Post: #51

What is the duration of this project? Is it to set up systems over one year and then maintain/apply/monitor them afterwards?

Perhaps one other alternative is to hire a series of ambitious men on slightly overlapping contracts who are early in their career and are looking to eventually get into similar/related work. They would have an incentive to learn as much as possible during their stint, as well as perform well and maintain good attendance/not cause drama to stay in the good books with yourself and partners for their own future sake. The time bound nature of this would also mitigate the getting bored aspect, as after they've had a good learning experience and given reasonable performance, they'd be just have to train their replacement and be onto the next stage of their career, whatever/whatever that is.

Post: #52

I prefer an all male team with alphas. Unfortunately, that preference is not always obtainable.

Post: #53

Hey Hank, don't know if you are still mulling over this, but something about this thread keeps reminding me of an interview with a successful guy who coached a woman's soccer team that I read a while ago. He speaks about how intensely hard it was to figure out how to motivate women to succeed and to get them to show leadership, that he had to learn it all over again after having worked with the men's teams.

I just keep thinking there might be some good psychology in here for you, and it might help you figure out whether or not you want to bother with a woman.

His basic conclusion was that you have to make each woman feel she has a special personal relationship with you or she won't do shit.

Interview is here:

https://andybarney.wordpress.com/2010/04...-carolina/

Here is just a slice of his philosophy:

Quote:But they're
motivated differently. You can't lead women
with the intensity of your own personality. A
part of what motivates a man is for the
coach to actually scream at him during the
game to get him going, and that does get
him going. And a lot of the times, obviously
being a male I understand this, half the time
the reason you start playing is you're so irritated
at the criticism. And that feeds your
adrenaline. So that almost is the priming of
your adrenaline pump, to have someone
criticize you verbally, and embarrass you in
that fashion. You refuse to be embarrassed
and now your adrenaline is going, and because
you want to kill or strangle the coach
right then you pour that in, you sublimate
that into a 50-50 ball.
That's totally ineffective with women. What
happens when you are that way with a
woman, unless you have a very good and
close personal relationship with her is that
you are going to actually shatter her confidence.
And it's a totally ineffective way to
lead women athletes. And I know that what's
common in sport psychology is we all want
to believe the way to motivate everyone is
the same way. But I'm here to testify, John,
it's not. I mean, even though men would
love to be coddled and complimented and
stroked and hugged, there are moments
when that's not going to work. Sometimes
their egos are so huge, that's what they believe
anyway, so it doesn't impact on them.
The only thing that ends up driving a huge
male ego is to let them know it's not good
enough and that gets his attention.

Quote:No better example than watching how Duke
basketball is coached, how Mike drives his
troops. Nothing coddling and, I mean, obviously
they know that he cares about them,
but the way the message is delivered isn't
through "I just want you to know, Peter, that
I think you're a wonderful human being, but
would you please get your butt in gear in the
next five minutes." No, it comes out very
quickly because something has to happen
immediately. And I think that is a difference
between men and women. I think with
women it totally doesn't work, it totally
shatters their confidence. Not that we don't
all live on a continuum, we do, and there are
some women that can be coached like men,
and there are some men that have to be
coached like women, but generalizing, I
think with women you've got to be overwhelmingly
positive. You can't afford to
criticize any of them until they trust you.
And then a part of the criticism has to be
constructed in a way where they have to feel
like you care about them at the end of it
some way, otherwise they're not going to be
listening to it.
No better example than when one day a
player comes into my office and leaves this
note on my desk. "People don't care how
much you know until they know how much
you care." And what she was telling me was
"you know, I'm not listening to you because
you don't care about me." And that was a
great message, so I, until this day it's been
on my desk, and it's somewhere out there,
and because it's the truth and I needed to be
reminded of that. Leading women for me is
a construct. It's not easy for me. I've had to
learn how to lead women, because I certainly
didn't do it naturally.
Videotape is totally ineffective with the
women. Men need videotape. I mean, a
male's got to know that he can play better
than what he's playing. Of course, every
male thinks that with general criticism
you're speaking about someone else.
Videotape crystallizes that they're the one
that needs to change their performance.
General criticism with women, every woman thinks you're talking about her. They
don't need videotape. You can make a general
criticism and even the women that aren't
committing this mistake will feel like "oh
my gosh, he's talking about me," even
though that's the last one you're talking
about, you know, the woman who probably
feels that you're talking about the most. So
videotape has a different function for men
and women. We use videotape to show
women they can play. With men, we show
them they can't. Men's videotape sessions
are about mistakes. Not always, because obviously
every now and again you're going to
build their confidence with a positive tape.
With women the overwhelming majority of
tape has to be positive, otherwise it's going
to shatter their confidence. They're not going
to look at it and try to correct it, they're
going to look at it and say "oh my gosh, I
suck." And that's going to impact negatively
on their construction of confidence. Praise
has to be different. Men love public praises.
Women hate it. Women hate to be singled
out in front of their peers, because they
know every woman in the room hates them
with a passion, that they're being singled out
by someone for something personally glorious
and they aren't, the woman you're
praising also hates it. I mean, everyone hates
it. You've got to pick the way you compliment
them. And the best way, I've discovered, is
with a personal note. I mean, one of the
greatest gifts I've ever been given was by
Mia Hamm. I'm driving to work one day,
and I decide to go through Umstead Park.
All of a sudden - this was in the second semester
of Mia's senior year and early in the
morning- I see this sprinter in the park. I
actually pulled over because it looked like
Mia, and damn if it wasn't. I couldn't believe
it. She's out there by herself, 5 and back, 10
and back, 15 and back, 20 and back, 25 and
back and it was unbelievable. I mean, this is the final measure in athletic greatness. For
her to train on her own. I couldn't wait to get
back to work, scribbled her a note, dropped
it in the mail, forgot about it and then years
later in her book is the note I wrote her. "A
vision of a champion is someone who bends
over, drenched in sweat, at the point of exhaustion,
when no one else is watching."
And I didn't know she'd even gotten it, and
all of the sudden it's in her book? Obviously
it meant something to her, well that's what
you do with women. At every opportunity.

