Post: #1

A lot of relationship stuff has come up on this forum in the past month or two and I wanted to bring forth a question burning in my mind.

I have reached the point of 2 years of being in a monogamous LTR and I personally think it would be best for me to go my own way.

As mentioned in another, older thread, women plan such strategies ahead of time and they already pick their next partner prior to their current relationship ends.
This also explains my current relationship’s start.

Here is my own list (most of which are practically taken care of) and I wanted to ping it off you guys to get some feedback as to things I might be missing. I live with my girlfriend.

• define a timeline for yourself
• find another place for yourself
• have an emergency fund (always)
• pipeline guy mates shared in common to avoid situations of interacting with her in the future (i.e. her girlfriends’ boyfriends)
• have 'the talk' -> by this point you have probably touched base on it multiple times -> must have it on a positive note to be neutral, not as a retaliation of you getting pissed off (she won't take it seriously IMO)
• don't fuck her after it's done.

As always, I want to end things amicably because there really is no bad blood.

Our lives are heading in different directions, she is older and wants to lock me down and I personally have my eyes set on my career and nothing else.

• How early do you plan your exit strategy?
• What is your exit strategy generally?
• How do you, yourself, approach damage mitigation?

Post: #2

Assuming she's a good person and was good to you....

After you drop the bomb one of the best things you can do for her and yourself is to just be there for her while she's crying and venting. You shouldn't try to justify your reasons, but instead be an ear for her venting. She needs to get it out in order to move on.

It's hard to do, but just sit there, take the brunt of her emotions/questions and say, "I know how you feel, but I can't help how I feel", "It's just how I feel", "I don't want to waste your time, I want you to be free for the man you deserve to find you." Etc, etc.

It may take several sessions of that but later on she'll be grateful you took it all, and you'll feel better yourself that you did everything you could to help her get over the shock.

My last LTR I was still able to live with for several months after I ended things. Separate bedrooms of course, but those first couple weeks were emotionally draining and we stayed friends for a long time after.

She's married now and quite happy I'm sure.

Post: #3

I break up by having the talk and that's it. It's really simple for me. Thing when I break up I'm completely fed up with that girl and our relationships sucks at that point for both of us. So we both know it's a matter of time.

That's pretty much it.

Post: #4

(11-15-2016 11:14 AM)Onto Wrote:  Assuming she's a good person and was good to you....

After you drop the bomb one of the best things you can do for her and yourself is to just be there for her while she's crying and venting. You shouldn't try to justify your reasons, but instead be an ear for her venting. She needs to get it out in order to move on.

It's hard to do, but just sit there, take the brunt of her emotions/questions and say, "I know how you feel, but I can't help how I feel", "It's just how I feel", "I don't want to waste your time, I want you to be free for the man you deserve to find you." Etc, etc.

It may take several sessions of that but later on she'll be grateful you took it all, and you'll feel better yourself that you did everything you could to help her get over the shock.

My last LTR I was still able to live with for several months after I ended things. Separate bedrooms of course, but those first couple weeks were emotionally draining and we stayed friends for a long time after.

She's married now and quite happy I'm sure.

I sincerely hope she paid you the going rate for psychologists when you pulled this. I disagree completely. A breakup is what it is. There is absolutely no point whatsoever in giving her any comfort or "padding" while doing the deed. That's what chicks do, "It's not you, it's me" or some variation thereof.

What utter nonsense.

Do you think she would offer you the same consideration if the roles were reversed?

Rhetorical.

If it was her who decided she was either bored of you, sick of you, no longer wanted to fuck you, ect, she'd most likely drop you without giving it a second thought. I'm not saying she'd be mean about it, but there would be no real attempt to smooth things over and have an amicable situation.

The important thing is to not look back once it's done, no matter how it's executed.

Post: #5

(11-15-2016 01:49 PM)Red_Pillage Wrote:  

(11-15-2016 11:14 AM)Onto Wrote:  Assuming she's a good person and was good to you....

After you drop the bomb one of the best things you can do for her and yourself is to just be there for her while she's crying and venting. You shouldn't try to justify your reasons, but instead be an ear for her venting. She needs to get it out in order to move on.

