Post: #1

Since I was a boy I can remember my father and grandfather both continuously telling me stories with morals in them, as an example of how I (we) should act, or the types of ideals toward which I (we) should strive. I particularly recollect the stories with action and descriptive language.

In the stories, I also recall quite a few of the simple one liners because I saw them in action over and over in my life as I grew as a boy, then a young man, and interestingly even now as I get older. I have seen that being an example (from my father and grandfather) is more powerful than words, yet the words can act as a conduit in becoming the example.

I reflect on them differently, but regularly now as time has passed, and I want to honor the tradition in which they were given, the men who gave them as well as the fact that they were given.

As we are all men here (well hopefully), with fathers and grandfathers, there has been a lot passed down to us and we are still here.

Post: #2

A man cannot see in another man what he does not already see in himself.

-- My father (from his father and his father before him)

Post: #3

My son is only 3 years old but I make sure he sees me doing some kind of exercising daily (weights, cardio, stretching), eating healthy foods daily (vegetables, fruit, meat), enjoying interactive artistic hobbies daily (guitar, bass, drums, harmonica) and seeing his mother Cook & Clean daily.
I'm not the most handy person out there, but I do have a lot of tools & I let him play with the safer ones all the time (under my supervision).
Also, I make sure to take him outside for atleast 15 to 30 minutes a day, a lot more if it is nice out.

These are the things I want to burn into his mind as good masculine qualities & healthy home life.

There is more I can always improve on as a Father, I tend to watch 2 to 3 hours a day of Television - really need to work on cutting back on this and getting outdoors more.

I have a daughter as well (OMG - they are an emotional wreck 24/7) that I love with all my heart and try my best to teach the same lessons to.

Word of warning: Girls are 100x the trouble of boys!
Very rewarding though when you finally get them to complete the most simplest of tasks.
My son pretty much just does whatever I tell him to - very obedient.
My daughter just throws non-stop shit test after shit test at me every second.

Gotta love being a parent!

Post: #4

The only thing we really have is our good name. You have to protect it. It is the only gift we can really leave for our children.

My Father

Post: #5

Manners

I threw the gift, I just gave, out of the window because he refused to say thank you

Also make sure that if you threaten to punish for non compliance then you promptly do. Verbalize and follow through. Then there is no hurt feelings as everyone is level

Post: #6

You do not get to choose how you are going to die (normally), but you do get to choose how you are going to live.

Post: #7

When I was very young, I was ashamed about something I did so I lied to my dad about it. He found out and chewed me out for it:

"Son, I am so disappointed in you. I don't care if you do something wrong, that's part of growing up and learning, but don't you ever lie to me again boy. Only a coward has to lie to get what he wants. If you can't tell the truth to your own father, how do you expect anyone to take anything you say is worth a damn? A man is only as good as his word."

That moment always stuck with me and shaped a great deal of my life from then on. I refused to go along with some of what my teachers were forcing us to accept because it didn't strike me as the truth, and it got me into trouble sometimes. But the search for truth has led me to communities like this, and given me great joy.

Another time, after I had spent a great deal of effort trying in a competitive derby, I won first place. Before the final, the guy who consistently placed 2nd lamented that he wasn't going to win. He was younger than me, and I encouraged him that he's far ahead of where I was at his age, that he has a lot to be proud of and for sure he'll win it next time.

Driving home Dad told me how proud of he was, not for winning, but for handling success with humility, and for encouraging and helping my fellow man.

Here's a handful of ones from AfOR:

"The difference between a married woman and a single woman is the married woman has two assholes, and one of them gets up and goes to work in the morning."

“You are only as good as your last job”

“Do it properly, you may be the next fucker who has to work on it”

“The right way to do the job, and every other way”

“Think thrice, measure twice, sit down and just look at the job for 5 minutes, then cut once”

From https://wimminz.wordpress.com/01-intro-and-stuff/

Post: #8

On the afternoon of my 13th birthday my father asked me to follow him in front of the big full length mirror in the house. He told me that he wanted to show me something that had been passed down in my family for 9 generations and I was the 10th. He stood me in front of the mirror and said…¨Look.¨ After about 5 seconds my eyes and my head were moving around and after about 10 seconds my body began to fidget. My father again said: ¨Look!¨ After about 15 seconds of looking my father then said; ¨Have you lived your day Well?¨ My answer was something like; ¨I think so.¨ After my answer my father continued; ¨As a man, you have a choice to live you day well. You need to look into the mirror each night and ask yourself, ´did I live this day well?´ If you answer no, I did not live this day well then the reason that you did not live your day well is staring at you directly in the mirror and being reflected back to you.¨ He told me to begin that night. When I was standing before the mirror in my bathroom that night, my father came in and faced the mirror with me and he put his arm around me (he was not normally an affectionate man) as he said, ¨I see the man that you will become, what did you see?¨ He walked away and I went to sleep.

