Post: #1

Looks like my father, who has mild-to-medium dementia and resides in another state, is being financially and physically abused by my sister, who is a drug addict and lives with him. He was injured in an altercation with her and sent to the hospital yesterday, and my other sister and I alerted the hospital's social worker to get involved because he refused to tell the doctor what really happened (said that he slipped and fell).

I believe in order to resolve the situation we're likely going to have to get an involuntary conservatorship and/or guardianship over him because he won't cut off the drug addict sister from taking his money or being around him. A few questions:

* What's the process in most states and are there any shortcuts/hacks that make it easier?
* Should I hire an attorney to represent me in probate court and, if so, how do I find a good one who won't rip me off?

I know there are some very legally savvy guys in this forum and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Post: #2

I'm very sorry for what's happening to your father. My only advice would be to get an attorney and get one fast. Scum like that sister will leave your father destitute.

If you have the space, it might be worth while to have him live at your place and use his estate to have a day nurse to come and spend time with him if you have to go to work. That way you can spend time with him when you're not working and take care of him in his last days. Dementia's tough, good luck and stay strong.

Post: #3

In your area you should be able to find an attorney that deals in estates and elder issues. Usually any practice that deals with estate planning will also have some experience and expertise with conservatorships. I expect that the sister will try to oppose it, since without your father for her to leech of off, she is going to have to work for a living. I expect her efforts to oppose it will not work since she has no money to get her own lawyer.

Whatever you do, do it as fast as possible. I had the recent experience of watching the daughter of one of my friend's, who passed away, have the daughter try to take everything possible from the estate. The widow (2nd wife, the daughter was from first wife) trusted her and wanted to keep a good relationship with the daughter. There was a small business with inventory, that the daughter sold off for cash and refused to account for. I had to search for several weeks before I finally found out who bought the inventory. When there was finally a court hearing on it, the daughter said that it all went to repairs done by her live in boyfriend. The building needed a court order to sell, so she was not able to steal that also but she would have tried if it had been allowed. The daughter and the live in boyfriend are drug users, plus the live in boyfriend is a convicted felon.

The only thing that I was able to do after it was over, was to issue 1099 forms to her and her friends for the value of the inventory they took from the business. Her live in boyfriend is hiding from the state department of revenue for unpaid child support, so he should be getting a letter from them soon plus they will now know where he has been living the past several years.

Post: #4

Let me get to a computer. This definitely isn't my area of expertise, but I did a little bit of it when I was just starting out. Where I am, you need to get certifications from two physicians stating that the person is incapable of making his own decisions as a result of some kind of disease, I.e. dementia.

Edit: It also looks like your father should get a Protective Order against your sister since there appears to be physical abuse, in addition to the other kinds of abuse.

Post: #5

Hopefully the social worker will involve law enforcement. And then they will involve the D.A.'s office. In my state, counties will have an elder care abuse unit housed w/i the D.A's office. And they will crawl up your ass.

You are going to need to prove your father can't handle his affairs. At least one doctor will be needed, and probably will have to have seen your father recently. The state may even appoint him an attorney for free.

As for hiring an attorney, I'd talk to more than one. If you go to your county's bar asdocation website, you may be able to find a list that practice in elder law.

I'd look into making this a criminal issue.

Post: #6

I wish you the best. This is always difficult to watch happen.

Post: #7

(03-03-2016 10:17 PM)PartManPartMonkey Wrote:  I'd look into making this a criminal issue.

The recent assault by O.P.'s sister should be a criminal issue in and of itself. The problem is that if she is charged, she will probably claim self defense and challenge his credibility based on his present condition. Where I am, assault charges, except for assaults on a police officer, extremely rarely result in a conviction if a defense attorney is doing his job. I'd say maybe 1% of non-law enforcement assault cases I handle result in a conviction. Police officer assaults usually just get plead down to disorderly conduct, unless the officer sustained some serious injuries.

Edit: I now see that O.P.'s father said that he slipped and fell. She won't be charged for that particular incident.

Post: #8

Sorry to hear about your dad brother.

My sisters husbands dad has Alzheimer's and except for my brother in law all his kids are the Polynesian version of white trash.

We've been dealing with similar issues.

My advice, and please make this step one, just get him out of the living situation as quickly as possible.

If they're getting in fights to the point he's gotta go to a hospital, it could get way worse real quick.

You have no choice but to get a lawyer, but just make sure the man is safe.

People with dementia, or in our case Alzheimer's are hard to deal with, but when someone's taking advantage of them, or physically harming them, it pisses me off.

Even more, if you're sisters on drugs, that just adds to it.

Get him safe, and god luck.

Aloha!

Post: #9

Thank you for the advice, everyone. The living situation has a lot of complicating factors that I won't go into. There were no witnesses to the suspected assault. When my youngest sister was not around, he told his wife (not my mom) and my other sister that she had pushed him down. However, he told the hospital staff and the social worker that he slipped and fell. When I called him at the hospital yesterday, my youngest sister was in the room, and he told me he slipped and fell when I asked him what happened. So, it's likely she will not be charged. He's been supporting her for a long time. He's in denial that she is a drug addict and hopes that she will come around if he just keeps being supportive and understanding.

The injury was fairly severe- a badly broken hip which required surgery. The injury will require long-term care and rehabilitation. His wife also has moderate-to-medium dementia.

Where he lives is not easy for me to get to as there are no direct flights. It's almost a full day of travel to get there. So, I have to make sure I have all the ducks lined up before I travel out there to make sure I can get everything done while I'm there. His wife's family, who live in that local area, are good people and have offered to help as best they can, but since he's not a blood relative it's mainly up to me to take care of it as far as legal means.

I'll follow the advice and look up an attorney who specializes in this kind of situation and follow through.

Post: #10

The most useful advice anyone can give you is that you should contact an attorney in your local area and find out how to deal with this. It should be someone who deals with estate planning, wills, trusts, and conservatorships.

Expressions of condolence are fine, but can offer you little more than emotional support. You would be better served by talking to someone who can help you resolve the situation. Do not wait. Delay may mean that your options narrow.

Post: #11

Is your dad by chance a veteran? Are you even in the US?

People badmouth the VA, but they could be a real help in this situation.

Aloha!