It's hard to do, but just sit there, take the brunt of her emotions/questions and say, "I know how you feel, but I can't help how I feel", "It's just how I feel", "I don't want to waste your time, I want you to be free for the man you deserve to find you." Etc, etc.

It may take several sessions of that but later on she'll be grateful you took it all, and you'll feel better yourself that you did everything you could to help her get over the shock.

My last LTR I was still able to live with for several months after I ended things. Separate bedrooms of course, but those first couple weeks were emotionally draining and we stayed friends for a long time after.

She's married now and quite happy I'm sure.

I sincerely hope she paid you the going rate for psychologists when you pulled this. I disagree completely. A breakup is what it is. There is absolutely no point whatsoever in giving her any comfort or "padding" while doing the deed. That's what chicks do, "It's not you, it's me" or some variation thereof.

What utter nonsense.

Do you think she would offer you the same consideration if the roles were reversed?

Rhetorical.

If it was her who decided she was either bored of you, sick of you, no longer wanted to fuck you, ect, she'd most likely drop you without giving it a second thought. I'm not saying she'd be mean about it, but there would be no real attempt to smooth things over and have an amicable situation.

The important thing is to not look back once it's done, no matter how it's executed.

I disagree. It's mostly about how one decides to end it and because of what reasons. If she stabbed you in the back by cheating on you or fucking you over, sure, be on your way without looking back. If you just decide to go your seperate ways because of no more mutual goals/interests/whatever it's never ever a bad thing to end it the best and non-hostile way (for the both of you) possible.

Post: #6

^ It doesn't really matter. When you break up, no matter how you break up, or why, you're essentially saying I want you out of my life.

No matter how you sugar coat it, there it is. That's why I'm stressing the importance of a clean break, because it's the closest thing to "closure" you're going to get...ie moving the fuck on, and making it so she can do the same,

You're doing her a favor by doing it swift, you're not helping with any wishy washy hamstering bullshit, which is essentially what this post (and onto's) boils down to.

Post: #7

OP, since you live together, make sure to set up living arrangements and have your most valued possessions at that location before you have the talk. Have a friend on standby to help you move the rest of your belongings after you have the talk so you can leave that situation as soon as possible. It's uncertain how she'll respond, but since it's been a respectable relationship, it will most likely be with sadness and hurt rather than rage. But the situation will be emotional, and moving out while your girlfriend watches teary-eyed is not a fun situation (trust me, I've had to do this before).

I don't agree with some of the fluff like "It's how I feel" and "find the man you deserve." Those are nothing more than platitudes that can seriously backfire in an emotional situation. You can put the ball in her court and get her to accept, or at least consider, your frame of mind by saying something like, "I'm sure you noticed that I enjoy the mountains and you love the beach" or "Haven't you sensed that we've been moving in different directions lately?" and mention a few examples where the two of you aren't seeing eye to eye (the examples are important, as she will likely answer no to that question alone). Remember to not sound judgmental of her passions/desires, but to remind her of them and remind her of yours and get her to at least consider that those desires won't mesh long term. That alone can get her wheels spinning and thinking about how the two of you are not right for one another.

Also mention your long term goals and force her to consider whether or not she can go along with them. I had a similar break up (we didn't live together). It was a two year relationship that ended amicably, and with some super passionate break up sex. I was able to mostly put the ball in her court. I barely explained anything. One of my long term goals was to move out west. I said, "Do you honestly see yourself leaving your home town and family and starting a life with me in Colorado?" This forced her to look into herself and make her own decision, which was no. I also asked some other questions like, "It will be several years before I'm ready to have children. Is it your desire to wait that long?" Again, her answer was no. And then we found common ground. As much as we cared about each other, we both agreed it wasn't a fit in the long run. And then we banged, she left, and I've only talked to her once since, but only wish the best for her. So put the ball in her court. Make her do some introspection. Help her come to the conclusion that you aren't right for one another.


