Post: #1

Fuck Tinder.

I've come to rely on it for sex, Tinder is not game and any fucking idiot can get laid on Tinder.

So why do I use Tinder?

Part of the reason that I use Tinder is that its winter and I'm broke plus any money I do make goes into savings for a big trip across country I'm planning for the beginning of Summer. (I need about 10k saved)

Another reason is I live in a city but on the outskirts. I can't just step outside my door and there are lots of people, I have to travel 20-30 minutes by car.

If I lived in a bigger city, with more people then I could see myself not having to worry about using Tinder but right now it's become the only way I meet girls and I'm fucking tired of it. I know all of the above reasons are bullshit.

Interestingly enough, something I want in 2018 is to become more authentic and genuine. Tinder accomplishes the opposite of that.

This isn't the first time I've tried to quit Tinder.

I've done it before but always ended up going back because I'd rationalize it as "at least you are getting laid"

Or I'd get horny and start swiping on almost everything I see so I can have sex (pathetic).

Bottom line is I feel pathetic using it, my cold approach skills have gone down the toilet and I just don't feel like much of a man. I have to cut it out.

So here's to day one of not using Tinder.

Post: #2

I can relate, but isn't banging girls from Tinder still better than not banging anyone at all? If you're quitting Tinder to become celibate, you're not helping yourself, unless you're doing some serious monk mode work.

Post: #3

some guys use seeking arrangement site and use it to get pussies.. but not paying of course. instead of sugar dating, it is called salt dating. i am not currently doing it but i told my good friend about it. he is short and bald... doesnt look good also tbh. but he gets pussy daily from seeking arrangement. it does help that he works for a small hedge fund and make good money for city he's living in (BKK). also he stays in good studio apartment. he gets SA girls from Tokyo and NY especially when doing business travel.

Post: #4

(12-28-2017 09:53 AM)lazy Wrote:  I can relate, but isn't banging girls from Tinder still better than not banging anyone at all? If you're quitting Tinder to become celibate, you're not helping yourself, unless you're doing some serious monk mode work.

In some ways, yes. But I know I need a swift kick in the ass to get myself out there.

I've already proved to myself that I have some game in realife but I just get lazy because Tinder is easy.

I also waste a lot of time on Tinder, sometimes hours just in my room swiping right and messaging girls. It's been my way of meeting girls and talking to them without going out and meeting girls in real life for a while now.

I've actually done celibacy two times, once for two weeks and another for one week (no porn, no jacking off). Every time I've come away from the celibacy stints with new found knowledge of myself and a greater sense of direction.

I think I'd rather be celibate than use Tinder to be honest, if it comes down to that (but it won't because cutting Tinder will force me to approach in real life, which I already have some of the skill to do, I just need to actually do it.)

In regards to SA, I have no interest in online game.

Post: #5

Do you really expect the women you game in real life are going to be higher quality than Tinder whores?

If the purpose is a stream of casual sex, what's the difference in the end?

Post: #6

OP, you sound like a young guy but to be honest one reason why I stay away from Tinder is because imagine the stigma that comes with you meeting a girl and dating here and then having to explain to friends/family that you met a girl through a dating(sex) app. I just can't say that with a straight face to my parents and face the humiliation and i'm not about to lie.

So, i have actually started using Tinder for something slightly different. Whenever i'm in a new place I try to use it to meet girls for platonic reasons to make new friends. Then I try to build up a social circle(s) by going out with them and meeting their friends. This has worked for me well so far in the country where I'm temporarily working (Austria) where I don't know anyone outside my work. Later the girls I met via tinder I let them know that i'm interested in hanging out as friends only and seeing what their city has to offer and of course hanging out at various social events (such as concerts, happy hours, etc.) in their location.

Post: #7

(12-28-2017 10:38 AM)questor70 Wrote:  Do you really expect the women you game in real life are going to be higher quality than Tinder whores?

If the purpose is a stream of casual sex, what's the difference in the end?

I hate this mindset.

First, the higher quality girls won't be on Tinder so if I want to find them (which I do) then I'm going to have to drop the app and second casual sex is okay, having a girl come over you and you bang, she leaves...its whatever kinda like ordering a pizza.

Where I get my enjoyment from is the adventure and experiences, Tinder kills that.

Approaching a girl, talking to her, getting number and then grabbing drinks is an experience in itself. It's much more fulfilling to me.

Every girl I've banged through approach has been an interesting experience. Whereas only one or two Tinder girls really were anything to write home about.

_____________

And that's an interesting use of Tinder.