The next night, my grandfather called me, this was unusual as we just spoke the day before on my birthday. He asked; ¨Did you live your day well? I gave him a better answer like yes grandfather, I did this and that. He responded ¨good, I am going to call you each evening and ask you.¨ I later found that this was also part of the tradition with the grandfather. One evening, maybe two or 3 weeks later, when I was speaking with my grandfather, I mentioned that I had not lived my day well. He told me to go look in the mirror and that we would talk tomorrow. When I arrived home from school the next day, there was my grandfather (and grandmother) who had driven many hours to spend a few days with us. Later that evening my grandfather stood with me before the mirror and asked; ¨Did you live your day Well?¨ I said; ¨yes grandfather, I lived my day Well.¨ He asked; ¨what was the difference between yesterday and today?¨ I replied with something on the order of this and that in the world. He paused, put his arm around me (he was even more stoic than my father) as we stood together before our reflections and said, ¨The reason that you lived your day Well today, and did not live your day Well yesterday is right there! (pointing at me in the mirror)¨ He took a few steps to the side and let me reflect at my image in the mirror for a few moments. He then said, I expect you, just as I expect your father to do this each day. I turned around and hugged him and said yes grandfather, I promise. For all of the years of their lives when we parted company, we always said, ¨Be Well!¨

I have continued to look into a mirror or window throughout my days and along the way the meaning of living a day Well has deepened compared to that birthday so many decades ago. Now, my birthdays have a more significant meaning as on those days when I look into the mirror I see my father and grandfather with their arm around me as I ponder the man that I have become.

Post: #9

That's a great lesson, and a good story, NASA...

Post: #10

Who you are is more than what you do, but what you do is a reflection of who you are.

Post: #11

The following is a short excerpt written by Elbert Hubbard my father gave to me shortly before entering the workforce. Perhaps this would be more appropriate in ESSAYS, but because it's something my father gave, it is a tradition I will pass down to my sons, should I be fortunate enough to have them.

Loyalty
If you work for a man, in heaven's name work for him. If he pays you wages which supply you bread and butter, work for him; speak well of him; stand by him, and stand by the institution he represents. If put to a pinch, an ounce of loyalty is worth a pound of cleverness. If you must vilify, condemn, and eternally disparage, resign your position, and when you are outside, damn to your heart's content, but as long as you are part of the institution do not condemn it. If you do that, you are loosening the tendrils that are holding you to the institution, and at the first high wind that comes along, you will be uprooted and blown away, and will probably never know the reason why.

Post: #12

This is exactly what I needed.

My son just turned one and I am watching him battle with his motor vs cognitive skills. He is frustrated at his lack of fine motor skills as his cognitive skills are able to put more complex ideas together that he can't yet accomplish. So I talk logically to him, telling him that this is the way to hold something, or to ask for help if he cannot do it himself.

Being one, simple exercise every day is key. I let him climb the 100 steps at our plaza. Walk on uneven grass and dirt. Play in the creek. Things that engage his ability to focus. I coach him to pay attention, especially on the stone steps. Reward him verbally when he gets to the top.

My lap pool is cold, and while he loves water, he hates cold water. So I take him there almost daily and we run laps together. I count to three and then we run underwater. He is now focused underwater and not panicking, his eyes comprehending this new world.

I put his bike seat on the handlebars of his mothers bike this weekend and let him play with the socket set. When I changed out her stem and gooseneck I gave him the old one and he wanted to put it back on where I took it off. So I gave him the new one, and he knew it went in the same place. I let him be there when I tightened it down and he showed visible pride.

I look forward to talking with him in the future. The things written in this thread, I think about every day.

Post: #13

the number of chicks that you've managed to bed. Probably

Post: #14

Once I get married and get a child, it'll be:

For a daughter:
"You virginity is what makes you special compared to all the other girls that men fuck out there. Keep it for the right one."
"Feminism is the root of all evil, let me show you why."
"Learn how to cook and clean, and take care of your man."
"Before you start seeing a man, we need to approve him first."