EDIT: I typed this kind of fast, so I forgot a few things. There is the possibility she rejects all of the above, starts crying and starts with the "I don't understand, blah blah blah." Remain firm and remind her it isn't working for you, that you're going in a different direction. She'll be upset, and saying "You just need to find the right guy" will only serve to piss her off and insult her. She sees you as the right guy, and she will snuff out any and all bullshit very quickly and flip it right back on you. Don't cave in. Frame control is crucial as you don't want to get emotional yourself and then remain in a relationship that you no longer want.

Post: #8

You never know how it's going to turn out. Set up new bank accounts, secure your possessions and change passwords and PINs if necessary. If you're in the Anglosphere, check out common law marriage laws. Living together can be deemed equivalent to marriage by the family courts: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage

Pipeline, pipeline, pipeline. Banging a new girl is the easiest way to get over oneitis.

Post: #9

A clean fast break is whats needed. Barring that she hasn't cheated on you or treated you poorly, I would give her a month to find a new place. 30 days, tick tock, clock starts now. Remember you are breaking up with her for a reason. Are you ready to sign up to be her emotional tampon and feelings babysitter as she gets herself together? I hope not, that extra 6 months will prevent you from truly moving on.

Are you paying her bills? Is she equally splitting the expenses? If not, that ends the day you let her know its over. She begins paying 50/50 that day, and you charge her for back rent or expenses you have been footing the bill for.

The whole staying friends thing is really ridiculous in my opinion. Are you going to go to the game with her, hit the gym, go for brunch? If not, then shes not a friend. Shes a hanger on. She'll use you for validation, and you will have your ego pumped knowing shes there in the background. And she will impact your future relationships when your new girl wonder who she is when she is liking all your pics on Facebook. Then you get to explain that, again.... I am friends with a few of my exex, but not all. Some women are meant to be in your life for a while, then gone.

I see so many guys that let women into their homes and then cant get them out. And they are still so miserable because even though they may have broken up with her, you cant being girls home or date because they have these pathetic women holding on staying in their homes. Usually these women are broke, financially wrecked, etc. Kicking them out becomes an absolute nightmare. Break up, make her move out, and make it fast is my advice.

Post: #10

60% of the time it works everytime.

Post: #11

(11-15-2016 01:49 PM)Red_Pillage Wrote:  

(11-15-2016 11:14 AM)Onto Wrote:  Assuming she's a good person and was good to you....

After you drop the bomb one of the best things you can do for her and yourself is to just be there for her while she's crying and venting. You shouldn't try to justify your reasons, but instead be an ear for her venting. She needs to get it out in order to move on.

It's hard to do, but just sit there, take the brunt of her emotions/questions and say, "I know how you feel, but I can't help how I feel", "It's just how I feel", "I don't want to waste your time, I want you to be free for the man you deserve to find you." Etc, etc.

It may take several sessions of that but later on she'll be grateful you took it all, and you'll feel better yourself that you did everything you could to help her get over the shock.

My last LTR I was still able to live with for several months after I ended things. Separate bedrooms of course, but those first couple weeks were emotionally draining and we stayed friends for a long time after.

She's married now and quite happy I'm sure.

I sincerely hope she paid you the going rate for psychologists when you pulled this. I disagree completely. A breakup is what it is. There is absolutely no point whatsoever in giving her any comfort or "padding" while doing the deed. That's what chicks do, "It's not you, it's me" or some variation thereof.

What utter nonsense.

Do you think she would offer you the same consideration if the roles were reversed?

Rhetorical.

If it was her who decided she was either bored of you, sick of you, no longer wanted to fuck you, ect, she'd most likely drop you without giving it a second thought. I'm not saying she'd be mean about it, but there would be no real attempt to smooth things over and have an amicable situation.

The important thing is to not look back once it's done, no matter how it's executed.

What am I pulling? And why would I charge her anything when I care very much about her? And broke her heart besides? We're talking about a person you've been in a serious committed relationship with for years and that you're living with. Someone that you very much love and care for, but know it won't work out in the long term.

Haven't you ever cared about someone in such a way?

You're experience seems to be with very different types of women than what I had with my last ltr. She was a very quality person and was deeply in love with me.