I don't know if this stuff would transfer from sports to work, but if you think it would, you might want to ask yourself if it would be worth changing your style to accommodate these insane girls.

Post: #54

(03-04-2018 12:33 PM)debeguiled Wrote:  Hey Hank, don't know if you are still mulling over this, but something about this thread keeps reminding me of an interview with a successful guy who coached a woman's soccer team that I read a while ago. He speaks about how intensely hard it was to figure out how to motivate women to succeed and to get them to show leadership, that he had to learn it all over again after having worked with the men's teams.

I just keep thinking there might be some good psychology in here for you, and it might help you figure out whether or not you want to bother with a woman.

His basic conclusion was that you have to make each woman feel she has a special personal relationship with you or she won't do shit.

Interview is here:

https://andybarney.wordpress.com/2010/04...-carolina/

Here is just a slice of his philosophy:

Quote:But they're
motivated differently. You can't lead women
with the intensity of your own personality. A
part of what motivates a man is for the
coach to actually scream at him during the
game to get him going, and that does get
him going. And a lot of the times, obviously
being a male I understand this, half the time
the reason you start playing is you're so irritated
at the criticism. And that feeds your
adrenaline. So that almost is the priming of
your adrenaline pump, to have someone
criticize you verbally, and embarrass you in
that fashion. You refuse to be embarrassed
and now your adrenaline is going, and because
you want to kill or strangle the coach
right then you pour that in, you sublimate
that into a 50-50 ball.
That's totally ineffective with women. What
happens when you are that way with a
woman, unless you have a very good and
close personal relationship with her is that
you are going to actually shatter her confidence.
And it's a totally ineffective way to
lead women athletes. And I know that what's
common in sport psychology is we all want
to believe the way to motivate everyone is
the same way. But I'm here to testify, John,
it's not. I mean, even though men would
love to be coddled and complimented and
stroked and hugged, there are moments
when that's not going to work. Sometimes
their egos are so huge, that's what they believe
anyway, so it doesn't impact on them.
The only thing that ends up driving a huge
male ego is to let them know it's not good
enough and that gets his attention.

