I had a bunch of ideas for articles on a variety of topics, but after running through them I realized that not much more than a paragraph or two would be needed on each subject, with some subjects already having articles covering them to greater depths. So instead of writing a few different articles on these individual topics, I’m going to list some core principles on how to be a better man with the hope of these ideas and others sparking some good conversation in the comments section, as the ROK comments tend to contain as much wisdom as the articles themselves.
Learn some form of self-defense (aka how to fight), and then remember that the most skilled fighters are those who know how to avoid a fight. In the real world, physical confrontations usually end badly for everyone involved. If someone gets the crap kicked out of them, they may be dealing with chronic issues long after recovery.
If someone does the beating, they’re usually facing a lawsuit, jail time, or future physical retribution, depending on the victim. There are very few moments, if any, in a man’s life where fighting is actually warranted. The costs far outweigh the gains from being involved in one, let alone winning.
What do Atticus Finch, Vito Corleone, and Mufasa have in common? They remain composed at all times. Maintaining composure is an element of wisdom. Knowing when to talk and when to keep quiet is an invaluable trait. When getting into a dispute, the serene man trumps the flustered screamer every time.
Even if you’re unsure of something, composure makes you at least appear like you know what you are talking about (assuming you are well spoken), and it’s an unmistakable sign of a leader. Composure allows you to control virtually any situation, and when you factor in standing up for your own convictions, it is one of the most important traits in “wearing the pants” in a relationship.
Look at how the guy in blue shirt conducts himself in this scene
Your body is a machine and it must be properly maintained. Everyone needs some form of a fitness routine, and regardless of what your fitness goals are, they should include a combination of strength conditioning, cardio, and flexibility. Unless you’re trying to be sculpted like someone on the cover of a fitness magazine, it doesn’t need to be overly complicated.
I’ve found that for the average man, routine bodyweight exercises (such as push-ups, pull-ups, dips, lunges, squats, etc) are more than enough to develop muscle, remain toned, and maintain fitness well into your later years. They’re easy to do, require little if any equipment, are low-risk when it comes to injury, and work very well (see male gymnast bodies if you disagree).
And in regards to making sure your body works, your diet is even more critical. In today’s America, it takes work and a conscious effort to even eat decently, let alone healthy. Just remember, if what you’re eating doesn’t contain a combination of protein and vitamins (through fruits and vegetables) it’s not a meal, it’s a snack. Everyone has different dietary needs depending on their body type, lifestyle, health conditions, etc., but there are some basic guidelines to follow for eating better without necessarily turning into a health freak.
My diet routine includes whole grains, protein, lean meats, fruits, and vegetables every day. I probably eat fried food once every six months, no soda, and I limit myself to red meat once a week. I also try to limit myself to 40 grams of added sugar everyday (which is pretty tough in today’s America). Another thing to keep in mind is portion control. Nobody in their right mind needs to be eating a footlong sandwich. In regards to alcohol, limit yourself to only 2-3 drinks when you go out. There are much stricter diets out there, but I’ve found that mine works just fine for the average person.
Get your sleep. Forget the motivational stories about people who went hard at something for 3straight days with no sleep. Not sleeping didn’t make them champions. I can guarantee their performance was next to shit compared to the well-rested mind. If you don’t sleep, you can’t think, and if you can’t think, you can’t do. Sleep deprivation puts your brain into a state of “I don’t care.” The best way to remain on top of your lifestyle is to be as cognizant as possible of what you’re doing. Not getting enough sleep also turns your body (particularly your skin) to crap, screws up your diet, and makes you age much faster.
Always be reading. If I go a day without reading something, I consider it a wasted day. Find good books that will challenge your mind. They say the riskiest thing a person can do is open a book, because you’ll never know how it will change you. Find authors who have spent their entire lives trying to understand the human condition.
Personally, I love Dostoevsky, but there are so many, too many to even begin mentioning. Philosophy, science, government, economics, adventure, even The Bible, read it all. Even if you disagree with something, it will challenge you to confront your own thoughts. An education has never been more available to society, and you don’t need college for it either.
Cut out the TV. I’m not saying go cold-turkey and throw your TV away, but do recognize that most of what’s on it is crap. Remember, television networks exist for one purpose and one purpose only – to make money, and they do it through entertainment. All of your favorite shows, the producers of that network could give a rat’s ass if the show is good or not, or if you like it or not, just as long as you’re watching it. Same goes with watching professional sports. I’m not opposed to catching the occasional game or having a favorite team, and I have no problems with appreciating talent, but is there anything more pathetic than spending your entire weekend watching other people do stuff, especially since it is the same thing year in and year out? Limiting television exposure has been shown to increase attention span as well.
Quit watching porn. This has been discussed to death but always needs to be re-iterated. It kills your mind and your masculinity. The reason porn is so addictive is that it is taking something your body already recognizes as pleasure (seeing naked women) and overdosing your brain with it. The natural component is a key difference between porn addiction and other problematic addictions, such as drugs.
Quit watching porn. This has been discussed to death but always needs to be re-iterated. It kills your mind and your masculinity. The reason porn is so addictive is that it is taking something your body already recognizes as pleasure (seeing naked women) and overdosing your brain with it. The natural component is a key difference between porn addiction and other problematic addictions, such as drugs.
Lastly, embrace the universe. Whether it is through religion, meditation, science, or any combination of them, we live in a fascinating world that becomes even more intriguing once you become in-tune with it. How you go about doing so depends on the individual.
Everybody should learn economics, and unfortunately very few actually do. You don’t need to “major” in it to understand it. There are plenty of books covering a variety of economic concepts for you to choose from. Even gaining a basic understanding will put you at a huge advantage in today’s society. I’m not going to dive into specific concepts, but I will say that you should study Austrian School Economics to understand how the world should work, and study Keynesian Economics for how the world does work.
