Post: #1

Hi RooshV! It's my first time using a forum, so I apologize if I'm doing anything that violates conduct.

I'll preface my issues by explaining a little bit about myself. In grade school, I met a girl who I became close friends with. We started dating in high school, and I proposed to her when I was 20 years old. I had known her for most of my life, and I loved her. Two years ago, she was killed in a hit and run. Needless to say, the last two years have been hell, and the feeling of emptiness has been overwhelming.

I find myself mentally comparing other women I see on dating apps and in person, to my deceased fiancée and it's an extremely frustrating process that I can't avoid doing; it's automatic. She looked like a hazel eyed Megan Fox, she was in paediatric residency and she was genuinely kind. Looks alone, I can't find anyone that I find attractive as her. It makes me feel as I'll never find anyone as good as her just in the realm of beauty, let alone other attributes like intelligence, other women may lack.

I'm at a point where I don't want to love another woman anymore, as I feel it would be a betrayal to her memory. I do have urges for sex though, and that leads me to my current position.

Since high school I pursued modelling. I was fairly successful at it, being hired by some big companies like Calvin Klein, et al.. I like to think my appearance is my biggest attribute. I do sometimes get women who approach me, however, I am horrible with women and as soon as I talk they tend to get annoyed. Before my fiancée, I was fine taking to women, because I didn't want anything. Now I get intimated, especially by attractive women. I feel I don't have anything to offer. I'm uneducated, I'm not well off financially and I get so nervous talking to women I come off as pretentious and a little weird.

I'm 26 years old, and I'm going to school this year to pursue medicine in memory of my fiancée. I want to meet girls in school, but I'm scared at my age, they'll look down on me for not being educated. I'm also scared that I'll come off as fake. I like to think I'm a good person with morals, and it seems a lot of people here say one needs to be a bit of an asshole to get laid. I don't drink or smoke either, so I'll feel out of place at parties.

I guess my question is, based on my situation, is there any hope for me to learn game and become the type of guy to sleep around? I can't envision myself getting tons women or being a player. I don't know where to begin. Any advice on how I should proceed is appreciated.

Post: #2

Oh, brother, that is a rough hand indeed. I am remembering a prayer that I didn't understand when I heard it first:
Lord, my heart is broken. I never want it to mend.

I'm really in no position to give you advice, and yet here you are, so I'll give it a shot.

I wonder if going to medical school is the right thing if it's not your personal ambition. If it isn't, then I wonder if you will see it through, and then stick with the career afterwards. It's a grueling, expensive path to choose if it's not really for you.

I wonder if you really want to be a "player". Most of the game industry is marketing hype, and - having tried it - I personally don't think that "being a PUA" is a healthy identity, especially when it revolves around nightlife. I'm not criticizing men who enjoy that, it's just not how I want to live.
Rather, I see it as being about developing my social skills generally, having the confidence & experience to strike up a flirtatious conversation when the opportunity arises, plus some basic logistics&tactics around getting numbers and moving the interaction forward from date to date to my/her place.

"I like to think I'm a good person with morals, and it seems a lot of people here say one needs to be a bit of an asshole to get laid."
Sure, that works with certain girls, but I would say that it's better described as not caring much about being agreeable. Think of a good father with his daughter. He isn't an arsehole to her, but he isn't trying to win her approval by being nice either. He mostly leads their interactions, and will firmly say no when it's appropriate. If she tries to control him with emotional manipulation, he laughs and teases her for being a bossy boots. I think that's the general vibe that good game preaches. Look at videos of Mystery infield, he's affable as anything, nothing arseholey about him, and of course his famous neg is about disqualifying yourself as a suitor in order to give her room to chase your approval, rather than being a dick in order to lower her self esteem and make her vulnerable, as it is always presented by the MSM.

You can write your own meaning from your situation and the things that you feel insecure about. Just as an example:

"I don't drink or smoke either, so I'll feel out of place at parties."
Could become:
"I don't drink or smoke either, so I'll attract positive attention at parties. High value girls will find it attractive that I respect my body, people who want to improve themselves will see me as a role model, and while I'm friendly to everyone who shows me basic courtesy, I choose not to be friends with people who are committed to intoxicating themselves anyway."

