Post: #1

Super new to game. I've been reading CH for a couple weeks but last night was basically one of the first parties I went to since, it was an extended social circle of coworkers of a couple close friends and some new people I never met. I felt a little obvious since I was the only guy there that wasn't tied down and all of the women were girlfriends of my gay friend who was hosting the party. I'm trying hard to be introspective but also not read too much into too little information.

I knew this older woman would be there (37; I'm 30) and she was about the only one available, all others in LTRs; she likely had some genuine good looks in the past, she could still pass for nearly a decade younger, but was somewhat dump-ily dressed, not trying to impress anyone. I decided I would practice on her and try to get her number by the end of the night, but wouldn't take her seriously as a prospect; I just wanted to see if I could do it if I tried.

The main issues I seemed to have were starting new threads of conversations with her without anyone else at the party butting in; it appears that the best thing to do in that situation is to ingratiate yourself as a friend, but when groups of 6-8 are the norm, is it even possible to establish value without sounding snide? While everyone is in the group atmosphere, are there any tricks to direct conversations one on one? The entire night nobody directly engaged me or asked me a question about myself; one of the women (old, overweight, and married) asked me something inane about where I lived. Is this a lack of charisma; looks; or are women really just this shallow and self-absorbed?

I noticed that after playfully talking with my target early in the night, in which she seemed quite responsive and forthcoming, that she would then only sheepishly make eye contact with me. In groups of 3 or 4, she would follow what I said but would only rarely make eye contact while I was talking, and when doing so she would do quick glances with her head down. I took this as a bad sign, but twice in the night she walked over and seemed to intentionally bump into me while I was talking to a different group; I didn't bite. Later, I fucked up seriously by touching her out of the blue while awkwardly asking her about which one of the girls she was tightest with, and a coworker of hers overheard and even more awkwardly butted herself into the conversation. I gave up at this point.

In hindsight, I think that I was probably deemed as a beta by the time our conversation wrapped up early in the night and she spent the remainder of the night trying to avoid re-engaging me, but is this sort of mixed signal normal in the course of a slow pickup? Was she waiting for me to re-engage or was she done? Does it even help to practice at that point or is this just negative reinforcement?

Post: #2

If you're new to game, I'd recommend practicing outside of your social circle (via cold approach or online dating) to start, for several reasons.

First, you're going to be making a lot of mistakes, and you don't want these slip-ups to damage your position in circles that are important to you (work/friends/church/etc.). Bad game can quickly ruin your reputation, even amongst people you're not actively trying to game.

(Also, a rejection from one girl in a social circle will surely make its way around the group, and will make it that much harder to game any other girl in the circle. No woman wants a man her friend has already rejected. If you flame out in a cold approach, there's no collateral damage-you can just walk to the other side of the bar.)

Second, social circle is more complicated than a one-on-one cold approach. Girls are more pliable when they're alone-putting them in a group full of peers changes everything. They become more concerned with their reputation and place in the social hierarchy than in what you have to say, and are more likely to make a decision based on how their friends will judge them than on their attraction to you.

People also tend to be more guarded in groups, and stick to polite conversation instead of opening up. It's difficult to build rapport when people are talking about sports or office gossip as opposed to, say, their hopes, dreams, and passions.

Third, it's easier to fake status alone than with a group. Like CH says, Status is King, and unless you're clearly at the top of your social circle, girls will find you less attractive than if you approached her alone with the accoutrements of status (strong eye contact and body language, slow movements, low vocal intonation, fitted/stylish clothing, etc.).

Finally, if you're serious about game then your personality is going to change a lot in the coming months/years, and this will make the people who know you somewhat uncomfortable. They won't appreciate seeing you rise in value while they stay static; they'll attempt to hold you back and put you down, perhaps even sabotage your game behind your back. Better to do your own thing than let haters derail your progress.

All this being said, if an opportunity within your social circle presents itself, by all means go for it. But I'd recommend solo practice outside of any circles for a year or two first.

Post: #3

You establish value by making sure everything you add to the group conversation is short, poignant, and interesting or funny. In group conversation you have less time to make a mark and one or two fumbles at bad jokes or long-winded stories can make you seem like a dud.

Group conversation is about including everyone and getting to the punchline very fast.

Try to give the chick you want a little attention through observation or group her in with her friend or whoever else she knows in conversation. Don't give too much attention keep going around the circle just give her some.

Inviting her and a few select others to some sort of game whether it be a drinking game with cards, or a dance video game etc... this can isolate her.

So can the almighty joint or cigarette on the back porch. You do need to isolate at some point for a number close or kiss attempt at least. If not your last resort is social media.