Post: #26

(05-08-2016 01:33 PM)TheWhiteWolf Wrote:  Additionally I've been going out to clubs to improve my social skills. I've noticed well I’m at the club's I'd get checked it out fairly regularly by girls as I am 6,2 and fairly good looking. I'm just scared to approach as I feel I would get rejected for my social awkwardness. I was wondering if anyone here had overcome a condition like Aspersers or if anyone any advice on how to improve my success with women. I was thinking of looking into online dating. Pretty much all I’m focused on right now is getting laided.

Try going to a salsa club or Latin nights if there's any near you. It's helping me get into the right frame of mind in clubs; it's expected that you ask women to dance, they rarely decline and they're friendly enough. If you can dance at all, bonus! Do be warned:it's probably not going to get you laid easily-lots of good dancers (male and female) go to these and just dancing with a girl or several doesn't mean much by itself. Still, give it a try and then go to a bar or a high street nightclub and try to apply the same outlook.

Post: #27

I've been feeling really suicidal lately and I don't know why. I don't think it's a lack women I just really don't enjoy life. Perhaps getting laided would help but I don't know. I was thinking maybe I could take a trip to the Philippines for a couple of weeks just to recharge. I have 50,000 in cash to spend. I was thinking if I was going to kill myself it's better spend it to feel better. Would any recommend doing this.

Post: #28

(05-15-2016 06:03 PM)TheWhiteWolf Wrote:  I've been feeling really suicidal lately and I don't know why. I don't think it's a lack women I just really don't enjoy life. Perhaps getting laided would help but I don't know. I was thinking maybe I could take a trip to the Philippines for a couple of weeks just to recharge. I have 50,000 in cash to spend. I was thinking if I was going to kill myself it's better spend it to feel better. Would any recommend doing this.

Call 1-800-273-8255 ASAP.

Pussy can't make you happy and the moment you have the slightest feeling of rejection you'd get into the same thought cycle.

You need professional help that nobody over a forum can provide.

Call that number, talk to them and listen. Do whatever they tell you to because they have far more expertise in these matters than we possibly can.

Later, I'd strongly consider getting Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in addition to whatever recommendations they make.

If you want to get the most bang for your buck, you need to invest in your health first and foremost. Mental health is a key part of that.

Don't procrastinate and think that you don't need to.

Call 1-800-273-8255 now.

Post: #29

(05-13-2016 05:04 PM)TheWhiteWolf Wrote:  I've been going out more I'm finding that I'm OK in social situations. I used to be very anxious. I just find I'm at a loss for words when in a conversation. I can hold a conversation for the first 5 minutes then I've run out of stuff to talk about. If you haven't lived an exciting life and you not quick with words how do you find stuff to talk about in a conversation.

The key to being able to flow the conversation is often in shifting your goal for the conversation to a different place.

When you are focused on getting laid, you will eventually run out of prepared scripts to follow and find yourself bereft of the next topic.

The challenge - perhaps harder with Asperger's - is to seek genuine connection. That means being interested in the entire person.

I am not suggesting that you need to care about the entire person; I appreciate that your focus is on the end game in bed. However, the reality is that you will have to work harder on the front end in order to get more dynamic access to the back end.

Follow up on your genuine interest. Consider her as possessing information that is valuable to you. Take your focus off what's between her legs, start pulling out what's in her head, and she will often do the rest for you fairly quickly.

But above all, practice. Social competence is a learned social skill like any other. Certainly some have more talent. That does not mean you cannot become expert.

And shut off the self-differentiation dialogue. The other posters are correct. Your IQ is irrelevant, and the fact of your Asperger's is also irrelevant.

Later on you can use it to your advantage, but that's more advanced skill.

Does this make sense?

Best of luck to you.

