Post: #1

I've been on vacation for a few days on a tropical island.

The first day here I met a girl and we really hit it off, spent some time together, had some beautiful moments, great sex.

I knew that last night would be the last time I saw her since I'm going back home this morning.

So last night I took her to the beach and we walked around, watched the short, wiry, dark-skinned Thai guys spin fire sticks and poi on a backdrop of twinkling lights in the hills and soft shooshing of the waves lapping up onto shore.

I was tired and had to wake up early, so at the end of our walk I told her I'm going home now.

She was expecting to come back to my room with me again and I could see her face go from a sweet smile to a look of being totally crushed.

And my heart just fucking broke as soon I saw that..

She quickly composed herself and exclaimed "I'm going home too."

***
What would you career players have done in this situation?

On the one hand, I feel like I shouldn't have even messaged her to meet up last night if I knew I wasn't going to take her back to my room.

In effect, I accidentally broke up with her when I just meant to spend my last night with her.

What I usually do, and what would have been better perhaps, is to not have messaged her at all last night.

And the next time she messaged me, I would inform her that unfortunately, I'm back home already.

But that has an element of avoidance like "you don't have the guts to give a woman some closure and finality so she can move on with her life."

And yet from another angle, if any of you have read The Keylogger, chances are good she has a line of dick stretching around the corner ready to deploy on her command.

So...what's the best practice here fellas (if there is one)?

Post: #2

What if you messaged/called her and told her that you were leaving in the morning, but wanted to experience one more night/day with her? This gives her closure and likely gives you one last bang. Sounds like you caught her by surprise and her emotions overtook her in the moment.

Post: #3

(08-01-2015 10:58 PM)VincentVinturi Wrote:  I've been on vacation for a few days on a tropical island.

The first day here I met a girl and we really hit it off, spent some time together, had some beautiful moments, great sex.

I knew that last night would be the last time I saw her since I'm going back home this morning.

So last night I took her to the beach and we walked around, watched the short, wiry, dark-skinned Thai guys spin fire sticks and poi on a backdrop of twinkling lights in the hills and soft shooshing of the waves lapping up onto shore.

I was tired and had to wake up early, so at the end of our walk I told her I'm going home now.

She was expecting to come back to my room with me again and I could see her face go from a sweet smile to a look of being totally crushed.

And my heart just fucking broke as soon I saw that..

She quickly composed herself and exclaimed "I'm going home too."

***
What would you career players have done in this situation?

On the one hand, I feel like I shouldn't have even messaged her to meet up last night if I knew I wasn't going to take her back to my room.

In effect, I accidentally broke up with her when I just meant to spend my last night with her.

What I usually do, and what would have been better perhaps, is to not have messaged her at all last night.

And the next time she messaged me, I would inform her that unfortunately, I'm back home already.

But that has an element of avoidance like "you don't have the guts to give a woman some closure and finality so she can move on with her life."

And yet from another angle, if any of you have read The Keylogger, chances are good she has a line of dick stretching around the corner ready to deploy on her command.

So...what's the best practice here fellas (if there is one)?

I had a similar experience with a girl in Colombia that I was with for about one month. My last night she invited me to her home (she lives with her parents whom I have met before). I gave her father a bottle of vodka and said farewell and thank you to her family for dinner. My girl and I walked a few blocks to find a taxis. She had a assumed that she was going to spend my last night with me in my apartment, but I told her I needed to sleep early as I had an early flight the next morning. Her face dropped in dismay. I could see the hurt and rejection in her eyes.

A few weeks later, she was back with her ex boyfriend.

Don't feel badly, you don't owe this girl anything.

You only knew her three days.

This is not a relationship.

She will have all the closure she needs when she is banging some other tourist shortly.

Post: #4

I usually spend the last night with a girl in this situation so I can rebang in the future in case I wanna go back there or see her again. Might as well keep your options open if you like the girl.

Post: #5

(08-01-2015 10:58 PM)VincentVinturi Wrote:  What would you career players have done in this situation?

Not have thought twice about it.

In situations like that, you haven't known a person enough and they haven't invested enough for you to really care.

I end relationships by going no contact and moving on with my life.

Being a player and getting too caught up in emotions just don't mix.

Post: #6

Might have been better to message to meetup, but mentioning you're going soon. Even better is she knows a bit in advance. This is the best way to send off a girl.
I don't agree with ignoring emotions. Our emotions are ultimately there to serve a purpose, at the very least to force us to thoroughly contemplate the virtue of our plans and actions.
Also the suggestion of ending it by just never messaging again, isn't a particularly pleasant route. What it says to her is "you weren't even worth saying goodbye to", and what it says to you about yourself is "sex and relationships are as trivial as drinking a can of coke and tossing it in the bin". Not good for the soul, so to speak.

