Post: #1

Since relocating to London I haven't checked up on the people I used to go to school and university with for half a decade. I was floored by what I saw on Linkedin tonight.

Most of the guys and girls I went to school or university with back in Melbourne have plum jobs. Consultants (Bain & Company, Boston Consultancy Group), govt (DFAT, PMC, Treasury), Big 4 accountancy (PwC, Deloitte, E&Y, KPMG), finance (Goldman Sachs, HSBC, Macquarie, ANZ), top law firms (K&W Mallesons, Minter Ellison, Allens), the big mining, oil & gas companies (Shell, BHP, Rio Tinto), etc.

All the med students ended up as doctors, no surprise. But the rest are all pretty much top level consultants, lawyers, bankers, accountants, engineers.

What surprised me is how competitive it is to get these jobs (thousands of applicants per position) and how much I underestimated the majority of them. The fatties have slimmed down and looking sharp. Many of these guys I thought boozers, plodders or just straight up thick. But they seem to be kicking ass.

I finished top 5 at my school and won a national scholarship for academic results, had a high distinction average in history/politics but I struggled at law school and couldn't crack psychometric tests for govt jobs. I had a negative experience of job hunting for my first position and thought it would be similar for everyone else. Not so it seems.

Is this just me or are others seeing the same thing with their peer group really doing impressively as a whole?

Post: #2

I was at a top 10 engineering school, until I got really sick and transferred. Most of the people I knew are in Oil. Shell, Chevron, BP (or were -- oil prices kill everything).

The non-oil seem to have gotten random engineering jobs at companies. Some prestigious, some not. A few are at SpaceX, one of my buddies is working at a hedge fund. Overall a good mix.

As for myself I'm currently in career recovery mode finishing my final year at a different university.

Post: #3

Do not be swayed by appearances, for often not all is as it seems. There are many who appear successful, but usually they have a dark side that they do not want you to see, something that they actively hide.

As per Robert Greene's post on the dark side.

Many are those who exude an aura of charm and perfection. If you look a little closer, you see how much they've given up in the process. For every outward appearance of happiness, you will often find a corresponding sadness lurking within.

I find that it's those who quietly get through the days and years, without much fanfare, who are most successful and happiest in the very long run. It may take many years for this to manifest itself, and it may not even manifest itself outwardly, but those who do so know.

As for my peer group, it's a mixed bag. I'd say that most of them are living decent middle-class lives but only a few do what really drives them. Some of them are doing their best to appear happy. Nonetheless, by the modern American definition, they are successful.

They are in advertising, science, information technology, teaching, the navy, business, and other such similar nonsense.

Post: #4

Practically all of my peers have completely failed at life.

The neighborhood kids who bullied me as a youngster seem to all be working fast-paced, competitive positions at the various fast food restaurants in my hometown.

Post: #5

Out of my college pear group and the exception of my ex from that group and an old roommate have failed. The ex works in some software finance company and my friend got a contract gig because of me. One works as a butcher in a grocery store and the other never finished her degree. She got too busy getting laid and is now a hard core feminist (laugh).

The one who I hooked up with a job is quickly running out of his contract so i'm curious if he'll just move back home. He made good money and practically had this job handed to him on a silver platter. He had another opportunity come his way, but didn't apply for it, "I forgot! Ugh." I wanted to slap him.

I was a loner in high school. Didn't really have any friends. There are a few computer kids I know of that work solid tech jobs making $100k. I should have hung out with them more, real shame as they're bright guys. They were/are still cool with me. Occasionally get a message from them about tech stuff since we all work in that field.

I can say i'm pretty happy with my position as of late. Work is fulfilling, pay is good, and i'm in an entirely new place. A change of scenery really does help put things into perspective. The first week is always hell, but after that things fall back into their natural rhythm. Since I never really felt like I fit in back in America being abroad helps. If you never fit in anyway, the feeling of being a foreigner doesn't really matter. I can get used to this.

Post: #6

(09-25-2015 04:48 AM)The Beast1 Wrote:  Out of my college pear group

From my pear group I'm the best off. I have a degree in robotic industrial automation and am a member of this forum. What else could a man want.

I'm trying to start a new pear group but times are tough.

Post: #7

(09-25-2015 05:10 AM)Sooth Wrote:  

(09-25-2015 04:48 AM)The Beast1 Wrote:  Out of my college pear group

From my pear group I'm the best off. I have a degree in robotic industrial automation and am a member of this forum. What else could a man want.

I'm trying to start a new pear group but times are tough.

Part of my success was modeling. This immediately opened many doors for me.

Post: #8

Focus on your self. Do not derive pleasure from other's failings(that's a loser's mentality); or feel insecure and unaccomplished from other's achievement(it is unhealthy and emotionally underdeveloped). All these means you use others to gauge your values. Your sense of self worth. It is what women does on facebook.

