Post: #1

Just wanted to say HI and intro ive trolled and I really appreciate seeing some comrades in the game here thought I'd finally join.

Im out of a 4 yr relationship and this is as brief of a digest I can make it, while I omit a lot it is still a chunky whine. I am sorry for that but do prefer your honest opinion if I need to try and change I will try. In the meantime though I am going to bruise much punani for now just as I did in my 20's I am reading Roosh and hope I can glimmer just a tad of my younger self with these great tips. As well as hopefully help others here as time goes on and I get past this pos sticking point I am at right now. Here goes...

I recently turned the big 4 0 . And well had 4 yrs deep with the ex-gf....lots of fighting and argueing throughout...but lately sex started failing too. We'd go 3-4 weeks without at times and well for me it's unheard of. Also I've been the only initiater for at least 2 years if im not mistaken. Now for years I had also been asking her to wear something other than my own boxers around the house but nope never listens. Also she's been struggling with an extra 10-20 lbs and i've helped and attempted to work out with...help with the diet. But she won't stick to it. As of about a year ago we had a big fallout and well she put me in my place and made me basically shut the fugg about almost everything with the whole your making me self concious and hurting my feelings bit. So i layed off with the understanding from her that hey if I leave you alone you will just lose it on your own or so she said...well she never did it. And so the sex just started declining futher and further and well I had to keep it all bottled up so as to not upset her.....but I think it just made matters worst because on top of that she never showed any concern when our sex would decline. Never wore lingerie.
On our first date she told me she was overweight and to not judge her because she is going to lose it....well I chose to get to know her personality and overlook it...as it was not really much and just as she said if she lost it and got back in shape she would be damm hot. But then later instead of losing she was packing on more...and so I would call it and at times she would lose the new lbs but never go back and honor her words for the first 10lb set. I started to worry because well even though it is not really a lot of weight and lots of guys would still hit on her. If she were to get pregnant I know she would struggle to recover.

We faced a lot of issues including the house being super dirty at times which was also a new thing for me to live with as it was very clean before she moved in...between her poodle and her own hair shedding it would just get ridiculous eventually we had it out about it and she agreed to follow my pre her schedule.
Later I supplied her w a car and offered hey pay me as you go....a year later still nothing...when I called her out on it I was replied "well it was just going to sit there and rot and you were never gonna sell it"....I was floored and asked her to leave my house. instead she finally coughed up the half its value cost I sold it to her for and stayed. Later I had to revise her rent because for years she was only paying elec and food. and well it was considerble less than my monthly note.
I had to ask for straight up cash because she was going to leave to adopt a distressed family member of 16 a few months ago...all without talking to me first. So when she also without talking to me decided to not do that and instead stay...I had to look at the facts that she was only going to take that liberty because she is saving a lot more than me...so that was a huge uproar of a fight too but once the smoke settled and she contemplated a huge raise she got over a year ago she agreed...but not before threatening that she might as well just move out.
She always bought cards and all that bullshit and stated she loved me. I will say I dont feel she was a gold digger at all but maybe some other descriptor that fits close to it I suppose. We would split restuarant in turns and stuff. But I guess she just felt the man was due to always help more than the woman.

Well between the struggles , the extra weight, the lack of desire to lose it...or show interest in our problems...I finally blew my lid and asked her to just leave.
I do beleive she cared for me deeply but...I just had to stop looking at that and more or less just the facts...I saw myself more unhappy as the years were going to progress and if a kid came into the picture...I felt I would feel SCREWED. Again she didnt care if we didnt have sex. Didnt care if I was ever quiet or pissed...everyday was just a cruise through for her. She def was not cheating on me or anything like that...super super loyal as far as I know...I do not believe that was the problem. I think it was just an issue maybe of a huge array of women who dont want to bother? or think? or maybe too lazy to?

I'm back in the game and trying to stay afloat. Reading Roosh. And just trying to look forward. But well I guess there are somethings I dont fully understand about why this is how things end up every few years. I am certainly more in fear of marriage than ever before. And well the one good thing is that I will stick to bad flags and dumping them a lot sooner now also than before. Most ppl cant really change. I myself am not a fat person..pretty good shape actually and look 30 easy. Sometimes still get carded altho I think their doofuses but hey it happens.

