Post: #1

Hey guys,

I’m going to make this as short as possible, because I’m hoping people read it and respond.

I acted like a little beta queer and I just need someone to tell me that with that aside, I’m not crazy. There’s a girl at work who I’ve been interested in for ages. She flirts with a select few men there, even though she’s married. I’m one of the few guys that she flirts with, and it has lately really gone intense. While she cheated on her husband in the past (he found out but they’re still together), I never wanted to do that with her; I just liked the feeling of flirting with an attractive woman at work, in that it made my day a lot more enjoyable, and gave me a reason to go there a lot of the time.

A few weeks ago, I found it frustrating that she always flirted but seemed to do so just for validation, and decided it was best to stop this shit. When she’d try to flirt, I’d shun her or brush her off. Jokingly, after a few days of this, she told me she was done with me and walked away. The temptation to flirt with her and show her that I cared was too much (I know, that was a mistake), and I wrote a funny note, substituting rap lyrics and using her name and pertinent info in place, and it was hilarious and she was DYING laughing from it, from what others told me. I liked charming her, and I was.

I always avoided adding her on FB, because I wanted to keep a solid frame and not be beta, but I couldn’t help it the other night, and I added her. After two days, I realized, amazingly, that she wasn’t going to accept, and it was fucking really hurtful and made me really fucking angry. It didn’t make any sense either; she’s added guys from work, one of whom sent her dick pics and has been trying to get it for a while.

I used this as a joke today, to play with her, telling her I was done with her now (in a role reversal), but instead of playing along like I did with her when she said it, she shut me down, coldly, and said “bye,” like I was doing her a favor. All positivity suddenly—without any warning or reason—out the window. I realize that I made the mistake int he first place of getting carried away with the nice feelings I’d get from this, and offering her validation like a beta faggot, but am I wrong to think that this is not normal, and even quite cruel?

I understand you’re all going to say that I deserve this (and I agree that I do; you’d think I’d have learned my lesson after all the times I was burned and toyed with by these evil cunts), but it gave a spring to my step and a reason to be alive when I’d look forward to flirting with her and even just seeing her around the office. Please just tell me I’m not a crazy person for thinking that’s cruel and fucking insane behavior. At the very least, please tell me how to play it from here; I’d like to ignore her but I don’t want her enjoying any satisfaction if that’ll give the impression that she got one over me.

Thanks in advance.

Post: #2

It's 100% totally normal female behavior.

The truth is she couldn't give two shits about you. She has zero interest in you and doesn't care about you in the slightest. You are just there to pump up her ego and make her feel desired. You're her puppy and when some real dick that she wants comes along she will throw you in the dark and forget about you. Then when he leaves and she starts to feel down on herself she will let you out of the closet to jump around and slobber on yourself to make her feel good, then kick you in the balls when you think you actually have a chance of jumping on her. She will enjoy every minute of your pain.

Go out and talk with every pretty girl you see. Get some REAL prospects in your life and have some fun. You have extreme oneitus with a girl you have no shot in hell with. The only cure is to go out, work on your game (and yourself: http://www.rooshv.com/the-roosh-program) and pick up some chicks.

Stop joking with this girl. Stop chasing her. Stop trying to get her attention to validate yourself. She's a coworker, nothing more. Treat her like you would any other coworker. And please, no more rap songs using her name.

This is what you look like right now.

Post: #3

I'll bite.

You're a textbook beta orbiter. You got bumped out of orbit.

I can't believe I read this twice but you need to go out to meet girls.

Also you should not work with them.

Post: #4

Thank you for the response, and for getting back to me so quickly. Just one last question, then: how do I play this from here? Pretend nothing happened? When I see her in the halls, do I say hello? I'd rather not pay any attention to her whatsoever, but at the same time, I feel like if I shun her, it'll look like I'm being a salty ass, angry loser. How would you play this from here on out? Thank you again.

(11-08-2015 09:37 PM)RioNomad Wrote:  It's 100% totally normal female behavior.

The truth is she couldn't give two shits about you. She has zero interest in you and doesn't care about you in the slightest. You are just there to pump up her ego and make her feel desired. You're her puppy and when some real dick that she wants comes along she will throw you in the dark and forget about you. Then when he leaves and she starts to feel down on herself she will let you out of the closet to jump around and slobber on yourself to make her feel good, then kick you in the balls when you think you actually have a chance of jumping on her. She will enjoy every minute of your pain.

Go out and talk with every pretty girl you see. Get some REAL prospects in your life and have some fun. You have extreme oneitus with a girl you have no shot in hell with. The only cure is to go out, work on your game (and yourself: http://www.rooshv.com/the-roosh-program) and pick up some chicks.

