Post: #26

(04-25-2016 12:35 PM)No Habit Wrote:  

Quote:I have absolutely no sympathy and will offer no advice to a 24 year old virgin who refuses to read Bang and Day Bang.

That's cool. Nobody forces you to do so.

Quote:Why are you even on this forum?

I came here because I had problems with a girl back in the day. It has become a second home to me and helped me grow as a man. I also like to think that I contributed a bit here.

Quote:All of your answers begin in those two books and your arrogance in not reading them shows that you can't be helped.

First of all, I actually did read Bang. I am not going to read those books now because I don't think this will help me. If you think otherwise, feel free to elaborate why.

Does this make me arrogant? If so, why does that imply I cannot be helped?

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No Habit

So many guys come to RVF and want an easy answer and haven't even read his books. That's what I was calling arrogant. But that isn't you, since you say you read it. So I'll give you my thoughts. (Also, I commend you on your mature response.)

First, you are outcome dependent, have the pussy up on the pedestal, do not have an abundance mentality, have weak inner game, and are probably thirsty as hell. Read up on how to address each of these individually.

You are jumping way too fast into your planned lines. Why is any girl going to give her number to some guy who just rushed up on her? She's not. You are scaring them. Every girl is going to say she has a boyfriend to get rid of you.

No girl cares that you said she was beautiful. That is not how you pick up a girl. You should be looking to make a connection and should never bring looks, money, or tricks into it.

Success for you right now is not getting a girl's number. Success is not making her feel weird from the interaction.

My advice, you need to get a more successful guy in your life. It's clear you are alone in this and it is holding you back. Find someone who isn't trying to be a PUA. Just someone who knows how to read and talk to people. And just watch how he builds comfort with girls. Ask him his advice on these things because he can see your mistakes in person.

Finally, just keep reading and trying. It will all click some day. Good luck.

Post: #27

Quote:First, you are outcome dependent, have the pussy up on the pedestal, do not have an abundance mentality, have weak inner game, and are probably thirsty as hell. Read up on how to address each of these individually.

First I was outcome dependent, had the pussy up on the pedestal, did not have an abundance mentality, had weak inner game and was probably thirsty as hell.

This is not the man who I am today. I might be wrong, though. Why do you think that?

Quote:You are jumping way too fast into your planned lines. Why is any girl going to give her number to some guy who just rushed up on her? She's not. You are scaring them. Every girl is going to say she has a boyfriend to get rid of you.

Probably.

Quote:No girl cares that you said she was beautiful. That is not how you pick up a girl. You should be looking to make a connection and should never bring looks, money, or tricks into it.

I understand, you are right.

Quote:Success for you right now is not getting a girl's number. Success is not making her feel weird from the interaction.

Perhaps.

Quote:My advice, you need to get a more successful guy in your life. It's clear you are alone in this and it is holding you back. Find someone who isn't trying to be a PUA. Just someone who knows how to read and talk to people. And just watch how he builds comfort with girls. Ask him his advice on these things because he can see your mistakes in person.

I'll consider it.

Quote:Finally, just keep reading and trying. It will all click some day. Good luck

Thanks, I appreciate it.

Post: #28

The last months I wasn't a weak anxious wimp anymore but became a fearless delusionally over-confident arrogant fuck.
From one extreme to another.

So right now I am getting more humble and I think the main sticking point on my game is that my life is just fucking miserable.

• I am living in the house of my father who despises me because he can't cope with the fact that my mother left him. He is getting dominated by his current girlfriend and is trying to take that negativity out on me everyday.
• My mother says she is the happiest person in the world and never frustratred about anything while in reality every word that comes out of her mouth is filled with hate and anger. She hasn't had a relationship or any friends in twenty years. All she needs me for is to project her fears out on to me.
• My brother never calls me.
• My grandparents only want me to visit them, so they can present themselves as good people to their neighbours.
• My only friend hasn't checked on me in a month.
• I don't have a job, no qualifications and am a few thousands in debts.
  

Getting an "ok" job is really harder than I thought. I was so delusional that I thought you just have to be optimistic and positive enough and you can achieve anything, which is just fairy tale bullshit. I have even applied to the most assed out factory job and they haven't reached back to me yet.

And Tornado was right, I am thirsty as hell. I guess that's also one of the sticking points. I would convince myself that I don't care about that hot bitch right there and act like it while in reality I would have probably done anything to get a little affection from her. So that's just a big conflict which inevitably must produce violence in one form or the other. That's why women would approach me and then run like Usain Bolt after I opened my mouth.

So the plan right now is to achieve that miracle of getting a decent income to move the fuck away from everything that is defining my life right now. I probably have to re-program every cell of my body.

Hopefully there will be some light in this darkness.


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No Habit

Post: #29

(04-25-2016 10:16 AM)yeppels Wrote:  

(04-24-2016 04:05 AM)Thomas the Rhymer Wrote:  There are of course exceptions to the rule, and if you really crunch the numbers you might find a girl who responds to your quick, direct approach style; but you yourself don't seem too interested in just 'getting laid' as such so I recommend rather work on the conversation element of an approach. Leave out compliments and you'll find most conversations will last longer, at least in my experience.