She called me a damm quiter and it haunts me some...but then when I tried to talk some more via text...she started the old games of not answering and well I've given her enough warnings about infuriating me with those nonsense tactics. So I stopped.

Im dating and somewhat happy. (mid 20's somewhat flaky chick but some fun)

Am I a superficial jerk? It wasnt just the weight imo it was the attitude. It felt as though she felt she deserved a lot and was not interested in communicating about our problems...in her eyes our problems didnt exist so there was nothing to talk about. To save her emotional stress and not feed her insecurities..I never repeated anything about weight or low sex drive or less sex as the problem...I simply blamed myself and said I wasnt ready to get married and that I felt that maybe I should. She was very upset and started breaking shit around the house and so I asked her to leave that same day...my patience was very short from argueing the day before also. And well more things being broken and crap I just felt she needed to get out of my house. Im not saying I regret it. I just dont understand if maybe im some sort of a dick who really has no business ever getting married since I cant seem to develop the understanding that some of these cunts need in order to live with them.
She never even really asked or looked into what was really going on. Had no interest even then as she saw us splitting up to say hey listen can we talk? can you tell me what the problem really is? can we work it out? She was just upset that I couldn't find the "courage" as she put it to "commit" and just marry her. And yet the reasons why were right there in her face...because you dont get involved in anything and whatever I ask of you...you turn into an attack on you and so therefore I have to shut the fuck up. BUT SHE NEVER ASKS. She constantly tells me she loves me but yet never cared enough to ask or get involved in resolving any problems....things always fell on me to resolve...at times I was even told there was too much talk going on from me. Hahaha.

Ah another 1 bites the dust...and im hitting the pavement again I was hoping for more at this age...but I guess i should count my blessings staying in shape has kept me young. Frozen dinners do however suck and I cant get into the swing of cooking like I used to so easy.

Are we as men supposed to eventually succumb to basically adopting a full grown adult who gets to remain oblivious to the relationship and other problems just because they are basically sleeping in our beds and gaining weight every year? Are they all like this? because it sure seems that way. If so .. then I have to adjust and lower the standard of what my opinion of a partnership is then?

Peace to all you youngbucks out there bucking...buck away my friends buck away.

Post: #2

Welcome to the forum. Any chance you could do a tl;dr?

Just a summary at the top? It would help the reader.

I did read through it (well skimmed the whole thing).

To me, the fact that you are asking yourself if you are superficial is probably a sign that you are not. She sounded like a manipulative person who wanted to do whatever she wanted. You will probably count yourself lucky in the end. She couldn't lose weight now, imagine how she would blow up once married. Don't fall for that courage, man up or be a mean language. She was just trying to shame you. Marriage should be something you really want not feeling like your fighting a mule.

Post: #3

The mistake you made was believing her when she said she was gonna lose the 10lbs at the beginning.

Fat people very, very rarely lose the weight. Never take the chance that your girl is one of those few.

Post: #4

First of all, before Thut gets here, you're not supposed to use text speak, and I'm taking in the wall of text only because I'm bored.

(08-13-2014 11:13 AM)BeHoldMyCock Wrote:  Never wore lingerie.

Lingerie is for women who are trying to attract a man. She already had one.

(08-13-2014 11:13 AM)BeHoldMyCock Wrote:  On our first date she told me she was overweight and to not judge her because she is going to lose it....well I chose to get to know her personality and overlook it

At least you recognize your mistake

(08-13-2014 11:13 AM)BeHoldMyCock Wrote:  She always bought cards and all that bullshit and stated she loved me buying her shit.

fixed that for you

(08-13-2014 11:13 AM)BeHoldMyCock Wrote:  Most ppl cant really change.

More like, people can't change other people. People change because they want to.

(08-13-2014 11:13 AM)BeHoldMyCock Wrote:  She called me a damm quiter and it haunts me some...

Why? You're done with this chick. Why do you care what she thinks?

