(07-28-2015 12:59 PM)WalterBlack Wrote: My parents divorced when I was a baby. My father decided not to be present for the majority of my life, which left me knowing little to nothing about him and left my mother to raise me all on her own.
I don’t turn a blind eye to my own imperfections; I’m prone to attracting emotionally distant men, whom I believe I can change to be emotionally un-distant (see my previous article).
My mother chose to remain celibate after divorcing my father, and I personally prefer being single to throwing myself into the merry-go-round trenches of dating. Hmmm, wonder where I picked that up from.
Four things:
(1) She still blames her father for being unavailable and implies it was a deliberate choice by him not to have contact for her childhood. This not only clashes with statistical probability -- 75% of divorces are initiated by women -- but it also doesn't give him a chance to tell his side of the story, i.e. whether he chose to not be around or whether he was forced to not be around by a deranged ex-wife. Which brings us to number 2.
(2) The mother chose to remain celibate after divorcing her father. If this is the truth, that's one very, very unusual woman she had for a mother -- and it doesn't gel with the parade of women who piss and moan about their upbringings being shattered because their mothers brought shitty boyfriend after shitty boyfriend home. Talk about a case of damned if you do, damned if you don't: bring the carousel home to ride it in front of your kids, and you fuck them up; don't bring the carousel home and you still fuck them up.
(3) The woman says she "personally prefers being single" to being on the merry-go-round (lol) of dating, and implies she picked this up from her mother. Interesting, given in this latest article she says it's hard to go somewhere that she doesn't recognise an alpha she's fucked at some point in the past. So it seems she isn't following her mother's example anyhow.
Quote:If I had kids, I’m afraid that I might not improve all that much on my parents’ performance, and that scares me to the point of not wanting to experiment with other people’s lives. It just wouldn’t be moral.
Being a child of divorce redesigned my brain into a cynical clusterf*ck of sorts; a cluster f*ck that led me to ask myself the following questions: Why do people even get married?
Why have children when, given the freedom to opt out of our own marriages, there’s no guarantee we’ll be able to provide our kids with “fair” shots at love?
Is it possible to “train” my heart and mind to transcend the guy who doesn’t possess the ability to care, and shift toward the guy who can love me “normally?”
The short answer to the question is: yes. And, if you'll allow me to get philosophical for a moment, I think this illustrates a -- if not
the -- fundamental difference between people the world over.
I didn't get this until listening to (on the recommendation of one of the brothers here, thanks boys) some Brian Tracy on self-discipline. There is one point he made that sticks with me, above all of the other good shit he had to say in his book on self-discipline:
You are responsible. Responsible means: response-able. It means: you choose how you react to things that happen in your life.
There is no harm, and great value, in appreciating the things that happened to you to make you who you are today, that you are a product of your past and that as a child you had no agency, no control over your life.
But these insights are at best trivialities or at worst poisonous -- if you allow them to choose your responses for you. Habit is a potent force in the life of any human, but habit can be changed. Not easily, not without struggle, but you are a sentient, self-aware human being gifted by life's chemistry or by God with the one thing nothing else in the animal world has: the capacity to choose what you do and choose what you want from your life.
You are responsible. You can choose how you react to stimuli; you can choose your emotions. You are not fated to follow your parents' path if you decide and act otherwise. As said, this one difference defines more than any other who reaches the goals they set for their lives and who fails and is simply carried on life's current like a leaf floating down the river.
Any man who's set out and succeeded at lifting or losing weight understands this at an innate level: when you choose to gain muscle or lose fat, your body responds with stimuli: pain or hunger, respectively. The body's natural response in both cases is to stop doing what causes you pain or go and eat something if you're starving. You have to consciously override these responses if you want to get stronger or you want to force your body to burn fat instead. In either case, you are choosing your response. You are responsible. The wisest lifters or losers among us realise this responsibility is transferable to any other area of your life, be it cash or pussy. This is why Schwarzenegger uses it as one of his rules of success: reps or mileage, no shortcuts. You have to choose your responses until your subconscious or your body obeys you and accepts the willed act as habit.
I believe the most fundamental difference in people, the most fundamental difference between success and failure, comes down to a real, internalised understanding of whether you have real agency over your life. Women, being blessed with life on easy mode in their youth, generally don't understand this unless they're (a) Quasimodo-level ugly (b) shitting a kid out of their uterus (and often, not even then) or © hitting forty. Until then, as a group, life does not serve them up the right crises to give them this understanding. Do not mistake their wilfulness, superficiality, or frivolity for a deep understanding that they have agency and the power to choose: typists like this woman illustrate entirely the opposite. They will first rationalise any of their shit behaviour as just being what they do rather than take an active step to do something about it.
For me personally, the best article I ever read on ROK, the one that turned me onto this site, was the one that said "
You have responsibility solely for yourself." It was the first match in a dark room that led me to the Red Pill.
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