Post: #1

I don't know if this is the right place to really ask this but I just found out that I have a child that's about 8 years old and me and the mother Walnut together for short time. But I have court on the 2nd of February and apparently she was on welfare and was kicked out after the 5 yr period. I'm personally scared shitless, since I have heard many bad stories about child support and family court. I'm currently in the groups of finally accepting that I have a mental illness from from years of being in the DCFS system in Illinois. I aged out and basically enrolled in the navy. Because i had nowhere else to go at the time I ended up getting injured after seven a half years. Ever since then I've been basically twisting in the wind because I don't know what to do with my life and have occasional tinnitus and bouts of anger. So what do I say what do I do because currently I'm not employed and I'm trying to actually figure out how to get a handle on my mental illness without actually having to get on Social Security or other handouts.
Sorry for the wall of text I wrote this after being up all night for the past few days.

Post: #2

First get a DNA test to make sure the kid is yours.

If it is. Hire a lawyer and determine if you want to be in the kid's life.

If it isn't no need to do anything.

Post: #3

Talk to a lawyer. Don't share details online.

Post: #4

It's Illinois. You're probably fucked.

But you can check out http://www.childsupportillinois.com/gene...s3282.html
Which could possibly help you out.


Fuck this state

Post: #5

Yup the state had me take the test and shes mine. I already know they are going to make me pay for said test. Thing is i have no money for a lawyer. I've been wiped out financially since i got hurt then on workmans comp, then fired last year.

Post: #6

(01-28-2016 09:13 AM)Barn25 Wrote:  Yup the state had me take the test and shes mine. I already know they are going to make me pay for said test. Thing is i have no money for a lawyer. I've been wiped out financially since i got hurt then on workmans comp, then fired last year.

Go to court and let us know how it goes. That's your only option right now. Do not skip court.

Post: #7

I should make it.(god willing). Ill report back afterwards.

Post: #8

First, like everyone else said you have to get a DNA test. Women can and do get stuff like this wrong.

For child support, they take a percentage of your earnings. You need to consult a lawyer and find out how this works in your state.

***

Now I'm going to suggest something a bit outlandish on here.

Considering your situation (underemployment and possible mental illness) you are not in the standard "guy being hit up for child support category." What I mean by that is that it's not like you have a cushy salary they'll take a chunk out of or another family that will be shaken up by this news.

So my question is: How bad is this woman? And my suggestion is: If she's decent and if it is your child, maybe you should considering building a bridge and forming some sort of friendship or unconventional alliance.

Why would I suggest this -- especially on this forum?

Because -- from observation and experience -- I've learned mental illnesses like depression and anxiety can be quelled when you have responsibility and obligations and a family to fall back on. When you have a bigger goal, you can't fixate on problems.

Being alone, in my opinion, might be great for secure guys who had great lives, but when it comes to men with emotional issues it can often be a major debit.

We've all noted how so many single women are on "head meds" for various reasons. But I think we've ignored how many guys suffer from undiagnosed depression when they're alone. I learned this the hard way after my divorce. Life for me is much "easier" in the real sense, but in the mental sense a lot of issues I had in my twenties and teens I forgot about have crept back up. Having that wife to worry about, it seems, kept the "bad" part of my brain occupied.

***

Be aware I don't know this situation and may be unwittingly advising you to step into a hornet's nest here. For all I know, this woman is like the ones you see on Maury Povich. If this is a she-devil you bedded when drunk, ignore all of the above.

But I've learned in life, sometimes "problems" can be blessings in disguise and this woman and her child (if yours) might provide a sense of connection, community, security, and even job networking that you might need right now. Sometimes salvation comes from unexpected places.

Keep in mind I wouldn't be saying this if you had said you had a secure job and background. But with what you've written, it makes sense.

Disregard all of this, of course, if that DNA test turns up negative. That really needs to be step #1.

Post: #9

He said he took the test it and it is his.

Post: #10

^^^^^

I didn't see his second post. My bad. Now the question is what the mother is like. I'm in favor of being in your kids life, but if the woman has issues or is vindictive, it's not a good idea.

However, since he has to pay up anyway it makes sense to try and at least get along. There is a kid involved and, as stated, a sense of responsibility can sometimes be a blessing. (And again, the caveat here is that if the mom is insane, you want to stay far, far away from that kid, sad to say.)

Post: #11

Well the mother, is complicated. Shes not a headcase but the mother actively hates and interferes in things. Plus the mother lives in another city. Mother was the only one who wasnt crazy in my life.

Post: #12

The mother wasnt vindictive putting me on this. Turns out she was pressured by DHS when we needed a little help about 7 years ago. They told her they wont help her if she didnt put a real persons name down as the father.

Post: #13

I'm going through this in Illinois so here's what I know. For one kid I believe the child support formula says you would give the custodial parent 20% of your after tax income. Your not married so no alimony or assets. I know you said your unemployed currently. Were you employed previously? If so the judge will likely impute your income meaning they will estimate what you should be currently earning and calculate the 20% from that.

If you haven't worked previously the judge will tell you to get a job and once you've found one then they'll calculate based off that. You have a problem for sure but you're not fucked by any means if you get yourself straightened out. Like DOBA said, you can use this to get yourself refocused. If the mother is that messed up and you get it together, eventually she may just leave the kid with you.

Post: #14

Yeah the imputing is what im afraid of. I havent been able to keep it together for a while. Yes i worked a temp job where they gave me 8 hours a week. Jobs are so taken by hispanos thats its hard to find a legit gig. The key thing thats confusing me and has ne worried is the fact that she applied for welfare back in 2009. Ive submitted tax forms and was on foodstamps when things got hard. Supposedly they couldnt find me this whole time.
Can they slam me with all that money they gave her for 5 years as back cs?