Regards,

Ivan

Post: #30

(05-15-2016 06:07 PM)Valentine Wrote:  

(05-15-2016 06:03 PM)TheWhiteWolf Wrote:  I've been feeling really suicidal lately and I don't know why. I don't think it's a lack women I just really don't enjoy life. Perhaps getting laided would help but I don't know. I was thinking maybe I could take a trip to the Philippines for a couple of weeks just to recharge. I have 50,000 in cash to spend. I was thinking if I was going to kill myself it's better spend it to feel better. Would any recommend doing this.

Call 1-800-273-8255 ASAP.

Pussy can't make you happy and the moment you have the slightest feeling of rejection you'd get into the same thought cycle.

You need professional help that nobody over a forum can provide.

Call that number, talk to them and listen. Do whatever they tell you to because they have far more expertise in these matters than we possibly can.

Later, I'd strongly consider getting Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in addition to whatever recommendations they make.

If you want to get the most bang for your buck, you need to invest in your health first and foremost. Mental health is a key part of that.

Don't procrastinate and think that you don't need to.

Call 1-800-273-8255 now.

Thanks for your concern. But I'm feeling better. I really don't want to keep being involved with the psychiatric system if I don't have to. I've been seeing psychiatrists for most my life and I don't feel it's helped me that much. The psychiatric system is to feminine and blue pill for me. I think hiring a mentor would be a better option for me. Someone that could coach me on social skills and help me build up a better self esteem. I was wondering if someone from the form would be available to be my mentor.

Post: #31

Do a blood test to check if your hormones are good

Low T or high cortisol can be the reason for your depression and anxiety .. If that's the case try boosting T/DHT levels and lowering cortisol/estrogen , maybe that will work

Post: #32

(05-15-2016 06:03 PM)TheWhiteWolf Wrote:  I've been feeling really suicidal lately and I don't know why. I don't think it's a lack women I just really don't enjoy life. Perhaps getting laided would help but I don't know. I was thinking maybe I could take a trip to the Philippines for a couple of weeks just to recharge. I have 50,000 in cash to spend. I was thinking if I was going to kill myself it's better spend it to feel better. Would any recommend doing this.

I've been through periods like this, full of boredom and suicidal thoughts. I think it's important to have (1) a mission in life and (2) a good woman. There will be times when you're bored and don't really feel like you have a mission that holds your interest, but those should only be passing phases. Also, even if you say you don't care about having a woman in your life, once you actually get a good woman, you'll realize how much it improves your happiness, and you won't want to go back.

For people with Asperger, the mission will probably involve some obscure interests that no one else cares about, which can produce a feeling of futility and loneliness. However, you can distract from this by getting a 9-5 job that is totally boring and uninspiring, but which the world will tell you gives you status and credibility as a useful member of society. That will give you the social validation that your interests don't provide, while your interests will give you the intellectual stimulation that your job doesn't provide.

Meanwhile, you can go on a website like FilipinoCupid (for the younger set) or Cherry Blossoms (for the older set) and find a good woman under age 25 to get engaged to within a week, and to marry a year later. However, first become familiarized with borderline personality disorder symptoms because chicks with those traits are present in every country and you'll need to weed them out before making your final selection. That's really the only major pitfall; statistically, if you keep to the Philippines (as opposed to, say, Russia), you're unlikely to run into scammers. Taking care of your love life really is as simple as that.

Small talk... I haven't figured it out either. Eventually, I just gave up. I find sometimes people will just arbitrarily decide to like me, regardless of the low quality of my conversation. There's a chick at work who buys me lunch, drives me to the auto shop when I need to get work done on my car, etc. and laughs at the lamest jokes I make and says "you're funny," even when she doesn't understand the joke. I'll talk about something totally random/uninteresting, and she'll change the subject and go into a monologue about her work and her thoughts about it, which I won't listen to because I don't understand it, and then I'll change the subject again. She must realize by now that I'm not paying attention to half of what she says, but I think she uses me for rubber duck debugging. Meanwhile, because she's in a managerial position, she's able to put in a good word for me with my boss and with HR, and will probably be my path to advancement, if I end up staying at this place.