"I am horrible with women and as soon as I talk they tend to get annoyed."
could become
"I am learning more every day about how to put my best foot forward with women, and I'm good at picking up on feedback. Besides, I ultimately can't know why a girl I've never met before is annoyed, but I'll choose to guess that it's because she's with a less handsome guy than me and wishes she could upgrade to this here CK model."

I'd like to give special attention to this one:
"Now I get intimidated, especially by attractive women."

First, that's totally normal for the typical guy who doesn't spend their day surrounded by models. A good way to get more exposure and change that is to go to shops with attractive women working there, who are paid to be nice to you and answer your questions, and talk to them about mundane stuff to do with their shop's products and other small talk. Pretend that you are buying gifts for a woman if necessary. Try to do this for an hour a day for at least month.

Second, it's probable that you have a "highway to terrible" in your brain. As far as your subconscious knows from your life experience so far, 100% of the time you begin a romantic interaction with an attractive women, it leads to her death, the collapse of your life's vision, and years of pain.

So, I might change it to something like
"Now I know the urgency of life, I am sometimes daunted by the challenge of being fully present, especially with attractive women. I don't want to go through the pain of the woman I love dying before me, and I also know for a certain fact that I am capable of carrying that and loving life even more, warts and all. Indeed, the fact that I am already carrying this gives me a true depth and resilience that is outside the experience of almost all the women I meet, not to mention the boys hitting on them. If they knew my secret, they would be ten times more daunted than I ever am."

I do recommend that you keep this a secret from people you interact with regularly in your daily life, by the way, especially at college, and with the women you grow close to, especially in a relationship's early going. I do not mean that you should not practice the art of grief for the rest of your days, only that this story belongs to the sanctum of your heart and your true friends and family, not campus gossipers and girls you barely know.

I've watched this film a few times now, after someone close to me has died. I find it cathartic. I hope it does the same for you.

https://www.nfb.ca/film/griefwalker/

I you agree, I will pray to our Creator to take away your fears, so that you may see more clearly how best to serve the life that He entrusted to you.

Post: #3

First off; I'm sorry for your loss that's heartbreaking. It's clear you're still dealing with a lot of the trauma from the event and you're showing some tell-tale signs. You compare every girl you meet/see with her, you don't want to get into another serious relationship because you feel like it would dishonor her memory. I'm not trying to be condescending or rude, but she's gone man. You have your whole life to live ahead of you. You'll never forget her and if she was a good as of a girl as you say she would want you to be happy.

Figure out what you actually want. You definitely can learn game, almost everyone can. Is that a path you want to go down? I would, it doesn't hurt to learn more about women and the way the world works and you're probably in the best place for it.

Post: #4

I also lost a girlfriend many years ago. She wanted to come to the states with me and I laughed it off. I was too busy chasing pussy. A few weeks after I left Brazil, she was raped and murdered while walking home from work.

The notion that you have to be an asshole to get women is false.
The notion that you have to be a player to get women is false also.

You experiencing what you have at such a young age, is going to allow you to see life much differently than most guys on the internet. Waking up beside some mediocre girl that you don't care for is just going to make you hurt more.

So focus on making good memories and having good friends. Be prepared to continue hurting, and if you keep putting yourself out there, you'll meet a good woman. She might not be as good as you had it, but maybe she'll help take away the pain a bit, until time heals your original pain because you slowly forget how good you had it and things start to blur.

You know, there is nothing wrong with walking up to a woman and just telling her straight up that you like her, without the bullshit, and you want to take her to the park or have coffee. It's what I do. And I think that's the path you need to adopt based on your past. I don't see you running around spamming people on the streets asking for directions and opinion when in the back of your mind, you're thinking of your ex-girlfriend being murdered. And that's ok. You might also try to make plans to go to a major EDM concert sometime, where you can stand in the middle of the crowd of hundreds of thousands of people, all with their own problems and pain, and close your eyes, feel the music, and feel free and let go. It would be good for you.

Post: #5

The guys (players) with the most number of girls I have seen were definitely assholes but the ones with the baddest women are usually your average guy in the streets, just go walk around your local mall and see it for yourself.