Stop joking with this girl. Stop chasing her. Stop trying to get her attention to validate yourself. She's a coworker, nothing more. Treat her like you would any other coworker. And please, no more rap songs using her name.

This is what you look like right now.

Post: #5

Just play it cool. Say hi like you would to any other coworker, but don't spend time with her unless you have to for work. Don't search her out. Don't intentionally go talk to her. Talk to her when you have to, say hi when you see her IF that's something you'd normally do, but that's about it. Don't run away if she comes up to the water cooler when you are there. Say hi. If she starts talking talk to her, but don't go out of your way to spend time with her or anything like that. When you're done drinking your water, say take it easy and go do what you would normally do.

Post: #6

Thank you very much. I got played (because I allowed myself to), and it's enraging, but you're right that it's best to do it this way. Thanks.

Women are evil.

(11-08-2015 09:50 PM)RioNomad Wrote:  Just play it cool. Say hi like you would to any other coworker, but don't spend time with her unless you have to for work. Don't search her out. Don't intentionally go talk to her. Talk to her when you have to, say hi when you see her IF that's something you'd normally do, but that's about it. Don't run away if she comes up to the water cooler when you are there. Say hi. If she starts talking talk to her, but don't go out of your way to spend time with her or anything like that. When you're done drinking your water, say take it easy and go do what you would normally do.

Post: #7

Fuck this. I feel had, while she just continues on without a scratch. She used me for validation, and while I'm responsible for it because I played along like a beta faggot, I'm angry as hell. This has been months of this shit, only for her to do a total 180 and be a cunt out of nowhere.

(11-08-2015 09:53 PM)haaraari Wrote:  Thank you very much. I got played (because I allowed myself to), and it's enraging, but you're right that it's best to do it this way. Thanks.

Women are evil.

(11-08-2015 09:50 PM)RioNomad Wrote:  Just play it cool. Say hi like you would to any other coworker, but don't spend time with her unless you have to for work. Don't search her out. Don't intentionally go talk to her. Talk to her when you have to, say hi when you see her IF that's something you'd normally do, but that's about it. Don't run away if she comes up to the water cooler when you are there. Say hi. If she starts talking talk to her, but don't go out of your way to spend time with her or anything like that. When you're done drinking your water, say take it easy and go do what you would normally do.

Post: #8

(11-08-2015 10:08 PM)haaraari Wrote:  Fuck this. I feel had, while she just continues on without a scratch. She used me for validation, and while I'm responsible for it because I played along like a beta faggot, I'm angry as hell. This has been months of this shit, only for her to do a total 180 and be a cunt out of nowhere.

Yeah you're angry and I don't blame you for feeling this way. You feel tricked and used.

But she's just a girl.

Ask yourself if this will matter a month from now? A year from now? Think about it, and your anger will subside.

Post: #9

(11-08-2015 09:23 PM)haaraari Wrote:  There’s a girl at work who I’ve been interested in for ages. She flirts with a select few men there, even though she’s married. I’m one of the few guys that she flirts with, and it has lately really gone intense. While she cheated on her husband in the past (he found out but they’re still together), I never wanted to do that with her; I just liked the feeling of flirting with an attractive woman at work, in that it made my day a lot more enjoyable, and gave me a reason to go there a lot of the time.

A few weeks ago, I found it frustrating that she always flirted but seemed to do so just for validation, and decided it was best to stop this shit. When she’d try to flirt, I’d shun her or brush her off. Jokingly, after a few days of this, she told me she was done with me and walked away. The temptation to flirt with her and show her that I cared was too much (I know, that was a mistake), and I wrote a funny note, substituting rap lyrics and using her name and pertinent info in place, and it was hilarious and she was DYING laughing from it, from what others told me. I liked charming her, and I was.

I used this as a joke today, to play with her, telling her I was done with her now (in a role reversal), but instead of playing along like I did with her when she said it, she shut me down, coldly, and said “bye,” like I was doing her a favor. All positivity suddenly—without any warning or reason—out the window. I realize that I made the mistake int he first place of getting carried away with the nice feelings I’d get from this, and offering her validation like a beta faggot, but am I wrong to think that this is not normal, and even quite cruel?

I understand you’re all going to say that I deserve this (and I agree that I do; you’d think I’d have learned my lesson after all the times I was burned and toyed with by these evil cunts), but it gave a spring to my step and a reason to be alive when I’d look forward to flirting with her and even just seeing her around the office. Please just tell me I’m not a crazy person for thinking that’s cruel and fucking insane behavior. At the very least, please tell me how to play it from here; I’d like to ignore her but I don’t want her enjoying any satisfaction if that’ll give the impression that she got one over me.