I agree with this 100%. Most of the time, I think opening a stranger girl with a compliment about her looks puts both her and you in the mindset of "you are a sexual object to me". Instead, when opening a stranger, treat them like a person. This is where the advice "talk to anyone and everyone" comes to mind.

Giovonny is probably my favorite poster in regards to day game, and his approach is to talk about whatever is happening around them.

In the coffee shop - What are you studying?

In the store trying on hats - I'm looking for a hat, help me out.

Tram stops at university - Are you a student there?

While I dont agree that complimenting her looks is a good move, what about complimenting her shoes or her accessories? There are some in this forum who propose that as an opener.

What do you guys think?

Post: #30

(05-06-2016 05:08 AM)No Habit Wrote:  Hopefully there will be some light in this darkness.

You're doing great. Don't give up! You've already made incredible progress in overcoming your anxieties.

Yes, you are starting out at the bottom of life - but that means the only way out is up!

With regards to your social issues:
- Call your friend. Don't wait on him to contact you. Don't think about what your friend is doing for you - that's not the healthy attitude of a winner. Rather, think about what you can do for your friends. You will make and keep more friends that way.

Obviously, I don't mean be servile and give away money and valuables to random people to befriend them, but simply being interested in people's life, saying a kind word here and there, listening to their bullshit stories - these little thing can mean a lot to people.

If you feel your friend hasn't contacted you, call him, and say, 'Hey bro, it's been ages since we last spoke. How are you doing?'

- You're a winner in the making. Your mother gave you life, which is great, but if she isn't going to help you be a winner, then she's going to have to stay on the side lines until you've achieved something with your life. You can go back to having a relationship with her once you are Awesome with a capital A.

- Why are you waiting for your brother to call you? Call him. Even if he never reciprocates, so what? You're mission in life is to be suave, sophisticated, happy, awesome Alpha male who spreads incredibly positive energy in the world - it's not your problem your brother is such a loser he won't ever call you. That's not stopping you from calling him.

- I agree that you need to move out eventually, it sounds like your dad is annoyed with you living with him.

With regards to the lack of qualifications, I guess we need to brainstorm a bit:
- Have you considered joining the military?
- Have you considered a blue collar trade?

As for your disappointment in your job hunt thus far:
Being positive and optimistic are important traits that tend to bring success and people into your life, although I agree with you that it will not necessarily all click together like a fairytale. Even for positive, optimistic people, life can at times be unrelentingly unfair. And sometimes despite all one's best efforts and intentions, one will still end up failing. This is not a bad thing. Failure is great. Failure is a mighty character builder and the wisest of teachers. A man's greatness is sometimes measured by the number of failures and setbacks he cheerfully endured. Don't be afraid of failure. Only be afraid of being too weak to pick yourself up again.

Post: #31

Thanks for the encouragement Thomas. Sometimes it's hard.

Post: #32

No Habit, why don't you just fuck a prostitute? Then you can continue trying to pick up honest women after you've got the nervous wreck syndrome out of your system. If you don't know where to get prostitutes in your country, just save up for a sex trip to Thailand. All you have to do is walk down the street of Sukhumvit or Khao Sarn in Bangkok at night here and taxi drivers will offer to take you to brothels with sexy women at them. Careful they don't rip you off on the price, but (they'll try to, but it's still cheap even if they jack it up for the dumb Westerner). You should seriously just do it. It'll bolster your confidence by heaps.

Don't listen to dick-head posters who tell you there's something wrong with fucking whores. Most of them are virgins and they just don't admit it. I'm not a desperate man - I'm happily married with kids - but I banged a bunch of whores when I was 19 to bolster my confidence. I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't done that. I fucked 2 at once, one time (this was in Thailand). That wasn't so hot, but, because they kept insisting I change the condom whenever I wanted to fuck the other whore. It was still good to learn polygyny basics, but!

I skimmed through some of your posts. Why are you plucking your fucking eyebrows? Sure, if you're trying to stop a mono-brow from forming then go ahead and pluck, but otherwise… I've got hair sprouting out my fucking nose, for example, and chicks still love me. Hairy, masculine men are hot, too. Try not to be too sissy. In the end, go with what you feel comfortable with, but just be careful that in trying to look "smooth" you don't end up looking like a total sleaze, homosexual, or hopeless loser. Have a look at attractive celebrities and try copying their style. I think George Clooney is a great example for proper dress and looks. I personally go a lot rougher than that, however. I'm just saying that you can't go wrong by copying Clooney, but.

Anyway, your conversations with women seem way too brief. That might be your problem. Try looking at what the woman is doing and talking to her about that, or something. Don't just summon arbitrary comments out of the blue. Everything that happens should happen naturally. It's kind of hard to explain, though. Good luck, anyhow.