You must have your own northern star that shines bright and sure -- leading you in this journey of life.

Dig deep and find yourself -- drive towards your own goal that actualized you.

Forget about others. There is no happier man than a man that surely knows his path, and confidently walks that very path. Whatever that path is, and where-ever it takes him.

Post: #9

(09-25-2015 07:50 AM)MaxJames Wrote:  Focus on your self. Do not derive pleasure from other's failings(that's a loser's mentality); or feel insecure and unaccomplished from other's achievement(it is unhealthy and emotionally underdeveloped). All these means you use others to gauge your values. Your sense of self worth. It is what women does on facebook.

You must have your own northern star that shines bright and sure -- leading you in this journey of life.

Dig deep and find yourself -- drive towards your own goal that actualized you.

Forget about others. There is no happier man than a man that surely knows his path, and confidently walks that very path. Whatever that path is, and where-ever it takes him.

Thanks for the pep talk, new guy.

Post: #10

(09-25-2015 08:30 AM)Suits Wrote:  Thanks for the pep talk, new guy.

No problem. I am happy i could help

Post: #11

When is your book coming out? Do you have a link to your blog?

Post: #12

(09-25-2015 08:40 AM)MaxJames Wrote:  

(09-25-2015 08:30 AM)Suits Wrote:  Thanks for the pep talk, new guy.

No problem. I am happy i could help

Actual video footage of Max James coming in with gunz blazing...

Post: #13

(09-25-2015 07:50 AM)MaxJames Wrote:  Focus on your self. Do not derive pleasure from other's failings(that's a loser's mentality); or feel insecure and unaccomplished from other's achievement(it is unhealthy and emotionally underdeveloped). All these means you use others to gauge your values. Your sense of self worth. It is what women does on facebook.

You must have your own northern star that shines bright and sure -- leading you in this journey of life.

Dig deep and find yourself -- drive towards your own goal that actualized you.

Forget about others. There is no happier man than a man that surely knows his path, and confidently walks that very path. Whatever that path is, and where-ever it takes him.

Great advice, most of the people I know who are the most miserable or self concious are those who live on Facebook comparing themselves to others. I'm constantly pointing out to people that Facebook is not even most people's real lives, it's the image of their life they want to put out hence why 99% of people are on vacation, standing next to nice cars, at events, etc when I know half of these people live some boring ass lives.

Also, most people live pretty ordinary lives, don't have a ton of success, don't do epic shit, so if you set your standards based on most people or try to measure up to most people your trying to match mediocraty.

Something I'm trying to do right now is take time on a regular basis to sit , down with myself and try to figure out what values to I hold high, how do I want to live my life, what do I want out of life, what's my motto or mission statement so to speak. I want to figure out what I want and make it happen and not try to match someone elses life or plans.

Post: #14

(09-25-2015 12:36 PM)jamaicabound Wrote:  

(09-25-2015 07:50 AM)MaxJames Wrote:  Focus on your self. Do not derive pleasure from other's failings(that's a loser's mentality); or feel insecure and unaccomplished from other's achievement(it is unhealthy and emotionally underdeveloped). All these means you use others to gauge your values. Your sense of self worth. It is what women does on facebook.

You must have your own northern star that shines bright and sure -- leading you in this journey of life.

Dig deep and find yourself -- drive towards your own goal that actualized you.

Forget about others. There is no happier man than a man that surely knows his path, and confidently walks that very path. Whatever that path is, and where-ever it takes him.

Great advice, most of the people I know who are the most miserable or self concious are those who live on Facebook comparing themselves to others. I'm constantly pointing out to people that Facebook is not even most people's real lives, it's the image of their life they want to put out hence why 99% of people are on vacation, standing next to nice cars, at events, etc when I know half of these people live some boring ass lives.

Also, most people live pretty ordinary lives, don't have a ton of success, don't do epic shit, so if you set your standards based on most people or try to measure up to most people your trying to match mediocraty.

Something I'm trying to do right now is take time on a regular basis to sit , down with myself and try to figure out what values to I hold high, how do I want to live my life, what do I want out of life, what's my motto or mission statement so to speak. I want to figure out what I want and make it happen and not try to match someone elses life or plans.

I used to unhealthily compare myself to others too. Competed in sports, academics, girls etc in an unhealthy manner. i.e., there is nothing wrong with a little competition, but a person should not let it engulf them. I allowed it to engulf me and it made me miserable.

Be righteously focused on yourself. This fact even translates in inner game when dealing with "super-hot" chicks too, and battling off amog, etc. If your mind is re-wired to not compare yourself to others-- you will be less likely to judge yourself by others. Which means you will NOT be easily intimidated by new surroundings, better-looking people, bigger muscular dudes, competing across racial/ethnic lines etc. You are centered and sure in yourself. You will have IDGAF vibe.