Thanks in advance.

I think the issue isn't so much how you are going to handle the situation with her, but how you don't get into a situation where some attention whore at work is a reason to be alive!
How you handle her: combination of (soft) ignoring and pretending it wasn't a big thing. Don't flirt with her anymore, don't be overly cold either. Be that guy that has better things in his life than to be upset about that. Essentially your first try to stop flirting was more or less the right way.

How you handle the real problem: take in your daily dosis of RVF
Improve yourself and your self value.
Learn about abundance mentality, seriously there are 4 billion women on this planet you don't need to take your value in life from trying to inflate the ego of some attention whore.
Meet women and start improving your game

Post: #10

"Essentially your first try to stop flirting was more or less the right way."

That's why I'm so angry! I knew what she was doing and I broke my frame anyway, just to be disappointed! I have gone through this before and NEVER learn my fucking lesson. That's the other reason it's so infuriating.

That said, your advice is excellent. Thank you for it.

(11-08-2015 10:14 PM)Svoboda Wrote:  

(11-08-2015 09:23 PM)haaraari Wrote:  There’s a girl at work who I’ve been interested in for ages. She flirts with a select few men there, even though she’s married. I’m one of the few guys that she flirts with, and it has lately really gone intense. While she cheated on her husband in the past (he found out but they’re still together), I never wanted to do that with her; I just liked the feeling of flirting with an attractive woman at work, in that it made my day a lot more enjoyable, and gave me a reason to go there a lot of the time.

A few weeks ago, I found it frustrating that she always flirted but seemed to do so just for validation, and decided it was best to stop this shit. When she’d try to flirt, I’d shun her or brush her off. Jokingly, after a few days of this, she told me she was done with me and walked away. The temptation to flirt with her and show her that I cared was too much (I know, that was a mistake), and I wrote a funny note, substituting rap lyrics and using her name and pertinent info in place, and it was hilarious and she was DYING laughing from it, from what others told me. I liked charming her, and I was.

I used this as a joke today, to play with her, telling her I was done with her now (in a role reversal), but instead of playing along like I did with her when she said it, she shut me down, coldly, and said “bye,” like I was doing her a favor. All positivity suddenly—without any warning or reason—out the window. I realize that I made the mistake int he first place of getting carried away with the nice feelings I’d get from this, and offering her validation like a beta faggot, but am I wrong to think that this is not normal, and even quite cruel?

I understand you’re all going to say that I deserve this (and I agree that I do; you’d think I’d have learned my lesson after all the times I was burned and toyed with by these evil cunts), but it gave a spring to my step and a reason to be alive when I’d look forward to flirting with her and even just seeing her around the office. Please just tell me I’m not a crazy person for thinking that’s cruel and fucking insane behavior. At the very least, please tell me how to play it from here; I’d like to ignore her but I don’t want her enjoying any satisfaction if that’ll give the impression that she got one over me.

Thanks in advance.

I think the issue isn't so much how you are going to handle the situation with her, but how you don't get into a situation where some attention whore at work is a reason to be alive!
How you handle her: combination of (soft) ignoring and pretending it wasn't a big thing. Don't flirt with her anymore, don't be overly cold either. Be that guy that has better things in his life than to be upset about that. Essentially your first try to stop flirting was more or less the right way.

How you handle the real problem: take in your daily dosis of RVF
Improve yourself and your self value.
Learn about abundance mentality, seriously there are 4 billion women on this planet you don't need to take your value in life from trying to inflate the ego of some attention whore.
Meet women and start improving your game

Post: #11

Thank you for your response. It won't, but at the risk of sounding like a pussy, it was very hurtful and fucking eye-opening the way she could just crumple me up and throw me away like that in a split second. This is after months of her using me for validation. It goes to show you how rotten these bitches are at their core. They have no souls.

(11-08-2015 10:14 PM)CleanSlate Wrote:  

(11-08-2015 10:08 PM)haaraari Wrote:  Fuck this. I feel had, while she just continues on without a scratch. She used me for validation, and while I'm responsible for it because I played along like a beta faggot, I'm angry as hell. This has been months of this shit, only for her to do a total 180 and be a cunt out of nowhere.

Yeah you're angry and I don't blame you for feeling this way. You feel tricked and used.

But she's just a girl.

Ask yourself if this will matter a month from now? A year from now? Think about it, and your anger will subside.