Quote:No better example than watching how Duke
basketball is coached, how Mike drives his
troops. Nothing coddling and, I mean, obviously
they know that he cares about them,
but the way the message is delivered isn't
through "I just want you to know, Peter, that
I think you're a wonderful human being, but
would you please get your butt in gear in the
next five minutes." No, it comes out very
quickly because something has to happen
immediately. And I think that is a difference
between men and women. I think with
women it totally doesn't work, it totally
shatters their confidence. Not that we don't
all live on a continuum, we do, and there are
some women that can be coached like men,
and there are some men that have to be
coached like women, but generalizing, I
think with women you've got to be overwhelmingly
positive. You can't afford to
criticize any of them until they trust you.
And then a part of the criticism has to be
constructed in a way where they have to feel
like you care about them at the end of it
some way, otherwise they're not going to be
listening to it.
No better example than when one day a
player comes into my office and leaves this
note on my desk. "People don't care how
much you know until they know how much
you care." And what she was telling me was
"you know, I'm not listening to you because
you don't care about me." And that was a
great message, so I, until this day it's been
on my desk, and it's somewhere out there,
and because it's the truth and I needed to be
reminded of that. Leading women for me is
a construct. It's not easy for me. I've had to
learn how to lead women, because I certainly
didn't do it naturally.
Videotape is totally ineffective with the
women. Men need videotape. I mean, a
male's got to know that he can play better
than what he's playing. Of course, every
male thinks that with general criticism
you're speaking about someone else.
Videotape crystallizes that they're the one
that needs to change their performance.
General criticism with women, every woman thinks you're talking about her. They
don't need videotape. You can make a general
criticism and even the women that aren't
committing this mistake will feel like "oh
my gosh, he's talking about me," even
though that's the last one you're talking
about, you know, the woman who probably
feels that you're talking about the most. So
videotape has a different function for men
and women. We use videotape to show
women they can play. With men, we show
them they can't. Men's videotape sessions
are about mistakes. Not always, because obviously
every now and again you're going to
build their confidence with a positive tape.
With women the overwhelming majority of
tape has to be positive, otherwise it's going
to shatter their confidence. They're not going
to look at it and try to correct it, they're
going to look at it and say "oh my gosh, I
suck." And that's going to impact negatively
on their construction of confidence. Praise
has to be different. Men love public praises.
Women hate it. Women hate to be singled
out in front of their peers, because they
know every woman in the room hates them
with a passion, that they're being singled out
by someone for something personally glorious
and they aren't, the woman you're
praising also hates it. I mean, everyone hates
it. You've got to pick the way you compliment
them. And the best way, I've discovered, is
with a personal note. I mean, one of the
greatest gifts I've ever been given was by
Mia Hamm. I'm driving to work one day,
and I decide to go through Umstead Park.
All of a sudden - this was in the second semester
of Mia's senior year and early in the
morning- I see this sprinter in the park. I
actually pulled over because it looked like
Mia, and damn if it wasn't. I couldn't believe
it. She's out there by herself, 5 and back, 10
and back, 15 and back, 20 and back, 25 and
back and it was unbelievable. I mean, this is the final measure in athletic greatness. For
her to train on her own. I couldn't wait to get
back to work, scribbled her a note, dropped
it in the mail, forgot about it and then years
later in her book is the note I wrote her. "A
vision of a champion is someone who bends
over, drenched in sweat, at the point of exhaustion,
when no one else is watching."
And I didn't know she'd even gotten it, and
all of the sudden it's in her book? Obviously
it meant something to her, well that's what
you do with women. At every opportunity.

I don't know if this stuff would transfer from sports to work, but if you think it would, you might want to ask yourself if it would be worth changing your style to accommodate these insane girls.

This is extremely valid and also thanks for sharing the quotes above. With the girls groups I coach, they have to get to know the group first and work out that they're all nice girls or you won't get anywhere.

Essentially they all hate each other but the criticism thing is extremely important. With girls it's confidence confidence confidence. You scream at them and you've lost them.

Post: #55

In other words, men have to earn the love of other people, and women expect to be loved sight unseen.

Post: #56

Hiring the most qualified person is always the best choice. I've had several women successfully work for me over the years in my small business that serves a mostly male market. They had solid characters and were raised in intact homes. I think this was crucial to their reliability but you can't legally screen for that in an interview, AFAIK. Same would apply to hiring men - character is everything.

That said, there are far more liabilities now when taking on a woman. Risk management has to be a crucial consideration for any owner / manager.

I've also found that minority women (especially Hispanic) can be easier to work with and enjoy being in a support capacity. You need to screen for likely drama but having a sudden pregnancy sprung on you after training or the need for ample, inconveniently-timed 'personal days' can and often do arise. Much comes down to personality and upbringing as I've had unreliable 20- and 30-something guys and a solid 20- and 40-something woman.

The likelihood of a woman in the office setting off drama with your alpha lawyers coworkers also concerns me. Pareto's principle, the 80-20 rule suggests 80% of your staffing issues arise from 20% of your staff. You've already identified a woman you specifically brought in to manage a woman-run business (another red flag!) who prefers to lounge at home and work when she wants. It's easy to imagine more intra-office intrigue with a new woman who actually shows up when you need her, adding her hormonal mix to the already testosterone-rich stew.

