Post: #26

I will confess, I was one of the 3% who voted worse.

In many ways I'm better: more intelligent, better finances, learning languages, lifting, all working to the long-term goal of expatriation. I've got better game but being in a small town in the US limits my options, the quality and quantity is so low that 95% of guys are dumpster diving while the rest are doing OK but much worse than they should.

I feel like real life gaming is like muscle, and if it's not exercised enough it will decay. I feel like if I started cold approaching in big numbers as I used to do in a different city, I would have to almost learn a lot of game all over again. So that's why I picked worse.

Post: #27

My vote for "slightly better" takes account of my gains over the past 3 years (job/home stability), tempered by the new deficits that come with increasing self knowledge.

While I wouldn't have considered myself "suicidal" as such, at age 33 I had to admit to myself that I wasn't looking forward to the rest of my life & if it was going to be more of the same, what was the point? Admitting that to myself 5 years ago was the start of the rest of my life & also the time I started reading again. This time extensively, especially RVF.

I have been brushing up on history, psychology, sociology, biology, physics, philosophy, politics, media, marketing, & literary classics. From a red pill perspective it is a steep learning curve. But a gratifying one.

Having also had to confront my own demons on this path, I have had to admit, accept & tackle a deep rage for the childhood that I had to navigate. One characterised by abuse that has resulted in a CPTSD diagnosis & destructive behavioural patterns that I am working hard to correct or adapt to. I bring this up only to add emphasis to my next point...

Of all the reading I have done, some of the most useful is the revision of the logging of emotion that I do here at RVF. A lot of the time, I read back my comment here at a past time & am shocked & appalled at my callousness. Others might seem "witty at the time" but lame. And some I feel great about.

The point I'm making is not about me, but about the usefulness of reflection that RVF has provided me. A lot of the time I read back my comments in another headspace later on & the rage I have been denying existence of to myself is evident on the page. And sometimes unwarranted or over expressed. It's undeniable. I'm aware I come across as overly aggressive on the page. It's forced me to confront that.

And I have RVF to thank for that.

Cheers lads.

Post: #28

Conscious Pirate,

Respect for your honest, strong post.

Post: #29

I am doing better than 3 years ago, but not really where I want to be yet-

1)Career- is finally getting going, finally making some real money, finally making enough to improve my lifestyle and save

2)Physically- Not at my peak, but getting back there- Roughly 3 months away from my physical goals and switching to maintenance mode in the gym

3)Sexual/Relationships-Ending a serious LTR but I am attracting young white, black(a lot of light skinned black chicks, a mega shitton-But only in Atlanta) and Hispanic women. Asians are not pursued by me- nor are they really interested, I am ok with this. I need to close more with young chicks and be a little more prepared with social media(which I now avoid due to time constraints). I am moving to South Beach at the end of this month,I have a friend plugged into everything there- this should help my sexual goals considerably.I need to set up a proper Instagram, Facebook, and Snapchat.

4)Personal goals-I learned how to ride a motorcycle and bought a sport bike. I have not learned Spanish, Portuguese, or Russian. 4 years ago I promised myself I would have begun to at least meaningfully try to learn one of these. I also promised I would take Ju Jitsu, this did not happen. In my defense medical school, defending my PhD Dissertation, and Passing Step 1 and Step 2 CK of the USMLE took WAY, WAY more of my time and effort than I planned. Now that I have free time I am taking Boxing, and plan to enroll at MDC in an introductory Spanish class-So I am trying to work on this area to some degree.

Things are looking up for me, I cannot complain.I think this is my game to win over the next couple years if I show a little discipline.

Post: #30

(06-05-2017 02:27 AM)Conscious Pirate Wrote:  My vote for "slightly better" takes account of my gains over the past 3 years (job/home stability), tempered by the new deficits that come with increasing self knowledge.

While I wouldn't have considered myself "suicidal" as such, at age 33 I had to admit to myself that I wasn't looking forward to the rest of my life & if it was going to be more of the same, what was the point? Admitting that to myself 5 years ago was the start of the rest of my life & also the time I started reading again. This time extensively, especially RVF.

I have been brushing up on history, psychology, sociology, biology, physics, philosophy, politics, media, marketing, & literary classics. From a red pill perspective it is a steep learning curve. But a gratifying one.

Having also had to confront my own demons on this path, I have had to admit, accept & tackle a deep rage for the childhood that I had to navigate. One characterised by abuse that has resulted in a CPTSD diagnosis & destructive behavioural patterns that I am working hard to correct or adapt to. I bring this up only to add emphasis to my next point...

Of all the reading I have done, some of the most useful is the revision of the logging of emotion that I do here at RVF. A lot of the time, I read back my comment here at a past time & am shocked & appalled at my callousness. Others might seem "witty at the time" but lame. And some I feel great about.