I never thought of that but to be honest, I'd rather just approach girls and ask "hey, where's the party tonight?"

Especially in a new place/city.

Post: #8

I smell big baller troll. You know you don’t have to ask them straight to your place right? Pick the best quality one from the dozen at any one time that are begging to meet you and take her for drinks.

Celibacy for two weeks? Enough with the humble brag already.

If any idiot can get laid on tinder, just like ordering a pizza, why do we spend so long discussing it on the forum?

There are quality girls on tinder. I dated one for seven months. I’ve just started dating another now who most here would call a unicorn. And on the other side of the coin, I had a girl come over Christmas night who was staying nearby at her relatives. Only a one nighter but genuinely pleasant company, so much so that when it got to 3 am I thought to myself, ‘I really must take her upstairs if I want to get laid’. Her company and conversation that night was better than the sex even.

You say you use tinder because you are out in the sticks so to speak. I concur completely. Change your mindset if it’s bothering you that much- I’ve met some cracking girls off tinder. Just stop it with the humble bragging.

Post: #9

(12-28-2017 11:06 AM)roberto Wrote:  I smell big baller troll. You know you don’t have to ask them straight to your place right? Pick the best quality one from the dozen at any one time that are begging to meet you and take her for drinks.

If any idiot can get laid on tinder, just like ordering a pizza, why do we spend so long discussing it on the forum?

There are quality girls on tinder. I dated one for seven months. I’ve just started dating another now who most here would call a unicorn. And on the other side of the coin, I had a girl come over Christmas night who was staying nearby at her relatives. Only a one nighter but genuinely pleasant company, so much so that when it got to 3 am I thought to myself, ‘I really must take her upstairs if I want to get laid’. Her company and conversation that night was better than the sex even.

You say you use tinder because you are out in the sticks so to speak. I concur completely. Change your mindset if it’s bothering you that much- I’ve met some cracking girls off tinder. Just stop it with the humble bragging.

Hey man, if you think I'm humble bragging then whatever. I'm just telling it how it is.

I appreciate the comment. You see things differently which is fine.

Post: #10

If you're frustrated about Tinder, then voice your opinion in the thread that 250+ pages long.

/thread-19115.html

Post: #11

I'm not sure why people are being so rude to the1element. Hell, I'm as big of a believer in Tinder as anyone, but if a guy wants to quit and approach girls in real life, I'm all for it. It is true that it makes you hesitate to approach in real life because you think "ehh, I have like 15 Tinder girls lined up".

Post: #12

(12-28-2017 11:17 AM)corsega Wrote:  I'm not sure why people are being so rude to the1element. Hell, I'm as big of a believer in Tinder as anyone, but if a guy wants to quit and approach girls in real life, I'm all for it. It is true that it makes you hesitate to approach in real life because you think "ehh, I have like 15 Tinder girls lined up".

Exactly man.

If people want to use Tinder, then use it.

But I myself don't want to.

Post: #13

Focus on the girls on tinder who say they are not there to hook up.



But seriously op sounds like a big baller troll. I use apps like tinder more during the winter. When it’s cold out I’m not thinking about approaching but rather thinking about warming up

Post: #14

Sounds trollish but I'll bite - Tinder shouldn't be your main stream for pussy unless your time is absolutely maximized out already.(You already see this)

Tinder definitely needs game, and no, not everyone gets laid on Tinder, remember the 80/20 rule, 80% of the girls fuck 20% of the guys on Tinder.

Once again I need to reiterate - it does take game from opening, to text game, to in person game, to skills navigating LMR. Shitting on people who use it doesn't help anyone. (Basically initially its maximizing your SMV online usually pics>bio>text game) (Then transitions to actual game when meeting up with a chick)

There is absolutely nothing wrong with stopping cold turkey - matter of fact it's a good thing for some people to stop.

OP your logistics do suck if you have to drive 20-30 minutes and you're on the outskirts.


The biggest question is - what will be different this time ? How many approaches did you do last time ? How many is your goal this time ?

Will you log them in this thread ? What other goals do you have for 2018 ?


It's always great to have these accountability threads - the hard part is sticking to it.

Post: #15

(12-28-2017 11:56 AM)kaotic Wrote:  Sounds trollish but I'll bite - Tinder shouldn't be your main stream for pussy unless your time is absolutely maximized out already.

Tinder definitely is game, and no, not everyone gets laid on Tinder, remember the 80/20 rule, 80% of the girls fuck 20% of the guys on Tinder.