Post: #7

I think it's also largely dependent on the culture you're dealing with.

Post: #8

Did you let her know at all beforehand, as in set the tone this was temporary ? Or led her on so you could bang her ? (I don't mean this in an insulting or criticizing tone).

It's gotta be done, unless you can keep it casual and friendly, if you have plans on revisiting.

Some girls are fire and forget, others can be a great network tool.

It's not like she won't hop on another foreigners dick, if she's fucked you, you know she has and will do the same again.

Post: #9

(08-02-2015 04:35 AM)kaotic Wrote:  Did you let her know at all beforehand, as in set the tone this was temporary ? Or led her on so you could bang her ? (I don't mean this in an insulting or criticizing tone).

It's gotta be done, unless you can keep it casual and friendly, if you have plans on revisiting.

Some girls are fire and forget, others can be a great network tool.

It's not like she won't hop on another foreigners dick, if she's fucked you, you know she has and will do the same again.

Yeah she knew I was just visiting and that I was leaving.

She just didn't know exactly when.

It's hard to explain in a write-up because it's impossible to convey nuance but it just felt like the wrong move, you know?

I could have left her with a lingering feeling of enchantment rather than "see ya, I'm going to sleep alone now, nice knowing you."


@Jariel - I agree that you can't let feelings govern you if you're going to be playing the game.

That's not what this is though.

I really adore women, and if it all possible, I always want to leave them better than I found them.


I believe I succeeded overall because she and I had a great time.

But the way I ended it seems inelegant in retrospect.

It's like a song I was writing the entire week and at the very end, in a moment of inattention, I loudly strummed a dissonant, jarring chord.

I didn't use to think that way but as I get older and more self-actualized, I want to do these kinds of things.

It's not even about the girl per se, I do it for ME.

Post: #10

I think you should have just explained to her that it has to end but you enjoyed your time together and will remember her.

Post: #11

This is a nice little love story.

And it sounds like you are a bit heartbroken.

This only happened because you had an emotional connection with this girl. Your passionate few days wouldn't have happened if you were a cold-hearted robot.

I think it's cool you both shared this brief romantic moment in time.

But there is never a good way to end things. Especially at the early stages, when everything is perfection.

You'll be fine, man. A month from now she'll only remember the good times, and so will you.

Post: #12

(08-02-2015 02:18 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  I think it's also largely dependent on the culture you're dealing with.

I think it depends on the culture you're dealing with and you as an individual. I wish I had the ability to walk away from things as efficiently as jariel describes but I don't. If I like a girl and she has treated me well then I know I'll feel guilty by ending things poorly. Perhaps this is a weakness and something I need to improve but I've dealt with crazy cold-hearted bitches and read so many stories about crazy cold-hearted bitches that I feel like I have an obligation to end things well with a girl who has treated me well. This isn't advice as much as it is a description of what I would do and I would like to know if the more experienced guys on this forum would consider this a weakness.

(08-02-2015 06:10 AM)VincentVinturi Wrote:  I really adore women, and if it all possible, I always want to leave them better than I found them.

Heartiste has a post about leaving them better than you found them and he doesn't think it is likely. I usually don't disagree with Heartiste but I think it is possible to do this especially when it is a short fling that you both know won't last.

(08-01-2015 11:27 PM)Dantes Wrote:  Don't feel badly, you don't owe this girl anything.

You only knew her three days.

This is not a relationship.

She will have all the closure she needs when she is banging some other tourist shortly.

If you are on one of the islands that I think you are on then I think this is guaranteed. A lot of partying going on down there every night and the local girls that go there are there for a reason.

Post: #13

Get a nice ring or necklace. Take her to dinner. Swoop her. Leave her w/parting gift.

As I get "better", I've really started doing more "beta" stuff.

Its more a nice gesture @ that point than anything.

Post: #14

(08-01-2015 10:58 PM)VincentVinturi Wrote:  So...what's the best practice here fellas (if there is one)?

You probably should've told her when you were leaving with at least a day's advance notice. You guys were having a little mini-romance it sounds like. If you're going to wait to tell her you're leaving until THAT night at least meet up early enough so you guys could have one last romantic moment/send-off. There's no reason not to put some gentler closure on the whole thing and get laid again in the process.

It's obvious you had SOME feelings for this girl as you were upset you broke it to her a bit poorly.

She'll get over it, but I agree with you that you should've handled it a little better. Don't be too hard on yourself, just learn for the future.