There are other people there I'm totally awkward with, because we constantly have the same, "How are you doing?" "Good, how are you?" "Good, how was your weekend?" "Good, how was yours?" conversations. There are even people there with whom I've developed a tacit agreement that we just won't talk to each other at all, even to exchange greetings, which is even more awkward.

Oh well! Not everyone has the gift of gab. In the end, all you need are a few friends/allies who will help you when you need them. You don't need to be able to socialize with every person you meet, to survive and reproduce and be happy in this world. I also wonder to what extent small talk can be taught. I looked around the Internet for tips on building rapport, and didn't see much that looked useful. I guess you can try asking open-ended questions (e.g. "How did you get involved with that?") if you're interested in learning more about people, but if you truly don't give a fuck, you probably won't end up listening closely.

I've recently been diagnosed with autism too (since Asperger doesn't exist anymore in the DSM-5). But I hardly ever mention it to anyone. Most people will have misconceptions about what the diagnosis means, so I don't think it would improve their ability to understand me if I told them, plus I don't want to seem like I'm one of these people who uses diagnoses as an excuse for weakness or as a way to garner sympathy. Besides, 20 years from now, when the DSM-7 comes out, shrinks may have discredited the idea of autism and found some entirely different way to pigeonhole me.

Post: #33

Update

I've been going out a couple times a week with friends to have beers and practice my social skills.

I've been going to the gym four times a week in doing jujitsu three times a week

I've done up a resume in the process of looking for a career

I'm in the process of getting my own apartment

I think I've made significant improvements over the last month. Though I'm still having trouble talking to girls. I'm finding that the sexual frustration is impacting me greatly in the way I feel. I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on how to deal with a high libido when going through a dry spell. I'm trying not to think about girls all the time but it is difficult. Is it possible to kill your sexual desires for a bit. I want to continue focus on improving myself well not being distracted by women.

Post: #34

Personal opinion regarding the OP is to learn about negotiation and economics.

I've basically realized that all "social interaction" is actually economic and operates according to the same principles as trade and barter. Basically just like when you exchange money for an item at the grocery store, all interaction follows the same principles; both people are "exchanging" something (whether a compliment, opinion, etc) subconsciously expecting to receive something better in return.

Therefore "bad interactions" happen when it becomes unbalanced, e.x. when one person doesn't like what the other has to offer, or one person feels "stiffed" on their end of the bargain. Most likely this skill is lost on many today because modern economics don't require you to actually use "sales or haggling" skills; you just see a fixed price at the store and hand them the money; this attitude therefore carries over into relationships and interactions as well; e.x. guys think they can just know in their head "what women want" or "what people like" because of something they heard mommy or daddy say, or saw on a Cartoon Network show, they therefore no longer have to learn how to adapt to the situation.

Most "social retards" from what I can tell don't pay attention to what's going on in front of them, they just go through each day by a simple script, or they've bought into the entitlement mentality today which just tells you to "be yourself" and demand everyone else "accept you".

Therefore any good books on negotiation or sales skills are probably the best. The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene looks like a good one; keep in mind "seduction" doesn't just apply to picking up chicks, it refers to time tested principles of interaction with others in a way that benefits all involved.

Post: #35

(05-21-2016 09:25 AM)Chaostheory Wrote:  Do a blood test to check if your hormones are good

Low T or high cortisol can be the reason for your depression and anxiety .. If that's the case try boosting T/DHT levels and lowering cortisol/estrogen , maybe that will work

I went to the Dr last week in got my testosterone levels checked. Apparently there in the low normal range. But my Physician doesn't want to prescribe me any testosterone supplements. I hate how they view testosterone as the root of all evil

Post: #36

(05-08-2016 01:33 PM)TheWhiteWolf Wrote:  Hi In my early twenties and looking to improve my life and my success with woman. At age 10 I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. This has impacted me greatly in terms of making small talk and reading body language. Though I have AS I consider myself to be on the extremely high functioning end of the spectrum. I have an IQ of 130. The only area I struggle in academically is spelling so I use a Speech to text program. I'm taking steps to improve my life I recently joined a BJJ club and I’m going to the gym regularly to help improve my physique. I was also thinking of taking up a musical instrument like guitar. I hear some people with Aspergers have an unnatural talent when it comes to music. I was thinking if I got good enough I could play in a band and that would be a way to get girls