Once again I need to reiterate - it does take game from opening, to text game, to in person game, to skills navigating LMR. Shitting on people who use it doesn't help anyone.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with stopping cold turkey - matter of fact it's a good thing for some people to stop.

OP your logistics do suck if you have toe drive 20-30 minutes and you're on the outskirts.


The biggest question is - what will be different this time ? How many approaches did you do last time ? How many is your goal this time ?

Will you log them in this thread ? What other goals do you have for 2018 ?


It's always great to have these accountability threads - the hard part is sticking to it.

Does it really take game though?

Last year, I did an experiment messaging 15-20 girls and asked each if they wanted to fuck.

One said yes.

We fucked later that night.

Was that really game?

Where in there did I game her?

This, of course is an extreme example but considering most of my girls have been from Tinder it really didn't take much if any game.

I'm still sticking with what I said.

My logistics do suck, yes.

And what am I going to do differently?

Something I want to try is one of Goldmunds camera game techniques, I've been wanting to do it for a while now. I went down to a historic part of town yesterday night before work and there was hardly anyone out but today I'm going to go back and see what happens.



2017 I probably approached 20 or so girls, got about 5-6 numbers and no lays. Partly because I had a GF most of the year so I stopped approaching.


2018

- 40 notches (Without Tinder) - Big goal, but I feel I can do it especially since I'm going on that road trip plus I want to challenge myself.
- Travel across country in a van
- Embrace my sexuality as a masculine man
- Become more authentic
- Allow my artistic abilities to flourish
- Save 10k for the road trip

Post: #16

15-20 girls with one line is a very very small sample size

But you're right, sometimes it's just being in the right place at the right time.

But like I said you still gotta work sometimes to get that pussy.

Gold's camera approach is a great idea and a win/win since you'll get good/cool photos of yourself and it's an easy opener with girls who love to get attention anyways.

That's a decent and attainable goal of 40 - what's your notch count right now ?

Honestly that sounds like a hell of a fucking 2018 - you should definitely log about it or drop a data sheet once you're done.

I remember a guy dropping a russian train trip data sheet which was pretty rad !


Keep us updated dude !

Post: #17

(12-28-2017 12:31 PM)kaotic Wrote:  15-20 girls with one line is a very very small sample size

But you're right, sometimes it's just being in the right place at the right time.

But like I said you still gotta work sometimes to get that pussy.

Gold's camera approach is a great idea and a win/win since you'll get good/cool photos of yourself and it's an easy opener with girls who love to get attention anyways.

That's a decent and attainable goal of 40 - what's your notch count right now ?

Honestly that sounds like a hell of a fucking 2018 - you should definitely log about it or drop a data sheet once you're done.

I remember a guy dropping a russian train trip data sheet which was pretty rad !


Keep us updated dude !

Very true about the sample size.

Another thing with Tinder is you put in the work, and then you actually meet the girl and she's a SIF. Real-life you don't get that...unless you were hella drunk even then.

And I love Golds ideas/and work. The camera approach really fits with my personality too, being artistic and I actually do photography as a hobby so it's genuine.

Notch count right now is 15 or 16.

And I think I will, the theme for 2018 is self-expression I think some really interesting ideas/content might come out of it.

That sounds dope, I should try and dig that up.

Thanks for the comment man.

Post: #18

There are a decent number of high quality women on tinder. Your just not matching with them. Simple as that. I wouldn't want to bang 3/4 either, I'd rather not bang at all. Don't really see the point to your thread.

Or lets put it the other way. You live in the sticks, why would a 6.5+ waste her time to meet you. And gaming 6.5+ takes actual game after you first meet, no girl is gonna stoop to your apartment straight there.

Post: #19

(12-28-2017 04:16 PM)Putin Closes Wrote:  There are a decent number of high quality women on tinder. Your just not matching with them. Simple as that. I wouldn't want to bang 3/4 either, I'd rather not bang at all. Don't really see the point to your thread.

Or lets put it the other way. You live in the sticks, why would a 6.5+ waste her time to meet you. And gaming 6.5+ takes actual game after you first meet, no girl is gonna stoop to your apartment straight there.

The best way I can put it is this way,

You know how some people decide to quit their job, break off their relationships and do something drastic like spend a year in the wilderness, or travel for a year or do something that others scratch their heads at?

That's sort of what I'm doing here, can I get laid on Tinder? Sure. Can I get laid with better girls on Tinder if I put more effort into it? Sure. Can I meet quality girls on Tinder? Sure (although the odds are probably lower than offline).

But do I want to?

No.

To some, my decisions may make no sense.

But what it comes down to is my own values and my own desires, Tinder doesn't fulfil them.