I didn't help her through the breakup because I thought she would do the same for me. I did it for myself, because I knew it was the right thing to do for her and for my spirit.

If she were a piece of trash I would've done what most do with trash, but she was the exact opposite of that.

Post: #12

Thank you all and I am glad it spurred some discussion as I don't believe there is a uniform way for all girls, relationships and circumstances.

We have already had the 'where is this going' talk and she has been draining ever since.

I called her out on this and made it clear that our lives are going in a separate path.

It just comes down to lining up our next train to hop on out of here, mine and hers. Playas might disagree but ultimately, I want to leave her better off and in a good position to continue her life with the positive momentum that's left.

Ultimately, for me, it just comes down to the logistical manner of moving out and finding another place, social circles and shit like that.

The talk is easy and straightforward, she respects my decisions no matter what.

DaveR, thank you for the link. Here in South Africa, it's not so applicable as we have been living for around 6 months together and I am weary of the 1 year mark.

Onto, I sincerely appreciate your honesty and regardless of hoes being hoes, this girl deserves a proper let down. It comes down to my own principles, avoiding bad blood (social circles) and most importantly, damage control.

To me it is clear, from the moment it is over, I bounce. We share nothing apart from a couch we bought together. Everything else is either hers or mine. We pay our bills equally and the lease is in her name.

I tried to set it up as easy to escape from the start, due to my nature of moving around. She noticed this and said it undermines our relationship but fundamentally, it is an insurance.

Just to add, planting seeds helps and makes it easier to deliver the final 'blow' when required, instead of leaving it to one monumental discussion overflowing with tears.

Serious Sam, I like your approach but it's also a bit too rational. Throwing in some buzzwords like 'how I feel' is good; speaking womanese at times helps I find. Even if it comes off as soft.

I mean, at that point, you're already past caring what she thinks of you; if it takes 1 day at the end for her to ignore the 730 days prior then that is the price you pay to avoid a bullet.

I reiterate, she has not strayed at all, she has literally done nothing wrong. I enjoy her company and her as an individual but she wants to lock me down with marriage further down the line and I cannot commit nor do I like wasting peoples' time and distorting expectations.

My focus is straying and I need to do what's right for me. Rather now than another year down the line with more resentment from her.

Thank you all for your opinions and suggestions.

Post: #13

Onto, I wasn't saying I question your motivations for doing what you did. If anything you went above and beyond the call of duty in that case. If you believe she deserved it, that's fine. I know you're a warm hearted person from your other posts so it wasn't meant as an indictment of your judgment or character. Just that I don't do stuff like that for people that I want...well, gone.

Post: #14

Noir -- sounds like you have a great handle on things and I wish you the best. I like to hear about CLEAN endings because it's just better for everyone and emits that much less resentment and drama into the world.

A few years ago I broke up with a ~2 year LTR who lived with me for the last 10 or so months -- everything was in my name -- her contributions to bills were in cash so my strategy was to facilitate a clean move-out for her "separate" from any breakup.

In my city, any "roommate" has tremendous legal rights so if she chose to make trouble by refusing to move out, I'd have little recourse -- changing locks and putting her stuff safely in storage could get one arrested here.

Noir -- luckily you are not in that situation -- but for the guys who are:

I had the "move-out" talk before the "break-up" talk.

Babe, this co-hab is not working -- our schedules are opposite, I work from home a lot, you don't, maybe it's best for our relationship (since we had been fighting a bit) to have you move in with that co-worker of yours (had a rent controlled apartment with extra bedroom).

She didn't really want to break up, so this sounded like I was choosing a move-out to see if that "fixed" anything first.

She agreed, we held it together during the move out.

This was not dishonest of me -- I felt why kill both birds with one stone when I can kill the most pressing one first -- the co-hab was getting me down more-so than the relationship itself, so I dealt with it first.

---

She moved out a few weeks later; we hung out infrequently for the following few weeks, and then finally I had the break-up talk face-to-face with her from our--I mean my-- living room. At this point she already lived elsewhere, so it was clean.

(It helps that when we got the place, I knew in my heart "I would be VERY HAPPY here alone if we broke up" and was able to afford it).

