Post: #1

I recently found out a good friend of mine from the past, is suffering from serious depression, drug abuse (The prescribed kind) and was admitted in hospital for taking an overdose and scalding himself with hot water. Its unknown if he did this on purpose or not but its worrying to say the least.

He has a mild form of autism, and when I knew him back in school, he was awkward but nevertheless a geniunely good guy, very intelligent, relatively healthy and in shape; he could have done very well in life. He is 23 years old now and since leaving school he has just been staying at his family's house, really he has done nothing; aside from working in a charity shop and volunteering at an old people's home.

I am not in regular contact with this friend, and he his difficult to get hold of, but I am very concerned as it is sounding like he is on his way out.
I don't trust the doctors and medical establishment in general, as this depression among men seems to be very red pill based (if that makes any sense).

My biggest concern is that one day in the near future he will try to kill himself properly. He does have friends and parents who do love him and try their best.

I suppose the main point of this message, is just to see what can be the best course of action for me to take, to help get out of this state. There has to be some red pill form of guidance in matters like this.


Many thanks

Alex.A

Post: #2

In my experience you can not really help someone, you can just point him to the right direction. But taking the steps is his responsibility. Other than sending links to him or having a meaningful conversation you can not do anything else.

Post: #3

People who are deeply depressed and withdrawing from life can be very difficult to help. It's rarely simple, and often their whole mind can need unraveling back to normal. It is always better to intervene at the earliest possible stage, but often these people avoid help and don't speak their problems (for a variety of reasons), and it slowly deteriorates.

These people should never be asked things like 'what is wrong'. That does nothing but remind them that the people around them think 'something is wrong with them'. Strictly avoid. Unfortunately, it's one of the number one things that 'people trying to help' do. If they didn't open up early in the problem, they won't open up now.

One core question that you need to tease out of them, as indirectly as possible, is:
"What are the things you want, which you do not have, which therefore make you unhappy".

Once you have this, you have to give advice, as indirectly as possible (they will withdraw at any suspicion you are 'talking down' to them, 'patronizing' them, or making them feel inferior). Thus all advice must be made to sound as un-advice like as possible, and as general and non-personal as possible.
E.g. if he is depressed because he hasn't got a girl, the last thing you should do is say 'I will help you get a girl'. In his mind, that is mockery. You could frame it as him needing to help you, e.g. you accompanying him to a bar or whatever.

The direction you need to take him, is to 'openness and engagement', and away from 'closedness and withdrawal'.
Motivational materials, like Tony Robbins, can help too, but these cannot be introduced by saying 'you should check this out', but rather 'I did this, and it was awesome for the following reasons' etc.

Post: #4

(10-27-2014 05:55 AM)Constitution45 Wrote:  I suppose the main point of this message, is just to see what can be the best course of action for me to take, to help get out of this state. There has to be some red pill form of guidance in matters like this.

Based on your description, I'm thinking that he's not even to the stage of needing "red pill" guidance, I think he's not at that stage yet.

In the OP, you indicated he has family and friends around him, but he's never held a full-time job. Is he getting out of the house and meeting people outside his immediate family on at least a weekly basis?

I'm not sure how I should read "since leaving school he has just been staying at his family's house", is that since he turned 18/19 or more recently?

Post: #5

I hate to say it but the old adage is true: you can't help anyone who can't help themselves.

Be supportive and outgoing to his needs but remember there is no one thing you can do to help but only a combination of things you can do to be helpful.

Good luck

Post: #6

Tell him that you love him and you want to help him get healthy.

Be a great friend.

Google "helping friends with depression" to learn some techniques and strategies.

Support him, talk to him, and love him.