Post: #1

Hello.

My question is in the title: How far can you improve your social intelligence?

When I was younger I would always miss innuendos, subtle remarks, interpretations etc. I would not realize I would bother sometimes people, or understand some jokes (at my expense)

After I realized this I have been trying to improve on it, and learn to shut the fuck up. However it's not always easy to do, especially when people are trying to strike on your nerves, or ridicule you, etc. It is still bothering me today, like the last bang that I missed because of this.

I am afraid I will stay like this my whole life.

Post: #2

Join a rugby team or a hockey team. Something aggressive and violent. Be quiet, work hard, and be friendly and a listener with the other guys. Witness them break each others' balls.

You need male camaraderie.

Post: #3

I don't believe there's an inherent cap on how far you can improve it. Certain people will have better social intelligence naturally, and certain people will improve theirs at a much higher rate but I think the cap remains the same for everyone without a mental disorder.

However, what you're describing doesn't seem to be you improving at all, but rather you just keeping quiet in the face of something you admit you aren't great with. If you're telling yourself that you're going to stay like this your whole life, there's a good chance you will.

Perhaps you're just taking the interpretation of other people's words/actions a bit too seriously? Without knowing your background or any external factors which could have brought this on, I would say just relax a bit. If people are striking your nerves or ridiculing you then there is probably a reason, and it's also likely that you're making it easy for them.

Edit: Like Travesty said, male camaraderie might be your magic pill. I was much quicker to take offense from certain things before I started frequenting my boxing gym.

Post: #4

If you're in a social setting and you're anxious about it you'll misinterpret things and won't connect with the general mood of the group.

You need to have a care free and relaxed mindset in order to mesh properly socially, especially with a bunch of guys.
In order to achieve that you need to be confident in yourself. If you're relaxed you won't be over thinking things and end up saying silly stuff.

Men shit test too. We can size a guy up pretty quick by watching how he reacts to various remarks and how he interpenetrates criticisms. If you're uptight you'll be defensive or try a little bit too hard to gain respect and end up being the guy who no one takes seriously.

I don't get caught out often, but my boss is a very quick witted natural Alpha and he got two of us at the same time. The scenario - this other guy smashed a component off an excavator and while talking to him he blamed me for its failure in a sarcastic tone since I installed said component. I immediately jumped to my own defense (not a very sound reaction) even though it was obvious he was joking and indirectly blaming the other guy. He was testing me and I failed. But this is how you learn.

Post: #5

Social skills can be improved tremendously.

Oratory skills, oratory seminars, books, reading many books in a certain language (helps you more easily verbalize), speed-reading (you can go through more books), exercises that mentalists use for judging facial reaction, behavioral psychology books, Game literature (Krauser has excellent stuff on calibration for seduction), meditation for nerves, visualisation exercises - then after the theory you put it into practice by interacting with many people.

Even if you are an introverted shy person, then you will end up a much more socially competent one after some time.

Post: #6

Extremely far.

The guys who start off socially awkward or shy, and become socially smooth, do two things:

1. They blamed themselves first.

We all remember the schoolyard loser who got picked on forever - they always blame everyone else for their predicament, instead of analysing and fixing their own social faults. As a result of this defensive mentality, they remain social misfits forever.

2. They made the effort to be increasingly social.

It's easy to want to avoid social interaction when it results in discomfort, rejection, embarrassment etc. So it's the guys who push on in spite of this that succeed in the end.

That said, the manosphere has made me go backwards quite a bit in this: I speak my mind too freely because I give less and less of a shit what mainstream people think. I used to be deliberately humble and socially tactful, but I'm getting increasingly arrogant in light of how completely wrong and clueless average folk are about almost everything. People hate it when you show them up as wrong or challenge their morals - or even speak freely about a topic they feel insecure about. Instead of responding with reasonable counter-arguments, they just clam up and wear the "you're a bad guy" face. Everyone has incredibly weak egos nowadays.

To that end, analyze your faults and work on them, but never rule out that the social group you're in is actually at fault.

Post: #7

(07-14-2015 05:37 AM)Phoenix Wrote:  I speak my mind too freely because I give less and less of a shit what mainstream people think. I used to be deliberately humble and socially tactful, but I'm getting increasingly arrogant in light of how completely wrong and clueless average folk are about almost everything. People hate it when you show them up as wrong or challenge their morals - or even speak freely about a topic they feel insecure about. Instead of responding with reasonable counter-arguments, they just clam up and wear the "you're a bad guy" face. Everyone has incredibly weak egos nowadays.