The point I'm making is not about me, but about the usefulness of reflection that RVF has provided me. A lot of the time I read back my comments in another headspace later on & the rage I have been denying existence of to myself is evident on the page. And sometimes unwarranted or over expressed. It's undeniable. I'm aware I come across as overly aggressive on the page. It's forced me to confront that.

And I have RVF to thank for that.

Cheers lads.

Conscious Pirate, I was trying to take a break from the forum (not posting, just reading), but this is one of those 'just when I thought I was out, they pulled me back in' posts. Hence the rest of all my shit-posting this evening. But this is the one I really wanted to address.

First, out of respect to OP Phoenix, I'll just quickly answer:

SEX:
Still non-existent. I don't mind. The body goes in to a self preservation mode when under extreme duress. Sex is the least of your worries. I do miss it, but I'll have it again when things turn around. For now, feeling horny would be a major disadvantage. I've fucked more 8's than most men, and that sees me through the long dark winter nights. I'm good.

MONEY:
Still got none. Was always shit at making money. I got some ideas for some things though. If I put my mind to it, I could probably do quite well. I have other fish to fry, first.

DAY TO DAY LIFESTYLE:
Pitiful. Not a baller at all. Don't speak to other human beings, except on the internet. Never go out of the house. No social activities at all. On the whole.

FAMILY:
Dying. Lost my Mother, lost my Father, lost my Step-Father, about to lose my Brother. Not good. I have no one left now.

COMMUNITY:
Shunned for being a single male. No community at all. Face hostility from younger male bucks. Am held in fear by older insecure men who will not let me within a hair's sniff of their women/daughters.

HEALTH:
Fucking shit and just getting worse. Given up on doctors. Just accepting it now. I miss this more than anything else in the world. I've accepted the loss of my family, but to lose your health as well. To not be able to fight back because you are too weak. You cry/laugh about it all. Having said that, I'm not in bad health, but I'm sick of going round in circles. Health is relative. It could be worse. I think a good doctor could sort me out. I have hope for the future and want to start using those weights as soon as I can.


................


Right, I think that just about covers it. Now to the grist.

But first, just want to say I think you're a good sport CP. You join in discussions productively, you don't throw hissy fits, you contribute what you know and that isn't always insignificant, you're not a tall poppy for sure, but I think you fit in well and are a very valuable member of this community. For whatever my opinion is worth.

Now to the point. I will quote selectively:

Having also had to confront my own demons on this path, I have had to admit, accept & tackle a deep rage for the childhood that I had to navigate. One characterised by abuse that has resulted in a CPTSD diagnosis & destructive behavioural patterns that I am working hard to correct or adapt to.

In this one paragraph, I know you, I know where you are coming from, what your childhood was like, and what your fears for the future are.

Pretty bold statement on my part, eh?

The 'tell' is the use of the terminology of 'C-PTSD'. Not a totally accepted thing among the academics in psychology/psychiatry, but an ever-increasingly useful term among those on the cutting edge of this field - the lay-practitioners. You have obviously been doing your homework. Painful as it is. More on this, later.


Of all the reading I have done, some of the most useful is the revision of the logging of emotion that I do here at RVF. A lot of the time, I read back my comment here at a past time & am shocked & appalled at my callousness. Others might seem "witty at the time" but lame. And some I feel great about.

This is all part of the dis-associative aspect of your 'condition'. Only to be expected. The fact that you are even tackling this, shows great fortitude of character on your part. The fact you can differentiate between the different states is also a major plus. It shows empathy on your part. Even if it is just for yourself. Psychologists call this 'insight'. It's a major differentiating factor.

Very often those suffering C-PTSD are misdiagnosed with NPD. NPD subjects obviously have a massive lack of empathy. Well, true empathy. Cold empathy they excel in. Let us not get ahead of ourselves here.


The point I'm making is not about me, but about the usefulness of reflection that RVF has provided me. A lot of the time I read back my comments in another headspace later on & the rage I have been denying existence of to myself is evident on the page. And sometimes unwarranted or over expressed. It's undeniable. I'm aware I come across as overly aggressive on the page. It's forced me to confront that.

No! It is very much about you! It is all about you!

Of course you appreciate the framework and the 'map' that RVF has given you. How could you not? You are an empath. An emotopath. You can do nothing else but 'feel'. That is how you were brought up. Programmed from birth. Nurtured in the cradle. It is written in to your core 'DNA'. Ok, maybe not your 'DNA' as such, but your core endocrine and neuronal system. Your HPA axis.

You are displaying classic symptoms of emotional dis-regulation.

Now all of a sudden, you find a new map. A new way of looking at the world. You have never been confronted with such honesty before (all under the veil of anonymity, pretty much, which makes it possible for us to share our innermost feelings).

For what it is worth, I share your appreciation of this space. I don't even think that Roosh himself realises what a sacred space he has created, in between fending off the femi-nazis and the bigger political players at large that would wish to see this community crushed in to dust.

And I also share your shame in your emotional dis-regulation. My HPA axis is also all over the shop. It's not exactly multiple-personality disorder, but it is a kind of version of it. These are all sub-sets of dis-associative states anyway. Well documented, well described.