(08-13-2014 11:13 AM)BeHoldMyCock Wrote:  Am I a superficial jerk?

Dunno, are you? You tell me.

(08-13-2014 11:13 AM)BeHoldMyCock Wrote:  Are we as men supposed to eventually succumb to basically adopting a full grown adult who gets to remain oblivious to the relationship and other problems just because they are basically sleeping in our beds and gaining weight every year?

Women would sure appreciate it if we'd shut our mouths and open our wallets, forsake all others and dedicate our lives to making them happy. I personally don't recommend that route. I've made that mistake and I'm trying to unwind it. It's way, way easier to do what you did and walk away. Thank god you didn't have kids or the decision is much less easy.

You are not over this chick. For some inexplicable reason, you feel like you owe her something. What's that about?

Post: #5

Sounds like a manipulative person. Say that "She manipulates me but I'll marry her and give her my life". How does that sit with you? It's not quite fair.

Good relationships happen when you have two mature people that treat each other with respect or at least when you have two people so simple that it doesn't even occur to them what's going on. Bad relationships are the common situation.

Also don't start a relationship with a woman you dislike physically from the start. Bang her (so that it takes out desperation) and move on (so that you learn to walk away when you have bad expectations from the start).

You were probably afraid of being alone. Being alone is okay and it beats being in a shitty relationship.

Post: #6

Don't be suprised when she loses the weight, works out and fixes all the problems just to go hook up with someone else. Women are vindictive like that. Go get a new woman. They are everywhere.

Post: #7

(08-13-2014 11:32 AM)RockHard Wrote:  You are not over this chick. For some inexplicable reason, you feel like you owe her something. What's that about?

In the beginning I had trust issues due to the prior relationship...but also because she was very secretive, kept close contact w her ex at that time and also some guy at her job. I tried to bail early on understanding that maybe I just wasn't ready to go into another relationship just yet. But she wailed. And it influenced me to stay....later when phone records were found I saw heavy communication between those two guys and her....and I did become abusive(verbally). Instead of leaving she waited for me to control it while swearing there was nothing going on. Eventually I did regain my composure. And I guess I still blame myself for maybe incurring her into a depression altho I spent a large time trying to take her out of it....but most of the times when she was definitely out of it is when her true personality would kick in...and super happy her also became super argue her. Also my aggressive tendencies seemed to bleed off into her and even now with her breaking things and such shows itself. I blame myself for those aspects....In hindsight not to try to defend myself or weave out of my very possible responsibilities....there WAS possibly something going on, on her side. And I lost my self control...she took the brunt of it...possibly for herself and the one before her. But I didnt want her to...which is why I tried to bail early on. Like someone said fear of alone was probably there. But I have swung in the past alone w no problems and do FULLY AGREE alone is far better than shitty relationship. I guess she was my rebound and stupidly I did not see myself through back to being happy alone.

She many times hung over my head how she "saw me through" my "phase"....until recently where it reached my concious mind what she was doing. And I started to respond to her fully that I had paid her back with my time as well as enduring her stupidity and how I helped her mature(some) from her rather ignorant ways towards men. At which point somewhere she did stop repeating it to me....we did have peace for maybe a year or less...but it became detached like and keep your mouth closed or else fear the in circle arguements we could have. I started to have nightmares about a future plus size her and 2 kids torn between her idealogies and my own. And getting caught adulterizing, slapped divorced, and fucked. The more quiet, less talk I became...the happier she was....meanwhile my cock? who what where? If I didnt come for a fix forget about it. And many times grumbling and complaining...her fukn period was every 3 weeks no exaggeration. I started thinking every now and then that even tho i am older Im just not ready to lose lust altogether or to say hoo ha lets get married even tho you still act immature and dont think.

Im ready ....bring it...im the sadist she claims me to be. ? Im not going to bother explaining what put me in a paranoid of LIES state from the cunt before her. Just suffice it to say there were real reasons...but I do realize they were not this ones direct problem. I suppose my biggest mistake was not forcing the solo time to compose myself. I feel I should have succeeded maybe because this one did in seeing me thru my patch...I needed to see her through hers....but you see mine was just that just a patch. Her issues are much more long term'd and ingrained. Did I pay my debt? Or did I never really owe one as what I found while not hard evidence was circumstancial enuff? Sadist? or mindfucked?

