Post: #1

I have found that one of the quickest ways to get anyone upset is to publicly state what you believe their motives are in making certain statements or taking certain actions.

For instance, stating that an older woman chiding a man for being with a woman younger than herself is motivated by jealousy is pretty obviously true, but women will fight tooth and nail to deny such a thing is motivated by anything other than its innate wrongness.

Of course women have no problem and receive no backlash imputing motives upon men. Saying "hes with that girl because he cant accept a real woman who challenges him" is met with nothing but knowing nods.

How in the world did it happen that women are so free to do this but men are not? It makes honest discussions with people all but impossible.

Post: #2

My take:

It's partially because women spend all of their free time socializing so they know how to get away with such statements, and partially because western society is full of people who are unwilling to confront this kind of jealous put-down.

The best thing to do is call it out. This makes it clear to everyone else that the comment was 100% garbage. "He's probably with that girl because he finds her more attractive than the alternatives. Why do you care, anyway? I mean, it's not like you're interested in him."

Post: #3

Because a woman's statement will generally contain a lot of assumptions that have no basis in reality and the point in making such statements will be to create or preserve her fantasy world. If you cut through the BS and tell her why she is saying something, you are shattering this illusion. She needs your cooperation to avoid reality so it is upsetting to her when you don't cooperate and force her into an unpleasant reality.

In your example - she wants the reality to be that she is ignored by men, not because she is an aging spinster, but because she is so impressive that men are intimidated. She wants a polite spineless guy who will say "no, i really like older women and am bored by silly girls. You're a catch for a guy man enough to take you on" If you say the truth "no, you're just jealous because you are less desirable", the illusion is destroyed.

Men can't get away with this because they exist in a world of competition, not one of coddling and white knights. It is often in the interest of men to call other men out on their BS. And men to a greater extent are governed by reason so the capacity for delusion just isn't as great on average so they wouldn't think of making the same sorts of self-serving statements (at least to the same extent).