The novelty of sex from Tinder has worn off and now I realize that I need to cut it from my life.

_________________________

Now, with that out of the way, I'm going to re-cap todays venture down to a historic part of town to run Goldmund style camera on some girls. I'm also going to go into a few of my own insights about approach anxiety.

So I went downtown with the camera, whiteboard, dressed to kill while still maintaining warm because it's minus fucking 30 right now.

The town I chose had a very low amount of girls, many of them were with their boyfriends or family. The few I did see who had no noticeable family or spouse, I also chickened out on. There was probably 2 or 3 sets I could have opened but I failed to do it.

Eventually, time ran out and I had to go to work at the nearby pub as a host. Didn't approach any girls within the hour I had.

This is a new job I've started and it was only my 2nd shift, the good news is everyone seems to like me. One of the hot blondes from Holland gets along well with me, she's a funny flirtatious girl (just my type). The other girls I get along fine with as well and same with the guys.

So I'm quite happy with that. Plus I think I impressed the managers by not complaining when I was told I had to stand outside and watch the door for an hour because we were at the capacity limit.

But the work successes don't change the fact I didn't approach today.

Now before we continue I'm going to provide a bit of a re-cap of my "game" history. I have done approaches before, usually indirect but I've done a few direct approaches as well.

I hadn't approached legitimately in probably a year (had a girlfriend) and my "muscles" have atrophied.

I was never an approach machine but I feel like where I am at now with approach anxiety is where I was at when I just started game.

Thankfully, my drive to work is about 30 minutes and I seem to always come up with interesting insights about myself while I navigate the twisting, winding road ahead.

During the drive home I ended up breaking down why I'm feeling anxiety, how to alleviate it and eventually learn how to deal with it.

Perhaps someone might learn from this breakdown.

The reason I don't approach girls and why I let the anxiety control is me is because everytime I see a girl, I go into a negative thought loop. I instantly think of all of the NEGATIVES that could happen.

- What if she's a waste of time
- I won't know what to say
- I might be called weird
- She might think I'm weird
- Her boyfriend might beat me up

These are the types of thoughts my brain sends and they only get worse the longer I spend "thinking" about approaching.

Eventually, the thoughts are built up so much that they make approaching look like it has 0% upside and 100% negatives.

If I told you to walk across to the other side of the street and said you have a 99% chance of failure and a 1% chance of success...would you do it?

Fuck no.

Who would?

That's what I do with approaching, I built it up into this thing that has all failure attached to it and no positives.

Of course I wouldn't do it.

What I need to do is flip the negative feedback loop into a positive one. Instead of focusing on the negatives I focus on the positives.

Thinking back to all of the POSITIVE experiences that have resulted from approaching.

- How I spent a weekend with 10 lesbians in a private lakehouse 3 hours away from the city I was living in at the time
- How I got invited to a crazy afterparty at the end of a DJ set
- How I got my first girlfriend

As well as thinking of the POSITIVES that could happen

- I could very well fuck this girl
- She might know someone that may improve my life
- She might provide insightful conversation
- She could become a friend
- We might become lovers
- She might like it in the ass...

and so on.

But I won't KNOW any of these things until I actually approach. Now, the RISK seems like it's WORTH the REWARD.

What's the risk?

And whats the reward?

Of course there's more REWARD than RISK but I have to tell myself that, which is why the positive feedback loop is so important.

But that's not the entire puzzle.

The other part is simply association.

If you take someone scared of water and have them sit next to a swimming pool for 15 minutes for 365 days of the year. Eventually, they're going to want to put their foot in. Then maybe their legs and before long their entire body is in the pool and they're swimming.

It's the same with approaching, if I spend 365 days out trying to approach women, then sooner or later I'm going to say FUCK THIS and do it because I would rather deal with the fear than have to spend the 50th day of not talking to anyone and being too scared.

So, the plan is this.

1) Spend time everyday trying to approach women and eventually it will happen.
2) Flip the negative feedback loop into a positive feedback loop, start with positive thoughts when I see a cute girl instead of defaulting to negative

You see, the interesting thing is by forcing myself to meet girls in real life I'm already learning how to deal with my own fears and anxiety. I'm working through my own flaws involving self-doubt and as a result I'm starting to become a better man because of it.

None of these realizations would occur if I stayed inside and used Tinder.

Speaking of Tinder, I've deleted the app which was hard because I had about 3-4 warm leads that I could have gotten numbers from. I unsubscribed from Tinder plus and I also deleted Facebook (unrelated reasons).