Post: #8

(08-13-2014 12:58 PM)BeHoldMyCock Wrote:  

(08-13-2014 11:32 AM)RockHard Wrote:  You are not over this chick. For some inexplicable reason, you feel like you owe her something. What's that about?

In the beginning I had trust issues due to the prior relationship...but also because she was very secretive, kept close contact w her ex at that time and also some guy at her job. I tried to bail early on understanding that maybe I just wasn't ready to go into another relationship just yet. But she wailed. And it influenced me to stay....later when phone records were found I saw heavy communication between those two guys and her....and I did become abusive(verbally). Instead of leaving she waited for me to control it while swearing there was nothing going on. Eventually I did regain my composure. And I guess I still blame myself for maybe incurring her into a depression altho I spent a large time trying to take her out of it....but most of the times when she was definitely out of it is when her true personality would kick in...and super happy her also became super argue her. Also my aggressive tendencies seemed to bleed off into her and even now with her breaking things and such shows itself. I blame myself for those aspects....In hindsight not to try to defend myself or weave out of my very possible responsibilities....there WAS possibly something going on, on her side. And I lost my self control...she took the brunt of it...possibly for herself and the one before her. But I didnt want her to...which is why I tried to bail early on. Like someone said fear of alone was probably there. But I have swung in the past alone w no problems and do FULLY AGREE alone is far better than shitty relationship. I guess she was my rebound and stupidly I did not see myself through back to being happy alone.

She many times hung over my head how she "saw me through" my "phase"....until recently where it reached my concious mind what she was doing. And I started to respond to her fully that I had paid her back with my time as well as enduring her stupidity and how I helped her mature(some) from her rather ignorant ways towards men. At which point somewhere she did stop repeating it to me....we did have peace for maybe a year or less...but it became detached like and keep your mouth closed or else fear the in circle arguements we could have. I started to have nightmares about a future plus size her and 2 kids torn between her idealogies and my own. And getting caught adulterizing, slapped divorced, and fucked. The more quiet, less talk I became...the happier she was....meanwhile my cock? who what where? If I didnt come for a fix forget about it. And many times grumbling and complaining...her fukn period was every 3 weeks no exaggeration. I started thinking every now and then that even tho i am older Im just not ready to lose lust altogether or to say hoo ha lets get married even tho you still act immature and dont think.

Im ready ....bring it...im the sadist she claims me to be. ? Im not going to bother explaining what put me in a paranoid of LIES state from the cunt before her. Just suffice it to say there were real reasons...but I do realize they were not this ones direct problem. I suppose my biggest mistake was not forcing the solo time to compose myself. I feel I should have succeeded maybe because this one did in seeing me thru my patch...I needed to see her through hers....but you see mine was just that just a patch. Her issues are much more long term'd and ingrained. Did I pay my debt? Or did I never really owe one as what I found while not hard evidence was circumstancial enuff? Sadist? or mindfucked?

Just get it together and go find a chick at a club/bar. Nothing gets you over the last one like the next one.

Post: #9

Keep ya head up

Sounds like it's time for some hobbies - what other interests do you have?

Take some time out to reassess and analyze what you REALLY want

Are you a relationship guy or are you better off single and dabbling in the occasional mini relationship

Dig deep within yourself and find out what causes you to jump into a succession of rebound situations that only serve to make you feel trapped and unhappy.

Are you afraid to be alone? Do you need to have a warm body in your bed every night? Or do you have to have someone there to watch old Seinfeld episodes with?

Sometimes, this takes months even years to perform a soul searching spring cleaning

Whatever you do next - Don't jump from the pot into the frying pan

Post: #10

If you are superficial is irrelevant. That's typical shaming from the drones that occupy the unthinking masses.

I'm superficial and pretty bold about it. If I want profoundness I can read a book.