This is a giant weakness of mine. How do you go about countering it? Or do you just try to avoid congregating with thin-skinned people?

Post: #8

I believe, short of any serious conditions, you can continue indefinitely, but there's certainly a point where making the majority of people happy in social situations isn't going to make YOU happy.

And even when perfected, you'll never please everyone, so be content to be aware of things socially, but find an appropriate line where you're willing to just relax and be yourself.

Niggaaaa

Post: #9

(07-15-2015 05:12 PM)TooFineAPoint Wrote:  

(07-14-2015 05:37 AM)Phoenix Wrote:  I speak my mind too freely because I give less and less of a shit what mainstream people think. I used to be deliberately humble and socially tactful, but I'm getting increasingly arrogant in light of how completely wrong and clueless average folk are about almost everything. People hate it when you show them up as wrong or challenge their morals - or even speak freely about a topic they feel insecure about. Instead of responding with reasonable counter-arguments, they just clam up and wear the "you're a bad guy" face. Everyone has incredibly weak egos nowadays.

This is a giant weakness of mine. How do you go about countering it? Or do you just try to avoid congregating with thin-skinned people?

Good question. Firstly, all my social activities are for my own benefit alone. Anyone who demands otherwise or tries to rope me into things that aren't to my benefit can go fuck themselves.

For this reason, I spend most of my time with girls, since I enjoy that the most. Limiting your speech with girls feels normal anyway, and doesn't detract much from the quality of my experience with them.

For men, why even bother giving them a second of your time if they're losers? I can get money, sex and companionship, without "social circle"; and I can have like-minded intellectual discussion online in forums like this one (pretty much exclusively unfortunately), and those things are all that I need from other people. I needn't tolerate people I consider pathetic and unworthy of my time. If a dude clams up because he's pathetic, he doesn't get talked to again. He can get fucked off. If he's a leftist, or awkward, or stupid, or has hangups about girls, or is negative, or has a weak ego, then he has negative value and will not be involved in my life another second. Unfortunately, if your entire city or country is filled with these people, sometimes one just has to get on the plane. No point swimming in garbage when you can swim in a fresh river.

I am comfortable enough in my own value that I don't have to shut my mouth and be meek lest I displeasure others: they can respond to my honest and reasonable speech in a manner pleasurable to me. And if my standards of human behaviour are higher than theirs, they need to shape-up, not me.

This attitude compels you to become more socially free and comfortable going places alone, as a result of which you meet more new people, of which some will meet your "strength of character" requirements.

Post: #10

(07-14-2015 03:56 AM)Zelcorpion Wrote:  Social skills can be improved tremendously.

Oratory skills, oratory seminars, books, reading many books in a certain language (helps you more easily verbalize), speed-reading (you can go through more books), exercises that mentalists use for judging facial reaction, behavioral psychology books, Game literature (Krauser has excellent stuff on calibration for seduction), meditation for nerves, visualisation exercises - then after the theory you put it into practice by interacting with many people.

Even if you are an introverted shy person, then you will end up a much more socially competent one after some time.

I agree with Zelcorpion.

Don't try to pickup "social intelligence" by yourself. Read books on the subject on body language, vocal tonality and much more.

Then take action and start applying what you learned. Notice when a woman tests you. Respond and adapt.

You need experience! 30% book learning and 70% out there talking to guys and girls and learning all this firsthand

Post: #11

Learning microexpressions is great way to help with social intelligence.

I've used Paul Ekman's Courses for awhile, I'll re-do the training every six months or so.

http://www.paulekman.com/product-categor...-training/

Post: #12

One way to increase your social skills immensely is to work in outside B2B sales for a while (unless you're already gainfully succeeding in another field). You'll learn to be quick on your feet, read and manipulate people to your advantage, and honest to God lose any and all approach anxiety. You also develop witty banter skills and start picking up on tells, such as when to end the conversation or when to push for the close. Being exposed to and forced to present yourself to countless new people on a daily basis is priceless.

Post: #13

Agreed. You can get your social intelligence to incredibly high levels.

Guys who are veterans in the game often have very high levels of social intelligence. If you look at high value people who have tons of friends, etc, they often tend to be very good at reading people.

There's both the theory and practical aspects. You can read books on various aspects of social intelligence, watch videos, etc. But you also have to practice it. Also you learn by hanging out with high value men, as you slowly learn their behaviors and modes of operation.

You learn to first see the matrix, and then be able to manipulate it.

Post: #14

Thank you all guys. Your advice are well appreciated. I am trying them