Post: #1

Quick backstory, and there's a TLDR at the end..

I play in a traveling dart league. Been playing in it for well over 15 years.

Met a lot of people during that time, one couple in particular I've always gotten along with.

I've known them both more than ten years, and known them since they've been married. I've always known them as husband and wife. Friends on FB with both the husband and wife, we've always all gotten along at any dart matches, all know a little bit about each other, etc. We all know each other in a social setting, I actually played on a dart team with the husband one season, but never really socialized with either of them other than the dart league or banquets.

They are in the process of a divorce.

The rumor mill (through the dart league) is that the husband found a new piece. The wife, as of last week, doesn't seem to want the marriage to end. She's been posting the typical "I want him back" meme stuff on FB. I've run into her a couple of times during dart league (they both play for different bars, and there may be more than one match at any given bar). Usually she'll gab with the one woman on my dart team (they're sort of close), and she "can't understand why (husband) would do this".

The other day the girls got into a light conversation, and I couldn't help but over hear. So I asked the wife how their daughter was handling the whole thing (I went through a divorce myself a couple years ago, and it's important that the kids realize that they have nothing to do with the reason for the divorce).

Her: "You know, it's tough sometimes, she wonders if she did anything.."
Me: "Then you need to make it absolutely clear to her that she didn't do anything to cause this."
Her: "Yeah, I know. I'm pretty sure she knows that.."
Me: "There's no 'pretty sure'. You need to make it 100% clear that it's not her fault. I remember when I got divorced a couple of years.."
Her: "You're divorced ?"
Me: "Yeah, a couple of years ago."
Her: "Oh, I didn't know that."
(Which kind of eludes to how well I know either of them).

Her: "How are they doing ?"
Me: "It was tough at first, they always asked what they'd done, or questioned if they'd done anything. What I did was sit them all down, and told them flat out that their mother and I simply don't get along anymore, and it has nothing to do with them."
Her: "Maybe that's what I should do with my daughter."
Me: "Yes, you should. Make it abundantly clear that it has nothing to do with her."

At this point I removed myself from the conversation and stepped to the restroom. I didn't want to get into a conversation where I would have been asked to form an opinion on the situation surrounding the circumstances of their divorce.

Since then, she's sent me a couple of messages via FB the past few days. Along the vein of "It was good seeing you the other night.", and "Thanks for the other night, I talked to my daughter and she understands, so thank you.".

My gut (and the girl's conversation from the other night) says that she's about at the end of her "I want him back" rope, and she'll hit the market shortly.

I'd put her at about a 7.5-8.

If I pushed, there's a very good chance I could get a meet, and most likely at my place ("I have a dartboard at home, let's hang out there.").

Could I see myself in an LTR with her ? Maybe down the road.

But I also think I could get the bang/notch with minimal LMR.

TLDR: A couple that's getting a divorce, I know both of them in social circles. The wife seems to be throwing me signals.

My opinion, I'm confident that I could close.

My question is, should I ?

Post: #2

*swirls malbec in pimp cup*
*adjusts mink*

Lemme ask a question

How old is the daughter?

WIA

Post: #3

The husband and wife were married about 15 years. I want to say that the daughter is about that age.

I didn't mention in the original post, the wife is all for Making America Great Again. Hell, that adds value right there.

Post: #4

Respect the bro code. Never shit where your pal shat.

Post: #5

(11-02-2016 10:55 AM)El Padrone Wrote:  Respect the bro code. Never shit where your pal shat.

On the surface, the definition of pal being someone you've (among other things) been to their homes, shared dinner, etc., I agree.

If the husband were a close friend, I wouldn't have even bothered to start this thread.

Both the husband and wife are associates (for lack of a better term).

Post: #6

"Could I see myself in an LTR with her ? Maybe down the road."

^ This quote from your post is telling. You've considered or at least on some level imagined an LTR with a woman who is still technically married to a guy you've known for ten years... albeit not too well, but the dart league seems like an everyone-knows-everyone scenario.

I don't think your mind is in the right place here. You're coming in on the "divorce advice for her kid"-angle, sending/receiving messages on Facebook, thinking:

"she's about at the end of her "I want him back" rope, and she'll hit the market shortly."

^Maybe, but this is not certain... I think that you like this woman more than just "no strings." This mentality, coupled with what I assume to be the adult, dart-league Facebook gossip mill... man, there are better ways to fuck for far less hassle.

Don't pursue it. I know you want to, but don't.

Post: #7

Baldwin took the words out of my mouth.

I think you could easily take advantage of the scenario, maybe find justification, insulate yourself from the damage.

But OP is not a player.

WIA

Post: #8

I'm no player, especially not when it comes to married women, but I think her "signals" are mostly an invitation for another man to validate her own sexual attractiveness (or possibly her desirability as an emotional companion).

My perspective:
Once you validate her by making an advance toward intimacy, the gate will probably swing shut without an opportunity to actually hook up.

Post: #9

She's getting a divorce no fault of her own. Don't add to her misery by immediately getting pumped and dumped.

Post: #10

Let's be clear:

This isn't someones ex. This is someones EX-WIFE.

