Post: #1

Here is my story. I'm a 27 year old guy. I'm very conscience and very sensitive about the way I look and that has caused me to be extremely socially awkward. I talk real slow, my voice is all over the place as as in it correlates from very high pitch to very low pitch almost like a crackling voice.

I also have a hard time looking people in the eye and making eye contact with girls and people. I don't really talk with anybody at work, I sit by myself during lunch break on my phone, etc... I'm not very good at having good conversations. I'm not very good at making jokes or thinking of big comebacks when people make jokes to me. For example as I was walking out after work, I told one of my co-workers as I was walking out "Time to go home man" and he said "nah playa, there aint no going home, we are staying here all night" and I said, "hell naaa". Then the conversation dies. Or whenever they make a joke to me about something I did I will just laugh it off or chuckle with no comeback. Its gotten to the point where people think I'm just flat out boring, or too nice to even pick on. Its sad really.

I have low social skills, very self-conscience, I can't keep eye contact and when I do have eye contact it becomes awkward for both parties.

I have a girlfriend and even she noticed this. She always tells me "you're not very friendly or talkative are you?"

Any way I can reverse this? I need help.

Any advice? Thanks.

Post: #2

(03-13-2016 08:59 AM)Federico Wrote:  Any way I can reverse this? I need help.

Any advice?

Talk faster, with more authority? Grow some balls?

Sounds like a trollish post to be honest.

It's "conscious" by the way, not "conscience."

Post: #3

This belongs in the newbie forum. And the garbage can.

Post: #4

(03-13-2016 09:19 AM)Windom Earle Wrote:  

(03-13-2016 08:59 AM)Federico Wrote:  Any way I can reverse this? I need help.

Any advice?

Talk faster, with more authority? Grow some balls?

Sounds like a trollish post to be honest.

It's "conscious" by the way, not "conscience."

Not trolling. I seriously need help here.

The problem with talking fast is that I always think before I want to say something. I always hesitate to say something with fear of saying something stupid.

Post: #5

(03-13-2016 09:36 AM)Federico Wrote:  The problem with talking fast is that I always think before I want to say something. I always hesitate to say something with fear of saying something stupid.

You and everyone else with half a brain.

I stand by my analysis.

Post: #6

Search what you dislike about yourself and change it.
The way you talk to people will evolve by itself, then.

Fat? Go lift and eat well.
Don't like your job? Change it.
Not enough sexual experiences? Read Bang and start day gaming.

Post: #7

(03-13-2016 10:36 AM)Latan Wrote:  Search what you dislike about yourself and change it.
The way you talk to people will evolve by itself, then.

Fat? Go lift and eat well.
Don't like your job? Change it.
Not enough sexual experiences? Read Bang and start day gaming.

So basically tackle my insecurities and everything will take care of itself?

Post: #8

(03-13-2016 08:59 AM)Federico Wrote:  I'm not very good at making jokes or thinking of big comebacks when people make jokes to me. For example as I was walking out after work, I told one of my co-workers as I was walking out "Time to go home man" and he said "nah playa, there aint no going home, we are staying here all night" and I said, "hell naaa". Then the conversation dies. Or whenever they make a joke to me about something I did I will just laugh it off or chuckle with no comeback. Its gotten to the point where people think I'm just flat out boring, or too nice to even pick on. Its sad really.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/08/...ss-rule-1/

I'm not sure if you're familiar with Heartiste. Whacked out political views, but superhuman ability to break down social dynamics. When it comes to people joking around with or teasing you, the above post is all you need to remember.

Brief summary: If someone teases you, don't logically refute what they said. No one really gives a shit. Just say something funny or entertaining. Agree and amplify.

Post: #9

(03-13-2016 11:34 AM)Delta Wrote:  

(03-13-2016 08:59 AM)Federico Wrote:  I'm not very good at making jokes or thinking of big comebacks when people make jokes to me. For example as I was walking out after work, I told one of my co-workers as I was walking out "Time to go home man" and he said "nah playa, there aint no going home, we are staying here all night" and I said, "hell naaa". Then the conversation dies. Or whenever they make a joke to me about something I did I will just laugh it off or chuckle with no comeback. Its gotten to the point where people think I'm just flat out boring, or too nice to even pick on. Its sad really.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/08/...ss-rule-1/

I'm not sure if you're familiar with Heartiste. Whacked out political views, but superhuman ability to break down social dynamics. When it comes to people joking around with or teasing you, the above post is all you need to remember.