For a son:
"Stay the fuck away from any girl who claims to have been raped, be it true or false. You can't win."
"If a girl won't cook and clean, and brings up feminism, dump her".

And the MOST important of all, that I will teach to them regardless of it being a boy or girl:
"If you want to leave someone, do it before having kids. After you have kids, it's too late to go back. You started a family, you assume your role with him/her until the end."

Post: #15

I really like seeing this thread.

I have no children, and have no idea when I would have them but it is a thought that is constantly on my mind. My father somehow raised me in a way I want to mostly replicate. I would also consider things to do with your son, my father would often wrestle with me playfully but never once let me win. That is probably one of the reasons I have been able to flip my intensity switch when competing. Dangling the possibility of winning but never allowing me to win, a stark contrast to how every kid gets a participation trophy.

Two things he has said and I can remember from the top of my head.

Quote:"A man is only as good as his word"

I can remember growing up, I never told anyone I would do anything unless I planned to see it through to the end. This was something that those around me also picked up on and would come to me when they needed something important.

Quote:"Lead, follow or get the hell outta the way"

Simple really, but if you're not leading you're only going to be a pain in the ass to the one who is. And if you aren't following directions why the hell are you even here.

Post: #16

If I do have a daughter, I'm going to push her into a career in something like interior design, so she can save her own money and pay for her own plastic surgery as she ages. If I have a boy, I'm pushing him into engineering.

Post: #17

Life is hard and that is alright.

Life is hard, sometimes because our choices (a lot actually), sometimes because it just is. So many people run around thinking life should be nothing but happy times 24/7. But that sets such unrealistic expectations and I imagine for those who believe it, there is a pretty constant unhappiness because they are not always happy.

And when one overcomes the challenges of life, then that person can truly experience joy that is based on substance.

Post: #18

"An error does not become a mistake until you refuse to correct it."

- JFK

Post: #19

Tell:

Trust is only earned through trial.

Be the person who you want to see in others, not the person who you see in others.

For most things in life of any value: cheap isn't cheap.

In things that you do frequently: mitigate risk.

Don't have unprotected sex with a low quality woman.

Learn to ignore charm.

Never accept any narrative as fact until you can reasonably verify it as such.

Don't rely on anyone to behave in an expected manner. If they do, consider it a nice surprise. The only known quantity is you and your choice of behavior. Only expect and take satisfaction in your own behavior.

Achieving anything of value is almost invariably difficult. This is the nature of value.

Largely, the social sphere is driven by value exchange. Adjust accordingly but watch trying too hard.

Improving your reaction time through years of throwing and catching balls is worthwhile, as it will transfer to other activities such as driving and is correlated with intelligence.

It doesn't matter much what you read while you are young, as long as you read.

You deserve nothing just for breathing and no one will give you anything. Everything that you have will be because you tenaciously worked for it in some form (socially, academically, physically, etc.).

Never go into a profession that is mostly women.

If you want people, such as employers, to see you as a mature adult and thus to take you seriously: work to rid yourself of speech tics such as up-talk, drawn out syllables, the use of filler words, and avoid use of trendy language phrases.

This too shall pass.

Post: #20

"You aren't special until you prove it."

This was when I was playing sports and he was a coach. He took me out for a mistake I made and I was pissed because he wouldn't take other players out for the same type of thing.

"I took you out because of that mistake. You are better than that and because you are better than that, I hold you to a higher standard. The better you are the more I expect and I expect a lot."

Post: #21

I told my son once: "Son money isn't for buying shit, it's for buying your way out of shit".

Post: #22

Don't ever tell some guy he is using shaming language on you. Or that he is trying to shame you. You will just get more of the same language and people will think you are a sensitive bitch.

Don't say stupid stuff in real life or post stupid shit on forums and act fucking surprised when you get clowned. Never think your shit don't smell.

Have a little pride for God sakes.

Post: #23

Not all who wander are lost.

Post: #24

9/10 people have no idea. Don't listen to what anybody tells you, figure it out for yourself-- that way you know you know. Trust your gut. If it looks like a duck, it is a duck. This world is based on monkey see monkey do-- if you want to eat you have to make your own food. The world is full of followers, be a leader. Be good.

Post: #25

"For he who pays the piper picks the time."

Foster self sufficiency as much as possible. The less you are reliant on others, the less control others have over you. Form networks with those who respect you, not those who see you as a commodity.