Post: #15

That's a good tip, 456. Otherwise, you might have to start eviction proceedings.

Post: #16

Great idea and execution 456.

Noir, you sound like a top bloke and I think you have everything covered, and I admire your "leave them better than when you found them" approach, it is also my way of things.

Values are important, and staying true to your good nature and separating is possible.

Good luck.

Post: #17

I in in a similar situation to OP. I have been in an LTR for just over 2 years, but now feel the end is imminent. I had some doubts over a year ago and made a thread about it here: /thread-48758.html

Just last week she made us have a "talk" where she wanted me to commit to marriage/kids very soon, or break up. She preluded (in Spanish, so I did not catch everything) something to the effect that cheating has always been the furthest thing from her mind, until now, and that if I wasn't sure about marriage/kids please just tell her. So I told her. But also that she would have to break it off, though I damn near did myself after a comment about if I'm just going to be a teacher...

In short, I suspect that she did not follow through with her ultimatum because she still has to find my replacement. Maybe I ought to just break it off before I get cucked. It's difficult to break up with a hot girlfriend who I think she probably hasn't cheated (yet) or done any major grievance. But I think we're on different paths. She is a very fresa girl and newly a dentist. There is is strain, predictably, as I am a "mere" elementary school and TEFL teacher. While I do have hopes and aspirations for something more, I definitely resent pressure to do so from my girlfriend, who has a "higher" profession. I note that because she has made other comments that I felt disrespected, or at least looked down on subtly or unsubtly, my profession. One recent example is "What do you know about science?" when I informed her that, this year, I teach elementary science. Not sure how much of this is my own issue.

Anyways I'm in my late 20s and in a prime position to slay some fine Latinas and even be totally location independent, but it's hard to let go when you've invested so much time in someone, don't think she's cheated, she's really hot, good family, and wants my babies.

I'd welcome anyone's thoughts in my situation.

Post: #18

Great ideas fellas.

We have touched upon the moving out part and she firmly objected and had that 'energy' come out.

The energy that turns into a hissy fit if you don't take control of the conversation and redirect that energy. Similar to water flow. You hear it first in the vocal tonality, then you notice her mouth changes with the way she says things and finally, gesticulations all over the place. It's hilarious.

This chick ain't dumb, she has lived with her ex for even longer than us and understands that moving out is the end i.e. the penultimate step.

Women see this as a ladder, solidified with their feedback from their fellow cackling hens/upbringing/beliefs in whats normal/their desires.

Moving out is a step down the ladder which sets off alarm bells.

I like the way it presents itself though; if you can frame it for non-relationship reasons and more importantly, logistical. It's a smaller step towards what you want instead of a giant leap that leaves emotional and logistical shitstorms.

Thank you 456.

You connected the dots with regards to that.

I am sorry to hear what happened to you. My selfish cohabitation nature means I enforce a 50/50 split on everything. It's the adult thing to do. I advise all guys to do the same in the future.

Don't let a woman move in to your place. Find a mutual spot, always. I made the mistake of moving in with her. It hasn't punished me and it probably wont (leverage in other places) but it's not a good rule of thumb.

I am lucky/smart that she wasn't a bloodsucking harpy who would 'evict' me. Lucky, her character; smart, my influence/leverage and not picking a bad apple.


Finally, to update you guys, we had another talk and decided, for the status quo, to let things be as they are for now.

She was overseas for a month on work and I might head over to Asia for work again in the coming months. This time apart makes things difficult when we both return and acclimatize.

This kind of space is also important but we agreed that our careers are taking off, we are healthy and financially getting stronger as individuals. It would be good to maximize this momentum for the time being.

As always, I laid down my terms; I don't care to fuck other girls or anything like that, I just want my peace of mind to focus on building stacks for the future.

Post: #19

@Moto


Sounds like she has, in her opinion of you, downgraded you in the ladder I mentioned above.

Allow me to explain as such:

She is ascending that ladder and going towards marriage. She receives objections. She goes down the ladder, starts shit testing you again.

