Post: #1

Baghdad Datasheet - The next Poosy Paradise?

This datasheet is a result of a two-month trip to Baghdad during January and February of 2015.

Before arriving

I highly recommend signing up for an Ummaland account. The majority of the girls you meet will prefer to be contacted through it. Also having a few pictures of you in mosques will come in handy for your account.

Iraqi Girls

Iraqi girls are by far by the most attractive in the Middle East. Although some forum members gaming in Saudi Arabia may disagree, the girls here definitely wear their Hijabs with less seriousness, and in Baghdad even more so. It’s not uncommon to see a girl in a Niqab with her eyebrows showing, something I seldom saw during my time spent in Riyadh. Although as with most places in the Middle East, the majority of girls are mainly focused on meeting Muslim men, so lying about your religion here is almost a necessity. Despite this I have seen men in Kippahs making it rain with much success, but this is also dependant on which club you are in. It should also be noted that most of the girls here still have their hymens intact and don’t plan on loosing them anytime soon. Therefore if you don’t like anal or lack a prepared wedding ring, perhaps Baghdad isn’t the place for you.

The girls in Baghdad can be broken down into three categories:

1.



These girls are smoking hot and usually only interested in devoted Muslim Sheikhs wanting 12+ children or on the night marriage proposals. Expect a lot of blowouts if dealing with these women. Despite this, its not impossible to get a ONS with one of these girls, I managed one myself.

2.



These are what you would call ‘good girls’ and they’re a lot easier to approach than number 1 girls. Although most conversations hint towards marriage, and if you told her you weren’t Muslim, then likely about your impending adoption of the Islamic faith – then marriage.

3.



These girls are straight-up sluts, as you can see by their revealed face. Getting a ONS is incredibly easy and most do not even have their hymens intact; also feel free to tell these girls you aren’t Muslim, they usually don’t have sex with Muslim guys due to the lack of a Hymen and possibility of execution. If you are coming to Baghdad for the weekend, these girls would be your best bet.

Iraqi Guys

I’ve never seen men go to such extremities for any purpose or ideology, especially Muslims of all people. However in Iraq, being a cockblocker is definitely a part of life. An extreme example is one Sheikh calling in a bomb threat at ‘Mo-Hammered’ when I was just about to ask a girl for her hand in marriage. Another one accused me of being a Shiite to the security guards, which found me being detained for two days before I could convince them otherwise. Needless to say, after these two days, the girl wasn’t very responsive to my messages on Ummaland. However the most common is the classic ISIS insurgent ID check. The ISIS insurgent checked my ID and then made an effort to tell this girl I had a Christian name, despite my earlier success in convincing her my name was Mohammed. I find the best way to deal with these cockblockers is to grow a beard before coming here; Iraqi men are much more accepting of hipsters it seems.


Iraqi guys gearing up for a big night of cockblocking.

Other foreigners in Baghdad

The foreigners here have to be the worst of anywhere I have been. They have minimal game and terrible attitude. For some unknown reason they all seem to dress the same as well; particularly unstylish. These guys pose no threat and believe a normal conversation to be talking about how ‘traumatic’ their job is without considering updating their resume and applying for a new one. They also piss me off when they say they’re going “back to their base”; call it a fucking hotel like a normal person. Finally they have this weird obsession for talking about how they miss home. Why travel if you’re just going to reminisce about when you were in your home country? Book a flight back already.


Typical foreigners before a night out. Lose the hats and glasses, chumps.


Nightlife review

Little Mecca

Days to go:

1) Thursday
2) Saturday

Openness to Infidels:

Very Low

Location:

Rusafa District

Overview:

This is the main upper class club of the city, filled with number 1 girls. Drinks are very expensive (and non-alcoholic) and expect a lot of cockblocking from the local Sheikhs. Also it is a good idea to say you are a Muslim here; there is a decapitation room for infidels out the back and checks are not uncommon. I was present for one in which I had to lie and say I left my passport in my apartment. I was thrown out of the club but my head still remains attached so that’s a plus.

