Post: #76

(06-02-2015 01:43 PM)MMM Wrote:  I’m early 50's, the father of girls.  I never had a strong desire for children.  I enjoyed other people’s kids, but didn’t see the need to necessarily have my own.  Everyone told me, “oh wait till you have your own, you’ll see ...”  So, now I have my own and yes, they’re incredible, a joy and a blessing, each in their own way.  But ........ they’re also a huge financial burden and they tie me to my ex, who’ll I’ll have to see for the rest of my life.  Thank the universe that at least she’s a great mom. 

As a man, you can live comfortably and support yourself and perhaps a broad if you so desire.  But once you have children, the system is an efficient well oiled machine that will suck the surplus of your hard work till you drop.  Don’t be that sucker.  Be the “cool uncle” that travels the world; does interesting things; and is loving life.

So, my advice is don’t have children.  Enjoy the children of your siblings and friends.  Be the “cool uncle.”  That’s why grandparents love grandchildren, its all of the fun and games and at the end of the day, you send them home to mom and dad for the heavy lifting.  That’s my two cents, your mileage may vary.  

Good honest experience.

It was only 18 months ago that something actually switched inside my head. Up until then I was confident that I would not have any of my own kids. For the same reasons that you mentioned; being a cool uncle to my nephews, lots of travel, fun man toys, etc. The difference is in my own arrogance that I can do this fatherhood thing differently.

I can certainly see what you mean regarding the system that is in place to suck all extra money out of your life. If you are not careful. Yet at the same time kids are also just along for the ride, and the only real pressure regarding status comes from other moms. I certainly see this in my circles, as my partner and the other women around her who just had kids are in de facto competition. They are all back to pre birth weight, yoga in the living room, long daily walks, etc. Some moms have dropped thousands of dollars, where I have spent maybe $400 total. Who can tell? Only the ones really looking at this closely as some sort of competition.

And I could give two fucks. The only thing I bought my son so far is some Red Jasper (bloodstone) beads which were turned into a necklace. He also inherited all my old cowboy boots, which came from me as well.

Have kids because your brain reassures your dick that its a smart move. If they are at odds, dont do it. I love my son already more than anything in the world, but I sure as hell would not want to have to deal with him through a terrible, nasty manipulative woman. That would be worse than not having them, I might think.

If the brain and dick are on the same page, and the woman is a good endeavor go for it 110% but with the eyes wide open and always be checking your exits. Not in any paranoid way, but in my own Me and My Son First attitude. Shitty way to think I know, and I am incredibly lucky that I can include the woman in this arrangement because I know that she includes me in her exit strategy.

Post: #77

If you want to lead your own tribe, having kids is one way to do it.

Post: #78

(06-02-2015 06:07 PM)Carlos100 Wrote:  If you want to lead your own tribe, having kids is one way to do it.

This is enticing. But...take it from me....you cannot predict the perspectives your kids will have after this decadent/pozzie world has worked its will on them. Your tribe may not follow your lead. And that will always be a source of pain in your heart forever.

Post: #79

I've got 3 kids.Saying that to any singke woman or mother is a death sentence.Tonite I told the truth ...yep divorced with 3 kids.Shot down time and time again.Single mums being the worse they know how much time and money I've got to pay out.Mates ask me WTF is it with me and women in relationships.That's my only demographic besides internationals and interstaters.
I love my kids but with the high percentage of care I take on there is no way I can have a LTR.
That's life.I just got to put on my leather jacket and get out there.Tonite I got fucken destroyed.

Post: #80

(06-05-2015 10:08 AM)Green-On-GO Wrote:  I've got 3 kids.Saying that to any singke woman or mother is a death sentence.Tonite I told the truth ...yep divorced with 3 kids.Shot down time and time again.Single mums being the worse they know how much time and money I've got to pay out.Mates ask me WTF is it with me and women in relationships.That's my only demographic besides internationals and interstaters.
I love my kids but with the high percentage of care I take on there is no way I can have a LTR.
That's life.I just got to put on my leather jacket and get out there.Tonite I got fucken destroyed.