She wants to ensure you are still the guy she fell in love with. She wants to ensure in her mind, you still walk the walk you used to talk, in a FEMALE CONTEXT.

By this, will you marry her, will you be a provider, will you support her for whatever she wants to do, are you accepting of her family, are you respectful of her wishes.

Chicks who are entitled to what they want and don't get it = bitches.

She is giving you uphill and shit tests because she is testing her perception of your value (shaken by your reluctance) vs. you actual value.

Her perception of your intentions vs. actual intentions.

Are you going in the same direction etc.

She challenges you on your occupation with her shit tests but the ultimate shit test will come in the form of that marriage discussion. She sounds traditional and knows her worth and once you agree to any form of commitment, she will challenge you (good or bad, depends on your character) to be more than a teacher.

This comes down to her idea of everything. This is the bullshit thing. Nothing is as it is, it's just the bullshit ideas that these girls have that they go on.

You gonna bridge the difference between:
- her idea of what is
- what really is
- the idea you want her to believe in
- your idea

The first 3 for her, the final one for you.

"I don't think she's cheated" is fair. I personally think you gotta be immune to this shit, because that's her final bullet.

Just suspicions are enough to plant that seed in your mind.

Forget about what you invested, do you feel good towards the future?

Do you want to get married at late 20s?

Do you want to further your career?

Fundamentally, will she aid you or handicap your progress, as a human being, as a man, as the sum of everything you stand for?

Will she be a good mother?

Is her family a good influence?

How does she handle stress?

How much influence do her friends have?

Is she shy or open towards attention from men (she must be open if you mention what you did about cheating)

Finally, is this the best decision you can make at this given point?

With all due respect Moto, judging from your tone of writing and what you say (which is < 20% of whole story), this seems to be getting under your skin. Nothing wrong with this but it might impair your decision making ability.

From the moment you detect you are reaching the fork in the road and are having discussions forsee this conclusion, acknowledge what you want, what is right for you and where you see yourself 5-10 years down the line.

Post: #20

Be honest, have the talk, don't sugarcoat it, and be willing to pay her first month's rent to get her out the door if you live together. Cheapest investment you will EVER make.

One of my boys couldn't get his gf to leave because she said she had nowhere else to go in NYC. He paid her $10k so she cold pay first, last, security and buy some furniture.

3 months later he agreed it was the best deal of his life. He married a much hotter girl thereafter, one even I thought he could not get.

Post: #21

Personally, I've been in a cohabitating relationship for some time now (3+years) and have been involved with my LTR for much longer than that.

After coming to grips that we no longer had any shared interests, goals, or priorities, I mentally moved on this summer but, reluctantly, agreed to go to counseling with her. We had two sessions, ran into scheduling conflicts, and haven't been back since. Consequently, since I didn't think it would've done much good, I was glad to stop feigning interest in making it work.

Part of me felt guilty, obligated by loyalty, to be leaving. She was with me before, during, and after law school. She even co-signed on a grad-plus loan for me. (something she never lets me forget whenever the topic of moving on comes up) Unfortunately, I cannot continue in a dysfunctional relationship out of sheer loyalty.

This summer, I communicated my feelings to her daily trying to convince her that she'd evolved from the ambitious, supportive and inspiring woman I fell in love with. Now, I don't say ANYTHING, I pretend everything is well. I smile when I feel like frowning, I compliment her when I feel like complaining and I encourage her when I feel like disparaging her. I'm on conflict avoidance auto-pilot. Just trying to coast till I find a new job and figure out where I want to live. (I will literally move within walking distance from wherever I end up working, because I loathe traffic)

Back in the summer when she complained about my complaining, I warned her, when I stop complaining it'll be too late. I think she knows it, but neither of us want to rock the boat. At this point, she's a great roommate, she cooks, cleans and does my laundry, but I've been throwing shit out, cleaning and preparing myself slowly but surely, like Andy in ShawShank Redemption to GTFOH.

We've broken up a few times in the past. Each time, I tried to cut her off completely hoping I'd get over her faster. It NEVER worked. This time, I've vowed to remain friends and let the Universe work things out.

Good luck brother, I know exactly how you feel, and it's never easy.