I'd ask you the question - what would be the cost to inform that business you can no longer serve their needs and they can seek services elsewhere? Is it really worth risking your entire operation and your continued peace of mind to hire a woman to deal with women who are probably not adding 80% of your business value? Maybe deciding who you really want as a client is the most crucial consideration here. I've raised my requirements for my customers and screen them fairly hard. It took me a while to get to this level of confidence in my products and services but it's reduced my stress considerably. CONSIDERABLY!

What's any potential new employee's incentive to be reliable, trust-worthy, and high-performing? They're working either because they have to, or they want to. When interviewing, understanding their relationship to work in the past and future goals helps suggest likely present behaviors.

The odds are poor of finding a low-risk, highly-capable woman who won't create drama for you or your team, eventually #metoo-ing you, but if you screen well and are patient you could find a unicorn that would pay some dividends you care about. Replacing that unicorn if (rather, when) their desires or goals change can initiate the same hunt again.

The odds are better of finding a low-risk, highly-capable man who won't add to sexual tension, the value of which can't be over-estimated in emotional or financial terms ($150k entry fee to deal with a sexual harassment suit!?). Assume that's two peoples salary, maybe 3 or 4 depending on what they make. What's it worth to save that money, plus the time and hassle?

It's not the 80s or 90s any more. I loved working with women when I was a 20-something and we could flirt and joke, even touch with no problems. Dated a few women from work and even though not well-advised never had any fallout. Things were more sane back then. But the cultural environment is now poisonous toward masculine men and a mere accusation ends jobs - or lives. You better be getting 10x the ROI when hiring a woman and have a Pence rule in effect to make it even worth considering adding a woman to your staff, to replace one who's already causing 80%+ of your problems.

The risk level in here is just too damn high!

Post: #57

Just received an marketing e-mail from PeoplePerHour:

Quote:Did you know that simply being a female freelancer increases the odds of winning a project by 19%?

While that doesn’t mean women get paid fairly, it hints at an interesting hypothesis that female freelancers have worked out some neat strategies how to seal a deal online.

So, in an effort to celebrate all the smart, independent, hard-working women who are breaking down old barriers and laying a new highway to financial freedom, we have asked some of our top freelancers to share their best closing tips.

Care to learn how to #CloseLikeAWoman?

More here: http://blog.peopleperhour.com/blogroll/c...r-pay-gap/

Oh - and don't forget to miss precious tips from Sam!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIf6DSmJ5I4

WB Kelly though.

Post: #58

(02-28-2018 07:43 AM)ChefAllDay Wrote:  Best employee I ever had was a young attractive black female just out of school. She was most the good with none of the bad, and she did her job exceptionally well. B

Searches for unicorn smiley...

Post: #59

(03-01-2018 03:32 AM)MrLemon Wrote:  Any woman can sue you for sexual discrimination without any proof whatsoever and it costs 150K just to walk into court.

A PC white girl will sue you just because she wants the drama or the affirmation by her girlfriends.

This happened to a friend of mine. Stupid bitch receptionist who everybody hated. Destroyed his life's work and his family. He died of alcoholism.

I've hired dozens of women in the past, but never again. The risk is insane.

I don't understand why this is so hard to understand.

When a woman walks into your office, you instantly have a virtual shotgun pointed at your head, and the heads of every single one of your employees. She can and will randomly pull the trigger and destroy your company. She will throw you and all your employees out of a job. In today's market, some of your employees could even end up homeless, or unable to buy drugs for medical conditions.

Also, she knows this. She knows she has a virtual gun to your head, and therefore has less incentive to push herself to work hard. Compared to any equivalent man, she is automatically 50% less likely to perform. Oh sure, she might be great, but as a CEO I have to deal with the odds. If men are 2x more likely to perform well, then I dramatically increase the performance of my company and increase my odds of success if I hire only men.

As a CEO it is my job to protect the companies interests, my shareholder's interests, and my employee's interests. My job is to avoid severe risk.

Because of #MeToo, hiring women is an insane and immediate risk.

I am not a good or responsible CEO if I hire women.

Therefore I avoid hiring women.

Post: #60

Ended up going with a male employee. Minority. Alpha.

This kid is kicking ass and taking names. Grateful for every dime and opportunity I give him. Not afraid to dig into the more difficult projects.

Compared to my female employee, who all she would do is bitch about how nothing is ever good enough.

Post: #61

(03-19-2018 04:07 AM)HankMoody Wrote:  Ended up going with a male employee. Minority. Alpha.

This kid is kicking ass and taking names. Grateful for every dime and opportunity I give him. Not afraid to dig into the more difficult projects.

Compared to my female employee, who all she would do is bitch about how nothing is ever good enough.

Does she still work for you? If so, do you have plans to end that?