Additionally I've been going out to clubs to improve my social skills. I've noticed well I’m at the club's I'd get checked it out fairly regularly by girls as I am 6,2 and fairly good looking. I'm just scared to approach as I feel I would get rejected for my social awkwardness. I was wondering if anyone here had overcome a condition like Aspersers or if anyone any advice on how to improve my success with women. I was thinking of looking into online dating. Pretty much all I’m focused on right now is getting laided.

I just feel I've been cheated out of a good life because of my condition. I know if I didn't have this condition with my physique and looks like probably be slaying right now. I desperately want to improve and don't want to take the coward's way out of life. I'd appreciate the feedback

I'm just at really low place in my life right now and I don't know how to fix it. I thought this forum would be a good place to turn to for support

PS if there are some errors in the post it is because of my speech to text program sometimes the program adds in words

I recommend checking out the tools at Paul Ekman's site. You can train yourself to better identify social cues and you can learn to become more aware of your own emotional state.

Yes, for some people, this may come more naturally. Perhaps they grew up in a household in which these skills were well developed.

It doesn't matter. You can overcome the disadvantages you were handed at birth. It's easier to do if the disadvantage isn't immediately apparent to others, because then their assessment of you will be based primarily on your behavior, instead of their previous experiences of people with a similar disadvantage.

https://www.paulekman.com/product/ekman-library/

Post: #37

So I signed up for tinder. But I'm not getting any matches I've only been on it for a couple of days. Is this normal for it to take this long or do I need to restructure my profile

Post: #38

(06-08-2016 06:02 PM)TheWhiteWolf Wrote:  So I signed up for tinder. But I'm not getting any matches I've only been on it for a couple of days. Is this normal for it to take this long or do I need to restructure my profile

If your confidence is already low I wouldn't recommend tinder. Unless you're a 10/10 and have great text game....of which I have neither going for me. I hate it. I've never even had a single meet up off tinder. Every conversation turns cold. Plus i feel desperate swiping through ho's like that. I'd rather just approach. Bumble on the other hand has better talent and from my experience the chicks are more interested in actually meeting.

Post: #39

To the OP.

Practice. Practice and fail. Dont use Tinder. Try OKCupid and Match.com. Try just chatting.

I am married but as much anti-social as you are so I cannot relate to the dating scene today. Here is what I do: try striking up a conversation in the Grocery Store line. Try yukking up with a nice hot woman next to you who isnt texting while waiting for your Frappachino. I dont do it to pick up women (till death do us part thing comes in) but to get out of being anti-social. If you fuck up, thats ok.....try a different approach. Heck try an ugly woman and see what kind of reaction you get.

Practice makes perfect.

Post: #40

OK so I set up an OK cupid account. Here's the link https://www.okcupid.com/profile/nightofsnow/photos# I was wondering if someone could analyze and give me feedback on my profile

Post: #41

Post: #42

I think I was a tiny bit that way myself in my teens but ultimately compensated. It's like you've got a muscle which is somehow weak which you just have to train a bit harder at the gym. I feel it's like some kind of minor colorblindness in the social space. At least you're tall..

Re libido and getting your rocks off, enjoy it while it's there it will be lower in twenty years time. If you go for a woman a few years older than you at that early stage, eg mid to late twenties or even thirties it will be a bit easier, there is such fierce competition for the early-twenties girls and with a bit more experience you'll get them a bit later. But do avoid the fatties.

It's not something to be too upset about basically means that socialising and picking up girls is a learned skill carried out with the same part of the mind as say mathematics.. If you can afford it and find a coach possibly do some pickup-training it helps to add some strength to your right-brain and learn in an aspy kind of way how "normal" body-language or conversation is supposed to run.