Post: #15

Like Samseau said, make sure you go to the court case. Assuming you won't have an attorney say as little as possible in court. Stay positive in court as well, "What an exciting time this is to find out I am a father" etc. Go for visitation rights as this will reduce child support. Push the fact that you are indigent, in all likelihood the state will sue you for expenses she collected while on state support (paid to both mother and child) and most likely you will be found responsible, but you can get it reduced if you can show paying this back will cause harm to your current ability to provide. Fill out indigency paperwork in court and request it, Don't be ashamed to say you don't understand the legal process and ask for explanations from the judge. I hate to add this but be prepared for possible arrest or impending arrest if a judgement is/will be ordered. I have had friends get arrested as a formality of the process.

Post: #16

Wait they can arrest me that day?

Post: #17

I don't know about in Illinois but if it goes back 5 years there may be a summary judgment against you already. If there is a summary judgment it means you owe money that (obviously) hasn't been paid and for this they can (and do) issue arrest warrants. They have gone through getting you tested and now the court case for money. Some states have look back limits (the amount of time between collecting benefits and when you can be sued for those expenses) The fact they are looking for you indicates they want money, I can assure they don't care about the father-child relationship, they just care who they can collect money from. You may be able to call the court house or sheriff to see if an arrest warrant has been issued. I'm thinking not because they would have already, however like I said I have had friends arrested as part of the process of initiating collections.

Post: #18

Thing is though since you haven't been able to work and you don't have any money, I'm not sure that it makes any sense for the court to go after you for back child support since you don't have it. You can't get blood from a stone and they generally know that. Judges outside of Cook county tend to be better than in Cook. If you can look into Illinois legal aid as at least you can get legal info about your situation without at no/low cost.

As far as them imputing your income, you don't really have a former steady job that they can impute from so I'm not so sure. Unfortunately I'm just thinking aloud and you really should if possible get some legal advice. In fact many divorce attorneys will do a free initial consult too so look into that as well,

Post: #19

(01-28-2016 11:48 AM)Barn25 Wrote:  Wait they can arrest me that day?

Arrest you for what? The court is apparently being set so that child support and possibly child support arrearages can be established. In Illinois, child support arrearages are only retroactive to the date of filing the Petition as opposed to Nevada, where they can go back about four years prior to the filing, and other states, where they can go back to the date of birth for the child. The judge will probably impute income to you and you may be asked what income you have earned in the past and what efforts you have made to obtain employment. It will likely be a minimal amount which is imputed to you, but the judge will most likely impute something, as it would be against public policy to just let you off without paying anything.

People have this obsession with possibly being arrested or going to jail, but the truth is, that in a family law case, it doesn't really serve anyone's interest to have the obligor go to jail for any reason ever. Having a person who owes money sit in jail just makes everyone's situation worse. There is also something called a purge provision, which in a child support or alimony case, if the obligor is sentenced to jail time, he can purge himself and avoid jail by paying an amount, sometimes a minimal amount and sometimes the whole thing. I've seen both.

Post: #20

The date of the petition is in march of 2009.

Post: #21

(01-28-2016 03:53 PM)Barn25 Wrote:  The date of the petition is in march of 2009.

And you haven't yet been to court or established a child support amount?

Post: #22

For more information on her side, here is what is likely motivating things. She is likely still on state welfare benefits. If any bitch is on state welfare the state assigns legal prosecutors to their case to make sure that she is getting child support from the father. That child support reduces what they have to pay her.

The court case is likely the state of illinois vs. you, not you vs. her as I assume if she is nuts and ghetto she also doesn't have a lawyer and the state welfare agency is moving this along (I also suspect this because of the mandated paternity test. Thats a state thing.)

Post: #23

Actually no she really isnt getting anything anymore. You max out on welfare after 5 years if you dont have anymore kids. Yup its the state vs me. Also this court is for the establishment of the amount im going to pay.

Post: #24

Get visitation rights!!

Shoot for joint custody as well.

I hate to suggest this, but if she is ever violent toward you, "harrasing" whether verbally or physically, ect file a restraining order. Whoever files that first usually gets the kids. Its the go-to tactic suggested by divorce lawyers.

I'd also apply for food stamps. Sounds like you'd qualify.

Post: #25

(01-28-2016 10:33 AM)Days of Broken Arrows Wrote:  Because -- from observation and experience -- I've learned mental illnesses like depression and anxiety can be quelled when you have responsibility and obligations and a family to fall back on. When you have a bigger goal, you can't fixate on problems.

Being alone, in my opinion, might be great for secure guys who had great lives, but when it comes to men with emotional issues it can often be a major debit.

We've all noted how so many single women are on "head meds" for various reasons. But I think we've ignored how many guys suffer from undiagnosed depression when they're alone. I learned this the hard way after my divorce. Life for me is much "easier" in the real sense, but in the mental sense a lot of issues I had in my twenties and teens I forgot about have crept back up. Having that wife to worry about, it seems, kept the "bad" part of my brain occupied.

So lets propose a third alternative; that with the luxury of distance and the cushion of time, a man can finally have the space to resolve these issues on his own. He wont have the crushing and constant immediacy of someone to answer to, someone in his face day after day, night after night, year after year. He can finally give himself the room he needs to grow. That when these issues do inevitably arise when he is on his own, he can seek out the tools it takes to finally over come them. The constant pressure of having a GF or wife in that scenario, especially with a baby, is too much for a lot of men to be able to handle.