Beer-qa

Days to go:

1) Wednesday
2) Sunday
3) Saturday

Openness to Infidels:

Very High

Location:

Adhamiyah District

Overview:

This place is frequented by expats and mostly number 3 girls. During the day it’s a restaurant with a particular focus on local craft beers. However at night the prayer mats are pushed aside to make a dance floor. This is one of a few places in the city that doesn’t have a Sheikh inspecting the dancing area, so feel free to break the 1-meter distance rule imposed at most other places. The majority of my notches came from here and is definitely the place to be for short stays.

Kalashnikov

Days to go:

1) Friday
2) Saturday
3) Wednesday (Infidel Night)

Openness to Infidels:

Medium

Location:

Karkh District

Overview:

The most popular club in the city, always packed with many number 2 girls on the weekend. If you are seeking a notch from this place it’s ideal to say you’re a Muslim and express particular interest in marriage and 12+ children. In fact when gaming here I would frequently carry a ring box and ‘unknowingly’ flash it to girls. ISIS insurgent checks are frequent here, so it’s a good idea to carry a fake Muslim-named ID to avoid ISIS cockblocking.

Mo-hammered

Days to go:

1) Saturday (Sheikh’s Night)
2) Friday (Sheikh’s Night)
3) Thursday (Sheikh’s Night)

Openness to Infidels:

Very low

Location:

Al Rashid District

Overview:

By far the most conservative club in Baghdad. The dress code is Burqas for women and Gutras for men, so I suggest buying one of these from the market beforehand. I would also strongly suggest bringing a Quran with you, which simplifies the hunt for a wingman on the night. Also being able to recite a few prayers in Arabic will work wonders for the ladies here.

Bang report

1. 6/10. 24 years old. ONS from ‘Kalashnikov’

Hymen Status: Intact
Face covering: Berqa

Proposed to her near the bar and she said yes. Tried to convince her to have vaginal sex since we were ‘engaged’ now, but she wouldn’t budge. Definitely has some serious trust issues.

Broke things off with her in the morning by accusing her of being an infidel and she started crying hysterically. Definitely made for the most awkward morning walk to the camel and cart station during my whole trip.

2. 7/10. 22 years old. ONS from ‘Beer-qa’

Hymen Status: Broken
Face covering: Hijab

This girl actually approached me on the dance floor, probably due to my blasphemous dance moves. This girl was a whore and even suggested pecking me after only 30mins of talking and touching. 1 hour after that it was tongue in mouth; sluts like this should be treated as such so I gave her an ass-grab. I didn’t even need to ask if her Hymen was broken.

3. 8/10. 23 years old. ONS from ‘Little Mecca’

Hymen Status: Intact
Face Covering: Niqab

This girl was definitely the most attractive in the club that night. Normally I wouldn’t have a chance, however I managed to befriend a Sheikh dance floor inspector that night. He convinced her that Allah had permitted unholy dancing between her and I for the evening. The couple of shoulder rubs that occurred on the floor must have made her wet as she was keen to leave with me; too bad this was completely useless as her Hymen remained unscathed.

4. 6/10. 26 years old. ONS from ‘Beer-qa’

Hymen Status: Intact (Broken now)
Face Covering: Hijab

Approached during her Qibla prayer, which was a pretty beta thing to do but she didn’t blow me out straight away. Told her I was currently looking for a wife to impregnate and she instantly warmed up to me. We went back to mine and she asked me to break her Hymen. I planned to pull out however she held me in. Blocked and deleted her from Ummaland once dropping her off at the camel and cart station in the morning; couldn’t deal with knowing if I impregnated her.

For a list of girls kissed, a full kissing report is available at:

sirspankybangsiraq.com/kissing-report/page01

The website also contains a full hand-holding and eye contact report.

Final Thoughts

Achieving a bang in Baghdad is relatively easy with correct style and dress (re: Keffiyeh). Come prepared with sandals and a beard if you’re really seeking to smash the competition. My bankroll was 2 000 000 Dinars a month + 2 cows. As for apartments, I was paying 400 000 Iraqi Dinars for a studio in the city centre, 5min walk to the public hanging square. Included a prayer mat and Quran (Useful for anti-infidel clubs). Be sure to check with the reception whether or not there will be a random demolition of the building during your stay there. These are definitely something you’ll need to plan around if possible.