It is vital to understand what money is. I highly recommend Murray Rothbard’s What Has Government Done to Our Money? for gaining a basic understanding of the history of money, fractional reserve banking, and our financial system of today. It’s fairly short and easy to read, and is available for free online.
There is no doubt that the world’s economy is going to shit. Be aware of what is going on, along with other political issues, but don’t let it consume you. So much in this world is out of your control that being pissed off at the news on a daily basis isn’t worth it.
On personal debt, I don’t think anything more needs to be said other than live within your means. It’s amazing how much better off this country would be if even half of us followed this concept. Avoid debt like the plague. Debt kills freedom, and once a man starts to lose his freedom, he tends to either panic or give up.
For you young men out there who are trying to decide what you want to do with your life, don’t try to answer the question “What do I want to be when I grow up?” This is an idiotic mentality that has been shoved down your throats since kindergarten. Instead, you should be asking yourself “What do I want to be good at, and are these skills in demand?”
When you start looking at it from the perspective of “gaining skills” rather than “an education,” you’ll develop a much clearer picture of what you should be doing with your life. “Getting an education” is not synonymous with going to school. Becoming educated comes from all facets of your life (reading, traveling, personal experiences, human interactions, etc.). If you’re not learning through your experiences, or even worse not having experiences, you are truly wasting your life.
I’m not going to sit here and write about the pros and cons of dating in 21st century America, as they have been discussed at great lengths here. Everyone has their own choice to make as to what kind of woman they wish to pursue, if one at all. This section isn’t about that, but rather how to go about handling a woman that you consider high-value and are contemplating building a life with.
First of all, hold up your end of the bargain. No one is entitled to an attractive woman. If you’re a slob, that’s what you’re going to get. Don’t get on women for consuming junk media if you know the stats and backgrounds of every professional athlete and have been following these guys since they were in high school.
Some of you may worry that once you get married and have kids your wife will change, and even if you hold up your end, you’re going to be left with a completely different person than the one you married. This is why if you are thinking marriage, you need to set the tone for what the relationship will be well before you tie the knot.
If you’re against something, don’t be afraid to be vocal and honest about it during the “honeymoon” phase of your relationship. Many men are pushovers in their relationships because they’re afraid of saying something wrong that in their minds would either make a girl second-guess being with them or make them come across as “controlling.” There’s a word for someone who walks on eggshells around the woman they are dating, and it isn’t a man.
If you want her to remain fit well into your relationship and post-babies, you need to establish early on that you value fitness in yourself. Don’t expect her to keep her figure while your gut is hanging down to your knees. Look at older relationships and you’ll tend to notice that couples eventually merge into similar looking people, almost so that they could pass for siblings much of the time.
The fittest men I know have the fittest wives I know. Humans are social creatures by nature and pick up on each other’s habits. If she doesn’t exercise or value her body, you should have recognized this well before you made any sort of commitment.
Don’t get married young. It’s a mistake on every level. Wait until you’re at least in your early 30s. Your earning potential is higher, and assuming you are exercising regularly, you will have more options. Don’t cash your chips out early. Properly selecting a partner requires experience (dating around). Way too many men get burned by the first girl they fall in love with and hold resentment towards all women.
Though I don’t advocate looking for it, getting screwed over, dating girls with mental issues, dealing with emotional issues, etc., are all key trials in learning to recognize bullshit and ward off any destructive prospects. Life is a series of trial and error. You’re only going to figure out what you like and value by weeding through everything you don’t.
Integrity is a critical component in life, and especially has a place within the context of a relationship. If you are going to take a vow, honor it. Honor your own relationship, and honor the other man’s. Don’t be that guy who thinks he’s not at fault knowingly participating in a woman’s affair. It is your duty as a man to set an example for how to act, especially if you have children. Some things in your relationship will be out of control, but maintaining your frame isn’t one of them.
Lastly, remember the words of Vito Corleone – “A man who doesn’t spend time with his family can never be a real man.” Men are so cynical about marriage and family because at our core it is what we value more than anything, and it pains us to see what a farce it has become in this country. But at the end of the day family does remain one of the most important things in a person’s life, and successfully taking on a family of your own is one of the ultimate measuring sticks of man’s value.
How you treat those closest to you is much more telling of one’s character than any other measure of success they may achieve in life. I would never do business with a man who cheated on his wife, regardless of how successful and reputable he may. He just can’t be trusted.
Remember that whenever you’re trying to break a routine and improve yourself, the more you try to deny your old habits, the harder it will be for you to prevent them from re-surfacing, and when they do, people tend to crash hard. This is why that when you are trying to break out of a bad habit, you need to do more than just stop. You need to re-route your life to prevent you from being in a situation that will trigger the bad habit from re-surfacing. The first thing drug addicts are encouraged to do after cleaning up is to avoid any people they used to do drugs with.
You are your surroundings. Your diet goes well beyond the food you eat. Surround yourself with quality. If what you eat is crap, your body becomes crap. If you read crap magazines and books, listen to crap music and watch crap TV, your mind becomes crap. If you surround yourself with crap people, you become a crappy person. Cut the dead weight out of your life and you’ll be amazed how much you can do and how much better you will feel.
And lastly, enjoy your life, because you only get one and then you’re going to die (don’t confuse that statement with “YOLO”). Find things and people that make you happy and surround yourself with them. Put a figurative gun to your head and ask yourself if you were to die right now, what will you have regretted missing out on? When you can answer that question, you can give your life direction and use it as a foundation to build yourself into the man you want to be.
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