Brief summary: If someone teases you, don't logically refute what they said. No one really gives a shit. Just say something funny or entertaining. Agree and amplify.

Thanks for that. Im going to read it tonight.

One problem is that I'm not that funny though. For instance yesterday a guy at my work called me a retard. I didn't know how to say something back. I just chuckled it off. So if I use this method of agree and amplify, then it would go something like "Yeah, I'm a retard! And?" See I wouldn't know how to combat something like that.

The guy said it in a funny way too, not trying to be insulting or anything, but I did get sensitive about it.

Post: #10

Here's an idea.. you're running simulations in your head that involve you personally. Spend a few days viewing the world as an observer, give thought to what is happening around you rather than how the situation relates to you. When your coworkers are joking around don't think of the retard identity imprinted on your own, you hesitate because you're evaluating if it could be merged with your identity. Just play the part of the retard for a few seconds, no need to imprint your style on it. Don't get caught up on the attention, you're nobody's jester. A quick laugh is simply a good way to break the ice.

Being social is all improv, adjusting to things as they occur. Being current. You outright called yourself anti-social which says to me you prefer planned out encounters. Office Christmas party with dresscode and formality. This focus is useful but not the tool for every job. You're self conciousness shows that you've built yourself a rigid identity, it's not going to be easy to be social while protecting a fortified ego.

So while I wouldn't take on 'detached observer' mode for life I think it's a good starting exercise.

Post: #11

(03-13-2016 12:10 PM)Federico Wrote:  One problem is that I'm not that funny though. For instance yesterday a guy at my work called me a retard. I didn't know how to say something back. I just chuckled it off. So if I use this method of agree and amplify, then it would go something like "Yeah, I'm a retard! And?" See I wouldn't know how to combat something like that.

The guy said it in a funny way too, not trying to be insulting or anything, but I did get sensitive about it.

Agree and amplify would be like "Yeah I know I ride the shortbus to the office" just keep the gag going. Self-deprecating humor can be good as long as you have fun with it and don't seem to take it to heart.

Some educational solutions may be to take a public speaking class at a local college. It will help you with regulating your speech patterns and speaking clearly and confidently.

I don't know where you work, but getting a job working a blue-collar gig will help you learn how to riff and bust balls with the guys. Construction, machine shop, even a restaurant kitchen.

Post: #12

Are you a regular user of porn? Quit that shit if you are. Minimise your wanking to once every 1-2 weeks minimum (without porn). The psychological benefits that you may experience could be significant. You'll feel much more energetic, hold stronger eye contact, social anxiety will greatly reduce, feel immensely attracted to women in real life, and many others.

Check out NoFap thread under "Lifestyle" on this forum and the one on reddit. Many people attest to a lot of positive changes mentally and even sometimes physically, including myself.

It could change your life.

On top of that the best thing is to increase your exposure to people. Experience is the best teacher. Look to find yourself in social situations, don't runaway from them. You just need comfort and this can come by being around people as much as you can. Face your problems head on.

What you need the most is self-respect and comfort with who you are. This happens by being true to yourself. This will come out as confidence and being relaxed around others. Trying to fit and mould yourself around others will be artificial. You need to love yourself because the minute you do, it'll be people wanting talk to you.

So how do you love and respect yourself? First of all take care of your health. Hit the gym 3-4 times a week, cultivate and maintain sound nutrition, face your fears head on (Giovonny on this forum is a tremendous example regarding this, check out his posts), work towards something - career wise, find a hobby or two and get better at them. Keep it simple.

You have to take action. While you're on the process of improving yourself, you will make mistakes, you will do stupid shit. That's fine. Just don't run away. Start today and in 5 years time, hell even a year or two and you could be a drastically different person. Believe in yourself that you have the power change. Its all in your mind. Its about you fighting against yourself and your doubts. You can do this. Good luck.

Post: #13

Thanks suave.

Much appreciate it.

Post: #14

Talking slow is not a problem. You need to talk LOUDER and put some vocal tonality into it. Practise in front of the mirror. Start lifting weights, eat cleaner, stop masturbating, get your testosterone up. Every morning for 5 mins, think of the guy you want to become and make a conscious effort to move towards it. I had the eye contact problem myself. It's all just practise buddy. Daily application. You're probably hoping for some magic pill, but there is no such thing, no shortcuts. If you need to change something about who you are it's prossible, but not easy. Everything has to come from inside of yourself. Search out the borders of your comfort zone and try to grind them every day. You don't need to go too far out, but try to stay at the borders and continually push them further out.
I can somehow relate to the stuff you are writing. I felt similar. You can shoot me a PM and I can give you more detailed advice on how I personally managed to overcome my awkwardness.