Remains of a demolished building. The city’s property tycoons are so keen to update and modernise the look of the city that these are almost a daily occurrence.

I am curious to hear about other member’s Baghdad Bangs in the comments.

Enjoy your time in the next Poosy Paradise.

Post: #2

Best datasheet ever. I'm sure the G will be logging in for this asking for some "high end" data soon.

Post: #3

I wonder why you went through all this effort!

You will be called a troll and banned!

happy now!

Post: #4

(05-24-2015 09:42 AM)SirSpanky Wrote:  

Dude we might be eskimo brothers from my trip there in 2013. This girl looks strangely familiar.

Post: #5

I'm booking my flight now.

Post: #6

(05-24-2015 10:01 AM)Atlantic Wrote:  

(05-24-2015 09:42 AM)SirSpanky Wrote:  

Dude we might be eskimo brothers from my trip there in 2013. This girl looks strangely familiar.

Damn, I should have known other guys had been there. She told me she damaged her Hymen doing hurdles.

Post: #7

10/10

Deftly written, hilarious, best satire I've seen on RVF for sure, and quite possibly anywhere. Like the Onion, but better.

Post: #8

I'm almost convinced you're trolling but then again you also have a Taipei datasheet out there.

Edit: I'm slow. I realize now that this is a paradise whether you get your Virgins on location or through an IED that gets you there express.

Post: #9

(05-24-2015 09:53 AM)FlyBoy Wrote:  I wonder why you went through all this effort!

You will be called a troll and banned!

happy now!

Why would the OP get banned? I used to live in Baghdad and the information is accurate.

Post: #10

(05-24-2015 10:31 AM)Aliblahba Wrote:  

(05-24-2015 09:53 AM)FlyBoy Wrote:  I wonder why you went through all this effort!

You will be called a troll and banned!

happy now!

Why would the OP get banned? I used to live in Baghdad and the information is accurate.

(05-24-2015 09:42 AM)SirSpanky Wrote:  Nightlife review

Little Mecca

Days to go:

1) Thursday
2) Saturday

Openness to Infidels:

Very Low

Location:

Rusafa District

Overview:

This is the main upper class club of the city, filled with number 1 girls. Drinks are very expensive (and non-alcoholic) and expect a lot of cockblocking from the local Sheikhs. Also it is a good idea to say you are a Muslim here; there is a decapitation room for infidels out the back and checks are not uncommon. I was present for one in which I had to lie and say I left my passport in my apartment. I was thrown out of the club but my head still remains attached so that’s a plus.

There is a club in Baghdad called "Little Mecca" with a decapitation room in the back for infidels!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe Ali you should change your signature, after all going to a club with a decapitation room in the back is far more masculine than a two-way shooting range!

Cheers!

Post: #11

I'm not an infidel so I wouldn't know. My notch count there reached 24. Foreign factor is huge, especially if you're white. Hotels are crazy expensive, but cabs and food are reasonable. It evens out. I never dropped a data sheet because I hate to see a poosy paradise ruined.

Post: #12

I'm going for battleship B-3.

I'll keep you posted.

Post: #13

I have lived in the Middle East (Qatar) for 2 years.... Culture is a big thing for middle easterners. Having sex for a woman out of wedlock is shameful and often times punishable. Sex before marriage and infidelity can get you killed either by the state or by some relative.
The safest way in a Sunni Muslim country is to get married, have up to 4 wives ( don't have kids as it will complicate the divorce) and have a TALAQ divorce. That s say the words
( I divorce you ) 3 times and voila....so have a stable of 4 girls legally under law. It will cost some money but if you can make it happen this would be the safest way.