Yep, one of the reasons I don't bother with a divorce (short of winning the lottery)... Because trying to get remarried with 3 kids and an ex-wife in tow is some serious DLV baggage to other women out there.

Post: #81

It's pretty crazy how emotional you can get
when you see cute kids in your late 30's

It's a pretty strong biological response at times
I can only imagine what women go through
since they have an even stronger physical reaction
that's driven by hormones.

Post: #82

This forum seems to be turning over a new leaf as many of you are looking at fatherhood and seem ready for this step in life. Congratulations, its a big one.

My son will be 9 months in a week. He is crawling and is very aware and loves to watch and play. He laughs a lot, often at his own stupidity. He is very loud in almost all manners; his sleeping, eating, talking, observations, etc. Health is still good, his height and weight are up into the 95% now, though he is stretching out and is not so fat anymore, probably due to his limitless energy and crawling.

Now, that out of the way, onto myself. This is what most guys are interested in.

In my earliest posts I mentioned that there might not be such an important role for the father during the infant stages, but I now take this back. In regards to brain and memory, its still true. He will never remember this stage of his life. In regards to his development of skills though, its very important. Kids seem to run off of instinct and trial and error.

He recognizes male power already, and will try end exert his will over others. Its interesting to see that because of lack of communication and movement, how a baby will struggle and become frustrated. For this reason, it seems they are much smarter than what we give them credit for. Understanding this, parenthood can be very easy.

And that is the reason that kids who have a stay home mother are often far more adjusted than kids that do not. They need to have routine, and enjoy routine. They can be clocks, and respond well to this. This routine is naturally the mothers responsibility as the primary caregiver and is one of the most important reasons for choosing a happy and balanced woman in order for this to be passed onto the child.

The parental relationship is important to a baby. They watch constantly and are happy to see when we kiss and hug each other. I think that it is ingrained into our DNA to watch for this in parents. They want stability, and this stability is tied into their happiness and contentedness. So bang often, at least a couple times a week. This means the kid needs to be in bed at 7, as morning sex becomes impossible unless it happens during naps.

Kids need protection constantly. All the things that are dangerous, are interesting. And while little girls can certainly hurt themselves, boys are drawn to mechanical movement and love things like chains and pinch points. They already see pattern disruption and are fascinated by what it is that is out of order. It just so happens that
these things are going to be the most likely to hurt them. So it goes, just make sure he doesn't wrap that blinder chain around his neck for too long.

Kids love their fathers knee. If they want to snuggle, its their mothers. If its to watch things, or talk, or read, its the fathers. My son doesn't crawl to his mother like he does to me. When coming for me, he is laughing the whole way and moving fast.

Relationships are far more delicate now, and I understand more now why divorce happens so easily. People just want to give up sometimes, and walking out on someone seems easy. Parenthood changes people, and women especially think that all things domestic must be controlled in the same rigid fashion as their kids. This is a hard place for a man to fit into, and one of the most important reasons that I feel that parents should be about each other first, and the kids second. In order for parents to create a stable world, they need to remember that they were in this for that stability and they should not sacrifice this to maintain order. Kids need this stability but men need freedom.

I encourage some of the other new fathers to add to this thread, and also any questions and advice are more than welcome.

Post: #83

(12-15-2015 02:34 PM)Laner Wrote:  This is a hard place for a man to fit into, and one of the most important reasons that I feel that parents should be about each other first, and the kids second. In order for parents to create a stable world, they need to remember that they were in this for that stability and they should not sacrifice this to maintain order.

This is a great idea I have had for a long time but no one talks about.

It goes back to an older time where it isn't all about the kids. Kids were to be seen but not heard. Harsh, but their place was lower rightfully so. Adults need to function together for a society or family to work.

Giving kids too much emphasis leads to trouble.

You can always have more kids anyways.

Post: #84

My wife and I are both middle kids from a family of 6 each. Growing up with siblings was a blast and having red pill fathers was a help. I think it depends so much on your circumstances. The mother, the extended family, geographic location but as said before if you want your own tribe create it. I know that the public education system and growing up ingesting blue pill ideas may win out in the end but I'd rather try to raise some red pill kids rather than just give up. I'm not quite in the "enjoy the decline camp" but we will see about that in a few more years.