly given the ridiculousness of his interview answers I'll give him 50% odds that he was trolling the interviewer to see if she'd actually put that crazy shit in her article!

Post: #22

(03-16-2018 06:50 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  It couldn't have been a real katana.

If it was a real katana it would have cleaved him in two and cleft a large portion of the side of the building away in the same stroke.

Such is their power.

She didn't have +2 to sword skill.

Post: #23

I read through all of his quotes and while he comes across as a huge beta nerd his responses to everything were pretty hilarious.

Post: #24

It occurs to me that in my life, I have had many weapons directed at me, but none has been a sword. This man has had a very unique experience in the modern world.

Post: #25

(03-16-2018 12:23 PM)bbgun Wrote:  Looks like a decent house in a decent neighborhood. Who's bringing in $ if he's gaming 12 hours a day?

You.