Post: #22

(11-17-2016 03:23 AM)Noir Wrote:  @Moto

She challenges you on your occupation with her shit tests but the ultimate shit test will come in the form of that marriage discussion. She sounds traditional and knows her worth and once you agree to any form of commitment, she will challenge you (good or bad, depends on your character) to be more than a teacher.

...

Is she shy or open towards attention from men (she must be open if you mention what you did about cheating)

Finally, is this the best decision you can make at this given point?

With all due respect Moto, judging from your tone of writing and what you say (which is < 20% of whole story), this seems to be getting under your skin. Nothing wrong with this but it might impair your decision making ability.

From the moment you detect you are reaching the fork in the road and are having discussions forsee this conclusion, acknowledge what you want, what is right for you and where you see yourself 5-10 years down the line.

Thanks Noir for the detailed reply. She is indeed smart that she wants to have kids before 30, and even right away. I could potentially see myself, with the right woman, having kids here in Latin America as a teacher. But it would have to be someone who respects me and what I do consistently. I work at a school full of hot Latina teachers, that is something that could work. I know, I know... don't game at work. But I might as well because I have the opportunity to earn well teaching only online if things got bad in my work environment. And I might not always have this opportunity. I could further my career in international education by working to become a principal somewhere, but in that case any wife/girlfriend who is not a teacher or administrator would be nothing but an anchor and detriment to my possibilities.

I also have a family business in the states to be a part of one day, and also I don't really see my girlfriend going to a shitty/boring part of the southwest USA to be with me there. Going that route someday, I would probably need to find a lower-class (economically) girl in the north of Mexico who would not be so far from family, and have similar scenery.

Anyways man I don't think it's bad character to remain a teacher. And if I do go another direction to be more "successful", it's gotta be for myself not to appease and hope to please a dissatisfied wife/girlfriend. Her shit-testing my profession is the opposite of motivational for me, I would imagine most guys here would have a similar reaction but I may be wrong.

So I am having a hard time seeing a long-term future with her.

She is, unfortunately, open to other male attention. She recently got a boob job, and got a nose job early in the relationship. Neither were necessary or even suggested by me, and I was pretty neutral about them. Basically she did not do them for me. The nice fake boobs are hot and sexy, but somehow I see her less as a possible wife with these big fake tits.

Post: #23

(11-15-2016 11:14 AM)Onto Wrote:  Assuming she's a good person and was good to you....

After you drop the bomb one of the best things you can do for her and yourself is to just be there for her while she's crying and venting. You shouldn't try to justify your reasons, but instead be an ear for her venting. She needs to get it out in order to move on.

It's hard to do, but just sit there, take the brunt of her emotions/questions and say, "I know how you feel, but I can't help how I feel", "It's just how I feel", "I don't want to waste your time, I want you to be free for the man you deserve to find you." Etc, etc.

It may take several sessions of that but later on she'll be grateful you took it all, and you'll feel better yourself that you did everything you could to help her get over the shock.

My last LTR I was still able to live with for several months after I ended things. Separate bedrooms of course, but those first couple weeks were emotionally draining and we stayed friends for a long time after.

She's married now and quite happy I'm sure.

This hits the gut. An under-valued post.

Post: #24

(11-18-2016 05:06 PM)Moto Wrote:  [quote='Noir' pid='1446589' dateline='1479371018']
@Moto


Anyways man I don't think it's bad character to remain a teacher. And if I do go another direction to be more "successful", it's gotta be for myself not to appease and hope to please a dissatisfied wife/girlfriend. Her shit-testing my profession is the opposite of motivational for me, I would imagine most guys here would have a similar reaction but I may be wrong.

them for me. The nice fake boobs are hot and sexy, but somehow I see her less as a possible wife with these big fake tits.

Being also a teacher, I actively avoid 'higher-class' chicks, as they tend to be critical of what I do. And sometimes, they themselves avoid hooking up, as they do not view me a provider (I can only provide for myself). Let them find an 'equal'.

Post: #25

"Sorry gotta go"

Or

"Going to buy milk at the store"

Never actually come back.