People like you and me are only one step away from being LOL-Cows or Doom-Cows, or good old fashioned laughing stock. We are shunned for our outbursts. Perhaps we are allowed to exist because we are amusing. I don't want to write my story in too closely to yours. I'm just responding to your words I quoted here.

All in all, I thought you were quite a regular bloke. If you hadn't pointed these things out, you would have gone under the radar.

Phoenix, please forgive me for semi-hijacking your thread. It wasn't done disrespectfully.

Conscious Pirate. I have many tools at my disposal for helping you out. I can point you in the right direction. The vast majority of these tools are freely available on the net and you will have full access to them. Please PM me when you get the time.

I don't want to go too further in to this space. I've made a point of not naming it as well, but I understand your predicament very well. There are a whole wealth of resources out there to help you. And the healing is quick! The community is wide and large. The support you will get will cushion the blow of all the harsh realities you have to face up to. I can see you have started down the path. You have my respect brother!

Hit me up my good man!

I'll be very disappointed with you if you don't.

Whenever you are ready, of course.

Post: #31

I wasn't able to vote, for whatever reason, but I'm better off.

Positive changes:

Game is worlds better, it's not even close to how it was three years ago. I'm generally able to pull women I want.

I know what I'm doing for at least the next two years (something most guys my age don't).

Confidence is way higher than it was three years ago.

Better self-acceptance. I tried to play the "alpha party boy" when the reality is that I really don't give a fuck about most of the accoutrements it brings. Accepted my personality as more of a lone wolf figure.

Better self-control. Things that used to piss me off horribly barely affect me now.

General health, I lift regularly now and try to eat a far more protein-based diet than I used to. My diet prior to about two years ago was very carb-heavy.

Negative changes:

Depression/anxiety issues. I'm not sure whether or not they're new, or if I've just become aware of them. I think it's more the latter than the former.

Guilt issues. I've done things I'm far from proud of and I have to live with them.

Alcohol issues. These have been getting progressively better (especially the last few months), but I still drink as a form of self-medication.

Post: #32

(05-28-2017 01:39 PM)Phoenix Wrote:  Since this forum's original theme was improving your position, be it through living in another country, banging more or hotter chicks, or improving your income & physique etc, I'd like to take a roll call.

Relative to 3 years ago, where do you consider your aggregate position as a man, against the values that matter most to you (be that sex, money, day-to-day lifestyle, family/community, or whatever).

Feel free to add details of why or why not in the thread.

My financial situation is way better.

My physique is worse, I have a beer belly and don't do sports anymore while I used to play football (soccer) before.

Familly situation is as good as it was, no change.

Sex activity is as good as it was.

I see less friends during the year because of my job but I compensate during my 2 months holidays abroad.

Post: #33

Financially: WAY better - and believe me, you learn a lot from this, and you realize that money brings a lot of friends, who will let you down at the first oppotunity.

Relationship: I got rid of an extremely jealous girlfriend (the one that cries in foetus position everytime I need to go out), and married a sweet virgin that cooks, cleans, and turns a blind eye to mistresses.

Shape: Alas, I have some catching up to be done - the rapid rise of my business gave me enough money to eat whatever I want, so I wasn't really paying attention and ended up putting up a lot of fat - not obese, my BMI is 27.5, but it's slightly overweight. I have started Stronglifts 5x5 3 weeks ago, let's hope it will work.

Thai language: I improved by a fucking huge margin, I now consider myself fluent.

Sex: I shrank my harem a bit due to having a wife, but I still have some old plates spinning around. I dumped the girls that were constantly bringing problems.

Family: Nothing much changed.

Post: #34

I'm a bit on the fence in this one.

3 years ago I was passing my summer in Cuba with multiple girlfriends and had all the time in the world to work out, party and do whatever I wanted. I was in good shape at that point. Having a blast.

I was recently in my worst shape physically.

Money wise I've made substantial net worth increase. (couple hundred k) but at the cost of letting myself slide physically.

I still have a couple more years of grinding away a minimalist lifestyle in order to make the move. I could go now and do the whole SEA and live on like 2k-2.5k a month forever but that really isn't really in line with my goals. Personally I'd like to have about 4,500 - 5,000 a month passive. The dream would be to take in 60k in Canadian Public Company dividends a year and owe about 0 in tax. But practically speaking in order to reach that figure I'd probably need 1.5+ investments which is honestly a bit beyond I think what I'm willing to work for as I'm pretty primed to go at 1 mil.

I am back in the gym now and working out hard again but it will take a sizeable amount of time to return to where I was. An honest estimate would be 1-2 years.

I guess you could say it's a toss up for me. Money wise and my business wise are both positives but in terms of being in shape I definitely swan dived on that one.

To me the huge plus is being closer to my goals of being location independent without having to work. (I.e. large portfolio) But getting out of shape and not enjoying the fruits of a fantastic social life is definitely a major negative.