Post: #33

(05-06-2016 07:38 AM)Hazaer Wrote:  While I dont agree that complimenting her looks is a good move, what about complimenting her shoes or her accessories? There are some in this forum who propose that as an opener.

What do you guys think?

This works, and it also falls in line with "Treat her like you would meeting any stranger". I have no problems going up to a guy and saying "sweet fucking shoes, where'd you get them?" But you wouldn't go up to a guy and say "You look really handsome in those shoes, no homo". Matter of how you phrase it. Same with girls.

"I like your earrings, it's my favorite color actually" vs "You look really pretty in those earrings"



@No Habit - it really sounds like you're in a mental rut. In fact, it seems like you are your worst enemy. Yes those problems you listed off are in your way as well. But everybody has problems. People who are born into billions of dollars of wealth will find problems to complain about and say that their life is miserable. It's all about how you perceive and manage your problems.

I understand how you feel about going from one extreme to another. I find that happens to me when I have no structure, no purpose, and no organization. I love being spontaneous and living on a whim but I find it seriously hampers any long term goals I have. I go from extreme modes of productivity to extreme bouts of lethargy and nothingness.

Ironically looking at your name, I suggest developing some habits of success. Read a few books on personal success, and see what they have in common. 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, How to Make Friends and Influence People, The Miracle Morning, How to Think and Grow Rich, etc. Obviously not everything you'll read will work for you, but it's a good start to see what kind of habits other successful people employ and try a few out.

Your mental state is a huge indicator of how you will handle your problems. If you are weak, your problems will seem like impassable mountains. If you are strong, your problems will seem like nothing more than mild inconveniences, or even opportunities.

Post: #34

OP - it sounds like you've made some progress so congratulations for that. What you need to do now is keep the momentum going, always be pushing forward. Don't give in to self doubt or a shitty set of circumstances.

The main observation from me is that you think too much. Way too much! You're totally in your head, its clear that you need to learn how to relax. I think you would benefit from meditation, search the forum and read up on the benefits. You say that you cannot be responsible for torturing and killing another living thing so you're not going to eat meat. Newsflash - we're top of the food chain. We're supposed to eat meat. Who said anything about torturing and killing. Eat your meat and pack on some muscle. You also said that a girl you approached was walking fast so she must be scared of getting raped. Wtf. These are negative thought processes and they are not doing you any good. I'll reiterate - meditate and chill the fuck out.

You also said you don't believe in fixed goals. This is bullshit. How are you ever going to get anywhere if you don't have fixed goals? You sound like the kind of guy that starts things but never finishes them. That's the best way to never reach any of your goals so you might want to have a rethink.

There has been some really good advice and a lot of encouragement for you on this thread, including an awesome post by your ol uncle Tex! How much of it are you implementing?

You also said how you were absolutely happy with your life when it blatantly wasn't true, confirmed by your later post in which you talk about your circumstances. You need to face up to this and meet your challenges head on, there's only so much the forum can do. Bottom line - you've got work to do. No point in sugar coating it. Take the positives from the progress you've made and keep on reaching.

You need to start implementing good habits in your life. Start small and keep it going. TornadoByProxy was right when he said success for you would be not making a girl feel weird during an interaction. That's not meant as a slight, you've got to walk before you can run and you need to be realistic about where you're starting from. If you can start by doing that it would represent progress for you.

I don't think blindly approaching is helping you at the moment, you need to develop your social skills and your social network. Put yourself in situations where you have the chance to meet new people and work on your conversational skills, take up a team sport, take up a martial art and become a regular at the gym, use Meetup.com, pick any hobby that you have an interest in and get out and meet like minded people. The onus is on you.

Another thing you need to do is prioritise improving your situation and getting a job above chasing tail. Any job will do - lots of guys have shitty jobs in their youth, just use it as a platform to get a better job, then another better job, then a promotion, learning skills and gaining experience as you go. That's how it works, but by bit, learning and saving as you go. Good jobs and hot chicks don't just come along, you need to put the work in.

I had a shitty home life when I was younger too but I left school and left home at 17, got a job and didn't look back. It wasn't a great job, they never are when you're starting at the bottom, but it was a stepping stone onto bigger and better things. The first of many. Get a job, build up a work history and a resume and go from there. Don't feel sorry for yourself, focus on your goals, keep improving, give it your all, and keep it real.

Post: #35

What has become very clear to me now is that I have to take full responsibility for my life, stop blaming other people and stop making up excuses.

Will continue to post here when I found a job...
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No Habit

Post: #36

(05-09-2016 12:14 PM)No Habit Wrote:  What has become very clear to me now is that I have to take full responsibility for my life, stop blaming other people and stop making up excuses.

Will continue to post here when I found a job...
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No Habit

Good luck with getting that job!

I saw that in FrenchCorporation's thread on how to become a programmer that you've dived into that. I think that's a good option, because it keeps your destiny in your own hands.

I look forward to your future posts in this thread, I hope to see them soon. Until then...