There's a difference between breaking up with a girl you've been dating for a couple years, and divorcing your wife of 15 with whom you have a child.

There are better options with far less drama or collateral damage.

Unless you're absolutely desperate to get laid, I'm sure you can fuck a younger, hotter woman. It's not as if this chick is in her prime.

And it's not even as though you have a sure thing on your hands. She "gave you signals"? So what? Did she sit on your lap and tell you she'd do "anything" in bed? No? Ok, pass on it.

Post: #11

There is are three billion women in the world. Some of them are not your old mates ex-wives, and emotionally vulnerable.

Chase those instead.

Post: #12

All the posts that answered:



A couple of things I want to clarify..

(11-02-2016 11:27 AM)Baldwin81 Wrote:  "Could I see myself in an LTR with her ? Maybe down the road."

^ This quote from your post is telling. You've considered or at least on some level imagined an LTR with a woman who is still technically married to a guy you've known for ten years... albeit not too well, but the dart league seems like an everyone-knows-everyone scenario.

I don't think your mind is in the right place here. You're coming in on the "divorce advice for her kid"-angle, sending/receiving messages on Facebook, thinking:

"she's about at the end of her "I want him back" rope, and she'll hit the market shortly."

^Maybe, but this is not certain... I think that you like this woman more than just "no strings." This mentality, coupled with what I assume to be the adult, dart-league Facebook gossip mill... man, there are better ways to fuck for far less hassle.

Don't pursue it. I know you want to, but don't.

I won't say you're completely wrong, what I meant by LTR was that (as far as I'm aware) this chick seems like she could be LTR material, versus most of the other women in the dart league. There's a few dart league women that have given guys (myself included) head in the men's room or parking lot once or twice. I wouldn't consider them LTR material.

Some nights, some of the dart league guys and I play the bang/marry/kill game, and this chick comes up quite a bit under the 'marry' category.

I'm not looking at her as an LTR, that part of my post was more or less to try and describe what kind of woman this is, if that makes sense.

As far as her hitting the market, speaking for myself, I remember my divorce, and wanting to try to make it work. And I finally reached a point where I just said 'fuck it', and started to live my life the way I wanted to.

(11-02-2016 11:36 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  Baldwin took the words out of my mouth.

I think you could easily take advantage of the scenario, maybe find justification, insulate yourself from the damage.

But OP is not a player.

WIA

If I pushed and isolated on a league night, I'm confident I could close.

I'm not sure what the definition of player is, and this is not to sound braggadocious, but I've currently got two in my rotation, albeit they're in the 35-40 group.

(11-02-2016 01:01 PM)polymath Wrote:  I'm no player, especially not when it comes to married women, but I think her "signals" are mostly an invitation for another man to validate her own sexual attractiveness (or possibly her desirability as an emotional companion).

My perspective:
Once you validate her by making an advance toward intimacy, the gate will probably swing shut without an opportunity to actually hook up.

Entirely possible. While she's cracked a few lines before that she "likes tall men" (I'm about six inches taller than her husband), I agree with your assessment.

(11-02-2016 02:12 PM)TornadoByProxy Wrote:  She's getting a divorce no fault of her own. Don't add to her misery by immediately getting pumped and dumped.

Agreed. Barring any unmistakable advances in her part (and a crystal clear understanding from me that I wouldn't be looking for anything other than hooking up), I'm going to step back on this one.

(11-02-2016 02:17 PM)John_Galt Wrote:  Let's be clear:

This isn't someones ex. This is someones EX-WIFE.

There's a difference between breaking up with a girl you've been dating for a couple years, and divorcing your wife of 15 with whom you have a child.

There are better options with far less drama or collateral damage.

Unless you're absolutely desperate to get laid, I'm sure you can fuck a younger, hotter woman. It's not as if this chick is in her prime.

And it's not even as though you have a sure thing on your hands. She "gave you signals"? So what? Did she sit on your lap and tell you she'd do "anything" in bed? No? Ok, pass on it.

Again, without sounding braggadocious (damn, I love Trump), I've currently got two in my rotation. I can afford to let this one pass.

There's always been some light flirting, but nothing I ever acted on because of the marriage. I didn't want to be that guy. Plus I was married most of the time they were.

Post: #13

(11-02-2016 04:27 PM)Sam Malone Wrote:  Again, without sounding braggadocious (damn, I love Trump), I've currently got two in my rotation. I can afford to let this one pass.

There's always been some light flirting, but nothing I ever acted on because of the marriage. I didn't want to be that guy. Plus I was married most of the time they were.

I see a whole lot of cans of worms that could be opened from your pursuit of this woman. I would strongly advise you TO PASS.

If you still feel like you should push up or are undecided. I recommend that you go have back to back marathon bang sessions with the two girls in your rotation.

Once you get to the point you dont even want to see a chick for a couple of days. You will know that you can now think with your big head instead of your little one.

Then ponder all this again and see if pursuing this woman still makes sense!

IMHO if you pursue this you have about as much chance as homeboy in the pic that things will turn out well!

Post: #14

There's got to be a better option out there.

I'd step back, go on a "vacation" for a while, and meet some new tail, not talking to either of them. Grab some perspective.