In Iran, aside from the underground parties,,,, people still get stoned or hanged for infidelity or sex before marriage. If you don't have access to that scene or don't want a "marriage" they have mini marriages ( I apologize for not using a better term) ... Forgot what it's called is where you get married officially and the marriage contract is for a few days etc and expires leaving you officially single. This is legal of course. If you get stopped by the religious police and you are with your girl, you are free to go,,,, on your way. Without it good luck. Good luck getting your embassy to get you out of jail.
Returning to Baghdad,,,,promiscuity is frowned upon. Get (married) have 4 wives.... Divorce anyone as you please. Replace and repeat. Sounds harsh..... But this is legally allowed.

Post: #14

So if you join Isis you can rotate 4 chicks and get payed just to raise hell?

How much do they make or need to?

Post: #15

Can I divorce my 4 wives if they are unable to bear children?

Must I disclose my vasectomy?

Post: #16

(05-24-2015 11:23 AM)el mechanico Wrote:  So if you join Isis you can rotate 4 chicks and get payed just to raise hell?

How much do they make or need to?

And whats their policy on side hustles?

Post: #17

(05-24-2015 09:53 AM)FlyBoy Wrote:  I wonder why you went through all this effort!

You will be called a troll and banned!

happy now!

Don't be a fuddy duddy.

G

Post: #18

Girls won't enter the hotel with you. You'll go up first, then she'll follow shortly after. For longer stays you can get fake marriage certificates, not that anyone in Baghdad will ask. A lot of girls don't dress in hibjabs, and remind me of the way Lebanese chicks look.

The best way to pull though, is to base out of Dubai. Make short weekend trips into Baghdad, get contact info, and invite them back to the U.A.E. Trust me, they will follow. Iraqi chicks go anyway to shop. Plus they look forward to letting their hair down, and love walking down the streets with an attractive foreigner. English is common, so don't worry about the language barrier. Being American is huge DHV, so wear something from LA or NYC. They'll be receptive to the approach, but have some discretion. Local dudes have no game, and get jealous of you swooping their girls. Dudes will blow up for no reason.

The food is good, but avoid the local fish and anything off the street. Stick to the higher end restaurants.

I'm planning on another trip next year. Will start a meetup thread before heading out.

Post: #19

On a serious note, has anyone here actually banged a non pro Muslim chick while she was in the Middle East? It would still be an accomplishment to bang one studying abroad, but nowhere near the level of difficulty as doing it in country in the Middle East.

I see two main difficulties - finding a girl who was willing to give it up, and not getting killed by her relatives.

I am guessing it is somewhat easier if you are fluent in Arabic and mix with upper class girls.

I knew a moderately wealthy guy from Morocco (his parents were semi famous doctors who treated the mid level royalty there) who moved in high level social circles in Morocco with wealthy girls and those with western exposure. He told me that sometimes they would give it up pre marriage, but it was super on the DL, had to be kept 100% secret, and that the girl might bang one or two guys, get hymen repair surgery in France, and then have her Muslim marriage.

Post: #20

I was in Baghdad 12 years ago. Those Iraqi guys were the biggest pervs of all. We used to trade porn with them. They had a word for porno "freaky, freaky." Everytime we went into a movie store to buy those cheap ass VCD's they would always take us upstairs and sell us these pornos.

One day I took a trip to Kirkuk with a few guys and checked out this fair and rode bumper cars got a blow job from an Kirdish hooker. We were drinking vodka out of a black can but I don't remember the name of it. I don't even remember how she looked but I remember riding those bumper cars.

Sad thing is that is actually a true story.

Post: #21

(05-24-2015 11:52 AM)LINUX Wrote:  Sad thing is that is actually a true story.

I thought everything posted here was true?

Post: #22

(05-24-2015 11:13 AM)tomtud Wrote:  Sex before marriage and infidelity can get you killed either by the state or by some relative.

This would make the sex especially hot.

Post: #23

(05-24-2015 11:07 AM)LINUX Wrote:  I'm going for battleship B-3.

I'll keep you posted.

Pipelining like a boss. Good choice btw.

Post: #24

Excuse me, do you know where the nearest pet store is?

[attachment=26459]

Don't shoot! I am from an online travel and lifestyle forum...

[attachment=26458]

Post: #25

I don't know whether to ban or rep.