Like you, i usually take a few minutes every day, in the morning, and at random odd hours of the day, to "sort out my thoughts" and "center" myself. It keeps me aligned with my inner goals, ignoring the ebb and flow and noise of everything and everybody. I am at the stage where it is now becoming a reflex.

The funny thing is that, i am now more goal oriented, more self assured, and also more happy than before.

Post: #15

High school peers are failures. College grad peers are generally coming up

Post: #16

My honest answer your question: My peer group kind of ended up all of the board. IT, banking, HR, working in bars and restaurants, farming, whole slew of stuff.

When I check LinkedIn though, I feel like everyone ended up with "plum jobs" like you said. The bankers, lawyers, professionals, government workers end up on that site, after all.

Friends of mine who went into theatre aren't on LinkedIn. Teachers aren't on LinkedIn. Most restaurant workers aren't on LinkedIn.

My point is: LinkedIn comes with massive Selection Bias.

*

One other thing: If you saw ME on LinkedIn, especially if you knew me in high school or university, you'd think I ended up as a huge disappointment. I even had a guy say to my face, after beers, "What happened to you, you used to have so much potential". But I absolutely love my life. My point here is: Success is defined by you. Is "plum job" your definition of success?

Post: #17

Most kids from my high school class didn't go to college and some went into the military. I'd say maybe 1/4 went to college and none of them seem to be in anything notable as of yet. We're all still in our early-mid twenties though. I went to college and just got laid off today from my job that didn't even need a degree. But I am in the hiring process to become a probation officer *fingers crossed*

Post: #18

As Chemistry said earlier Selection Bias is always in play.

Our fragile ego only sees the evidence to our own insecurities. Objectively you may be making more money and experiencing more success but when you go on FB or compare yourself to the people you know, you automatically ignore everyone but the one guy who is doing better than you.

I'm guilty of this and it's part of the reason why I quit FB for good. I found myself on many Sunday nights questioning my position in life as I flipped through people's profiles on FB wondering if I was missing out on life.

Of course there are personal issues that I have to overcome but removing the medium helps a lot. Social media promises to make us come together but in fact it alienates people more because we are no longer displaying ourselves face to face but choosing to show only what we want people to believe. It not only deceives others but ultimately ourselves.

To answer OP's question, my peers are all over the map. Some have gone back to homecountry and rich/political daddy has hooked them up with multi million dollar businesses, my white suburban friends have settled into boring suburban live, some are suffering from depression and anxiety and live with parents, others moved to NYC, silicon valley, LA, tokyo, and hong kong in search of business.

Post: #19

The guys I went to undergrad with were relatively successful, though I probably make more than all of them.

The guys I went to grad school with were about as successful as the ones I went to undergrad with, though probably earn slightly less on average because many of them are professors now.

The guys I went to high school with are a bunch of losers.

Post: #20

Not good at all; do keep in mind my peer group is early 20s. Upper middle-class suburbia. Amongst my friends, even the more social guys have turned anti-social & broken. They go out of their way to isolate themselves, they even avoid soctal media. Most are fast food or grocery store workers; all who have continued their education are in mechanic school & their lives revolve around junk food, weed, and old Hondas.

I can't say I'd have turned out much different had I not become really sick & re-evaluated my life. Far as the parents are concerned I'm not different; computers having no use other than 'playing' and the fact I'm working on various online buisnesses with friends twice my age. Too soon for any conclusions but at least I'm rigging the deck in my favor by trying.

Post: #21

Pretty mixed. Among my school friends, some got good careers, some made shitloads of cash, and others are still working lowlife jobs.

Regarding bullies, one ended up working from me, as for the other guy, I met him, we had a small talk, "hey, how are you? been a while! Please no pickles in my Big Mac".

Post: #22

My high school group? Most of em are working low wage jobs.

College? I went to a rather specialized school. Most of them are in that profession now and doing very well at it so it would be kind of an apples to oranges comparison.

Post: #23

The people I grew up with are pretty much all either extremely successful, in prison, have been in and out of prison, or are dead. For whatever reason, it seems like a disproportionatly high number of New Jersey people end up in prison, people from all walks of life. The people I went to college with haven't done very much and I could have easily predicted that. Most of them weren't very smart/talented/motivated at all.

Post: #24

Alumni news are full of bragging. Prestigious company? Maybe he works in the mailroom or is at another low level jon. Government? Often low paid, unchallenging but lots of holidays and benefits and don't work too hard. "Accountant?" Maybe does simple tax returns st H&R Block. "Consultant"/"Vice President" can mean prestigious title, nothing more. And this is only career success. Says nothing about having a rotten marriage, rotten kids, having an alcohol or drug problem, or leading a boring life centered around work and watching TV.
Not to speak of those who end up in prison or commit suicide.

"the raceis long, and in the end, it'sonly with yourself" -- Baz Luhrmann from the Sunscreen song