-shy

Post: #15

I think the O.P is solid. When they at your job, joke back. You wanna joke with them, only if they are joking WITH you and not making jokes on you. If they joke friendly, it's okay to joke back. If it's unfriendly, and disrespectful, it must be nipped in the bud.

To get Wittier with the jokes, watch some comedy. YouTube search "whose line is it anyway.". Get quick witted like that, and you will be unstoppable. You must decrease your time it takes to fire off responses in jokes and with women. The first one helps with latter in my experience.

Socially awkward....hmmm. One must be confident. If one is not, then one must act confident. Confident people hang with other confident people. Eagles fly and mate with eagles. Before you speak to someone, say "I'm cool." Whatever your main goal is, act as if you just achieved it literally when you speak to people and interact (assuming said hypothetical goal is not negative). This will help a lot.

I have more to offer. PM me if you would like more. I used to be way more shy than I am now. I know what it took to get out of it and elevate up. You're on the right track by being on this forum.


Knockoutkid

Post: #16

(03-13-2016 08:59 AM)Federico Wrote:  I'm very conscience and very sensitive about the way I look and that has caused me to be extremely socially awkward.

It's in the first sentence you wrote.
The problem is your self image which directly relates to self confidence.

Fix your self image before you get intellectual.

GIRLS ARE NOT INTELLECTUAL (you're putting too much emphasis on brains, which females don't care for).

The problem we all have is that it's easy for a man to be intellectual but we have to labor for physical gains/self image.

Self image for a man requires work where as the only thing a female has to do is grow tits and a pussy and shes good.

Post: #17

Cocaine can ease that all up. What are you like when you drink?

Post: #18

(03-15-2016 08:39 AM)Sonoma Wrote:  Cocaine can ease that all up. What are you like when you drink?

Absolutely terrible advice for someone with anxiety.

Post: #19

I got a lot less awkward when I started hanging out with male friends more. You can calibrate a lot just by bullshitting with each other. Even so, everyone has awkward moments. Most folks have just a few bad experiences that make them feel defeated and afraid of trying. The folks that keep working at it still have a lot of failures but they sink away from the memory because there are lots of successes as well.

It its more specific to getting better at girls it is a similar situation, experience really shows, you have to survive a lot of the pain and bullshit and the best way is practice.

There really isn't an easy way to shed social naivety, except to socialize more. There are a few little tricks that help I suppose, like trying to have a friendly inviting vice wherever you go, bantering with cashiers and waitresses and stuff. The books are smart and full of useful advice, but it all has to be executed.

Post: #20

Right of the bat your social or maybe life philosophy is out of whack. You need to understand you live for yourself, you things for yourself, you soclialize for you and not because you feel you need to. Enjoy life and by the person you want to be by yer actions, which brings me to my next point. Your thinking is negative "im socially awkward, i need help, bla bla bla". I read a very interesting book on the power of your sub-consciousness. What i got from it, is that your conscious thoughts shape your sub-conscousness that ultimately shape you. So by thinking "im awkaward" and thoughts like these, you become them. It goes the same for actions, say your about to heelflip over a large stair case (this is skateboarding, say your about to do some scary trick that involves skill/cordination) you cannot have doubt, your body isnt going to automatically do it if the control center (your mind) doesnt believe it. So use your sub-consciousness, Mike Tyson would tell himself he was God before entering the ring. Im not saying he depended on that before the fight but it gave him an edge. You could even say that MIke Tyson "thought" like a fighter, and thoughts turn into actions. Fighters train and fight, therefore they must think about doing those things to initiate the action. The point im trying to get across is that you have to think like an outgoing social person, if you want to become one. Find role models and steal attributes that you like about them. And try to think like them. For example, I like Clint Eastwood. He doesnt need to say much, but he'll be clear about how he feels or what he wants, and he'll say it in a very straight forward way. So i ask myself in an situation how would clint eastwood respond to this, and i do it, and the thinking and action becomes part of my normal response. I dont mimic the voice or scrunch up my face and growl, but i have aquired that characteristic.