Post: #11

With respect to the weight aspect, kudos to you man. Screw that shaming language noise about you being superficial. You are a man, men are primarily attracted to a woman based on her beauty. If she lets herself go .... this is just a big shit test and its time to let her go. At 40, you’re young enough to slay the fresh meat and old enough to appreciate it. Slay on, my brother.

Post: #12

(08-13-2014 12:58 PM)BeHoldMyCock Wrote:  

(08-13-2014 11:32 AM)RockHard Wrote:  You are not over this chick. For some inexplicable reason, you feel like you owe her something. What's that about?

In the beginning I had trust issues due to the prior relationship...but also because she was very secretive, kept close contact w her ex at that time and also some guy at her job. I tried to bail early on understanding that maybe I just wasn't ready to go into another relationship just yet. But she wailed. And it influenced me to stay....later when phone records were found I saw heavy communication between those two guys and her....and I did become abusive(verbally).

This is all water under the bridge. The point is that you two were in this fucked up co-dependent thing. You quit enabling her, that's all you quit. Losing

I don't get this thing about debt. Because you had baggage from the last relationship and she saw you through that? Talking about debt is co-dependent thinking. This is the problem, you talking in terms of whether you owe her anything or if you're square.

Post: #13

Sex is the last thing to go. When that goes, the relationship has been over for quite some time.

Post: #14

(08-13-2014 11:32 AM)CrashBangWallop Wrote:  The mistake you made was believing her when she said she was gonna lose the 10lbs at the beginning.

Fat people very, very rarely lose the weight. Never take the chance that your girl is one of those few.

damn you're right for sure and right now I'M ONE OF THE FAT PEOPLE...

Post: #15

You need to be more confidant, im going to have to +1 Rockhard for giving you a detailed and solid response to your thread.

Relationship game is all about balancing the see-saw, if you cant keep your chick in check, should have left her a long time ago and find one that is more receptive.

The next few months to a few years will probably be the best, as you focus back on your social life, and get shit together again.

Cheers mate.

Post: #16

I agree with you 100%. I looked up what codependent concept is...and it would seem as though she was at first the helper...then later it was me. Kind of sickens me more to be honest. But the more I read the more things fit it. I may have to look into what drives me to be a helper as this may be pattern on my part. Either that or I keep drawing the same Lind of girls towards me. Thanks for seeing that so clearly Rockhard. Its def something I plan on directly addressing.

I have to push forward and crank my game up loud volume...and mostly just enjoy myself which is what the next few days will be about at a convention I'm going to..pushing myself and hardcore game. While just relaxing.

I feel better men. I`m not such a jerk..maybe not at all. The word
Love my friends is a very powerful agent and vessel as it means more to a mature intelligent man than to an immature emotionally stunted woman who has used it all her life to simply get what she wants. Which is 85% of them IMO at least here in the states...
I,m glad in the end I judged her more on her actions day to day w me than on her words and cards. That is the only advice I can give right now. Just a few months ago I had a woman interested at an office I visit...went so far as to make out....thought it might go somewhere...she's a few yrs ahead of me...low and behold she starts running their game as usual saying I have no time and making herself scarce I went along at first...later during some texting seems she misinterpreted a cuss word I wrote and maybe applied it to herself...suddenly stopped replying. I stopped texting. She recently found out Im single now and started to try and come around again. Nope I denied :-) . She will not be the one to lift the curse. Because stupidity should not be rewarded w my cock. Too immature to speak with an adult like an adult at her age? Nope you have issues lady and I'm not going to resolve them. The more i practice seeing the big red flags the better. Eventually ill see them and still do my duty but get the fugg out of dodge. But for now fuck that. I don't want to be reminded of their cunt behavior.

Its going to be the wonder years. :-)

Thanks for the kudos. It was a hard decision to make and to stand behind on as you can see...but in the end it was the attitude that landed her in the dumpster. The weight is a byproduct of the attitude....And as u guys posted she will be vindictive I FULLY EXPECT IT..a dick may very well be in her mouth right now &who cares?... I will far from cry as that lesson was learned many moons ago. My regret is slowly becoming not holding to the attempted breakups at first flags raised.

To life, freedom, and ladies who stay in bikinis at any age whom merit some respect.
To the game.

Thank you.