Post: #12

I wish you could fallow the advice or Rio, but I don't think that you're ready for it yet. Getting angry at a woman that you haven't fucked is pretty much a Game Over and a huge Danger sign! The fact that her flirting with you was one of the highlight of your day tells us all we need to know around here! You're way into this chick, and she knows it.

At this point, you need to realize that your ego is bruised and let go! And where should you go from here? 1) You need to accept the fact that you'll never Bang this chick, NEVER! I'm being Blunt here, but it's for your own good! The sooner you let it go, the better you'll get! 2) If you can, get some pussy from a Good looking chick as soon as possible! That way, you won't be thinking about her 24/7, and you won't be screwing up at your workplace.

Plus it will give you some swagger back to bypass this chick 3) Start looking for a way out, but stay as long as you can in your position! I got a feeling that she's a oneitis for you, and that you'll be thinking about her nonstop and get angry when she'll start flirting with other guys in your face! Yes she will! The hoe you're dealing with is a Professional at this!

It is what it is! It's better for you to bounce with your reputation intact then stay in that environment and be miserable! I know it Hurts now, but feel that pain and push through it! In a couple of years, then you'll be the one dolling out stories like Stalin about how much pussy is getting in the way

Post: #13

Thank you. Leaving the job in the near future is not an option, but it is in a few months, and that's the plan. Thank you for your response.

(11-08-2015 10:22 PM)Captain Gh Wrote:  I wish you could fallow the advice or Rio, but I don't think that you're ready for it yet. Getting angry at a woman that you haven't fucked is pretty much a Game Over and a huge Danger sign! The fact that her flirting with you was one of the highlight of your day tells us all we need to know around here! You're way into this chick, and she knows it.

At this point, you need to realize that your ego is bruised and let go! And where should you go from here? 1) You need to accept the fact that you'll never Bang this chick, NEVER! I'm being Blunt here, but it's for your own good! The sooner you let it go, the better you'll get! 2) If you can, get some pussy from a Good looking chick as soon as possible! That way, you won't be thinking about her 24/7, and you won't be screwing up at your workplace.

Plus it will give you some swagger back to bypass this chick 3) Start looking for a way out, but stay as long as you can in your position! I got a feeling that she's a oneitis for you, and that you'll be thinking about her nonstop and get angry when she'll start flirting with other guys in your face! Yes she will! The hoe you're dealing with is a Professional at this!

It is what it is! It's better for you to bounce with your reputation intact then stay in that environment and be miserable! I know it Hurts now, but feel that pain and push through it! In a couple of years, then you'll be the one dolling out stories like Stalin about how much pussy is getting in the way

Post: #14

I think you did like this chick and did want to bang her otherwise you wouldn't be that worked up about it. How old are you? I used to get like this with chick all the time when I was in high school and college, but you got to grow out of it, she's not worth the thought or emotional investment. You wouldn't be so angry about it if you weren't emotionally invested, and you're emotionally invested because on some level you're physically attracted to her and want to bang her, otherwise you wouldn't be worked up about it.

Post: #15

OP, welcome to the forum. It seems like you are pissed off at her and yourself but go easy on yourself. It doesn't seem like you are some major player and have numerous girls around you. I say this only to say you are not some jedi master of game. Few ever achieve that level. So cut yourself some slack, pick yourself up, learn and try to move on.

It would be understandable if you were some pro who has banged 500 hotties and you got played like this, then it would be "how does a guy like you fuck up like that." A lot of people have been in your position and experienced the same outcome. It is part of the process.

Use the anger to fuel your growth but don't just be mad because it happened that you may feel embarrassed. Everyone has had some moment like this (or something similar) where we got played.

Hang in there.

Post: #16

I wanted to in that I want to bang any attractive girl I see, but I honestly wasn't aiming for it. I just enjoyed the flirting because it made the work day go by so much faster and it was fun as hell.

I'm not a young guy. Oneitis is a problem for me, though.

quote='OGNorCal707' pid='1145026' dateline='1447040773']
I think you did like this chick and did want to bang her otherwise you wouldn't be that worked up about it. How old are you? I used to get like this with chick all the time when I was in high school and college, but you got to grow out of it, she's not worth the thought or emotional investment. You wouldn't be so angry about it if you weren't emotionally invested, and you're emotionally invested because on some level you're physically attracted to her and want to bang her, otherwise you wouldn't be worked up about it.
[/quote]

Post: #17

Thank you for your response.

(11-08-2015 10:54 PM)samsamsam Wrote:  OP, welcome to the forum. It seems like you are pissed off at her and yourself but go easy on yourself. It doesn't seem like you are some major player and have numerous girls around you. I say this only to say you are not some jedi master of game. Few ever achieve that level. So cut yourself some slack, pick yourself up, learn and try to move on.