One of the people I look up to, and sort of mentor myself after is Picasso. He lived a lifestyle that I very much could get into albeit a little less savage..I don't think I could deal with a girl killing herself because of me. I'm reading Picasso's biography and I think to myself, if I want to live that sort of life then I need to start cutting things out that don't create it. I also wonder how much different my life would be if instead of spending time online I spent the time reading or being out in the world.

For some, spending time online may be no big deal. But for myself, I think it's holding me back (both Tinder and just being online in general). Which is why I'm feeling a very strong urge to move in this direction and follow my gut instinct.

Tomorrow is another day, I plan to go to one of the universities and see if I can approach.

I have a feeling I will, but who knows. I might have more mental blocks that come up and need to be addressed.

Post: #20

To be fair to OP, this is a quitting Tinder accountability thread, not a discussion on the merits of online dating. Just as the drinking wagon thread isn't a discussion on the merits of alchohol.

Post: #21

Pretty brutally honest the1element - some people put their foot in the water, some people dive right in.

Approach anxiety is real we even have thread dedicated to it.

Use this RVF Google search: https://cse.google.com/cse?cx=0126445502...gsc.page=1

It contains the Approach Anxiety threads I mentioned.

Read into those threads and I'll guarantee it'll help with your approach anxiety - everyone gets its from time to to time, even the most seasoned vets do.

Post: #22

The first post just reads like someone who has chosen to live in a bad area and is regretting it. Tinder isn't the issue or the solution, moving to a better area is the solution to the problem.

Post: #23

I, for one, admire his lofty goal of 40 lays in 2018. Considering, however old OP is, he has had his entire life and sits at, "15 or 16," now he's quitting Tindr and wants to get 40 in one year. That's a lay every 9 days... Yowza. Without Tindr and without online dating--a lay every 9 days... That's like Magic Johnson shit.

Post: #24

(12-29-2017 12:12 PM)Dulceácido Wrote:  I, for one, admire his lofty goal of 40 lays in 2018. Considering, however old OP is, he has had his entire life and sits at, "15 or 16," now he's quitting Tindr and wants to get 40 in one year. That's a lay every 9 days... Yowza. Without Tindr and without online dating--a lay every 9 days... That's like Magic Johnson shit.

To be fair he plans on traveling which makes that kind of number far easier to obtain.

Really it depends on standards as well. Getting 40+ 7.5+ type girls is a very different task to just getting 40 girls.

Post: #25

Day 2 of no Tinder and I'm already feeling tempted.

Yes, I will be travelling so 40 really isn't a crazy goal. Even then, if I lived in a good city like Montreal or NYC I could probably get to 40.

Interesting observation about the area I live in, I think that's quite true. This place is pretty bleh when it gets cold like this but in the summer it isn't so bad though.

Kaotic, I read those threads and I think I'm going to start taking Phenibut to cure my issues..haha

I kid,

The threads did help though, its interesting seeing others perspectives of approach anxiety and how they dealt with it.

My issue with approach anxiety comes about when I'm in an environment where it would be strange to approach, or when I go to a place JUST to meet girls. It feels..weird to me.

Earlier today was a good example.

I was at a bookstore and saw these two cute girls.

What my brain wanted to do was go up to the one and say "hi, I like your style (she had an interesting style)" but then I rationalized it away saying that's a weird thing to do.

Now, if she was in the same section I was in I could easily have made a "passing" comment about some book or something about the environment. That would be no problem.

All of my approaches rely on the environment I am in.

If I see a group of girls looking at something, I'll saunter over and pretend to be looking at the same thing, making a passing comment about it.

Another example is if a girl is sitting on a bench relaxing, I'll sit next to her and state something about the park or area.

But actually walking up to a girl out of the blue who is obviously walking somewhere or is in an important conversation with her friends seems REALLY weird to me. It just doesn't feel right, I don't know why.

The thing is though, with the above game regarding relying on the environment I'm taking the power out of my hands. I'm relying on something out of my control.

It just feels really weird to approach someone out of the blue.

I do think what it comes down to is style, and I sort of need to find what I like ( I think ).

Let's say I had a solid way to meet girls. I would never approach a girl out of the blue, like classic PUA "Hi, I think you're cute yadadada" .

I don't have much of a problem talking to strangers, but there has to be a reason for it.

I went on a date with a girl earlier this year who I met on this bus, she was wearing a full on cycling suit. I sat next to her and asked

"Where the bike?"

Then took it from there.

But had she not have had the suit, I wouldn't have approached her.

Edit: I don't want this thread to turn into a pity-party about my approach issues.