It would be understandable if you were some pro who has banged 500 hotties and you got played like this, then it would be "how does a guy like you fuck up like that." A lot of people have been in your position and experienced the same outcome. It is part of the process.

Use the anger to fuel your growth but don't just be mad because it happened that you may feel embarrassed. Everyone has had some moment like this (or something similar) where we got played.

Hang in there.

Post: #18

Calm down. Don't go all Elliot Rodger on us.

This really isn't even a big deal. Don't quit your job over a girl. And girls aren't evil, some are just bitches. Some are perfectly fine, you just allowed yourself to get taken for s ride by a shitty one. Next time you start getting oneitis think about this situation.

Do you get girls regularly? If not follow the Roosh plan I linked above. You seem like you probably lack confidence. Go start lifting TOMORROW! Three months from now you'll feel a lot more confident in yourself.

Post: #19

Hi Rio, thanks for your comment. That's the problem!! I do lift! I'm fairly well built, the women at my job think I'm charming, and without any ego, I have the reputation for being one of the smarter guys there. I'm doing alright. I don't usually screw around with coworkers because that's a recipe for disaster, which is why I was serious when I said I only wanted to keep this to flirting with her; flirting is something different.

Anyway, I'm not going all Elliot Roger. There's no need to worry about this forum getting taken offline because I'm going to go postal - I'm not.

The reason I'm so angry is because I knew what she was all about right from the beginning (I used to get irritated with the way she'd bust out some flirting any time she felt she needed some validation, and that's why I ignored her initially), but I broke, and I'm disappointed in myself. I had her figured out perfectly, yet got weak and slipped up.

(11-08-2015 11:59 PM)RioNomad Wrote:  Calm down. Don't go all Elliot Rodger on us.

This really isn't even a big deal. Don't quit your job over a girl. And girls aren't evil, some are just bitches. Some are perfectly fine, you just allowed yourself to get taken for s ride by a shitty one. Next time you start getting oneitis think about this situation.

Do you get girls regularly? If not follow the Roosh plan I linked above. You seem like you probably lack confidence. Go start lifting TOMORROW! Three months from now you'll feel a lot more confident in yourself.

Post: #20

On to the next one my man.

Go do some day game this week and forget about her.

You can't control her actions, but you can control how you respond to them.

This will sound corny, but when you feel yourself getting angry force yourself to smile. Look up at the sun (if it's out) and close your eyes. Forcing yourself to smile and taking a BIG deep breath will make you feel 100% better. Then just laugh, realize you're getting angry over a person with the mental capabilities of a small child, and go on about your day.

Post: #21

(11-08-2015 09:53 PM)haaraari Wrote:  Women are evil.

Some are but most are not.

They are just women.

Scorpion and the Frog my friend.

Don't go down the woman-hating path.

Post: #22

Since she classes you as a beta orbiter, or someone to get a hit of validation/attention off of, you should class her as well; as a Time Waster. That's all she is, is a waste of time, and we only have so much time on this earth, don't let others steal your time.

Post: #23

It didn't sound corny at all. As a matter of fact, it made me feel completely better, and I think I can finally put this nonsense behind me. I got mad, I chuckled at your comment, and I'm taking all the advice you guys wrote here. Thank you.

(11-09-2015 01:15 AM)RioNomad Wrote:  On to the next one my man.

Go do some day game this week and forget about her.

You can't control her actions, but you can control how you respond to them.

This will sound corny, but when you feel yourself getting angry force yourself to smile. Look up at the sun (if it's out) and close your eyes. Forcing yourself to smile and taking a BIG deep breath will make you feel 100% better. Then just laugh, realize you're getting angry over a person with the mental capabilities of a small child, and go on about your day.

Post: #24

I tried for years not to, but this kind of thing makes it very difficult. I know it's not healthy, but alas . . .

(11-09-2015 01:23 AM)CrashBangWallop Wrote:  

(11-08-2015 09:53 PM)haaraari Wrote:  Women are evil.

Some are but most are not.

They are just women.

Scorpion and the Frog my friend.

Don't go down the woman-hating path.

Post: #25

Honestly, I'm done with her. My only concern now is not letting her feel any satisfaction with the way I react, going forward.[/align]

[align=left]

(11-09-2015 02:19 AM)spokepoker Wrote:  Since she classes you as a beta orbiter, or someone to get a hit of validation/attention off of, you should class her as well; as a Time Waster. That's all she is, is a waste of time, and we only have so much time on this earth, don't let others steal your time.